Baby/Proposal

[qwerty]

A few weekends ago I learned that my girlfriend of a little over a year is pregnant. She plans to keep the baby even though she’s never wanted one. She’s only been able to tell me about it thus far. She’s worried what her parents will think/say/do since they think she’s still a virgin. (She‘s in her early 20‘s and lives away from home but her parents are clueless)

I plan to do the right thing and propose to her. We both love each other very much and this will be the best thing for the baby.

I have a couple of ?’s.
#1. Does anyone have any really romantic ideas for a proposal?
And #2 How should we go about breaking the news to her parents?

[imaginewithme]

First of all, congratulations on the most wonderful experience you'll ever have.

As far as proposals........Do something that is personal and special to both of you.

Breaking the news??? Maybe letting them know you have "two" wonderful things coming up...your marriage and the birth of their grandchild.

Good luck and best wishes!!!!

[osuche]

Try asking her dad's permission to marry her. Let them get used to the idea of the marriage before you tell them about the pregnancy. You don't want them thinking that the only reason you're marrying her is because she's pregnant.

[Loulabelle]

It's Valentine's Day for goodness sake...that's a pretty good start.

Keep it simple, and tell her how you feel when you do it.

Other than that, IWM is absolutely on the button.



P.S. How come the people who don't want to get pregnant do it so easily, and the people who plan it have a much harder time?! I can't wait to be telling my parents they're going to be grandparents!!!!!

[kitana]

Hi there Congractulations!

1st of all when i was proposed to for the 1st time, my ex took me to our special place along the beach he had ordered a skywriter and got it done in the sky in large letter's " WILL YOU MARRY ME, LISA "
How could I possible say no to that.

In regards to telling her parents, how do they feel about you and your relationship with her? I recommend for you to tell her parents 1st that you are getting married and then see there reaction with that, if all goes well you can follow something with along the lines of " Well, thank god youare happy imagin when you find out your going to be grandparents " It has alway's worked with frinds of mine and with me.

:) :p

[Steph]

Whoa, a skywriter! That would be cool! :)

The fear of telling the parents is probably the worst part. The quicker it's done, the better, I'd think. All you can be is straightforward.

[imaginewithme]

P.S. How come the people who don't want to get pregnant do it so easily, and the people who plan it have a much harder time?! !!

Been the question of my life

[bare4you]

I agree you should ask her father's permission to marry her. I did and he thought I was crazy as he was under the impression that sort of thing didn't happen anymore (way back then)

I can give the impression of the grandfather of a child who has parents that live together and aren't married. While I was more than a little pissed at first, once the baby was born and I accepted that he didn't have anything to do with the fact that his parents kinda had things backwards when it came to marriage and parenting, he's actually kinda neat. The father of the child though has yet to say word one to me and that disappoints me greatly.

Do the right thing though and marry her for love, not just because of your child please!

[Loulabelle]

Do the right thing though and marry her for love, not just because of your child please!

Amen to that bare4you!

[Aqua]

I agree with bare4you. Getting married because your girlfriend is pregnant is not the 'right thing'. The right thing is to make sure you take on the responsibility of being a parent.

If you already had plans of marriage, great, then go for it! If it's mainly because she is pregnant it will most likely make for a very rough road ahead.

Either way, I wish you both happiness, joy, and a healthy baby!

I like the idea of asking her father's permission, but you would know the man better than I on whether or not it'll go over well.

For the proposal, if you can incorporate it with something you both enjoy doing together it should go over well. It depends on the comfort level of your gf though. To some women, a public proposal in front of a hundred people would be romantic, some women might be horrified. Whatever you choose to do, make it meaningful.

Good luck!

[rabbit]

I plan to do the right thing and propose to her. We both love each other very much and this will be the best thing for the baby.

I have a couple of ?’s.
#1. Does anyone have any really romantic ideas for a proposal?
And #2 How should we go about breaking the news to her parents?

Good for you. Once you see that baby you will know love like never before.

1) & 2) I like Osuche's advice very much...

Try asking her dad's permission to marry her. Let them get used to the idea of the marriage before you tell them about the pregnancy. You don't want them thinking that the only reason you're marrying her is because she's pregnant.


Good luck to you both! Let us know how things go!



rabbit

[Steph]

Do the right thing though and marry her for love, not just because of your child please!

I know what you're saying, bare4you. Every relationship is different, though.

I also know women who fake pregnancies. I know women who fake engagements.

If they think marriage is the right thing to do . . . maybe it is.

My main worry is that she says she never wanted one. Is she ready to devote her life to a child?

I know people who wanted a dog but only had it for a week before they gave it away . . .

Children and animals are for a lifetime.

[grl2naughty]

I agree with bare4you, purpose to her for the right reasons and not because of a baby on the way. I also have concerns as far as her not wanting any children.


I was officially purposed to on Valentines Day of this year. We already had a date set and things bought and paid for before he officially purposed. He wanted to wait to do it on a *special day* in which I didn't care when he did it because I knew he was the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life. In my opinion if she loves you and you love her enough to marry her then it doesn't matter how you purpose. She will be so excited anyway. The love is between the two of you I hope things work out for you and good luck with everything. Also being honest is the most decent thing to do when it comes to telling her parents.

[WildIrish]

I know people who wanted a dog but only had it for a week before they gave it away . . .

Children and animals are for a lifetime.

It was TWO weeks...and we'd still have him if Mrs. WI wasn't allergic! :(


Now, the kids on the other hand... :p

[jay-t]

As a dad that was told we're pregnant we're getting married Iwill give you the same advice I gave to them.

Marry my daughter for love not because you feel obligated, love and care for her and my grandchild with all your heart and you will rebuild the trust that was broken it may take a little time but it will happen.Show me that you are really tryin to make a home and a life for my daughter and grandchild ,then I will help you.

ASk to marry her first before you announce the little one its not such a shock to a dads heart. Be prepaired to receive a cold shoulder from both parents for a while, it is human nature when a trust has been broken .

now when can I play with the kid? yes I have 2 son-in-laws that I love and treat as my own sons it just took a little while

Good luck and hope it works for you also

[Steph]

It was TWO weeks...and we'd still have him if Mrs. WI wasn't allergic! :(

Not you ((((((((((WI)))))))))))))))) The allergy was tragic.

My friend's family had show dogs (cocker spaniels & springer spaniels) & she then fell in love with a man who had allergies.

"I have fish now," she said weakly. :o


Bonjour, Jacques! Comment ca va?

[PantyFanatic]

... She’s worried what her parents will think/say/do since they think she’s still a virgin. (She‘s in her early 20‘s and lives away from home but her parents are clueless)….
You ARE at the threshold of a couple of life’s most meaningful and permanent crossroads. :) You’re first issue of how to tell/ask her parents is your least issue.
First off, most parents don’t sleep as high in the tree as you seem to think and I doubt they would be shocked to think of a grown woman, living an adult life on her own, was not a virgin. Children are never too far from a parents mind and either is reality. Sorry to disappoint your girlfriend if she thinks she is going to be the first pregnant bride.
Perhaps by asking her father ‘for her hand’ may give you the private avenue for him to give the news to her mother if you truly think they will have to ‘work’ through the idea.



….I plan to do the right thing and propose to her. We both love each other very much and this will be the best thing for the baby….
.....Getting married because your girlfriend is pregnant is not the 'right thing'. The right thing is to make sure you take on the responsibility of being a parent. .... If it's mainly because she is pregnant it will most likely make for a very rough road ahead......I like the idea of asking her father's permission, but you would know the man better than I on whether or not it'll go over well.....
Aqua and others have soundly advised you to recognize and accept responsibility of these major life event, but not to merge the two. Your situations has brought them to the forefront together, but they ARE separate commitments. You ARE going to love your baby and suffer the joy and hurt of any parent. If you decide this is the woman you want to raise your child with, make her understand that when you ask her to marry you. Let her know you love HER, and that you want to love your baby WITH HER.



… She plans to keep the baby even though she’s never wanted one. She’s only been able to tell me about it thus far. ….….
This is the detail that gives me the most reason for pause.:rolleyes: The only question the two of you have to REALLY search out is the considerations here. You will find it very hard to reach the truths within your selves and NOBODY can find them for either of you. The only thing more important than a fathers love is a mother’s.








PS~
Whoa, a skywriter! That would be cool! :)…...
I wrote you a proposal in BIG letters, on the wall, for all the world to see.:) It’s at the bottom of an abandoned shaft mine on the San Andreas fault line. Please write your answer on the opposite wall as soon as possible. (Take your time when you’re there and think it over) :D

[Loulabelle]

As a dad that was told we're pregnant we're getting married Iwill give you the same advice I gave to them.

Marry my daughter for love not because you feel obligated, love and care for her and my grandchild with all your heart and you will rebuild the trust that was broken it may take a little time but it will happen.Show me that you are really tryin to make a home and a life for my daughter and grandchild ,then I will help you.

ASk to marry her first before you announce the little one its not such a shock to a dads heart. Be prepaired to receive a cold shoulder from both parents for a while, it is human nature when a trust has been broken .

now when can I play with the kid? yes I have 2 son-in-laws that I love and treat as my own sons it just took a little while

Good luck and hope it works for you also

You refer to trust being broken. I don't understand.

If your child is over the age of consent, she has a perfect right to have a sex life. Surely, the role of parents isn't to stop young adults having sex, but to make sure they do so responsibly.

I lost my virginity in my mother's house aged 17 (the age of consent in the UK is 16). She knew what I was up to and who I was doing it with and actually made the appointment for me to go to the doctors and get contraception. Subsequently, I had absolutely no excuse to rebel and sleep around or have sex without contraception. I have NEVER had sex without using some form of contraception until now that I'm married and trying for a baby.

How does a grown woman, with a right to vote, marry and live away from home break a parent's trust by having sex in a committed relationship? Surely talking openly and honestly about sex and contraception would be a more productive use of a parent's energies?

[PantyFanatic]

I too have a different prospective of the “trust” in an adult child. I felt my job as a parent was to raise a ‘responsible adult’. “The talks” at puberty were always centered on being in control and the accountable of adulthood for BOTH my son and daughter.

I actually would be more concerned of there being life issues for a sexually mature person that did not have partners after a decade of finding their way through human existence.

[qwerty]

Sorry it took so long for me to get back here. I really appreciate the time all of you have taken to lend an ear and advice. To clear things up, I plan to marry her for 2 reasons: #1 I love her beyond what words can describe, #2 I feel a child needs both a mother and a father in the picture and I feel the best way to do that is to be married. #1 is more than enough reason for me to marry her #2 is just icing on the cake (albeit unplanned icing).

Once again thanks for everything.

[Jude30]

I'm still concerned about her not wanting a child. Some women (my wife) spend years saying they don't want children then get pregnant and it turns out they (she) truly do/did want children. Others though, don't end as happily.

This is something that you two really need to talk about. If she's just keeping it because she can't stand the idea of someone else raising her child, and not because she wants to nurture and raise a child of her own, then you two really need to talk.

[Loulabelle]

I know what you're saying Jude, but if she's found herself pregnant and has already made the decision that she wants to keep the child, even if it, as you say, because she can't stand the thought of someone else raising her child, sounds like she's already changed her mind.

I have a friend who, despite having been married to her husband for ten years, got pregnant accidentally and had a termination, as she was convinced, even while pregnant, that she did not want the child. I'm sure that if qwerty's fiancee still felt that she didn't want the child, she would not keep it.

I know a hell of a lot more women who regret giving a child up, than ones who regret keeping them, and with a father who is as supportive and responsible as qwerty, I feel, that this child has a good a start in life as any.