Soul Mates

[Vigil]

Can a relationship last long term if you are not soul mates?

[fzzy]

I remember an old saying .. goes "choose your love ... love your choice" ... or in the vernacular of Dr. Phil ... sometimes you just gotta make your choice right .... soulmates is great ... can't imagine anything better, but a friend of mine once told me that any one of us could probably be reasonably happy with about 20% of those of the sex we are attracted to .... "if we are willing to make and keep the commitment" that's my theory anyway.... only you gotta know that I'm not..nor have I ever been married, so it's just theory for me. :)

[Lilith]

Certainly

[osuche]

Of course....but I do think you need to be friends, or at least good communicators. :)

Mr Osuche comes from a culture of arranged marriages, and I've seen many of them turn out just fine.

[Oldfart]

Soul mates is just a term.

If you are happy, comfortable and loved, it's survivable.

[scotzoidman]

When I first saw this thread, I wondered, "How do one define 'soulmate'"...OF is 100% correct (as usual)...I've just cleared the 31st wedding anniversary (& coming up on 33 years of together) with the woman who I've called many things ;) but never a soulmate...

[Vigil]

Soul mates is just a term.

Isn't everything?

I know couples who are and couples who aren't. The former always seem to have the stronger relationship.

[Lilith]

The former always seem to have the stronger relationship.

"stronger relationship" is very subjective. You mean they have something you personally identify as a "stronger relationship"? What would that criteria be?

[Oldfart]

Soulmate is a subjective description for a level of emotional bonding.

I have watched "soulmates" tear each other apart when it turns to shit.

Emotions are fickle, lasting relationships take more.

[jennaflower]

Lots of wisdom in this thread... and I do agree... it is subjective.

[Vigil]

No doubt that people who think they are soul mates can tear each other apart, OF, I have that T Shirt.

I did use the word "seem" to have stronger relationships. As really I don't know - which is why I asked the question.

Yes, arranged marriages can also work.

I think though that there may be three levels/types of relationship, and those with combinations.

1/ The rational as in an arranged marriage or he will make a good husband etc

2/ The emotional

3/ The spiritual - can't think of a better term for spiritual, but this is what I think soul mates would say - some form of transcendence beyond the emotional - we were meant for each other and there could have been no-one else.

Does that make sense?

I can think of several people that I could have been happily married to in groups 1 and 2.

[Aqua]

I dislike the term soulmate as it generally is associated with the idea that there is one other person in this world that is the perfect mate. Out of roughly 6.6 billion people over 148,940,000 sq km of land the odds of running into the one person that you are meant to be with is something that only the likes of PF could tell you. ;) I can say in highly un-scientific terms that it's quite unlikely to happen.

Now, to answer your question, yes. I think a lot of relationships can last a long time if both persons are honest, especially at the onset, and they both work hard at keeping it strong.

[Vigil]

Yes, I agree. Soulmate is probably thought of as being only one person but that is for ignorance of others in the world.

I would still say that it is a valid term for the type of relationship that has that little extra, that Je ne sais quoi. Perhaps I have had three soulmates, two I had relationships with. One took fifteen years to end properly and the other I am still very close to - there is a bond that neither of us wish to destroy.

So soulmate relationships can end of course and emotional or rational relationships can happily last so long as you want them to and work on them. But there is something different to the other type pf relationship.

I suppose I am mulling over the issue of whether you would prefer a "soulmate" relationship and what issues there may be if you felt your partner wasn't.

[Oldfart]

Too much "Sleepless in Seattle" before bed, perhaps?

[Lilith]

If I were in Seattle I'd be sleepless too :D

[scotzoidman]

Again, I come back to pointing to my own marriage as a good example of how a relationship can last over a very long term w/o the benefit of being "soulmates", or even moderately compatible ;)
Unless you count being two hard-headed Scots-Irish types, too stubborn to give it up & let anybody that said it wouldn't last be right...