What is the funniest thing that has happened to you before/during or after sex?

[Mark Vieth]

Mine happened a long time ago. Looking back now it was actually very funny. Anyway me and my then g/f were in the mood and I went to get my clothes off and I was lying on my back and pulled my knees up to my chest, as I did that I kicked myself in the mouth with my knee.

[ReaperWoman]

The words "help me". If I say anymore I'll be violating a very serious and sacred form of promise....

[IowaMan]

My girlfriend's cat bit me in the ass and decided to take a slap at my balls. :yikes:

I guess he could tell I'm a dog person. :roflmao:

[Aqua]

My girlfriend's cat bit me in the ass and decided to take a slap at my balls. :yikes:

I guess he could tell I'm a dog person. :roflmao:
:yikes:

We routinely have several cats about during sex and I've never been bitten, let alone swatted. No good!

[cherrypie7788]

I cant say what it is :p it's that bad.

[Mark Vieth]

Oh come now cherrypie we are all friends here we won't laugh.... too much! lol

[IowaMan]

Oh come now cherrypie we are all friends here we won't laugh.... too much! lol
Yep, if I can tell how I had "Sugar Ray Leopard" use my balls as a speed bag I'm thinking you can share your funniest moment. :p

[sunshine]

I was sitting on the bed, afterwards and for reasons I can't explain, I was suddenly bounced off of the bed onto the floor.

Ass over teakettle.

I maintain that he founced the bed; he says I just flew off for no reason.

Very elegant. Very pretty. Very funny.

Sunshine

[Neige]

Hey sunshine! My story is almost the same! I was sitting nekkid on the end of the bed right after sex, and he said something funny and I threw my head back to laugh. Well, maybe a bit too far back. "Ass over teakettle" describes it pretty well!!!!!!

I was laughing soooooooooooooo hard and he was just lost - "Are you ok??? What did you do???" Me - :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

[cherrypie7788]

okay, well I just warn..this is NASTY. At the time it wasnt funny but it sure as hell is funny to me now :p

I had been seeing a guy for about 4 months and we were fucking like bunnies all the time. He went out of town for a while and when we finally got together again we had some great sex, and afterwards he was going to eat me out....

Well...I had JUST came off my period and as all women can tell you sometimes things do nto return to normal for a couple of days. I warned him. I said "no honey don't--" but i was too late and he was down there just eating his heart out. Then suddenly, he bolts up and darts out of the room. I was like...oh no.

He explained to me he had accidentally..um..eaten a little clot. I was totally mortified. Then, five days later, I found out he had been cheating on me for a month. Then I was like "well, take that you little bastard prick" LOL

[Coastie]

I had an ex that we couldn't do it doggie style because she would pussy fart/quiff(sp) so much. It would literally be every stroke in and out. Guess it had to do with how our parts fit together and she was always VERY wet, and I'm on the thick side. It kind of sucked because we both liked doggie, but we couldn't stop laughing when we tried to do it because it was so bad.

[WildIrish]

We were having sex in one of her favorite positions (her on her side & me straddling one leg while the other was wrapped around my side, leaving one hand free to manipulate her clitoris and the other to rub her tush). We were very close to climax when we heard a noise at the door. It was locked, but there's always that moment of doubt & horror. We saw a piece of paper slid under the door into our room. Obviously, we disengaged. I went over to get the note & laughed out loud when I read that it was from our youngest son and said "I'm outside your door, standing guard". :roflmao:

[cherrypie7788]

We were having sex in one of her favorite positions (her on her side & me straddling one leg while the other was wrapped around my side, leaving one hand free to manipulate her clitoris and the other to rub her tush). We were very close to climax when we heard a noise at the door. It was locked, but there's always that moment of doubt & horror. We saw a piece of paper slid under the door into our room. Obviously, we disengaged. I went over to get the note & laughed out loud when I read that it was from our youngest son and said "I'm outside your door, standing guard". :roflmao:

OMG!!! LMAO!

[Loren]

I don't know why it was so funny but a wheel fell off the bed. No big deal but we got so laughing so hard about it that we never finished what we had started.

[sunshine]

Serves him right, but that's seriously gross. lol. That just affirms my decision to not have that done for a couple of days after. My worst nightmare. lol. I'm sure if he had been a loyal boyfriend, that never would've happened. It was just karma biting him in the butt.


He explained to me he had accidentally..um..eaten a little clot. I was totally mortified. Then, five days later, I found out he had been cheating on me for a month. Then I was like "well, take that you little bastard prick" LOL

[mikaylasmummy]

Mine isn't really embarassing more discusting...

There was one time this guy and I were in the middle of a :69: the guy was on top. All of a suddern he stopped what he was doing and said " Oh NO!! " I thought to myself oh my what happend then he farted and sprayed all over my face...

Not pleasent

[cherrypie7788]

Mine isn't really embarassing more discusting...

There was one time this guy and I were in the middle of a :69: the guy was on top. All of a suddern he stopped what he was doing and said " Oh NO!! " I thought to myself oh my what happend then he farted and sprayed all over my face...

Not pleasent

Oh wow. He would never be allowed to see me again. lol

[IowaMan]

Well.......... um, not sure ............um... WOW!!! :faint:

That's definitely one you'd remember. :yikes:

[Mark Vieth]

Mine isn't really embarassing more discusting...

There was one time this guy and I were in the middle of a :69: the guy was on top. All of a suddern he stopped what he was doing and said " Oh NO!! " I thought to myself oh my what happend then he farted and sprayed all over my face...

Not pleasent

Choc sprinkles anyone!!!!! :roflmao:

[rabbit]

First time I was in a threesome...the ladies and I were drunk and laughing as they played with my cock. I was lying on my back and they'd prop it upright, let go, and watch it slap my tummy.

[codasteel]

An x and I were having sex she was on top and a little dry at the time. Everything was fine for about 5 minutes when i felt something tear....:faint:

Sitting in the ER I now have to tell the triage nurse what i was doing, where I am hurt, and how it happened. Getting past that I finally see a doctor, and he said to me "So you popped a boner." Luckily there were no stiches, just a week of ointment and no sex.

[Mr. 3G]

Take your pick.

I was in a "cultural exchange" group way up in the Jamaican highlands when I was in my teens. I met a girl and we started hangin out, playin stinky finga and stuff. Lots of fun and exciting cause we were both young, horny and she was black and I'm white so the contrast was really remarkable at night.

We snuck off one night and ended up on this big flat rock where we did EVERYTHING but actual intercourse. We were rolling around, at one point my head was hanging off the rock and she was doing stuff where I was raising my hips and thrashing around.

She came and that was cool. When I came I grabbed some leaves in the dark. They turned out to be cow-itch - a sort of Jamaican equivalent of poison ivy. Worse. Tiny little nettles stuck in ma dick and after 5 minutes it felt like I'd dipped Augustus in a vat of HEAT.
The effcet wore off after awhile.

We went for a walk the next aft and ended up going down the same path we did the night before (in the dark) and finding the flat rock. It was flat and it stuck out over the valley. There was a straight drop off of what remember thinking must be about 50,000FEET. The farmers at the bottom looked like ANTS and I remember thinking what would have happened if we'd rolled off the rock that night. It looked so high I don't think we'da hit ground until I was 25 !!


:yikes:

[FlirtWithMe]

I have nothing to add to this thread, but since it has twice had me in tears of laughter, I thought it deserved a :bump:

[Navarre]

After.

We both looked around, sitting in my car, and realized we were parked in the parking lot of a police station.

[citrus]

On three different occasions with 3 different gf's; 1st one,
We were in gf's home in the laundry getting a spin cycle assist as she sat atop the washer. My penis slipped out and dropped between the w/d units at that moment her mother came into the room. Gf & I both thought we'd locked the door. Apparently, it wasn't locked secure. My cock, while lodged twixt w/d units got pinched as gf slid sideways across to dryer in the same instant her dear mother looked in. I yelped! Her mom, seeing our working parts all wet, stood momentarily noted that our playtime activity was interrupted "...caught in the middle..." then glanced away and back to us, said, "Don't forget to fold the clothed after the dry is finished, and don't get your stuff (love juices) all over the clean clothes."
I was mortified at the prospect of the wrath that would inevitably come down our way when we made our reappearance to the house. Instead, her mom sent her to the grocery, knowing I'd be in tow, for some smokes, eggs, milk and bread.
It was a one way walk for me. The next afternoon we met. Her mom never said a word to her nor has she mentioned in the years since that I know of. The whole episode seemed like an eternity as time went so slowly for me in those days. I was 18, gf was 17, I was terrified, she was smartly more mature than me. I had good wood. She liked it in the pile driver position best.
More on number two later! :spank:

[RaTheSunGod]

I have a classic story. Me and my ex were about to do the nasty and I had my condom out ready to rip the wrapper off and what do I hear?.... a knock at the door. It's her half-brother at the door. Yay! :frown:

[RaTheSunGod]

The funny part about it is..she wasn't supposed to have anyone at the house..and I had to hide..in a few different places. Thankfully I didn't get caught. Needless to say, he ruined our plans..

[rtctfield]

I had my then-girlfriend's yellow-naped parrot call out, "Yes!! Yes!! God, Yes!!" during sex.

[FlirtWithMe]

I had my then-girlfriend's yellow-naped parrot call out, "Yes!! Yes!! God, Yes!!" during sex.:rofl:

[jay-t]

Several years ago the wife and I had the day off so about 2:30pm we hit the bedroom things are going hot and heavy almost to the point of OH yes!!! Bang,Bang Bang on the bedroom door.Oldest daughter yells WE know what your doing! Instant limp :banghead:

[Raymond4fun]

I was in high school and my girlfriend and I were messing around in my car (yes not very comfortable but you are 17 and don't know any better), somehow we managed to knock the car out of gear. Well of course we were not smart enough to have the emergancy brake on and the car rolled forward about 5 feet and bumped the car in front. fortunately, no physical injuries to our person. however, one front light on my car broke; normally not a big deal but try explaining all of this to your folks!

[SethAwakened]

well its not really especially funny but it seemed out of my mind funnya nd embarassing at the same time
after a rather loud romp on a squeeky bed in a college dorm we left the room and looked back on the white board on the door to our room and there were multiple comments in different writing askign how it was or commenting on how good it sounded
i almost fell over laughing and my gf at the time was almost freeking out with embarassment which made it funnier

[Mark Vieth]

well its not really especially funny but it seemed out of my mind funnya nd embarassing at the same time
after a rather loud romp on a squeeky bed in a college dorm we left the room and looked back on the white board on the door to our room and there were multiple comments in different writing askign how it was or commenting on how good it sounded
i almost fell over laughing and my gf at the time was almost freeking out with embarassment which made it funnier

"Now queen to bishop 4......." in the background squeak squeak squeak.......
"That darn bed again...someone should fix it."
"Yeah well I would but I am sort of busy playing chess with you at the moment."

In the background moans start being heard combined with that infernal squeaking.......

"Oh dear now it's getting rather serious....perhaps we should leave a note on the board here so they know that everyone else knows......"


Sorry couldn't help myself.

[SethAwakened]

hahahahahahahaha but u see how funny it is
besides u can hear everyoine havign sex there so if they werent used to it by the time we did that which was already into the second semester then they really needed to get over it

anyways i was dyign of laughter

[gekkogecko]

Oh, there was the time that I ended up with a black eye, and my partner with a concussion. freakin' hilarious!

[Mark Vieth]

Oh, there was the time that I ended up with a black eye, and my partner with a concussion. freakin' hilarious!

Do tell......

[gekkogecko]

I just did.

[Lord Snow]

I believe Mark was looking for some details. Such as, how you ended up with the black eye.

[Lilith]

It's obvious. He almost poked his eye out with that thing :D

[SethAwakened]

my bets on he was kicked when he accidentally/or purposely tickled her foot.

[gekkogecko]

Details? Sex, animal-style.

[Lord Snow]

Maybe it wasn't her foot he tickled. Maybe it was something else and he didn't have consent. *sniff sniff* I smell conspiracy cover up.

[Mark Vieth]

Or maybe his dingaling slipped out of the kitty and went up the other chute all none too gently......that would be answered with a good smack to the face.

[Lord Snow]

That was kind of where I was going with the "tickled something else and didn't have consent".

[Mark Vieth]

That was kind of where I was going with the "tickled something else and didn't have consent".

Yep definately cover up here......... :banghead:

[Smile Beautiful]

but ill just share the best (or worst!)

the most memorable would be when my ex bf stepped outside to smoke at a party and i followed. we got frisky on the picnic table and in the heat of the moment, we both got quite loud. then we heard people, looked up, and saw that the whole party was looking out windows and doors, enjoying the show.

more recently with a different ex, i had a little bit of a biting fettish and bit my ex so hard that it left a perfect mouth shaped scar on his shoulder.

starting my period a few times during sex, which grossed the guys out thereby ending further activity.

got really drunk at a nightclub in louisville and tried to drag a guy into the ladies restroom to have my way with him, got us both kicked out

messing around with a friend in his living room while his female roommate napped on the couch. turns out she wasnt napping at all but watching us the whole time.

i may post on this thread again, if i remember some more ;-)