Running Low on Luck

[Kaelynn]

Here's a fun question... why do men find it so easy to replace a woman? Twice this month I have been involved with amazing guys, then out of no where they tell me they have decided to be with someone else entirely. One decided on getting together with an ex and one decided he wanted to be with some chick from class.

I know there is nothing wrong with me. They just haven't taken the time to fully understand who I am. I repeat to myself all the good qualities that I know I have, but I can't help but feel hurt.

How can I truely trust a man anymore when he says he likes me? Everytime I have finally trusted it, and started to get feelings for him, something out of the blue happens, some other dream girl comes in and sweeps that guy away. I have had a man pursue me for three monthes, then when we started dating, suddenly he says he really wants to be with the secretary of his club, and started dating her right after we had become "official".

How in the world can someone get into a relationship? Then after that How in the world can you make it last and keep his attention? I can't even keep a guy's attention after a week.

[BigBear57]

Honey it's not you and it's not genderally exclusive either. I've had my last 4 attempts at a relationship go back to exes. Hell I started to put an ad out "If you want your damn ex back go out with me!" LOLFor whatever reason people are fickle. We've just had the unfortunate situation of being in the wrong place at the wrong times. From what I've seen and read of you here you're delightful and level headed. Patience Love and it'll come... I know I hate that line too but it's true. Hugz

[TinTennessee]

Sweetie, all I can do is give you a big "HUG" cause I suck at relationships...my last one ended when he told me what a wonderful person I was, how much fun we had together, how much we had in common but...............there was just "no spark"....damn, made me feel like a hell.

[Oldfart]

Kaelynn,

Just getting on with someone isn't enough for a relationship, nor is great sex.

They are important components to a more complex thing, but they are not enough by themselves.

Perhaps you are trying so hard that you are scaring them off.

Don't worry about "official" and work on "functional".

Relax and take joy from the moment and let the heavy stuff sort itself out.

[Steph]

I wouldn't worry too much . . . I dated a few guys when I was your age & the next women they dated, they married! I wasn't ready to be serious so it worked out but it was still a weird feeling for a while.

I think it's a good time to enjoy being single. Date more than one guy at a time . . . . no strings, no promises, see how that goes?

[Kaelynn]

i don't believe in dating a bunch of men at once... i feel it doesn't give the guys involved a fair chance.... just my view

thanks for all the advice everyone...

[Steph]

i don't believe in dating a bunch of men at once... i feel it doesn't give the guys involved a fair chance.... just my view


Just a suggestion . . . to paraphrase OF, sometimes guys get scared off at talk of commitment, etc. The hard-to-get schtick works for both sexes sometimes. We want what we can't have.

[osuche]

((((Kaelynn))))

The greatest man will come along, just when you've stopped looking for him. Spend more time on yourself and making yourself happy and men will *flock* to you. Ironically, people want people who don't need people. :rolleyes: Self confidence and a bit of self love go a long way...cause you'll be allright -- GREAT -- with or without a man. :)

You have time. You're young, smart, and sexy. The right man will come along when you're ready.

[Loulabelle]

I hate to sound really really really old fashioned about this, and it's a fucking bummer that the double standard still exists so much in this, our supposedly 'enlightened' age, but maybe you need be a little bit harder to 'obtain', as it were.

In my life, I've always had the opposite problem of men falling in love with me and wanting to marry me, when I just want a bit of light hearted fun and I put it down to the fact that I make them feel special. When I was single it took me a long time to decide if I was sexually attracted to someone....they really had to earn my trust before I'd even consider getting physical with them. Whether it's right or wrong, the fact is that a man respects that in a woman, and is more likely to treat her right than if he sees her as 'easy'. If you end up in bed with men too quickly, they assume you sleep with every guy you know that quickly too and then they don't feel as if they're special to you; and everyone wants to feel that.

I'm really not trying to preach, but it's a fact of life, that a lot of men still categorise women in terms of 'the ones you fuck and the ones you take home to meet Mum'. Yes, it's an old fashioned view, but if you also want an old fashioned man who treats you with respect, makes you feel like the only woman in the world and sends you flowers on Valentine's day, then it does still seem to be the price you have to pay, in my experience. Like everything else in life, you have to take the rough with the smooth.

[Lilith]

One thing I would suggest as well is to keep in mind that seeing someone for a month does not mean you have a relationship. If you are moving too fast some guys immediately pull back. I would avoid thinking in terms of being "official". While possession is 9/10ths of the law, it really means nothing unless the heart is yours too and frankly that can really take some time to develop.

[Casperr]

There IS an easy solution, y'know...... and it's pretty obvious, starin' you right in the face kinda like.

Move to Melbourne, Australia and go out with me. Let me feast my eyes on you each day and I guarantee I won't even THINK of straying!!!

Just kiddin' - but at the end of the day, stop analysing and just enjoy. Stop looking for Mr Right Always Forever. I agree with Lilith too - try to avoid the whole commitment/official formalisation thing. Just let it be whatever it is.

Ok, I'm probably not making any sense. Just move to Melbourne, it'll all work out I promise lol :D
CasperTG