Friend's Infidelity...what do i do?

[Slow Grind]

I know both parties to a relationship and now know that one person is cheating. What, if anything, should i say to the non cheating person?

[scotzoidman]

That would be a judgement call requiring me to know a great deal more than the scant details you mention. If it was me, the default answer would be say nothing...anything else may be seen as taking sides, which would be a no-win situation for you in the long run.

[wyndhy]

nothing.
but a word, perhaps, to the cheater.

[scotzoidman]

nothing.
but a word, perhaps, to the cheater.
That would be the best place to start, if only to let the cheater know s/he's putting you in an awkward position...after all, you may want to able to look the party being cheated on in the eye someday...

[Loulabelle]

It's a toughie - saying nothing will look to the innocent party like you've taken the side of the cheater.

I would go to the cheater first and insist that s/he confess/end the affair/end the relationship with the 'cheatee' - if not, you will. Admittedly this may damage your relationship with the cheater, but then what sort of friend allows you to end up in that situation? And do you really want a liar and a cheat as one of your friends in the first place?

I know it sounds harsh, but I come down on the moral side with things like this. The innocent party deserves your loyalty more than the cheater.

[PantyFanatic]

I see NOTHING tough about this one. If I had all the details I believe it would be as much my business as it is yours now. NONE!



:doorpeek:

[rabbit]

M.y.o.b.

[Oldfart]

A million factors to take into account, but usually just be there to pick up the pieces.

Bring it to the attention of the "wronged" party and the messenger is likely to be shot.

Bring it to the attention of the infidelitor and you generate all sorts of guilt based feelings, few of them good or constructive.

If you must interfere, do it through so many layers that neither can point at you as the interferee.

It may be with tacit approval, who knows?

[Irish]

I see NOTHING tough about this one. If I had all the details I believe it would be as much my business as it is yours now. NONE!



:doorpeek:
I have been in this position!A friends wife was cheating with someone else,that was also a friend of mine.Neither side knew that I knew,so rather
than hurt someones feelings,I just minded my own business! Irish :boink:

[PantyFanatic]

Some things are inevitably self revealing. This is one of them.

[scotzoidman]

Some things are inevitably self revealing. This is one of them.
Like wondering, "When will this ticking box explode?" No one knows the answer, but I'm sure of one thing: I don't wanna be there when it happens.

[PantyFanatic]

LOL You are right Zoid, and I know I don't want my hand on either side of it. :rofl:

[Oldfart]

Makes you redefine friend, doesn't it?

[IM1469]

You might want to have a conversation with the party doing the cheating to make sure that they are not involving you in the way of excuses, i.e., they were with you or over at your place or went someplace with you. Unfortunately, I was unaware that a friend of mine at work was cheating and was telling his spouse that he was hanging out with me after work when in fact I was working overtime on a special project. His wife called me one evening and really layed into me and finally learned the cold hard truth.l

[LixyChick]

Are they married?

Did you know the cheater or the cheated first?

Does the cheater know you know?

Do you all hang out regularly?

How long have they been in the relationship (if they aren't married)?

Do they live together?

Are you close friends with both...one more than the other...and for how long?



Too many questions to dare to give advice!

[Rhiannon]

ok been in that position and honestly the best thing to do is say nothing at all or you put yourself in a horrible position

[Slow Grind]

Are they married? Yes about two years

Did you know the cheater or the cheated first? I dated the non cheater several years ago. We have remained friends (attended their wedding etc).

Does the cheater know you know? Yes he knows. He asked me to cover for him so he could meet is new 'love interest'....yes i declined to participate in the ruse

Do you all hang out regularly? the cheater is a guy who i go mountain biking with sometimes

How long have they been in the relationship (if they aren't married)? Married about two years. Dated about 2 years before that...

Do they live together? yes

Are you close friends with both...one more than the other...and for how long? I am not close but know them well.

thanks all for the advice

[osuche]

Stay out of the situation! Relationships are complicated things, and cannot be judged from the outside.

[PantyFanatic]

Are there kids involved should be the only thoughts you keep to yourself.

[LixyChick]

I hate your situation.

But, the only way I would say something is if the person being cheated on was a really close and dear friend to me. Bestest friends don't keep secrets of this magnitude from each other.

[cavegirl]

I tend to agree with the others - it's a really difficult situation to be in. I've been cheated on and I suspected (and was right to) that some of my friends knew about it at the time. I wished that one of them had been honest with me, as I felt like a complete fool when I found out.

It really isall dependent on how well you know both parties, and how you feel morally about it. I feel really sorry for the person being cheated on more than anything - they obviously have a right to know what's going on, but it's how comfy you feel about being piggy in the middle.

I think a quiet word in the shell-like of your cheating friend might be called for, even if just to let them know how uncomfortable you are with the situation and how you do not want to be party to it. If he/she really is your friend then they will respect that.