Daughter & Son

[Mae]

My son dumped his girlfriend, the university and my mother (who funded part of the university), before Christmas and split for Las Vegas. He is now living there with his friends. It took 11 phone messages form me and 7 from my mother on Christmas Eve, to get a response from him on Christmas Day. He was supposed to be there. He was not. I was. I kept up a steady distraction and happy fun stuff and anecdotes for the next few days I was there. He never called back and I still have not heard from him. 10 minutes before I had to leave for the airport last wednesday (27th), my son-in-law calls me to tell me my daughter has left him for a married guy in town. The guy has a 9 year old daughter and an open marriage with his wife. He is now contemplating divorcing his wife for my daughter. I have not spoken to my daughter since before Christmas. My son-in-law and my in-laws are crushed. She told no one and lied about the affair for 2 months. I've had to listen to my son-in-law on the phone...as has hubby, and I got to make the phone call to my mother to update her and also got to make the phone call to my in-laws, both who are in poor health. Mother is in wheelchair with debilitating rheumatoid arthritis...dad is on oxygen and I think diabetic. Daughter has been getting money from them and they are on a pension. I am trying hard not to get involved. They are all adults and I am not responsible for their behavior. Disgusted and upset, but not responsible. No, I am not going to attempt to contact either one. I have tried that and gotten no response. So...Hub and I are starting the new year with a different outlook on things. I had hoped to include son and daughter in things and build more on our relationship. But, this tells me that I am nothing to them, really. So...on I go. Lots to clear out mentally and around the house. Son didn't even give me address, and daughter is in Massachusetts for a yoga seminar. The cost was funded by the boyfriend. Yes, it was one helluva Christmas. Thanks for letting me post.

[Mae]

Guess I scared everyone off with my ramble, eh? :wave:

[1nutworld]

Mae
I read your post. Scare me off? no......know what to say? no!

Don't know what to say?? YES!, except I'm sorry that is all happening and hang in there!

[Coaster]

What a joyous holiday mae!!!!! Sorry sweetie for the way they make you feel, but yes, they are all adults and will have to own up to their actions down the road. All we can do as parents is advise them...... if they ask for it!

((((Mae)))))))

[sodaklostsoul]

I was'nt scared, I was watching TV.

((((((((((((Mae))))))))))))))))))

Well I think you should worry about you, you've tried with your kids, thier life is up to them now, even if they come back with their tail between thier legs. As a mom I know it's hard to let them be. My sis has had her share of heartache with her children, I still think I need to paddle them all. You've done what ya could, they have to live and learn now.

This is Mae's year!!!!!! Live on!!!!!!!

[PantyFanatic]

:faint:


Hearing of a personal Christmas tsunami is overwhelming for the listener so it's impossible to comprehend what you must be experiencing. That said, an intelligent response isn't going to quickly spring forth from my tiny mind. The facts stated here are dumbfounding to say the least. I guess the only things I can say from a removed position is to ask some simple questions.

Such extreme events are life shaking as single events, let alone when compounded. What precursors did the immediate families have? It is not hard to understand that 'mom & dad' are not going to be on the top of the notification list. It makes sense that the triggers had been pulled by the time you found out it was on it's way down the barrel. The simultaneous events beg to ask if there was a relationship between them.

They say the three sides of all stories are his, hers and what really took place. I'm sorry you only have one of them at this time. It has to make your dilemma even more confounding. The only optional reaction that you have taken at this point would seem to BE the only option. All you can do is be there for the people you care about as they find and fumble their way through life as we all have done and are doing.

You've posted and shared a very personal and troubling situation with people that listen and care. I wish it had not been in the advise category and I wish I had more insightful comments. As a parent that will always be concerned and involved for our adult kids, including with the none thrilling moments and sometimes in exclusion, I can only extend a caring hand. :console:

[Sugarsprinkles]

As a mother of 3 who have dealt me their share of surprises, both good and bad, I can only offer you an understanding hug. And agree with everything PF had to say. There's really nothing more you can do for them. They seem to have made that decision for you. So, as hard as I know it is, you just have to leave them to their decisions and let them sink or swim on their own. We're here for you whenever you need us. :loveshowe

[Oldfart]

Kids, ya gotta love them, but . . .

[wyndhy]

((((((mae and mr. mae))))))

[gekkogecko]

Hey, you need to rant. Not a whole lot you can do about it, other than what you're doing. Rant away...

[Mae]

I am speechless! Thank you so much for the warmth and friendliness. It is much appreciated. Very much appreciated. :grope: (It's the closest I could find to a group hug.) Thank you again. :)



PF...You are positively profound.

[osuche]

(((((mae)))))

You do the work of raising them to become thier own people. If nothing else, you seem to have raised kids who know what they want out of life and aren't afraid to make a BIG decision. :yikes:

Sorry this all hit during the holidays. Maybe time will help heal the relationships.

(((mae)))

[scotzoidman]

All I can say is I now understand why you use your pic with all the dogs...


...and I no longer wonder that some species eat their young either... :yikes: