Threesome/ Foursome "Reluctant Wife" Advice

[Robert]

A friend of ours made a comment to me in private that he and his wife might be interested in swapping/ grouping. I kind of blew it off (no pun intended) at the time. but I have to say I am intrigued and interested. Problem #1 I have not told my wife, she is very reserved and I am not sure how she would react. Problem #2 we all have young children 2-5yrs old and I'm not sure what precautions we should take to avoid being caught, if we ever even do anything.

I am not sure what to do, any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Robert :huh:

[Mark Vieth]

Well Rob, I think as far as precautions go, perhaps dropping the kids off at their grandparents for the night over the weekend might be a start. Obviously I mean all the kids yours and theirs.

As far as your wife is concerned, there is a way of doing this that could work. Before you do this you have to prep everyone at different things. For example, you might tell your wife that you're having friends coming over. That is why the kids are at the grandparents. But you tell the other couple in advance what you want to do and how it should go.
You should already know what to say to the grandparents but incase you can't think of anything just tell them that you have planned a special evening for the 2 of you and so you need the kids away.

Then get everyone over and start off with some wine/alcohol to take the edge off. You and the guy go away into the kitchen or a room that has some ornaments on the wall. This way you leave the women alone. Make sure that the other woman has been prepped on this and make sure she tells your wife what could happen that night. It sounds better coming from the same sex as it would you for example. If you were to tell her then she might think that you-are-being-the-typical-male syndrome. Hopefully having had the other woman telling works. Depending on how your wife feels, the other woman could make a move on your wife, but this would have to be in such a way that the other woman can control without your wife feeling funny or threatened. That is what the wine is for. The main thing here is communication from you to the others in advance so they know what is expected.

If you wife likes what the other woman does to her then you have nothing to worry about. When the time comes for people to swap partners let your wife be the first one who gets started on from the guy. Then you could also do something to your wife as well. Depending on what kind of sex you 2 are into. I don't need to draw a picture here but here is a hint, 2 guys one girl....endles possibilities. From there the other woman might see an opportunity and join in.

hope it helps.

[Loulabelle]

Hmmm.

This plan gives absolutely no lee-way for discussing well in advance boundaries, implications for the relationship long term, what-ifs and fears that your wife might have.

I would think that the chances of success for this kind of plan to work are pretty small, and if they do, the chances are your wife won't thank you afterwards for the fact that she wasn't able to make a decision with a clear head (i.e. with no alcohol in her system) and after discussion with her own husband about it.

I'm very open to the idea of group sex/ wife swapping, but if Fussy pulled that one on me, I'd be furious.

Sorry to come down so hard on Mark's advice - we usually agree on stuff, don't we Mark? But I'm just giving you a woman's point of view.

[Mark Vieth]

Yes that is true Lou. I was only making a suggestion, he can take parts that he thinks are usefull like the bit about the kids for example. He doesn't have to follow the advice that I gave to the letter. It is open for interpretation just like anything. I was giving him some ideas as to a possible scenario. I don't know how his wife would react, only he knows that. I was simply giving him something that he could think about and put some parts of it to use. I certainly don't mean any disrespect on his part or yours lou.

[Lilith]

A set up is almost dishonest. At the least manipulative.

Talk to her. Talk to her about her fantasies and what she may be interested in trying.

[Wicked Wanda]

Ok, as one of the biggest sluts in Pixies, I have been the "invitee", the other woman invited to "join in", quite a lot, and I really do mean into a LOT of group encounters.
I have a lot of sex.
I had to learn what a "round heels" was, because an older woman described me as such recently. (it's a woman who's heels are so round she naturally falls onto her back with her legs spread open)
My experiences have ranged from wonderful to horrible.
I have written about some of my encounters here, but haven't really touched on the several unmitigated disasters that I have witnessed.

Guys have shown me Penthouse stories about "unexpected" group encounters that turned into wonderful, passionate "life-changing" events, and I can say they are wonderful FICTION. (mostly) The really wonderful, passionate, life changing encounters require some planning, believe me.

First;
Sweetie, if you don't know for CERTAIN that your wife is going to be open to this DON'T DO IT!
You need to discuss this with your honey before anyone else brings it up.
IF and only IF she is open to it, she will want to have a lot of say so into who she is going to fuck. If you deny her this choice it will end in disaster.
Second;
Are you thinking of simple swapping or are you having an orgy?
Yes, once she has agreed to consider it, having your friend's wife approach her is a good idea, but have you considered that while she might be interested in a group situation, i.e. two couples, with the women switching partners, with little or no pressure to be intimate with the other woman, to what Mark suggested, a total exchange of sexual power (yes, that is the word,) her reactions might be different.
Let the women set the rules.
If this offends some masculine part of you, then you are better off dropping the whole thing right now.
Third;
Alcohol is HER choice. Believe me, it is truly awful to awaken in a couple's bedroom/hotel room at 4 Am to hear unrestrained sobbing coming from the bathroom, and the words "I wouldn't have done it but I was drunk", no matter how intensely passionate she had been just a few hours earlier.
Remember that we equate "seduction" while under the influence with rape hon. Just because you (her spouse) are there doesn't change the ethics of the this.

Please understand, that I am saying this as a woman who used to meet tourists, women who where ostensibly straight, and convince them to take me to their hotel rooms to have a first time lesbian encounter. Was this sometimes lubricated with alcohol? Yes. But I made sure that they were interested bicurious, beforehand, and I NEVER, EVER took advantage of someone who was drunk. (even a slut has ethics).

To sum up;
Talk it out between the two of you first.
Then let her talk to the other woman, so they can set out ground rules.
Decide that "this is the night" while sober.

These rules are not a guarantee of no post -encounter recriminations later, but they will help.

:3way:


Wanda

[Oldfart]

There is an old saying, "Softly softly catchee monkey".

If you really don't want a knee so hard in your groin that you'll have a second pair of tonsils, do a lot of prep work, leaving your wife lots of avenues of saying no.

Things like going out to dinner as a foursome, getting plastered and staying in a motel with twin doubles "sorry, last room darling".

Let each couple have sex with their own partner (in the dark if need be) and get her used to the idea of other people being around during sex.

She will either become curious or not.

[Wicked Wanda]

No, not THAT curse.

I killed another thread... :undies:

oh well...

WW

[Lilith]

No WW just a slow news day ;)

[Oldfart]

If you killed the thread, I must have gotten in a flesh wound as it fell.

[dicksbro]

There ya' go, OF, the eternal optimist. :)

Good advice WW. Never been involved with anyone but my wife, but what you said makes a lot of sense. :thumbs: You, too, OF! :wave:

[Teddy Bear]

The most important thing in any relationship is trust. It seems most everything else hinges on that. Where do you think your wifes trust level will be if you get her drunk and set up in a pre-arranged sex affair of any type.

Talk to her. Listen to her. Communication is key to any undertaking involving more then one person. Talk with your wife, about her thoughts, feelings, fears and desires. Don't get angry or upset if she says no now. Let her think it over, who knows what next month will bring.

Go slow, don't rush her but love her no matter what.

Good luck. :)

[Mark Vieth]

Couldn't have said it better Wanda. I was trying to say that but it didn't come out right. Oh well next time. I did also say that it was just an idea, nothing more. I certainly don't expect Rob to do what I said. If he does then he would indeed have a second set of tonsils as Oldfart pointed out.

Like anything, advice should be looked at as just that, advice. It is open to any interpretation to the individual. Now Rob should be smart enough to take bits and pieces that he thinks is relevant and go from there. Indeed his wife may give him the negative answers. Once he gets that I think he should not push the issue any further and leave it. After all a no is a no, in any language. :)

Rob I wish you the best with this and do not despair if she says no. There are other options that the 2 of you can explore together.

[WildIrish]

Seems to me it should be your wife that you should be telling in advance.


Let me create a conversation involving this scenario.

Me: I've invited Mr. & Mrs. Lil over for dinner on Saturday, is that ok?
Mrs. WI: Yeah, that's a great idea.

Me: I think we should send the kids over to my parents for the evening...you know how loud you and Lil get when the wine starts flowing.
Mrs. WI: Ok, that's good. We won't spend half the night telling them to go to sleep.

Me: I fully intend to bang Lil right here on the kitchen table, so you may wanna plan on starting drinking early.
Mrs. WI: Thanks for the warning...you better hide the carving knives.

Me: ha ha...I'm serious.
Mrs. WI: ha ha...me too.

[Oldfart]

Great game that, "Hide the carving knife".

Usually hides well between the third and fourth ribs.

(OF exits, stage left, whistling "First cut is the deepest")

[Matticus]

I think anyone that said "approach your wife first" has got it dead on. This kind of decision really needs to be between the two of you before anyone else is involved.

Also remember, some women are scared of what you will think of them if they express a desire of some other dick (like this may be a trap) so prep this last conversation with many comments about how you are not insecure sexually and do not think she could ever love anyone but you.

Me and the missus treat a little group sex like an amusement park. Its fun for the evening but you can't live there. :sad:

Also, no matter how far it has gone that night, even if you literally have some neighbor box in your hand, if she is uncomfortable for even a moment...end it immediatly. The feelings a person gets from that do not go away easily.

[WildIrish]

Great game that, "Hide the carving knife".

(OF exits, stage left, whistling "First cut is the deepest")


If memory serves me correctly...Lil's pretty good at hiding knives too. :yikes:

[Oldfart]

I wasn't going to mention THAT.

[Aqua]

Wonderful advice to be found here... especially Wanda's.

[Mae]

The First Cut Is The Deepest
Rod Stewart
(A Night On The Town)

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky she's cursed
When it come to loving me she's worse
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky she's cursed
When it come to loving me she's worse

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky she's cursed
When it come to loving me she's worse

THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY CAT STEVENS...not ROD STEWART

:D

[Robert]

I want to thank you all for your advice so far. Now to ask a little more... I have decided to not act on the "offer" at this time. However, I am debating whether or not I should even tell my wife about the possibility at all. As I said she is very reserved, most of the time, and I am concerned this revelation could hurt the friendship we have with this couple. Again, any advice would be helpful.

Robert :cboy:

[WildIrish]

I want to thank you all for your advice so far. Now to ask a little more... I have decided to not act on the "offer" at this time. However, I am debating whether or not I should even tell my wife about the possibility at all. As I said she is very reserved, most of the time, and I am concerned this revelation could hurt the friendship we have with this couple. Again, any advice would be helpful.

Robert :cboy:


Not knowing your wife or friends, I can only respond with what I would do.

I'd tell Mrs. WI. I'm not quite sure how I'd phrase it, but it would probably come out a little like this:

"Hey, I heard from (so & so) today and talk about an unusual conversation...they've decided to act on a long running fantasy and experiment with swinging, and wanted to know what we thought of that."

Followed up with something like "Obviously, I told them that it's not something that we've discussed living out, and it's unlikely to ever happen...but that I'd definately run it past you".

[wyndhy]

an interesting dilemma.

on one hand, i think being up-front about it...sorta in the way WI laid out ... is the best solution. it shows you respect her and value her opinion.

but, people can get to feeling really uptight about, and offended by other people's sexual practices and fantasies and the like. so much so that it could ruin a friendship. so i have to admit, if my spouse was like that and there wouldn't be any harm in NOT telling, i wouldn't.



for the record ... the previous question? … even though it seems you wouldn’t have done anything so foolish: don’t try to trick any body into any kind of first-time-sexual any thing at any time. :D. just my 2 billion dollars worth.;)

[Mark Vieth]

There is another option here. Just ask your wife what she thinks of it. Ask in a way that sounds like you overheard a conversation or you read something somewhere. She doesn't need to the minor details of where you heard/saw it.

Just say something like

You: Hey hun I heard the guys at work talking about something and I thought I would ask your opinion on it.
her: Yeah sure what is it?

You then tell her and see what she says.

This way you are using the 3rd person approach and it works well. Also this way you are getting feedback on something without causing any duress.

[WildIrish]

And when she says "that's hot" thinking it's just fantasy talk, you can say "awesome...how about our friends who, coincidently enough, wanna bang us?". :roflmao:

[AZRedHot]

Just say something like

You: Hey hun I heard the guys at work talking about something and I thought I would ask your opinion on it.
her: Yeah sure what is it?


Ah, see now, this will blow your cover immediately, because when's the last time a man said "Hun, I want your opinion"???

Or is that just at my house? ;)

[Loulabelle]

AZRedHot - I think you're right about that - LMAO.

[Mark Vieth]

Once again I am taken out of context. :) :) :) :)

[Irezumi Kiss]

One could rent a movie to sort of passive-aggressively segue into the topic...like if you were watching "The Ice Storm," you could say something like, "Boy, those key parties sure are crazy, eh?"

[WildIrish]

Just don't watch the end of that movie...it doesn't make ya horny at all!

[txgrneyes]

Amazingly I watched a movie about this very topic a bit ago....

It was called Grownups

Starring : John Stamos,Daniel Landon, Meredith Salanger, Tara Westwood.

Here is the details:

Steve (John Stamos) and Eric are average guys living average lives with their average wives in their home town of Freehold, New Jersey. Now, in their early 30s, they fear settling into the routine of life in the suburbs. Both they and their wives Ami and Claire are dealing with the reality that they are no longer watching MTV, but instead find themselves flipping channels to VH1. They have become grownups. Or at least they are supposed to be. But all four are having trouble with this concept and yearn for something, anything, that will break them from utter ennui. When Eric jokes about about free love and wife swapping, his friends are only too eager to give it a try....

It came out in 2001 and I found it at Blockbuster...

Maybe watching this might help.


But on a personal note if my husband would have mentioned this to me when we were married I would have been too worried that he was testing me and would fear the wrath of him and his bruised ego.

[denny]

Just doesn't sound right. Drugging and tricking your best friend and lover seems like the wrong thing to do for me. I would have to discuss it first and honestly explore our feelings and see if I could kindle her interest. Be sure you want this before you move ahead. There just might be unintended consequences that leave you with regret. Best of luck!

[Oldfart]

Just say to the woman, "I just read Fred's Xmas list and you were #3" or words to the effect.

She'll either become curious or remind you that Death Valley'll freeze over first.

Still easier than "Hide the Carving knife".