Pixies Place Forums - why is it that women love playing mind games?@

-=Kenshin=-

07-22-2007, 10:12 PM

I guess i'm writing this out of a little bit of frustration here but I'm so puzzled by women that play "Hard to get" type of deal.

So here's the situation...I met this girl through this online dating site and yeah it's cool and we chat up a little via email...move to msn and continuing talking and eventually we exchange facebook stuff and talk a little more on msn before i ask for her # and we decided we'd go out sometime for some coffee (simple date right?).

So after I get her # I was like ok I'm free this week at said time and how's it for you...busy, try another day, busy, and another busy etc. So after a little while of "scheduling" lol we left it open ended and said ok next week for sure...but she knows i'm flying out the upcoming weekend for 3 1/2 weeks out of the country (vacation). So a day or two goes by and i msn her and try to iron out a date time but she told me she won't know the schedule till Saturday (which is fine with me).

So come today (Sunday)...i call this morning and she says she's busy and to call her later tonight. I was like ok sure no problem. So I call in the evening and no pick up, i didn't bother leaving her a msg but I emailed her saying it's like impossible to get in touch with you jokingly and told her to email me back as it seemed to work better that way at the beginning. So later that evenign I see her on msn and i msn'ed her "is it a good time to call you? lol" and she replied back saying that well nows not a good time and sets her display to "busy" with no explanation.

From my perspective here...this is ridiculous...like come on i'm totally being led around by the nose and quite frankly that's totally not right. It's not like I haven't attempted to get in touch with her, nor have i been pushy or rude in any sense on the phone or msn. It's like a lack of genuiness and quite frankly I'm not going to bother trying to get in touch with her anymore as it's over a week and 1/2 now since I got her digits, and literally i've been the only one calling (she msn'ed me a few times but come on...equality here, guys want to feel wanted too ya know, simple phone call is all it would take).

Now that I got her off my mind at the moment, I'm just going to concentrate on having a good time in a few days when my vacation takes me to Hawaii with the beautiful women there in hawaiian dresses ;)

Anyhow, have any of you single people who date encountered people like this?

Lilith

07-22-2007, 10:53 PM

She was trying to be kind. She's not interested. You need to focus on learning how to read the signs. When she right away, consistently, was not available she was trying to be polite. She needs to learn to just say, "I'm not interested" and walk away and stop worrying about being kind.
Btw there is not one particular sex or another that plays more mind games. Just like there is not one particular sex that is not adept at understanding when people are trying to avoid them.

Oldfart

07-23-2007, 01:00 AM

The easy way is, if your date says "Let's have sex", you're in.

If your date says anything else, try someone else.

mayhem1978

07-23-2007, 05:34 AM

She was trying to be kind. She's not interested..

Yup.. thats right.

Reading what you said she did Lil is right (again) she aint interested. She just don't know how to say no politly.

Loulabelle

07-23-2007, 09:11 AM

WildIrish

07-23-2007, 10:59 AM

why is it that men never consider that women may simply not be attracted to them, but rather think that they are so desirable that women will stoop to complex mind games in order to bag them?!

Well now you're just talking silly! Of course that's not a consideration!

Irezumi Kiss

07-23-2007, 01:23 PM

While we're generalising, why is it that men never consider that women may simply not be attracted to them, but rather think that they are so desirable that women will stoop to complex mind games in order to bag them?!
This is why the smart men skip the "being nice" part, spend half their lifetime and soul trying to make a million or more dollars so that they can spend it frivilously on ostentatious, material things for gifts that females typically flock towards without thinking, such as $5,000 Prada canvas shopping tote bags...and then they can sleep with women less than half their age without even trying.

-=Kenshin=-

07-23-2007, 02:26 PM

*sighs* I had a "feeling" that she wasn't interested...but I'm a guy that's pretty driven so I'll continue to pursue it to a certain degree until I can CLEARLY say there's no chance hahah. Call it something like I don't like giving up that easily without absolute certainty ie. stubborn or iron willed lol. I'm a cyclist after all so I think it's the latter.

But what gets me is why on earth would she give me her REAL digits in the first place? That's what bugs me, usually a lady will give out her # to only those who she finds interesting (well at least that's how i assume it would be). It's not like I got a rejection number lol...

As a guy i've been asked out before and I don't mind giving out my #. If that's the case I'll usually pursue it with genuiness in mind, not this crap I had to put up with and wasting my time. I'll be sure to post up some photos of me living it up with the ladies in Hawaii on facebook for sure...so if she happens to come across my facebook page again well lookie lookie, what fun we "could've" had :P

What also gets me is why people can't just be straight and direct about it. Like a girl one time asked me if i was interested in her and I said that I'd just be interested in getting to know you. That's pretty direct and to the point, sure it lacks intimacy and style but hey there's no confusion or mystery bout it lol.

CunningLinguist

07-23-2007, 02:55 PM

While we're generalising, why is it that men never consider that women may simply not be attracted to them, but rather think that they are so desirable that women will stoop to complex mind games in order to bag them?!

Hey there now! I've never said that a woman is using complex mind games to catch me off guard. No, I'm a mature man and I realize that it is entirely possible for a woman to not be interested in me. We call them lesbians. :devil:

This is why the smart men skip the "being nice" part, spend half their lifetime and soul trying to make a million or more dollars so that they can spend it frivilously on ostentatious, material things for gifts that females typically flock towards without thinking, such as $5,000 Prada canvas shopping tote bags...and then they can sleep with women less than half their age without even trying.

Hear Hear! If I knew then what I knew now I would have used college to focus 100% on my career to maximize my profit and earnings potential, and then when I retire when I am 40 I will be surrounded by beautiful women and have a case of V1@gr@.

Make that retire at 35 if I go to medical school and come up with a surgery for a working penis augmentation. Well, not really retirement, but I would find my second calling in porn.

CunningLinguist

07-23-2007, 03:37 PM

Well I don't date anymore, but episodes like this are one of the reasons I gave up on dating in general.

Well look on the bright side! You got a response, and got to the point where you exchanged phone numbers! I mean come on from what I hear on the dating advice forums that's further than most men who look for a date online get!

But let's talk about her.

Maybe she has a boyfriend?

Maybe she is nervous becuase she keeps hearing about the rapists on Myspace, and thinks you're one of them.

Maybe she saw your pic and thought you look like Pirates of the Caribbean Orlando Bloom and not Lord of the Rings Orlando Bloom.

Maybe she really is a spam bot. Did she send you links to "free" porn or give away naked pictures of herself?

But you will just go nuts trying to figure out the whys. The important thing to realize is that this particular girl was really not that into you.

If she was, her boyfriend wouldn't have mattered, or she would have thrown caution to the wind and decided to take that chance and go out for some free coffee with a guy who doesn't look like Johnny Depp.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I keep hoping that one day my princess will come and see past my rough exterior or my lack of a career, and see that deep down inside I really am prince charming and a wonderful guy. See, that's when you know a girl is into you. She can see past your faults, or even romanticizes your bad traits and is willing to take that chance.

Love is stupid like that.

Your clue that she wasn't interested in you was that she never called you. You called her, the ball's now in her court. There is absolutely no good excuse not involving a hospitalization for a woman to not return a call. Period.

But my advice is to just sever your ties with her. You want her for romantic (or be honest a sexual) intentions, and well it just ain't going to happen. Move on and find at least another 10 girls before even thinking of calling her again.

WildIrish

07-23-2007, 04:20 PM

Maybe she's nervous about meeting you? The idea of it might've been appealing to her but the reality is scary as hell, if you ask me. I get nervous enough bringing someone I've already met on a date!

-=Kenshin=-

07-23-2007, 08:11 PM

Well I'm not really going to go into much detail about answering them but I can pretty much safely answer all of'em and that's a negatory on the b/f ;) We did talk on the phone about ex's and what not (despite that being a date killer taboo topic but hey might as well clear the air, she brought it up in the first place).

As about being nervous...that's a possibility. I think everyone is a bit nervous whenever they actually go out on a date. But come on, coffee dates are pretty much sublime and low key. Ever since I started dating, I enjoy meeting up with people.

In a span of a yr now I think i've gone out 15-20 times now i think (didn't keep count or nothing) but out of those times, I've met now 3 real good friends. Like we're friends on the basis of I invite so and so to my bday and she does the same and we talk about everything including sex and anything sexually related. I even had the pleasure of massaging them (kept it clean just fyi) ;) So dating is about meeting people and having fun. That's all it is from my perspective.

If she doesn't want to have fun, well too bad for her :P I plan too haha ;)

Steph

07-23-2007, 10:03 PM

Hey there now! I've never said that a woman is using complex mind games to catch me off guard. No, I'm a mature man and I realize that it is entirely possible for a woman to not be interested in me. We call them lesbians. :devil:

Hear Hear! If I knew then what I knew now I would have used college to focus 100% on my career to maximize my profit and earnings potential, and then when I retire when I am 40 I will be surrounded by beautiful women and have a case of V1@gr@.

Make that retire at 35 if I go to medical school and come up with a surgery for a working penis augmentation. Well, not really retirement, but I would find my second calling in porn.

Bitter much?

Steph

07-23-2007, 10:04 PM

I'm not too keen on your thread title, first of all.

Secondly, would you try to "corner" a friend into so many meetings? I like to call someone and wait for them to call back.

It's not a gender issue. It's a social issue.

Hey there now! I've never said that a woman is using complex mind games to catch me off guard. No, I'm a mature man and I realize that it is entirely possible for a woman to not be interested in me. We call them lesbians. :devil:

Hear Hear! If I knew then what I knew now I would have used college to focus 100% on my career to maximize my profit and earnings potential, and then when I retire when I am 40 I will be surrounded by beautiful women and have a case of V1@gr@.

Make that retire at 35 if I go to medical school and come up with a surgery for a working penis augmentation. Well, not really retirement, but I would find my second calling in porn.

Bitter much?

Loulabelle

07-24-2007, 02:52 AM

Hey there now! I've never said that a woman is using complex mind games to catch me off guard. No, I'm a mature man and I realize that it is entirely possible for a woman to not be interested in me. We call them lesbians. :devil:

Well unless you and Kenshin are one in the same person (in which case, why the hell are you giving yourself so much advice?) my comment was addressed to him, and the title of this thread in particular and since you'd not even responded to this thread, I have no clue why you feel the need to defend yourself.

As my opening line made it clear, I was making a gross generalisation to show my objection to the generalisation that 'all women play mind games'. If I truly believed what I said to be true of all men, I probably WOULD be a lesbian!

Oh and just for the record, when I met the love of my life, online, we were both kind of seeing other people, he was living at home with his parents, was unemployed, had no drivers license or car, was on some pretty strong meds and didn't socialise much except online. Without issue I fell for him before we even met in person and we are currently living happily ever after. If someone is right for you, you won't care about stuff like that and you won't even care if she's beautiful (thank God Fussy didn't!) and she won't care about any of that stuff either.

Miss-Honey-Bee

07-24-2007, 07:47 AM

WildIrish

07-24-2007, 09:48 AM

I'm a mature man and I realize that it is entirely possible for a woman to not be interested in me. We call them lesbians.

I suspect this was not a serious comment...and it made me laugh my ass off.

If it was...well, RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!!

Aqua

07-24-2007, 01:25 PM

If someone is right for you, you won't care about stuff like that and you won't even care if she's beautiful (thank God Fussy didn't!) and she won't care about any of that stuff either.
Yeah, easy enough for him to say considering he has a beautiful wife. ;)

The point remains, if a chick is into you, she will make things happen.

CunningLinguist

07-24-2007, 06:27 PM

I suspect this was not a serious comment...and it made me laugh my ass off.

If it was...well, RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!!

Of course I was joking about the lesbians! I don't think anyone over the age of 13 things "Oh she doesn't like me, she's gay!"

And well, if you spent all your time working on your career, and then decide to go looking for a wife at 40, you're only going to find gold diggers and you won't have any fun since you spent your life focusing on just one aspect of your life.

CunningLinguist

07-24-2007, 07:04 PM

Well unless you and Kenshin are one in the same person (in which case, why the hell are you giving yourself so much advice?) my comment was addressed to him, and the title of this thread in particular and since you'd not even responded to this thread, I have no clue why you feel the need to defend yourself.

I was being a smart ass, and that was impulse post before replying with something a bit more serious.

As my opening line made it clear, I was making a gross generalization to show my objection to the generalization that 'all women play mind games'. If I truly believed what I said to be true of all men, I probably WOULD be a lesbian!

I wouldn't blame you. It's my repulsion at how men behave when it comes to romance that has caused me to turn strictly clitly.

Well, that and I was never really sexually attracted to men.

Oh and just for the record, when I met the love of my life, online, we were both kind of seeing other people, he was living at home with his parents, was unemployed, had no drivers license or car, was on some pretty strong meds and didn't socialize much except online. Without issue I fell for him before we even met in person and we are currently living happily ever after. If someone is right for you, you won't care about stuff like that and you won't even care if she's beautiful (thank God Fussy didn't!) and she won't care about any of that stuff either.

But I think that making yourself more attractive, and forgetting about the myth of Miss Right is a much more rewarding path. :cboy:

-=Kenshin=-

07-24-2007, 08:36 PM

This is just from my POV, I may be wrong but heres my opinion anyway.

If I were her, I'd probably have been put off by how 'keen' you were. By constantly hounding her to set a date, she's probably wondering why you're so eager. Everyone likes to be chased, but you need to know when to back off.

Exactly how am I too "keen"? I wasn't hounding her every day. I waited between a few days between talking to chat up type of deal.

Oldfart

07-24-2007, 08:53 PM

Sometimes it is better to have a couple of lines in the water (openly and honestly) and sit back and wait for nibbles. Not every nibble is a strike, and not every strike lands a fish. If you want something too much, people sense it and back away, as to most people "Intense" equates to "high maintenance".

-=Kenshin=-

07-25-2007, 05:37 PM

Miss-Honey-Bee

07-25-2007, 08:50 PM

If a guy expressed an interest in me, then blew me out, I'd take a few steps back, and leave the ball in his court, so that if he was trying to be kind, I'll know, and if something really did come up that meant he couldn't meet me, he could rearrange.

I'd never dream of constantly asking him if he wanted to meet. To me, it screams over keen, and I'd back off if someone acted that way towards me.

I think you need to take a few steps back, and leave the running to her.

She'll be in touch, if and when she wants, as you have just proven.

CunningLinguist

07-25-2007, 10:05 PM

^^ that in itself is like a "dating game strategy" lol...exactly what i want to avoid by playing games hahah. I'll admit that yeah there is a certain logic to it.
HEADLINE

WTF is this now...just a moment ago she msn'ed me (I stopped talking to her since Sunday) and she msgs me saying "Have fun on your trip". She knew ahead of time that I'm going to Hawaii etc. So this is what I really dont' get? First she ignores me...and now she contacts me? Man this is UBER CONFUSING chick!

Should I even bother pursuing this at all or what?

Well, you stopped talking to her. Of course, I wouldn't put any "OMG she must really love me!" vibes into this. It might be that she is really just being polite. Who knows maybe you will meet a girl in Hawaii, and have a good time (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Loulabelle

07-26-2007, 01:30 AM

So she likes you enough to chat to you on MSN but doesn't want to be pestered for a date. Sounds like you've got yourself a friend. If you enjoy her company and your conversations on MSN, what's the biggie? I hate that a lot of guys don't seem to be interested in a girl unless there's the possibility that he gets to sleep with her. I'm assuming you're not in love with her, so stop obsessing about what every little thing she does might 'mean'.

Women are much more able to read between the lines than men - it's not about game playing it's just that they pick up on little things that give off warning signs to them. As Miss HB says she may have been put off by your keeness or you may have dropped something into your conversation that rings alarm bells in her head as to the kind of guy you are. To give you an example, I would be put off by your use of the word 'chick' just now - it says something about your attitude towards women, that personally, I don't like. It gives me an indication of how I might be treated in a relationship with you and it would not be acceptible to me. As I said before, this is not mind games, it's just that women are scientifically proven to be more able to judge an emotional situation and read a person's character than men. It's why men often think we are so bad at communicating what they've 'done wrong' during an argument - we are able to pick up on the slightest little thing, and men are not.

WildIrish

07-26-2007, 10:13 AM

When it comes to picking up on something I've "done wrong"...Mrs. WI has no problem at all communicating it. :rolleyes:

-=Kenshin=-

07-26-2007, 02:30 PM

You know I stopped talking to her for a reason and that's because she gave me the cold shoulder regarding oh i'm too busy or whatever. If I go based upon what's been said that women are better at picking up and dropping signs then men ok...then it's quite obvious she's just being nice and not interested in anything more then friends. If that's the case I'm really not interested simply because of the fact that you don't meet on a dating site to be friends, you want something more and that's obvious otherwise why would both of you sign up in the first place?

Some might argue you meet up and get to know each other first (ie. friends) then move into the relationshiop type of deal. I've done that a few times and its a bit awkward for me cuz you're attracted to the person obviously enough to date'em but you're just friends type of deal...unless you're planning to be "friends w/benefits" which i'm not really into. I've got my friends which stay my friends. I've had a few of my friends want to get into something with me but I just told'em I don't do the friendship to relationship thing simply because what happens if you ever have a bad break up? Well it's called breakup by association at that point and you can't really hang with your friends anymore cuz they're her friends and yours type of deal. Makes it for a messy situation and drama.

You hang out with a "date friend" like that at a bar/club no girl is going to approach you cuz they think you're with someone. Just think about it...if you're dancin away and what not with your "friend" well hey wouldn't it come across that oh he's with someone already from a bystander's perspective?

I know some of you will argue and say that i'm overanalytical and should just go with the flow/emotion type of deal. But when I think about it that's the way I am, and I wouldn't change that part of me because it's gotten me out of dicey and messy situations and also helped me professionally gain a head up on others in my business. Call it a character trait if you will, that's been a boon and a vex to me hahah ;)

Loulabelle

07-27-2007, 02:00 AM

Some might argue you meet up and get to know each other first (ie. friends) then move into the relationshiop type of deal. I've done that a few times and its a bit awkward for me cuz you're attracted to the person obviously enough to date'em but you're just friends type of deal...unless you're planning to be "friends w/benefits" which i'm not really into. I've got my friends which stay my friends. I've had a few of my friends want to get into something with me but I just told'em I don't do the friendship to relationship thing simply because what happens if you ever have a bad break up? Well it's called breakup by association at that point and you can't really hang with your friends anymore cuz they're her friends and yours type of deal. Makes it for a messy situation and drama.

Just to make it clear, all of this is the kind of crap that doesn't matter when you love someone. I suggest you just keep going along through life and when you meet someone that you feel you can't live without and she feels the same about you, then there won't be any game playing, over analysis or caring about messing up a friendship. Until that time, there's no point in raking over things that aren't working. Relationships are not something you can 'figure out' or plan ahead of time, you have NO CHOICE but to go with the flow - it'll take as long as it takes and there's nothing you can do about it.

Irezumi Kiss

07-27-2007, 01:00 PM

Oh and just for the record, when I met the love of my life, online, we were both kind of seeing other people, he was living at home with his parents, was unemployed, had no drivers license or car, was on some pretty strong meds and didn't socialise much except online. Without issue I fell for him before we even met in person and we are currently living happily ever after.
Your honeybun's backstory almost mirrors my own, with the exception of me being employed and living on my own in an apartment that I have to slave for to maintain, plus an expired drivers' license and instead being on meds, I'm usually on a good bottle of shochu, which is almost as good as being on meds, at least for the gateway drug effect...

Do you have a twin sister or a female clone of yourself that would like to marry me? :ewe:

Loulabelle

07-27-2007, 01:11 PM

Hahaha - I have a gorgeous hyper-overachieving older sister who is petite and curvalicious, intelligent and giving, adventurous and funny, an excellent cook and very sensual (apparently!). She's generally the perfect woman, except that she is hung up on finding a man just as perfect as she is. I've tried to tell her that finding someone who will be her soul mate means that he won't necessarily meet a set list of more tangible criteria (such as a certain career, certain interests, certain aspirations) but she won't listen.

Having said all that, even if she did meet the perfect man and he fell in love with her and showed it, she'd then lose interest because she thinks that anyone who thinks that highly of her must be a bit pathetic. Tsk....I know....but what can you do?!

CunningLinguist

07-27-2007, 09:58 PM

Kenshin,

Well, every dating site I've ever been on had an option of "Just looking for friends" and right now I do have a few active profiles, and it does say "Looking for friends." It would be like saying "Oh I met this person on Pixie's and I know they want sex becuase well they were on Pixie's right?"

Anyways, congratulations on making a new friend. Many a man has complained about the "friend zone", and for good reason. In general, once you are friend zoned, there is absolutely no chance that anything romantic will develop at this point in time. Effectively, you are removed from her game. (not permanently though).

And well, as a friend, you should treat her like one. You mentioned that if you go out to a bar with her it will ruin your game. Don't let her. I've gone to parties, clubs, concerts with a female companion and the good ones will let you go out and mingle and maybe even say "Oh hey Cindy! This is my friend, Cunning Linguist, he's awesome!"

Of course, if she starts cock-blocking you, getting jealous that you talk to other girls, or nit picking your taste in women, tell her to "sod off!"

Same goes with other situations like doing each other favors and such. If you feel like she is taking advantage of the fact that you are a nice guy who wants to get into her pants, then well simply sever.

In short, she's your friend. Don't put her on a pedestal because she is your equal. And you have every right to be suspicious of ridiculous requests (i.e: drive me to my boyfriend who lives an hour away, let's be roommates even though I barely know you and I'm between jobs, don't hand out with your friends because I want you to spend time with me, etc.) as she has done nothing to earn your trust.

Oh and "friends with benefits" works great. Provided you are dealing with someone who is a true friend, and the benefits are really there with a minimum to the cost (not actual money, but pregnancy/STD mitigation). I'm not saying to go out and look for a string of No Strings Attached sex, but don't close yourself off to the possibility. Trust me, developing deep emotional attachment to every person you have sex with can be just as painful. I've been on the other end where I had sex with one girl, and felt an attachment and on her end it was all a one night stand. (Make jokes about how I'm a bad lay now.)