View Full Version : Things to help a sick neighbor???
imaginewithme
03-19-2006, 10:17 PM
Ok, first off, this isn't a sexual topic...just thougth I'd ask the advice of my fellow pixies.
I was out in my front yard the other day and my neighbor came over with her daughter. We were sitting out enjoying the weather and she tells me that she has breast cancer. They removed her breast February 14th and now going to do chemo on her for a few months, starting in a couple weeks. I'm not that close to her but they are a nice family with two young kids, across the street.
She told me her son, I believe he is 8, wanted to have his hair shaved off so his mommy wouldn't feel alone when hers falls out and even asked her "you're such a good mommy, why did this happen to you". Just about killed me hearing that.
My question is........what is something I can do for them to help out during this tough time? I let her know we would do anything and she just kinda sluffed it off saying they were fine. I'm not really good at dealing with situations like this but would love to help out.
Thanks for your ideas!
The thought goes a long way, but what you come up and are comfortable with doing ... I suggest that you do so without having to be asked ... small things will mean a lot ...
The week she has chemo .. on her first day or two home, you might take the kids out for some activity away ... she isn't likely to feel up to doing much in those first couple of days and the kids may need a chance to get away and release some of their energy and fears ... and it will give her a time when she doesn't have to think about putting on a brave face for them every moment.
She probably won't be allowed to see many people in those days, so you might arrange it ahead of time, it will give them all something to look forward to ... even if it's just a trip to the local park for an hour or so ... or maybe a trip for an ice cream ... something not too out of the ordinary, but a change ...
If she has to stay in the hospital over night, you might show up with a casserole or just a dessert on one of those nights.
A card that arrives during the week after chemo ... something bright and cheerful
If it's the right weather for this, you might get a few flowers that can be planted outside her window ...
that's a start of some ideas anyway ... any thoughtful gesture at such a time will mean a lot!
Lilith
03-19-2006, 11:06 PM
Giving her kids opportunities to get out and be "normal" kids not kids with a sick mom, is probably the best gift you can give. Several of us also used to take chocolate to a friend of mine who passed away last summer from the same disease. It was the one food she wanted.
maddy
03-19-2006, 11:11 PM
Any small gesture you make will go a long way. Offering to look after the kids even if it's just chasing them around the park for an hour will surely help out... doing their lawn a week might help free up some of their time... little cards and notes are a great way to lift someone's mood.
even though you've put the gesture for help, she's unlikely to straight up ask for it.
osuche
03-19-2006, 11:15 PM
I think taking the kids out is the BEST idea....I am sure that would be really appreciated
The casseroles/cooking is good too -- she may not have enough energy to cook and the family might appreciate a home cooked meal.
Lilith
03-20-2006, 12:45 AM
I am going to PM you the url to the book my friend wrote about trying to be a mom who has cancer. It was published right after she passed away. The website also has links to a support group she started here called~ Chicks~ Choosing Hope In Cancer. Scary but I personally was the teacher to the children of at least 4 women in that group. Maybe reading someone else's story would help her. My friend remained positive right up to the end.
Lilith
03-20-2006, 09:38 AM
How odd I just posted about her and there is a story about her on the front page of our local section of the paper. Guess lots of people are thinking about her now.
imaginewithme
03-20-2006, 10:01 AM
Thank you Lilith for the information. She must have made a great impact on LOTS of people!
And thank you everyone for the tips. I like the idea of taking the kids out to do some things.
Thanks everyone
jay-t
03-20-2006, 05:17 PM
Taking the kids out for the afternoon is one of the best things you can do for them.Cooking a meal or something will help also.
We had a friend with cancer that wanted to see flowers before see passed away (Early March) so we took a waterbed heater and placed it in the flower bed under the plants and it heated the soil enough to let the flowers bloom. Just a thought if its still cold there.
rabbit
03-20-2006, 08:11 PM
Some great ideas here...our neighbors just went through the same thing about a year ago. Just being there for him whenever he needs something...letting his daughter come over after school or covering for a sitter really helps a lot since he works and travels.
imaginewithme
03-21-2006, 09:07 AM
Thank you all again. I'll let you all know how it goes.
((((((((Pixies))))))))))
WildIrish
03-21-2006, 10:59 AM
We have a neighbor that had a double masectomy two weekends ago. She's not married, and has a seven year old son. My youngest son is exactly a year older than her son and they get along famously. She's told us time and time again that having our son over to visit hers is a great help because it gives her son someone other than Mom to play with. We've had her son over to our house just as often as she's had our son to hers, and she's able to turn her attention to things she needs to get done, and she can even manage to rest.
We've cooked more than we need with the understanding that it goes to them, and we've baked an extra banana bread a couple of times too. (Mrs. WI was in charge of that.) :p
And what got the biggest reaction was the few times we've bought extra basic items while we were at the grocery store. We're there anyway, and it's so easy to grab two when we use one. We let her pay us for them but it's not about the money. It's just about the little things that really do end up being a big help. It's a good thing to have the kids bring stuff over too. They need the exposure to considerate actions...and I'm getting too old to walk all the way there. ha ha
imaginewithme
03-21-2006, 10:46 PM
Thanks WI. Sounds like you guys are a real blessing to her!
You might check with the kids to make sure they know how to do 911 and such ... not to scare them, just to make sure they can function in an emergency if they are ever at home alone with mom and she has a serious reaction ...
you might also teach them how to make a simple meal ... sandwich and carrots or something that is age appropriate and they can take care of for themselves or even to do for mom if she's having a really difficult time of it one day ...
Do you know if mom has a particular liking for certain types of books, magazines or a sitting down type of craft ... that might be something you could do that would be easy for her ... just a few thoughts I had today.
Oldfart
03-22-2006, 05:35 PM
A freezer-full of frozen pasta sauces, casseroles and such never goes astray.
Teach the kids 911, but teach them how to do it at your place so if there's an accident at your place while they're there, they know what to do. This'll translate.
If you must fuss, do so invisibly, as caring becomes well-meant intrusion wery quickly.
Don't just do all the chores, because hubby's going to need some head time, and hiding behind a noisy mower may be his only "away time".
PantyFanatic
03-22-2006, 11:27 PM
....Do you know if mom has a particular liking for certain types of books, magazines or a sitting down type of craft ... that might be something you could do that would be easy for her ... just a few thoughts I had today.
You could invite her to join Pixies. :) That might occupy her mind with something new. :rolleyes:
;)
Cjack
03-27-2006, 11:31 AM
There are many little things people can do for a person when they are Ill or old. Things she always did will be hard for her to do. The labor you can give will mean more that the things you could buy. Carry her groceries inside for her, change the water in her yard or watch the children while she takes her treatments.
WildIrish
03-27-2006, 02:28 PM
change the water in her yard
:confused:
After how many miles? :D
Ok, honestly...I have no idea what that means. Can you explain it? In simple terms please, cuz I'm not the brightest spoon in the picnic basket.
WI ... I think he's talking about moving the sprinklers/hose from location to location in the yard so everything gets watered.
imaginewithme
03-29-2006, 12:24 PM
All great ideas! Thanks again. I talked to the kids the other day about "helping me with the baby and going to the park one day".......they were excited about it.
Thanks everyone!
imaginewithme
03-30-2006, 10:39 PM
Well, I don't believe it.......but today she called ME and said tomorrow is her first chemo treatment and asked if her daughter could stay at my house while she's gone. I was so excited that she asked!!!!
Plus, the girl will be able to help ME out with my girl too!!!!
that's so great! These will be treasured memories in both your families in the years to come ... I'm certain of it!!
imaginewithme
03-31-2006, 09:16 PM
Well, today went well at my house. She went to have her first round of chemo, but had lots of problems once there. Tube was in wrong, etc. She is ok but it was a long day for her. Her daughter came to my house at 9:30 and her dad picked her up at 2:30.
She called me this evening to thank me and said that her daughter actually cried when she left my house. She wanted to stay longer!!!
I was so happy to do something for them. I promised her that I needed the help myself cuz she held the baby almost all day!!!
Thanks everyone again
alspals69
04-01-2006, 04:07 PM
IMW.. i am honestly and truly so proud of you.
Such a lovely thing for you to do.
I am so pleased that you bring as much happiness to others as you do to the pixie comminity
i hope you inspire me to be as nice a person as you are (but i have a long way to go!)
imaginewithme
04-01-2006, 04:48 PM
IMW.. i am honestly and truly so proud of you.
Such a lovely thing for you to do.
I am so pleased that you bring as much happiness to others as you do to the pixie comminity
i hope you inspire me to be as nice a person as you are (but i have a long way to go!)
(((((((((((((((((((((alspals)))))))))))))))))))))))))
alspals69
10-06-2006, 05:11 PM
Well, i know i am not gonna get a reply to this under the circumstances. But i was only thinking about this thread the other day as i discovered one of relatives has breast cancer.
But i do wonder how things are going.
And it reminded me of how proud i was of you for being such a caring person. And still am. :rose:
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