extra marital sex.... need advice

[Nadia]

My husband and I recently tried bringing another man into our sex life to spice things up, without the other guy knowing my husband was ok with it. I would have sex with this guy then tell my husband about it. well he decided he didn't want to do this anymore so he told me to stop so I did but told him I wanted to have this guy in my life as a friend only, my husband flipped and since then all we do is fight about it. what do I do?

[Oldfart]

Let him go. This new interest will poison your relationship with your husband.

[Casperr]

Gotta agree with the farty one above me. Any further 'ship' u have with this guy - relationship, friendship, battleship whatever - it's only going to further enrage your marriage.
Why complicate things? You wanted fun, you had a go, it didn't work out. Move on to something else, possibly something less marriage-threatening. Like His 'N' Hers Brazilian waxing.

[PantyFanatic]

Nadia-

While not an overly vocal Pixie, you have been with us a long time and know we shear our honest thoughts and experiences so you deserve an honest reply. Your situation looks the same up here as it does to my Aussie mates ^^^ downunder. Would it look any different to you if he had been the one seeing a friend and coming back with the titillating tales and now wanted to 'just be friends' with her? Seems Casper is right that you BOTH ventured to a place that wasn't to BOTH your likings.
:2cents:

[Fangtasia]

If you want your marriage to survive, let this 'other' guy go.

If you cannot let the 'other' go then you need to take a hard long look at yourself & your marriage. Work out if keeping the 'other' in your life is worth the damage it WILL do.

[pinkFlames]

I did something similar in my first de facto relationship. The guy concerned was a friend of his. At first my partner enjoyed knowing I was having fun with his best mate but eventually he told me he didn't appreciate it. I also came to realize it was no longer fun anymore so was happy when the other guy got married so I used that as an excuse to graciously bow out of the situation.

We were silly enough to do it all again later with someone else, and this ended with my ex leaving when he realized I was falling for this one. He could handle me having fun sexually but that was all. I ended up staying with the next guy.

Now looking back, I've come to realize that neither my ex nor myself had much self respect at the time. I'd hurt him for a bit of fun and ended up feeling cheap as I knew the first guy was just using me for easy sex. The second relationship was rocky. Even though I stuck it out for several years, it never had a strong foundation.

I've done a lot of growing up since then, and would never put myself nor my current boyfriend through something like that. I just take advantage of my fantasies and Pixies to get my extra thrills nowadays.

[Nadia]

Thank you all for your advice.... although I think if two people have a unconditional love for each other as my husband and I do I think they should let the other do as they plesae with no bounderies as long as no lines are crossed without the other knowing it first. If two people really trust each other then anything is possible.

[Salacious]

To me an outsider, your love for one another doesn't sound unconditional.

He's made a point to tell you he doesn't like this arrangement and wants it to stop. That is clearly a condition. You are wanting to continue your "other" relationship knowing he would prefer you stop. That is also a condition in my estimation.

He's saying, "I tried this and I didn't care for it, I want it to go back to where we were before this with the knowledge gained." You seem to be saying, "I want my cake and eat it too." Ask yourself this, If the situation were reversed. He found a certain woman that clicked real nice, and you asked him to stop. How would you feel if he said he wanted to remain friends.

Don't answer right away. Really think about it.

Do you think you can be just friends knowing how much the sex was enjoyed without slipping into the comfort of his bed or arms again, especially if things get cold at home?

[Oldfart]

Thank you all for your advice.... although I think if two people have a unconditional love for each other as my husband and I do I think they should let the other do as they plesae with no bounderies as long as no lines are crossed without the other knowing it first. If two people really trust each other then anything is possible.

Part of unconditional love is total respect. Where is that here?

[BamaKyttn]

okay lots of really nice keywords here folks!


Thank you all for your advice.... although I think if two people have a unconditional love for each other as my husband and I do I think they should let the other do as they plesae with no bounderies as long as no lines are crossed without the other knowing it first. If two people really trust each other then anything is possible.


look at the word were all jumping on first, unconditional. no we'll hit that last.

Trust isn't usually given unless earned. How do you earn it? by following the rules and being honest, not just to them but to yourself. If you dont want to give up "Option #2" then really think it over why ...... was the sex better? did he listen better? is he more fun? did he pay more attention to certain things, take his time in places yours doesnt? look at what makes him different and makes him SO different that youre willing to sacrafice this relationship of unconditional love for mere friendship with a fuck buddy. oops unconditional, not yet not there yet!

Doing what you please isn't really an adult view of the world. we make tough decisions everyday. we all know I'm rather smitten over LordSnow. for the last 2 weeks a guy at work has been doing his dead-level best to crawl in my pants. I chided, scolded, and flat-out said no and the guy was still working on me. I told LS about what was going on and told him that I wasnt interested in the other man but that I did want him to know what was going on. LS told me he trusted me. now, my honesty through our relationship got me this trust. but damn if some of the shit this guy was saying didnt sound like fun to a poor horny girl who only gets laid every 2 weeks for 3 days then drives 120 miles home again. so at night I spent more time talking to him to be certain I didnt forget the wonderful thing I have goin for me right now. now then, had I done as I pleased as I did when I was younger I'd have men in different cities. I was dating 3 or 4 men at once and one knew about all of em but the rest didnt have a clue. The I wanna do what I wanna do and damn the consequences is a very sophomoric way to view anything except home decor, unless you want to do a farm-themed red green and mustard ROOSTER theme kitchen in a modern style house.........

ok ok buzz words used, trust, "do as they please..." OH I have more on that one! I also always told those guys I was dating, "I won't always be around when you want to fuck, you do who and what you wat to do but dont bring anything back to me that cries or is catching." years later I look at that and realiize if LS were to ask for the same arrangment, I'd be crushed. I have decided I'm worth being someones one and only. I am worth someone making a sacrafice to only fuck MY ass.... we look at other ppl together I dont care if he fantacizes about angelina jolie or Lilith but she grabs his butt at Pimp, I'll take HER to the dungeon.ok no i wont but you get the point.

damn down to unconditional and lines crossing......


trust and boundaries are conditions. Love is at least in the visible way on this plane, also constrained by the condition of breathing. boundaries are a condition, if you cross a boundary you're disrespecting the person, how can you trust a person who is disrespectful and honestly, why would you wanna do whatever you wanna do with someone that is disrespectful of your wants and needs? and why would he? Why would option #2 have any reason to trust in you being anything more than just a piece of ass to be swayed by the new next thing. I've grown tired of looking over the horizin looking for better than what I have. I've stopped looking for a new person to complete my life. I feel pretty damn whole. I've given a few things up for LS to the dismay of a Pixie or two as well as some old WOW buddies, I'm not as much fun as I used to be but I'm happy and need and want less attention from other men beyond wanting them to be jealous of my guy...childish I know. but I want other men to say " hes so lucky I wish I could have that!" not "hey look you see that ass? I was bangin it last night that chump beside her doesnt know it!"


not only that but the blatent disrespect you showed for the other man involved is shocking. not telling him you're otherwise committed? there are some men in this world with morals and scruples and they tend to fall for the wrong ppl. ppl who are doing things that the guys wouldnt have gotten caught up in had they known. and if after finding out that you are committed he is still willing to be your friends I'd lay money that he expects to get laid again despite his "status change"
wow I've not been on in what? 3 weeks? there PF love, satisfied??

Kyttn

[WildIrish]

I think OF hit it right on the head. Maybe the idea of your wanting to maintain a personal relationship (platonic or not) this person doesn't bother your husband as much as your blatant disregard for his feelings. If you cared for your husband, you would see that the lack of respect you're showing him is driving a wedge between you two.

[pinkFlames]

"wow I've not been on in what? 3 weeks? there PF love, satisfied??"

Well said, BamaKyttn. Though I hope you meant Nadia not me.

[PantyFanatic]

:o I think she was refering to me because I was busting her chops yesterday for neglecting us

(btw- I think we make a great pair of "PF"ers. :nana: )

[BamaKyttn]

sorry yeah pantyraid PF giggle

[citrus]

Let him go. This new interest will poison your relationship with your husband.ditto :2cents:

[pinkFlames]

Hey, PantyFanatic, I'm honoured to share initials with you. (BTW, have you seen where my undies went? :confused: They were by my keyboard a second ago.....)

[PantyFanatic]

grum bra rumdatde cubupdta blupmmuta kuaa


*gulp*

Sorry about that. :o I had something pink stuck in my mouth. :rolleyes:


Your Panties? :rolleyes2 ........ Nup! I haven't seen them. For the past 5 seconds. :tongue: *GULP*

[Casperr]

*gulp*
OMG! PantyF swallows!

[Rhiannon]

I have been following this thread and Bama I think you nailed it so well.
very well written too if i may say.

Damn it PAntie give me back my lace hipsters

okay lots of really nice keywords here folks!


Thank you all for your advice.... although I think if two people have a unconditional love for each other as my husband and I do I think they should let the other do as they plesae with no bounderies as long as no lines are crossed without the other knowing it first. If two people really trust each other then anything is possible.


look at the word were all jumping on first, unconditional. no we'll hit that last.

Trust isn't usually given unless earned. How do you earn it? by following the rules and being honest, not just to them but to yourself. If you dont want to give up "Option #2" then really think it over why ...... was the sex better? did he listen better? is he more fun? did he pay more attention to certain things, take his time in places yours doesnt? look at what makes him different and makes him SO different that youre willing to sacrafice this relationship of unconditional love for mere friendship with a fuck buddy. oops unconditional, not yet not there yet!

Doing what you please isn't really an adult view of the world. we make tough decisions everyday. we all know I'm rather smitten over LordSnow. for the last 2 weeks a guy at work has been doing his dead-level best to crawl in my pants. I chided, scolded, and flat-out said no and the guy was still working on me. I told LS about what was going on and told him that I wasnt interested in the other man but that I did want him to know what was going on. LS told me he trusted me. now, my honesty through our relationship got me this trust. but damn if some of the shit this guy was saying didnt sound like fun to a poor horny girl who only gets laid every 2 weeks for 3 days then drives 120 miles home again. so at night I spent more time talking to him to be certain I didnt forget the wonderful thing I have goin for me right now. now then, had I done as I pleased as I did when I was younger I'd have men in different cities. I was dating 3 or 4 men at once and one knew about all of em but the rest didnt have a clue. The I wanna do what I wanna do and damn the consequences is a very sophomoric way to view anything except home decor, unless you want to do a farm-themed red green and mustard ROOSTER theme kitchen in a modern style house.........

ok ok buzz words used, trust, "do as they please..." OH I have more on that one! I also always told those guys I was dating, "I won't always be around when you want to fuck, you do who and what you wat to do but dont bring anything back to me that cries or is catching." years later I look at that and realiize if LS were to ask for the same arrangment, I'd be crushed. I have decided I'm worth being someones one and only. I am worth someone making a sacrafice to only fuck MY ass.... we look at other ppl together I dont care if he fantacizes about angelina jolie or Lilith but she grabs his butt at Pimp, I'll take HER to the dungeon.ok no i wont but you get the point.

damn down to unconditional and lines crossing......


trust and boundaries are conditions. Love is at least in the visible way on this plane, also constrained by the condition of breathing. boundaries are a condition, if you cross a boundary you're disrespecting the person, how can you trust a person who is disrespectful and honestly, why would you wanna do whatever you wanna do with someone that is disrespectful of your wants and needs? and why would he? Why would option #2 have any reason to trust in you being anything more than just a piece of ass to be swayed by the new next thing. I've grown tired of looking over the horizin looking for better than what I have. I've stopped looking for a new person to complete my life. I feel pretty damn whole. I've given a few things up for LS to the dismay of a Pixie or two as well as some old WOW buddies, I'm not as much fun as I used to be but I'm happy and need and want less attention from other men beyond wanting them to be jealous of my guy...childish I know. but I want other men to say " hes so lucky I wish I could have that!" not "hey look you see that ass? I was bangin it last night that chump beside her doesnt know it!"


not only that but the blatent disrespect you showed for the other man involved is shocking. not telling him you're otherwise committed? there are some men in this world with morals and scruples and they tend to fall for the wrong ppl. ppl who are doing things that the guys wouldnt have gotten caught up in had they known. and if after finding out that you are committed he is still willing to be your friends I'd lay money that he expects to get laid again despite his "status change"
wow I've not been on in what? 3 weeks? there PF love, satisfied??

Kyttn

[PantyFanatic]

.....Damn it PAntie give me back my lace hipsters
Sure.:) Right away. :rolleyes2 On the second Tuesday of next week No problem. :D































:slurp: *SLURP* *GULP* :tongue:

[sodaklostsoul]

OMG! PantyF swallows!
:roflmao: :roflmao:

[Cjack]

My web sites "Dayplayer Friends" and "Dayplayer Erotic Stories", (links below) are about sharing wives. You and your husband should join them and you can learn a lot more about your problem.
There are 3 main things that I believe makes it work and that is Love, Trust and Communications with each other.
Love; You must have love for your mate and them for you. This is the person that you give your love to, the others in your life you just give them sex.
Trust; You must have trust in each other that they will be honest with you about the feeling they have for others in their live and everything id open for discussions. Trust that they will be open with themselves and you.
Communications; You should have an open line of communications between you and how and when to talk to the other.

There is a lot more to it that takes time to learn.

[BamaKyttn]

he decided he didn't want to do this anymore so he told me to stop so I did but told him I wanted to have this guy in my life as a friend only, my husband flipped and since then all we do is fight about it. what do I do?

i dont think the problem is lack of information in this case Cjack. I believe that hubby just didnt realize that this wasnt a fantasy that would all be okay when he opened his eyes.

to address CJacks' buzzwords

Love { both get an A} their love for one another is obvious in their willingness to try new things to enrich their sex lives together. Trust { both get an A } hubby obviously trusted her to use protection and to choose a partner that wouldnt endanger her; she trusted him to tell her if he had a problem with the interactions. Communication she failed to tell Option #2 she was married. When her husband told her he wasnt comfortable with the reality of the situation she cant seem to respect his needs for a monogamous relationship.

K

[AZRedHot]

During a time some years ago that I now refer to as "The Great Experiment," my hubby wanted to attend a swingers gathering with the idea that we could live out some of the things we jointly fantasized about. I was nervous about the whole prospect, but said I'd give it a try. I met a man the very first night who became my lover for about 3 months. It was a very exciting and very selfish time in my life, looking back, and while I wasn't terrible, I didn't acquit myself in the manner I now wish I had. It was the first time in my life that I'd felt desirable to men and sexually powerful, and that's a heady cocktail. (No pun intended.) In time, though, the Mister tired of TGE, and asked me to stop fucking my lover. We had some sincere, difficult, and teary conversations about it, and ultimately, I complied with his wishes. Why? Because as much fun as I might've been having, I couldn't have any fun knowing my actions hurt the man I loved most in the world. My selfishness only went so far.

Years later, we revisited the discussion, again at my hubby's initiation. But the point is, we talked about it, every step of the way--when it started, when it was fun, when it got dicey, when it stopped, and when we thought about it again. And we showed caring, love, and respect for each other while we did it, even when we saw things differently. Ultimately, our choices were made with the needs of our beloved in mind; frankly, I don't see any other way to approach decisions of any kind in a loving, committed relationship.

It's okay to want what you want. It's okay for him to want something else. It's not okay to demand someone else want what you want, or to think that actions will not have consequences. All actions do--even if he went along with you, there'd be consequences. All any of us can do is to determine which consequences are most palatable to us, and behave accordingly.