I'm at a loss

[Fangtasia]

Talk about push-me-pull-you!!

On one hand i've got the schools of my eldest son, (this has been going on since preschool) telling me he has Aspergers or such and on the other i've got my sons peadiatrician telling me he doesnt (since preschool)...he's just a kid

He did have ADD and was on medication for a some years...but has been off it for a bit now...now 'cause he's very emotional (always has been) and not behaving properly (disjointed was her words) and i must say he has been a difficult at home too...but i put it down to hormones and attitude (teenager anyone??)

I'm about to have a brain snap....My sanity is hanging on by a thread let me tell you

Aother appointment with the school for Friday...another appointment of the same concerns and i can see another appointment with the peadiatrician *sigh*...it just seems to be a vicious circle and i fucking dread it!

I do not know what to do with him...i dont know how to figure out how to help him..i dont even know how to explain how i feel..upset is one feeling i spose

I dont expect advice...i'm just so worked up i need to get it out

[Lilith]

Has the pediatrician sent him to a psychologist? They would be able to diagnose whether it's chemical, educational, or what.

(((((hugs)))) for you and him too.

[Lilith]

I was also wondering what you think? What do you think it is?

I knew my son had cerebral palsy before the neurologist said the words because a few Drs. or social workers had mentioned things to drop hints. Once I did some checking I was sure that was his problem.

Of all the things you have been told, what do you think fits the issues your son is having?

[Fangtasia]

No he hasn't but it is one suggestion i will be bringing up....

*hugz*

[Fangtasia]

I was also wondering what you think? What do you think it is?

I knew my son had cerebral palsy before the neurologist said the words because a few Drs. or social workers had mentioned things to drop hints. Once I did some checking I was sure that was his problem.

Of all the things you have been told, what do you think fits the issues your son is having?
I honestly dont know Lil...

Depression maybe?
If its aspergers it is a very mild form...i have friends with kids with aspergers
He does stuff he bloodywell knows he isnt supposed to and then get the 'everyone hates me' attitude when he gets into trouble
He has no self pride at all
Can't stay on track with anything

I don't care if he DOES have something....i just wanna know WTF it is so we can deal with it

Ahhhhhhhhhhh :banghead:

[osuche]

(((((Alasse))))) ~~ I've nothing more to offer than a hug. Sorry.

[Lilith]

Has he tried Paxil? I know he took meds for the ADD but the meds for ADD are not good for Aspergers and vice versa. I know kiddos who have done very well on Paxil, it's both an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety. It can help if he has any stims or OCD type behaviors.

[Fangtasia]

(((Osuche))) that is greatly appreciated let me tell you

[Fangtasia]

Has he tried Paxil? I know he took meds for the ADD but the meds for ADD are not good for Aspergers and vice versa. I know kiddos who have done very well on Paxil, it's both an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety. It can help if he has any stims or OCD type behaviors.
No he hasnt....he took Dexyamphitimine (sp?) for the ADD....he seemed to go real well on it and settled quite a bit....thats why he was taken off it later

[Lilith]

Sorry I'm playing 20 questions and really what you need is love and support. It's just that kids like yours and the issues their families face is what I am on this Earth for.

I respect you so much for never giving up even when it's tearing you up.

[Fangtasia]

Sorry I'm playing 20 questions and really what you need is love and support. It's just that kids like yours and the issues their families face is what I am on this Earth for.

I respect you so much for never giving up even when it's tearing you up.
Its ok Lil...20 questions is good...might help me see somethings i've missed

I dont give up cause i love him....even when he is a turd *L* (well after maybe) :)

[PantyFanatic]

... the schools of my eldest son, (this has been going on since preschool) telling me he has Aspergers or such and on the other i've got my sons peadiatrician telling me he doesnt .............
Is there a reason these “authorities” are using you as a conduit? Why has such conflicting prognosis not at least resolved their differences after such a time period? I don’t see your job as suppose to be appeasing both or picking a winner, but making them come to a valid conclusion so you all can get on with dealing with the situation.

[Fangtasia]

Because 'they' dont get together....i get the honour of having to deal with them

[LixyChick]

(((((Alassë)))))

I know some parents are reluctant to change docs when one has cared for their child all his/her life, but have you asked your sons pediatrician if he could be missing something that a second opinion might help diagnose? Sometimes two heads are better than one. Another pediatrician that a good friend could recommend perhaps?

I don't know what tests are involved in the things mentioned but I wanted to try and offer an alternative for you to consider. Teens are so unpredictable as it is but if their was an underlying reason for your son's behavior I hope someone can find it so that you can deal with it.

My thoughts are with you!

[Fangtasia]

(((((Alassë)))))

I know some parents are reluctant to change docs when one has cared for their child all his/her life, but have you asked your sons pediatrician if he could be missing something that a second opinion might help diagnose? Sometimes two heads are better than one. Another pediatrician that a good friend could recommend perhaps?

I don't know what tests are involved in the things mentioned but I wanted to try and offer an alternative for you to consider. Teens are so unpredictable as it is but if their was an underlying reason for your son's behavior I hope someone can find it so that you can deal with it.

My thoughts are with you!

The pediatrician was recommended to us by many people including our family GP...He's one of the best our city has to offer.....takes nearly 6-7 months sometimes more to get into see him...i trust his judgement...he has done the tests that are sposed to indicate Aspergers...while he had some symptoms...so do many people...and nowhere enough to diagnose him

Well i did learn something tonight.....he is being major bullied (what is it with teens and giving any info easily)...he went to the teachers and the result was two of the worst bullies were suspended.....well now they are back and after revenge...they are making his life a living hell apparently

Anyway at the appointment with the school that issue will most definately be addressed....and it better be solved or i will be looking at a different school for him...and that will not be easy let me tell you...

[PantyFanatic]

Do you have any documentation to present and leave with the school, from your pediatrician? My thoughts are that with suck diametric approaches, both you and your son are going to be in a perpetual tug-a-war. I think the issues are big enough that the action have to ALL be in one direction until that can be shown as not the way to go.

[Lilith]

The pediatrician sees him for short periods of time where as the school sees him for hours and sees his history as time progresses. Annecdotally the school would have a much better handle on the situation than the DR. The problem is that a school (at least here, unless it's by the school/district psychologist) can not diagnose. While it may or may not be Asperger's I would suggest to the Dr. that it is time to find out what it is. Here in the US a pediatrician is not the best source for diagnosing anything other than the typical childhood illnesses. I contend you need a specialist, if nothing else to rule out autism and get the school to look again at what his issues may be. If he is found to be depressed, have OCD or the like, here in the US his school labeling would most likely be Emotionally Handicapped. Do they have a similar class structure at your son's school? Is he in the mainstream? Does he receive special services?

BTW I had a group of my students suspended for bullying the last several days of school. When they came back I put them on room restriction as well. Assholes.

[moose]

Alasee the bulling could be the key factor here, my daughter is going through this now and her behaviour has changed dramatically, it took us some time to put all the pieces together but as it turns out the culprits were once her so called be friends because my daughter did some thing that they don’t like they have given her hell at school and on the 30 min bus ride to get there, we confronted the school who just tried to cover their arses and suggested my daughter change schools, we confronted the parents and of coarse they claim its not their angel its my daughter

[scotzoidman]

Missed all this yesterday, but Lilith has some sound advice here (for US anyway, we do realize that Oz is a whole 'nother world).
Here's a (((hug))) & several rounds of booze & sympathy for ya...I've been fighting the same battle for twenty years...#1 son may have been the youngest to ever get prescribed ADHD meds at 4...they got him kicked out of his first daycare the week he started taking them...& in the ensuing years, we've fought many battles with the schools & doctors, trying to figure the little shit out...a few years back an old friend, who is a LSW, suggested Asperger's, which his shrink later confirmed was in the back of her mind as well (she didn't write it down cuz the insurance will pay for meds for ADHD, but there's no covered meds for AS)...after he just barely graduated with a Special Ed diploma, we've had him in 2 different special work rehab programs trying to train him for life in the real world, so far to no avail...he is now 23, living at home, sucking up the groceries, unemployed, still trying to figure out why the whole world is against him...he knows what his problems are, but knowing & understanding are 2 diff things...last year we had him tested by a psych. specialist who diagnosed serious bipolar, now we're looking at ways to get him on disability... it's been a struggle for us all, & I can relate to you being at wit's end...
I also can relate to the frustration with educators who think they're qualified to diagnose mental health issues (unless they've actually been trained for it, like Lil)...earlly on, one of #2 son's teachers had a meeting with the wife & insisted HE was ADD...Mrs Zoid was so taken aback she couldn't formulate her own argument, until the Principal stopped & asked her if her oldest son wasn't ADD...Principal turned to the teacher & said, "I think this lady would know if that was his problem"...not another word has been said about #2 since...he's just strong-willed & stubborn (& maybe smarter than the rest of us put together), & sometimes that gets lumped in as ADD...

[Fangtasia]

My argument is against Aspergers is he is not constantly like they say he is.....this really bad flair up has happened in the last week...which points me toward the bullying

He doesnt cope well with it never has....

I take shitloads of paperwork to the doc from the school when my son goes to his appointment...he reads through it all speaks with us and my son....the doc is pretty switched on i must say...then he sends letters to both myself and the school....its like a freaking merry go round!.....but i will be raising more of a ruckus this time around...with both of them....i have had enough!....as i'm really sure my poor son has too

I understand too that the school spends a great deal of time with him...but so do i...and the next time that bloody bird (SEU head honcho)speaks over the top of me whilst i'm trying to speak...well lets just say it aint gonna end well

Lil ~ He is mainstream....they have a Special Ed Unit at his school..but they cannot help him unless he has an official diagnosis

If my son needs assisstance with meds all well and good...but i will not be bullied by the school or any other soul down that path until i have a clear understanding of his problem

[wyndhy]

...but i will not be bullied by the school or any other soul down that path until i have a clear understanding of his problem

and that right there is why you'll get a better handle on it - whatever it is. (((hugs))) for being so tenacious and caring when it comes to your kids.

just for my couple cents...unless the behavior is totally inhibitive to at least a manageable existence, and social challenges are coped with in a safe, rational manor, i think it’s just normal behavior– the band of what’s considered normal and desirable seems to me to be getting smaller. and lil can probably back me up on this...(or not :D)...but i also think that public and private schools are becoming less tolerant of the disruptive child and are often too quik to stamp 'em with a "special needs" and pass them off to another. they pass them off for lots of reason, and some of them are the right ones, but sometimes i think they get passed off because it's easier (and sometimes safer) to cordon every child who needs a extra help, supervision, or control...even if it's just a little extra. not to get too political but not only does it get parents off the backs of the teachers when the disruptive one is removed, it gets teachers of the backs of principals and superintendents, and it might get the school - in the long run - more money. at least in parts of the US it might. a school that performs better on tests (and if a teacher doesn't have to deal with a troublesome student, more prepaartion for testing can be done) and a school that has smaller ratios of reported incidents to students gets more funding. special needs classes are exempt from these requirements, so if you keep a problem child out of the surveyed classes and place him in the non-mandated classes, the school looks better on paper.

crappy way to think about edjumucation, innit?

and that isn't to say that the special needs classes are not mandated or monitored, they are. and special needs teachers often need more training and aides and they require some pretty special skills, too, but they are also being over run with mildly impeded students. not only does this detriment the child who ends up un-challenged and defeated by the system, it also takes away massive resources from the special-needs teachers.

:o sorry bout that^^


good luck, sister. (((hugs)))again for the whole fam-dam-ily, you'll get the better of this

[Aqua]

Big ((((hugs)))))!!

[Matticus]

This is sad to me. I wish there was a way to have the knowledge to help our kids through this kind of thing without counting on school officials and doctors who may have an agenda. EDIT--that emoticon was really not right.

From my own perspective. My ex and I were divorced when my son was 2 (13 now). I got full custody of all three, but he was the youngest and was really attached to his mother. I was in the army and deployed most of his young life up to this point.

He was angry about it. Very angry and he was so young when it happened that he didn't even know he was angry. Those feeling showed in him acting up, being angry and depressed about things that didn't matter all the time.

Docs and school officials insisted that I put him on meds but all he really need was to be able to excersise his anger. He is a naturally sensetive kid who easily has his feeling hurt but overall he has worked through the issues he had with love and understanding.

I know this doesn't help your situation but I just wanted to say, stay in there and fight the good fight.

[Fangtasia]

^^^Yes....that is what i think my son doing.....they both hate the fact that they i have to work (and the hours suck) and i only really see them on the weekends

But at present i am sitting here worrying my guts out cause he got to school...but he and another boy who lives up the road (the other boy does have Aspergers) have taken off from school and are at present fuck knows where

All i can say is my boy better hope to god the police find him before i do!

[Lilith]

I hope he's ok.

[wyndhy]

^^me, too

[Fangtasia]

Still no word :(

[Fangtasia]

Got him...have been speaking with him for the last hour..

Not only did he wag school...he stole from a store while he was wagging

So he did get a major lecture let me tell you and lost the thing he stole (little turd)

[moose]

Alasse i sincerly hope this all works out for yourself and your son

[scotzoidman]

My argument is against Aspergers is he is not constantly like they say he is.....this really bad flair up has happened in the last week...which points me toward the bullying

He doesnt cope well with it never has....
Actually that may point to at least a mild form of AS...that's why it's sometimes referred to as the "geek syndrome"...one of the primary symptoms being an inability to read other peoples' feelings, & responding in ways that are inappropriate, & the subject never really catches on (hmmm, that sounds like a few people I know ;) ) The fact that he's hanging out with another kid who has it may also point that way as well, I know my closest confidant as a kid was the one guy in school that was more seriously fucked-up than me ;)

In any case, I can well understand your frustration, with him, with the school, etc...when you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to focus on the fact that your intention was to drain the swamp...

[Fangtasia]

yep i understand that Scotz....and that is why they think he has it...but i am unsure as it is not a consistant thing

He has been an emotional child since his brother was born...before that he was a completely 'normal kid' no emotions....if he was Aspergers he would have had it since birth is my point...I know about sibling rivalry...but man its a full on war here *L*

I've told them the pediatrician believe him to have some symptoms of Aspergers..but not enough to actually diagnose him with it....and most people including myself would be the same.

[osuche]

(((((Alasse)))))

I don't have kids and maybe I am WAY off base here....but.....from your comments about the bullying, the stealing, skipping class, and issues with his brother...

Is it possible your son has severe self-confidence and self esteem issues? People with good self esteem can better handle sibling rivalry, bullying, etc.

Maybe there's something you and Bilbo can do to build up his esteem, or maybe have him go to couseling for it? Maybe a hobby? Something he can "own"?

I know this may be too simplistic...but it sounds a bit to me like he need to find a purpose and pride in his life.

[Lilith]

typically autism/Asperger's and the like show up at 1.5 - 3 years old

[Fangtasia]

After the meeting with the school today....very productive i must say...finally

J my eldest will be assessed by professionals at the school itself to get some idea of his processing skills and stuff

They are going to alter his timetable...he will get be going on work experience trips a couple of times a week to give him a break from the school enviroment

Bilbo and myself are also going to look into a psychologist to see if he/she can give any insight...plus some other changes will happen in our household itself

You're very right osuche....he has major self esteem/confidence issues

Simple can be better at times...anyway hopefully these and a few other things will hopefully make J's life and our easier

[Lilith]

Awesome. I'm glad you feel like you are working towards a positive resolution.

[osuche]

Congrats on developing a plan, and finding some support at the school. I wish you and J the best. :)

[scotzoidman]

Great to hear...sometimes just a little battle won makes it easier to go on with the never-ending war ;)