I need some advice on this.

[brownsfan]

Hello everyone. Here is my problem. First off, i have been married for almost 28 years. Things are really good except for this. My wife refuses to masterbate for me. She says that she just never did when she was younger. She loves it when I do it for her but she just won't do it for me. It really bothers me that she can't or won't preform this act for me. I am very comfortable masterbating for her and she loves it but she will not return the turnon for me. It makes me feel unloved because of this. She says she never masterbated when she was younger for whatever reason. It is really starting to drive a wedge in our relationship. I explained that I just want to make her happy. I'm 48 and not getting any younger and I just want to enjoy our sex life while we are still young enough to do so. I would do anything that she asks but she just will not open up to me. It's very depressing and I'm at my wits end on the subject. She keeps telling me that she is happy the way things are but I guess I can't accept that. What is so wrong with me. Am I wrong for wanting her to do this. I'm so confused and I just feel so unwanted because she can't open up for me. I guess I'm just looking for some other opinions on this please. Thanks for any input. linzwa

[imaginewithme]

I hate that this is causing problems in your marriage. I dont feel comfortable doing it in front of Mr. either...if he's there with me, I'd rather feel him against me instead of me playing with myself.

Maybe think of it like that.....atleast she isn't sitting alone pleasing herself and instead wants you....

Best wishes, sorry I'm not much help.

[Steph]

I'm sorry to say it sounds like she's firmly in the 'no' camp.

All I can suggest is you leave an erotic story about a woman masturbating near the computer or ask her nicely to watch a movie that contains a scene like that as foreplay.

Have you suggested that her masturbating will help you learn more about her sexually?

[brownsfan]

Yes Steph, I have told her that I can't know what really turns her on if she doesn't know herself. That to me is pretty sad after all these years of marriage. That is why this is so upsetting to me. I would do anything that she wants to try but when I want to try something she makes me feel so dirty for wanting to try something different. I thought marriage was give and take. I give and she takes but she just doesn't seem to care. Do you think a conselor would help. I just don't see how she could talk to someone else if she can't open up to me. Hepl me please understand. Thanks

[PantyFanatic]

You are totally screwed up!:mad: You want something that is unlikely to EVER happen. :rolleyes:

Now other than being a Browns fan, I feel ya man. :) lol
( ;) ^^ couldn’t resist )




If this is something she doesn’t gather pleasure from now, I don’t think you are trying diminish the thrills you have shared with her for a long time. We all have visions that are great mental stimulation, but sometime the Technicolor fantasies are better than the black & white realities. If it’s something she would only be doing FOR you instead of WITH you, I think the target for both of you would be missed. :(

Playing with and for each other I also find very exciting, and it most often involves much of each. Ask her to put her hands around you while you do the stroking with her hands. See if she would ‘like’ to try the same. :) (“like” being the keyword) I get the impression that this one act has become the issue for you and I’m sure you don’t want it to degrade the other pleasures of the relationship.

This may just not be the FIRST item of foreplay that lights her fire, but could be something appealing after the flames are flashing. Let her play with the organic dildo and rub your precum over her clit. Seems to be a favorite for many of my partners (and me). Perhaps just her “mental definition” keeps it a turn off for her. Try one of my all-time favorites and let her rub-off with your face. (It just doesn’t get much better ;) )

[Sharni]

My thoughts....Take em or leave em

You're trying to push someone to do something they are obviously uncomfortable with....instead of taking the she doesnt love me cause she wont do it line (a bunch of frogshit if ya ask me)...concentrate on the things she does do for you....theres shitloads more to a relationship then 'she wont masterbate for me'

Regardless of how much you want something...its her damn body...she has a right to choose what is and isnt acceptable

[PantyFanatic]

^^^ You sweet talker you. :)


















rofl

[Cheyanne]

My thoughts....Take em or leave em

You're trying to push someone to do something they are obviously uncomfortable with....instead of taking the she doesnt love me cause she wont do it line (a bunch of frogshit if ya ask me)...concentrate on the things she does do for you....theres shitloads more to a relationship then 'she wont masterbate for me'

Regardless of how much you want something...its her damn body...she has a right to choose what is and isnt acceptable

Ditto! My thoughts exactly!

If I didn't want to do it, no matter how much pushing was done, I am damn well not going to do it! Especially if there was a "guilt trip" associated with it! What pleasure would be gained by either one of you? In fact, if the request was made often, and then there was the "You don't love me" associated with the "NO" then I certainly wouldn't be interested in doing anything at all! In fact, I would dread it!

There are a few things that Cobalt would like me to do or do again, but I am either not comfortable or I am just not interested. He accepts that and KNOWS that I still love him. He would never ask me to do something that I didn't want to do. And he certainly doesn't think that I don't love him if I don't do what he would like me to do...

[txgrneyes]

Maybe it could be as simple as she is not comfortable with her body. Time does take a tole on a womans body more than a mans...Dont push her....and know that it has nothing to do with you...IT IS ABOUT HER!!!!!

[Loulabelle]

If she says she doesn't masturbate, then....well....there's a good chance she doesn't masturbate.

Strange as it seems to us who do, there really are women out there who don't do it. I have a friend who doesn't, and she's admitted to me that she has tried, on occasions and it just doesn't do anything for her and far from giving her pleasure it just makes her self conscious, upset and more aware than ever that she has issues with her sexuality.

The one thing I can promise you, is that masturbation is a journey a person takes alone.....it takes A LONG time to be comfortable enough to do it with someone else in the room, or hell, even in the same house!

If she has an interest in getting over this emotional barrier, she might try reading 'My secret garden' by Nancy Friday, which I know, has helped a lot of women throughout the world come to terms with their sexuality, masturbation etc. However, if she's not interested in developing this, then you can't force her to and putting pressure on her will only make her less likely to want to make that journey of self exploration.

[fzzy]

Is there a food you love and she's just not interested in??? if so, if she doesn't eat it, does it make you feel she doesn't love you? We all have our personal preferences ... you said several times that you would do anything to make her happy, but you've forgotten that sometimes just accepting her decision is doing something that will make her happy.

I must admit that if I told my s/o that I wasn't interested in doing something, I'd be ok with him asking me a second time, but beyond that, I'd probably just get irritated and dig my heals in ... where if he left it alone, didn't approach me about it again, it's entirely possible that I might change my mind somewhere down the line (also equally possible that I wouldn't - depending on how strongly I felt on the matter). Hope you have continued joy in your life.

[Oldfart]

You've hit a point where "me" seems more important than "we".

You speak of grasping the remaining tatters of youth before the old bastard with the hourglass

takes the rest away.

Youth and satisfying sexual behaviour have nothing to do with whether your wife'll get off in front of you

(or fake it just to please you), but has a lot to do with exploring new things you both want to try together.

You need some clarity.

[brownsfan]

Well I would just like to say a BIG THANK YOU from all that replied for opening my eyes to what I guess I couldn't really see. Yes I did think that someone who really loves you would do anything for you. That was my problem because I would do anything that she wanted me to do regardless how I felt about it. My motto was I'll try anything at least once. I can't tell you all how much I really appreciate all of your thoughts. Some of the things you have said, I never really thought about. Well except for the Browns fan coment. lol. Anyway, you have all helped me open my eyes and my wife is gonna be alot happier now because of this. This forum is really great because of caring people like you. Thanks. :)

[fzzy]

Congratulations Brownsfan on being open to the comments, it takes great maturity to see things they way you are and not be angry about comments that may come across (because of the limitations of writing our thoughts and feelings) as hard or harsh ... glad you were able to see through the expressions we offered to know that they are given with caring and hope that you find joy and peace in your life and in your marriage ... so glad you're a member of pixies!

[WildIrish]

Mrs. WI prefers to have me play with her pussy than to do it while I watch. She enjoys sex as a "participant" more than as a "performer". She knows I like watching her rub her clit and give herself pleasure and when we're really deep in some sexy and extended lovemaking, she'll play with herself while I'm giving her oral or during intercourse. I love thrusting into her and unexpectedly feeling her fingertips when my cock pushes between her lips.

Does your wife enjoy when you play with her clit during intercourse? Perhaps she could lend a hand when you're in one of those positions where it's akward to touch her? If not, well, she's not comfortable. Nothing to do but let her know that it doesn't change your feelings for her.

[Loulabelle]

I often touch my clit during intercourse, and I sometimes worry that Fussy thinks that I feel that he's not enough.....nice to know that it can be a turn on to watch a woman finger herself during sex. I must interrogate Fussy further on this I think. ;)

[WildIrish]

/me envisions poor Fussy strapped to a chair with a lightbulb swinging overhead while you lay out on the table in front of him fingering your pussy and whispering "Tell me...tell me what you think! You're not leaving until you tell me if this turns you on."


OMG...I just gave myself a boner! lmfao