Moving On

[rzande1]

Well it looks like the whole thing with me and my ex is completely over. She no longer feels butterflies for me etc. So fun times I tell ya. Infact she is going to be moving out of state. You know I know I shouldnt bother with her but I just keep devoting more and more time to her. I dont know i just cant let her go. See this just shows how stupid I am. I am so stupid for putting up with shit even if it makes me feel like shit just because when i am with someone I totally commit. I hate this. I really do.

[rzande1]

And then I was talking to her just now about how she is wanting to move to california and since she will prob treat every guy like how she treated me like a piece of crap she will be alone. Plus then when she is all horny she will go to a random bar and get screwed by 3 guys and orgaism so hard like i could never make her. :'(

[rzande1]

I swear i am normally such a tough as nails guy with emotions but omg i just cant stop crying over her. I am so heartbroken over her it can not be put into words. I just feel so empty inside over her. She was everything to me. My one true love. I loved her so much and i put up with so much because of that. I really thought I was going to marry her. I did so badly and I never gave up hope. :'(

[WildIrish]

Celebrate the fact that you didn't get married to someone that obviously doesn't reciprocate your feelings. At all.

It may not seem like it now...but that's a good thing.

[Steph]

she will prob treat every guy like how she treated me like a piece of crap she will be alone. Plus then when she is all horny she will go to a random bar and get screwed by 3 guys and orgaism so hard like i could never make her. :'(

I've broken up with guys when they predict what I'm going to do in the future. I have to say, my butterflies would flutter away if you took such an all-fucking-knowing attitude towards me & my possible future plans.

[rzande1]

I've broken up with guys when they predict what I'm going to do in the future. I have to say, my butterflies would flutter away if you took such an all-fucking-knowing attitude towards me & my possible future plans.

She already knows I didn't mean it. she told me all that before. this was just said before I posted it. She was saying all sorts of stuff to me and I was hurt and I said stuff to hurt her back. it isn't like I created it. she actually talked about doing it before. What haven't you ever said anything in the heat of the moment or do you venture to think you are perfect and never do anything wrong.

[rzande1]

listen I didn't mean to snap but all that was said in the heat of the moment as she was putting me into an emotional gravesite. the butterflies was said aer we hung out last time. I never went and predicted shit for her. it hurt just so much that I wanted to make her hurt just like me. I only accomplished hurting myself. I already blame myself for it all anyway. I don't care I even blame myself for all the shit she did to me. btw that is nothing. she never introduced me to her parents as her bf but just friend. why? easy cause she was ashamed I think.

[Sharni]

Moving on? FFS do it then

The more you rehash the past the more embroiled in it you will become. Live ya life in the furture not in the past!

[rzande1]

Yea i think you are right. I keep thinking about what might happen to her in the future and well i keep feeling responsible. What do you all suggest to get over this? ps before you give me advice please dont say go make out with someone else etc in that line.

[Oldfart]

What happens to her now is her responsibility, not yours.

Learn to be happy in your own company, then you can work out who can snuggle up to without too many clashes.

Jumping into another relationship would just throw salt on the wound, because you haven't settled down yet.

Be selfish, enjoy yourself just for you and then worry about you plus another.

[lonelyarmywife]

You will never, ever be happy with anyone else until you are first happy with yourself.

[maddy]

Fill your time with things you enjoy, whatever that might be .... movies, games, friends, sports, landscaping, kite flying, sky diving... Do these things on your own or with friends or people who have interests in the same things. This should make you active in your life and less concerned with what she's doing or what will happen to her. Life is for living, not watching others live it.

[Steph]

She already knows I didn't mean it. she told me all that before. this was just said before I posted it. She was saying all sorts of stuff to me and I was hurt and I said stuff to hurt her back. it isn't like I created it. she actually talked about doing it before. What haven't you ever said anything in the heat of the moment or do you venture to think you are perfect and never do anything wrong.

Yeah, my point was I'm perfect. :huh:

Even if she did talk about it, you're still saying something to hurt her. Throwing her words in her face to be hurtful is just as bad.

[rzande1]

well here is the update. she changed back to maybe dating in the future to just dumping everything to friends. yea it is def over. I am actually finding her annoying.

[Oldfart]

Good start.

Now work on finding her forgettable.

[rzande1]

Yea we basically argued all morning in which time she tried to blame me for everything. So annoying that she thinks she is perfect and that nothing is her fault. lol hell she even said why should she treat me well when she treats pieces of crap like a piece of crap. Just so wonderful I tell ya to know that someone you were in total love with thinks you were a piece of crap. P.S. it looks like we arent even going to be friends anymore. This is because I asked her if she asked me to go to this cover launch because she needed a ride afterwards. It was suspecious since she talked about her not having a ride 1 minute after asking me to go.

[rzande1]

Damn I swear I cant believe how nasty our conversation has gotten. My last statement ever to her is this. "And just so you know I am sorry for every single time I hurt you and for this entire thing today. I know that will mean nothing to you now but maybe later. I really didnt mean any of this. It is just an excalationg argument and it seems tempers won. Well have a good life. I with you all the best and true love and happiness." We really got nasty at arguing but it was a match to see who could be worse. Basically that last statement i feel clears my conscience of everything I said and lets her know how I feel. Well it may not mean anything now but who knows maybe down the line it will to her. I really do hope she finds happiness and love. I know it wont be with me but I hope who she does find it with will make her happy and be good for her. Thank you for listening goodbye.

[rzande1]

Simple Together
you've been my golden best friend
now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
cause we're off limits during this transition
this grief overwhelms me
it burns in my stomach
and i can't stop bumping into things
i thought we'd be simple together
i thought we'd be happy together
thought we'd be limitless together
i thought we'd be precious together
but i was sadly mistaken
you've been my soulmate and then some
i remembered you the moment i met you
with you i knew god's face was handsome
with you i saw fun and expansion
this loss is numbing me
it pierces my chest
and i can't stop dropping everything
i thought we'd be sexy together
thought we'd be evolving together
i thought we'd have children together
i thought we'd be family together
but i was sadly mistaken
if i had a bill for all the philosophies i shared
if i had a penny for all the possibilities i presented
if i had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
my wealth would render this no less severe
i thought we'd be genius together
i thought we'd be healing together
i thought we'd be growing together
thought we'd be adventurous togheter
but i was sadly mistaken
thought we'd be exploring together
thought we'd be inspired together
i thought we'd be flying together
thought we'd be on fire together
but i was sadly mistaken

[Darksoul]

Feelings like this are completely natural, rzande1...its a cleansing of the soul

The world has moved on...and you have to move with it.

The very best of good luck to you!

[rzande1]

OK yea this is hard. I deleted all her text messages and it was really painful....

[txgrneyes]

Well the only advise I can give is from personal experience...


Take baby steps...

1. Crawl into bed and cry. I mean really cry like you did when you were a baby.

2. Sleep cause if you dont give your body time to recover from the cry you will have a head ache.

3.Pull yourself out of bed and get in the shower, and if you need to cry some more. Then get out and clean your self up. Shave your face, put cologne on and comb your hair. Call a good friend and see if they would like to join you on an outing...walking, going to a bar, or just a cup of coffee someplace you have never been with her. Something to get you out of the house. Promise yourself you wont talk about anything remotely involving her. Even if you see a flower, a brick. a piece of paper or something reminds you of her dont say anything just smile and keep going.

4. Try not to talk to her...that seems to help more in getting out of the rut that you find yourself in. Since you talked with her today, dont talk to her tommorrow, and if you MUST then call the next day....and not the next. Put more time in between the times you call and that will make it easier too.
You seem to be talking out of anger now to her and that wont be good for either of you...your just hurting yourself and her.


Life goes on. It may take some time but it will get easier. The person you were ment to be with is waiting for you to get out there and find them. But you have to get over this...it is a process...we all have to just go through it bit by bit....each day it will get easier to breathe and find something good about the day.


Just my thoughts/I hope they help.

Been there done that.
Natalie

[rzande1]

So now she is all appologizing to me and blaming herself etc. it is rather interesting. I wonder if she is now thinking oh crap what did she do and the results are shocking her.

[wyndhy]

the problem is you are not 'moving on' but must; it is an unhealthy relationship for both of you. i would take some of txgrneyes' advice farther and say don't try to not talk to her, just don't talk to her. period. i say again, it is not healthy this relationship you have had with this girl, at least what you have shared here and on other threads.

everyone has unpleasant things they must face and endure, and you'll have a lot more after this one. don't dwell and don't drown in self pity, ire and depression. pick your self up and move on. good luck

[rzande1]

I know I know. I really need to move on but there still is this stupid hope in my mind that we will get back together.

[Fangtasia]

Well stomp on that hope!! While you continue to live in the past there is NO future for you!

[WildIrish]

but there still is this stupid hope in my mind that we will get back together.

I've followed along and have yet to figure out...

What's in it for you?

[rzande1]

I guess what is in it for me is that I have someone there for me in my corner. Someone that .....well that is a friend and that i get......wow ok good question. I guess besides the sex and stuff like that I guess someone to care about.

[WildIrish]

The simple questions are always the most difficult to answer.

"What do you want to do with your life?" :confused:
"What would make you happy?" :confused:
"Welcome to McDonalds...Can I take your order please?" :huh:



Wouldn't it be better if they cared too?



That goes for the "someone to care about" part as well as the sex. ;)

[Matticus]

You will never, ever be happy with anyone else until you are first happy with yourself.

Good advice

[txgrneyes]

Ok...I have tried to be nice about this but dude you are jumping on my last couple of nerves. So if you want to jump get on a trampoline.


Irish had a good question....what is in it for you? I can answer that for you....drama! that is all. You are living your own soap opera. So just get the clicker and turn that off. Then step back and laugh cause we all know what happens in soaps. By Friday everything is ok. That dont happen in real life.


Also, remember this ......


EXES ARE EXES FOR A REASON!

Yeah, my ex can be all nice when he wants something but when I need something from him he aint got time for it. It is all about him.

If you are wanting to get back at her not with her then act like all is ok. When she calls act busy. Tell her you dont have time to talk your on your way out with a friend. Yeah it might be a lie but damn SHE is gettin off just knowing you are pineing away for her. Sitting at home so when SHE gets the urge to call SHE can and SHE knows your gonna be there when SHE wants to talk. If she comes to the door...grab your coat and act like your in a rush to get somewhere...she doesn't have to know you just go down the street or around the block just that your to busy for her.

I know that sounds mean but when you do decide to leave her alone and move on....just do it. You wont be any happier until you try to be. Dude you have some good advise here, not just mine but everybodies, so just take it.

Either tinkle or get off the potty. It is that simple.

[rzande1]

You know it is funny the more I think about it I bet if i move on I will find some really great woman that will be perfect for me and really be the package I want. I will be like why didnt I do this before. But now I think oh crapo what if she is the one for me and I throw it away. I know there is no way to know but still the possability isnt appealing to me.

[Oldfart]

How can I put this gently, subtly and so as not to ripple the placid pond that is your mind?


















































FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST PUT HER FROM YOUR MIND, STOP MULLING AND WISHING AND REJOIN THE MAINSTREAM!!!

Every time you think of her, you are reinforcing a thought and just hurting yourself.

[sodaklostsoul]

Dude, if you really think she is or could be the one, then get off your ass and go get her. Don't be sitting here not taking advice and whining about it, go do something about it. If you have any type of excuse for not going and getting her, then I suggest you seek professional help cause the peeps in this thread have lived life and no what they are talking about.

Dude there IS more to life then this girl.

[Oldfart]

^^^^^^^^^^

What she said too.

[WildIrish]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST PUT HER FROM YOUR MIND, STOP MULLING AND WISHING AND REJOIN THE MAINSTREAM!!!


Well...that's a fair-sized rock in the pond. lmfao

[rockintime]

Well...that's a fair-sized rock in the pond. lmfao

Yeah, WI...I agree...pass the Dramamine. LOL

[Oldfart]

Surf's up.

[scotzoidman]

2 observations:

#1: the title of this thread is "moving on"...so far there is no sign that that has happened, or ever will...

#2: The forum section is "Advice"...so far no sign that the subject wants to take any...

sub-point #2a: It's "Advice", not "Whine about how bad I feel until everybody wants to reach thru their computer screen & choke the living shit out of me!"

[Oldfart]

Scotz, shame on you, that's so harsh.

Accurate, but harsh.

Please, take on board the advice from the forum, or leave it alone.

If you are just waiting for someone to agree that you should hang in there, hell will freeze over first. (Apologies to Dante)

[rzande1]

Well I told her I am not going to put up with this shit anymore. I said I am not going to beg or shit because I am sick of being her dog. If she wants to be my gf she is going to have to prove it to me and show me that she is committed to it etc.

[Sharni]

If ya aint gonna put up with it then WHY are you giving her the option of being able to get to you again!

If ya moving on then for fucks sake MOVE...don't sit there...run the other way from her as fast as ya can.....you really gotta get ya own shit together before you can be there for someone else!

[rzande1]

I swear to god this whole situeation has me so fucking angry already. Why the fuck am I putting up with this shit. This is fucking rediculous. I dont deserve to be treated like this.

[rzande1]

I just told her to fuck off and that we are through. She can go find another sucker to fuck in the ass with all her bullshit.

[Lilith]

You like it. That has become clear. Glutton for punishment. Some people are not happy unless they are in turmoil. If you didn't like it you would have walked away.

[rzande1]

It is because I basically cant live without her and no matter how hard i try i keep coming back because I guess I am stupid. I am just fucking stupid.

[rzande1]

It sucks though that I cant do any better.

[Oldfart]

Only through lack of trying.

[Loulabelle]

How exactly can you not live without her?

Do you share an organ?

Does she support you financially?

Does she supply you with the air you inhale?

Thought not.

If she were to be run over by a bus tomorrow, you'd HAVE to live without her, so what you're saying is, you choose to live a miserable life with her in it, as opposed to a happy one without her.

Yes, it's tough at first, but you get used to it, you learn from your own mistakes (that's not to say it's all your fault - sometimes the mistake you make is choosing the wrong person in the first place) you begin to heal and pretty soon (a few months or so) you find yourself in a strong position where you feel you can get out there and meet someone else for a meaningful relationship without all of the baggage of the previous one.

When that time comes, you'll find you don't need to be posting threads here saying 'How do I meet women - I'm too shy' because things will just happen naturally.

Stop being a victim. You only have one life, so stop wasting it. Being angry is pointless. I know you're hurting, but that's just part of life. The trick is not to keep on getting hurt by the same person over and over again. If you saw one of your friends going through this you'd tell him to grow some self respect and stop wallowing in self pity. It's demeaning and singularly unattractive to everyone else, which is inhibiting your ability to have a normal life.

Don't waste your energy hating her, or even communicating with her. Use it all on helping yourself to heal and learn from this experience. Being bitter and miserable is the lazy way of dealing with this - it's easier than moving on which is why you're here all of the time whining about how hard life has been for you. Trust me, if this is the most painful thing you've ever had to go through, you ain't in the least prepared for the rest of life. It gets tougher - a whole fuck of a lot tougher so you may as well learn to deal with it sooner rather than later.

[maddy]

Can someone let me know when the pity party is over? As a singleton, let me tell you life does exist without a mate. Singledom is not a death sentence unless YOU choose to let it be. You do NOT need a mate to survive, unless YOU choose it to be so. There are many people in this world that live life without a mate and are successful, productive humans.

So let me know when you've grown tired of the DRAMA you are perpetuating and the self wallowing pity party you are throwing - then you might actually start to read the plethora of advice given in this thread and realize that your behavior has been self destructive, self serving, and attention seeking.