Boundaries

[osuche]

How do you respond to someone who expects too much from you? Who might be too critical of your contributions to the relationship, and who always wants more?

Does your approach change based on whether this is a personal or professional relationship? Are there some strategies that work regardless?

Inquiring minds want to know how YOU establish your boundaries and then "police" them.

:cboy:

[Oldfart]

I have zones of comfort.

When I stray beyond these zones, it hits me hard.

I don't often analyse this, preferring to go with the vague feelings which help avoid confronting the reasons.

[Lilith]

When someone crosses my boundaries they know. I don't kiss ass or pussy foot about.

As for someone who is critical about your contribution to a relationship... you either meet someone's needs and them yours or seek a relationship elsewhere. Needs are needs. If you are just talking about preferences that is a different thing.

[maddy]

Professionally speaking, if I like you, respect you, trust you, and you show the same plus appreciation I'll cut off my right hand and type with my nose. Appreciation, trust, and respect will make my boundaries grow farther than I thought possible.

Absent those things I'll have no problem letting you know where my boundaries are and sticking to them. I prioritize, make my priorities known and stick to them. Anything else is secondary and can wait until later, even if later never comes.

[scotzoidman]

Inerestly enough, I've just been thru an experience where I felt compelled to draw a line in the sand...in the past it would be so totally unlike me to do so, but in the context of where my head is at these days it felt like my only option...quite exhilirating & a little scary, but I definately got everybody's attention...time will tell if my new bounderies stay unviolated, but I think a certain party now understands that I don't take this lightly...

[Lilith]

scotz I told you I'm sorry and I won't do it again.*tip toes across line in sand* *stalk*

[scotzoidman]

scotz I told you I'm sorry and I won't do it again.*tip toes across line in sand* *stalk*
Actually, I would EXPECT you to cross my bounderies, just 'cause I said not to :rofl:
I was referring to my decision to tell my bandmates I was gonna quit if there wasn't something done about a certain jackass...

[osuche]

Professionally speaking, if I like you, respect you, trust you, and you show the same plus appreciation I'll cut off my right hand and type with my nose. Appreciation, trust, and respect will make my boundaries grow farther than I thought possible.



That's me too. Problem is, I have one boss that snipes at me constantly and -- quite frankly -- I avoid him because he is so incompetent and snide that I can't help but snipe back. I've tried to operate under the "if you don't have anything good to say, say nothing" principle.

My second boss has moments of grace (especially in comparison to Boss 1). However, I often make agreements with him that he then violates thanks to the intervention of Boss 1.

I've been thinking about two approaches (1) stop caring and just keep my head down and do what little they ask me to do, or (2) having a blunt conversation with Boss 2 where I explain how his actions and the actions of Boss 1 are crossing my personal boundaries.

Namely -- they make me feel marginalized and are very critical. They rob me of responsibility and go around me to work with my team. They kill the business in their reluctance to make decisions, then attempt to blame me for the results. And all of these things hurt my soul.

<sigh>

[Oldfart]

Very hard to do without seeming to be trying a divide and conquer routine.

Yes, it can suck out your soul one painful piece at a time.

[WildIrish]

I was referring to my decision to tell my bandmates I was gonna quit if there wasn't something done about a certain jackass...



Well...now I know why someone tried to kill me with a banjo.

[scotzoidman]

Well...now I know why someone tried to kill me with a banjo.
I meant the jackass in the band...dumbass...

:roflmao:

Which reminds me, know the difference between a banjo & an onion?
















People will shed tears when you chop up an onion...

:boohoo: