**WARNING** Sad Thread...Don't want to bring you down!

[LixyChick]

I'm sitting here soooooooooooooooooooo alone!

Well, not all alone. Just to the right of me is my cellar door. My cat is scratching at it and crying in the saddest meow I've ever heard. I ain't all alone...just a door betwixt us. I can't let him out cause I just gave him the last glycerin suppository I'm ever going to give him in hopes that he'll pass whatever it is that is blocking him from pooping for the past few days. Just a few days before this I gave him his "last" suppository. I keep thinking this is the one that'll do the trick!

It's been about a year or so now that he's been having bowel trouble. He's 17+ years old and he used to weigh about 16 or more lbs. If he weighs 5 lbs. now it'd be a miracle. He has a hyperthyroid condition (has had it for a few years). and is still eating and drinking plenty of water. He never seems like he is in pain so I haven't taken him to the vets this time. To know Rocky is to know that he can't be seen by a vet (or touched by anyone but myself and Mr. Lixy) without knocking him out first. He could/can be very mean and he has all his claws. In the past couple years that I've taken him to the vets, and he has been knocked out, it's taken him so much longer to recover. I know in my heart he can't take it this time!

So, I was sitting here listening to him dig at the door and cry to get out and I felt a need to talk to someone. I tried calling my baby sis. No answer. I tried calling a few friends. No one is home. Mr. Lixy was exhausted and is in bed. I checked certain IM's and notta!

Here's the deal...

If this suppository doesn't help him pass the blockage we'll have to put him down. He can't contain this toxin and I can't watch him waste away to nothing. I was hoping he'd go to sleep and that'd be that. So far he is determined to hold whatever is in him and slim down to feather weight!

I gave you fair warning of this being a downer thread! I'm sooooooooooo sorry to lay it on you like this...but my heart is so heavy and I didn't have anywhere to turn.

We are thinking...if he isn't a bit better by Wednesday we'll call the vets and ask for euthanasia. I've never done this before and so I don't know protocol. I want to ask if I can hold him as he dies. I also want to know if they'll let me bring his body home to bury in my yard. We have a headstone for him already. Mr. Lixy cracked off a piece of granite from a protruding boulder in our yard several years ago. He needed to get over the boulder with the tractor. Anyway...he carved a "R" in it and has kept it in the barn since then.

Anyone know if I can hold him while they give him the shot, and if I can can bring his body home?

Geezzzzzzzzzz...I can see his paw reaching out from under the door. I have to go to bed now...before I cave in and let him out. My heart is aching like crazy! Just needed to get this out! TY for listening/reading!

I'll keep you posted.

[Lilith]

(((((((((((Lixy)))))))))))))) Yes you can hold him and they will let you bring him home. I was too heartbroken to do the right thing for my kitty and held her while she died a long agonizing death in my arms. I will never forgive myself for my selfishness.

I'm so sorry your baby is so sick. I've been there and I know how much it pains you. Sending you vibes of peace and bravery....

[Fangtasia]

Awwww...i feel ya pain there

I got to hold my baby when they put him down and also brought him home :(

[imaginewithme]

OMG I'm so sorry you're going thru that. I know it's a hard thing. We had a lab we were told should be put to sleep but we couldn't do it......we let him suffer it out at home and probably shouldn't have.

Thinking of you!

[LixyChick]

((((((Lilith)))))) ((((((Alassë )))))) ((((((imaginewithme))))))

OMG!!!!!!! TY for the kind, insightful and supportive words!

If you know anything about me you'll know I COULDN'T go to bed! I turned off the TV and sat quietly and listened while Rocky scratched at the door. Periodically there was silence. That happened three times and I got to thinking...maybe he's "pushing" to go potty. I sat some more and waited. More scratching and a few bellows that tore my heart out! Mind you...I could hear him going up and down the stairs all the while.

Oh...BTW...I forgot to mention that I have solid wood doors in this old house, but I made Mr. Lixy cut a hole in the cellar door so I could put a pet (swinging) door in it and we could keep the big door closed and Rocky could still get to his litter box. That pet door has a solid insert to prevent entering or exiting when I want. I had the insert in and Rocky was trying to push it out!

Well...I couldn't take his cries anymore! He's my one and only "baby" and a mother can take only so much. I let him out and checked him out thoroughly...as only a mother can (ya know?). I then went down the stairs to see if he left me a present in the litter box. He missed the box by inches...but he passed a blockage that even a human would have had trouble with! I don't want to get too graphic...but he must be sighing a sigh that can be heard around the world!

To make a long story longer...Rocky is the only cat with 18, instead of 9, lives!!!!!

I promise ladies (above)...I will not make him suffer because of any selfish act on my part. But, if he is feeling better when I wake up I'll reconsider calling the vets just yet.

WOW! So sorry to get you all worked up. I'm so glad I have Pixies to come to and get it all out! TY for understanding!

[PantyFanatic]

:( <--- reaching smilie

[LixyChick]

:( <--- reaching smilie
Smile received and gratefully returned!

*smacks groping hand away from my butt*

JK hun!

I love you too!

[Fangtasia]

I'm glad he was able to get through this one (or more to the point it get through him :D )

He sounds like a tough ole kitty kat!!

[osuche]

(((((Lixy))))) ~~ just keep loving him, and he'll keep fighting to stay with you.

[LixyChick]

I'm glad he was able to get through this one (or more to the point it get through him :D )

He sounds like a tough ole kitty kat!!
TY (((((Alassë)))))!

Patience has never been a virtue of mine and so I may have put the cart before the horse in typing out this thread initially.

Most people think because he is gray that we named Rocky for the cartoon character of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame (U.S. thing???). More acurately, he is named after the boxer..."Rocky Balboa"!!! He is a scrapper! I should remember that before I feel a need to type my woes!

TY for your concern!

[LixyChick]

(((((Lixy))))) ~~ just keep loving him, and he'll keep fighting to stay with you.
TY (((((osuche)))))! I do love the stuffins outta him...poopie hiney and all! Mr. Lixy calls Rocky (amoung other things) a "Tittie Hanger"!!!

I just tell Mr. Lixy, "Jealousy won't get you anywhere"!

[osuche]

Mr. Lixy calls Rocky (amoung other things) a "Tittie Hanger"!!!



Tittie hanger?

:D <-- Yikes smilie

Does he use claws??? ;)

[PantyFanatic]

....More acurately, he is named after the boxer..."Rocky Balboa"!!! He is a scrapper! .....
more like Rocky Graziano

(he was real) ;)

[LixyChick]

Tittie hanger?

:D <-- Yikes smilie

Does he use claws??? ;)
Yikes is right! Ou...fuckin...OUCH!

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I've even been known to get in the tub with him (back in his bathing days) all nekky and he never "clawed" me on purpose. I actually had to get in the tub with him to get him bathed because he always wanted to get out to get in my arms. Funny how a cat chooses one person to be "his" person".

Side Note: Rocky is now sitting on my lap as I type this last tidbit of thanks and appreciation! He seems more comfortable at this moment than he has been in days!

I count the minutes with him now...instead of the hours and days!

TY (((((EVERYONE)))))!!!!!!!!!!

[dicksbro]

Lixy,

OMG, I just logged on and saw this. Lots of hugs to you. I know how much I miss our Pokey and I remember the pain he went through when we lost him and the pain I felt then, also.

Just know you're in our thoughts today.

Lots of love ...

DB and the Mrs.

[Fangtasia]

Rocky for the cartoon character of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame (U.S. thing?)
Nope Aussie thing too *L*

[dm383]

(((Lixy)))

Ya know, cats are tough critters no matter what you call 'em. Now I'm not particularly a 'cat lover', but we had two when we lived in the Isle of Man (got 'em before we went there, actually), a B&W named Tyson after the boxer (we thought she was a 'he' too, but that's another story!) and a tabby called Tigger (original, huh?!?!)

Anyway, Tigger casme back home one day with a bad limp - wouldn't let me anywhere near her (unusual, cos I was the only person who she'd let touch her!) Managed to get her to the vet eventually, to find someone had kicked her so hard, her tail-bone was broken in two places, and needed amputating. It healed up in about 3 weeks, and she then had to learn how to run/jump etc. all over again, which she did in hardly any time at all.

The only "up" side to it all was, we then had our very own "Manx Cat", as the stump was only about an inch long!

DM

[jseal]

LixyChick,

Enjoy him for as long as you can have him with you, then enjoy your memories of him. Good luck.

[Oldfart]

At his age, prepare to have Rocky put to sleep when his quality of life has ceased to be greater than his pain.

We hung onto a cat for too long and the guilt of that taints our memories of her.

[imaginewithme]

aaww I'm glad to hear!!!

[LixyChick]

TY (((((EVERYONE)))))!

He's up and roaming around and trying to "trick" me into feeding him again this morning. Mr. Lixy HAD to feed him this morning because Rocky kept beckoning him to the kitchen as if Timmy was stuck in the well and he (as Lassie) needed a human to help save him! Then, when I came down this morning he tried it with me too! LOL!

I know I don't have years left with him, but I can tell by how he's acting this morning that he's wanting to stick around for a little while yet.

Geezzzzz...I'm sorta feeling like the boy who cried wolf. I'm glad I have you guys to talk to in my hour of need as well as the fun times too!

Love you bunches!

[Lilith]

so glad to hear!!!

[LixyChick]

so glad to hear!!!
(((((Lilith)))))

TY for being right there last night when I needed someone the most!

[PantyFanatic]

I'm glad to hear HE'S feeling spunky today. :rolleyes:





ROFLMAO ;)

[gekkogecko]

Geezzzzz...I'm sorta feeling like the boy who cried wolf.


*That* is the last thing you should be thinking. Euthanizing a long time-companion is the most anogizing decision that can possibly be made, and yet it's one that most pet owners will eventually face.

And yet, the only thing that is worse is making a guess that an animal should not be euthanized, only to find out that you were wrong.

Been there, done that, got the pics and the souvenier T-shirt.

Glad the cat is feeling well again. Yes, vet bills are expensive, but it's worth it to consult frequently about Rocky's continued health. Go spend the money.

[Aqua]

I'm glad to hear things seem to be on the upswing for Rocky. I am an all around animal lover, but I have an extra soft spot for cats. One of the saddest days of my life was when I signed the authorization for the vet to euthanize a cat I had at the time that was dying from leukemia. That was several years ago and it still saddens me a lot to think about it. Having said that I just want you to know that there's a lot of us here that have been at the point you're at (or hopefully were almost at) and you have a lot of understanding folks here to lean on should you need it.

((((((((((Lixy)))))))))))))

[mayhem1978]

OMG OMG OMG ive just read this and all i can offer is my huggles as a fellow cat lover, everything i want to say has already been said

[Teddy Bear]

(((((Lixy)))))

Losing a loved pet is so hard. So glad to hear you have a little more time with him.

[LixyChick]

It's not a money matter gecko. I'd spend all the money I have if I knew Rocky could recover from the anesthesia they use to get close enough to examine him. When he was younger he'd bounce back in a day. As he aged it would take him a couple of days to be his old self. The last visit, it took him nearly a full week to "come out of it" completely. He couldn't take it this time. He's so frail now. Just a wisp of the cat he used to be. If I take him to the vets this time it'll be his last visit. I won't let them knock him out or give him kitty valiums or gas. I'll hold him and talk to him and calm him and love him and say goodbye.

TY so much for the kind and heartfelt words everyone!!!

Today hasn't been very good for the ole guy. It's quite a contrast from yesterday actually. He's eaten...but just a very small amount. He drank a little water, but puked afterward and so the pill I gave him (1/2 pill twice a day for hyperthyroid) didn't get into his system. He's resting in the recliner at the moment. *looks to see him* No...wait. He's not there. *checks house* He went upstairs to get under our bed covers. I left the bed unmade so it would be easier for him to snuggle under the covers. He's happy and warm under there. He's not in pain as far as I can tell. He rubs on my legs for a pet or two. I pick him up and he snuggles into my arms. He never really liked to be held too long when he was younger, but now he wants me to hold him till my limbs go to sleep...lol!

I'm keeping a close eye on him and I'll keep you posted.

(((((EVERYONE)))))

[Eliza]

(((((((((((Lixy))))))))))))))

Hugs to you during this horrible time. I feel for you Hun. We lost one of our little ones several months ago. Our furry babies are just the same as family. Watching them go through this kind of thing is heart wrenching. Please keep us posted on Rocky and know we're here for you.

~Eliza

[lizzardbits]

I, too, am a cat lover. reading your story has brought back memories of our family cat, Hercules, a yellow tabby, that i just adored. I was young when my Mom had him put to sleep as he was suffering from feline leukemia. I remember my Mom coming back home with him and how much we all cried, including my Dad. We buried him under the huge lilac bush in the back yard. It has been many years since we lived at that house, but i probably could take you straight to it.

I talked to my mom about him, today and a little of your story with Rocky ("Mom, i have this friend online who is dealing with... What did you do?") She told me that indeed it was one of the hardest things that she had to do in her life, but after they put him to sleep, she knew that he wasn't suffering anymore and happier where ever he was at. I asked her when she knew when the time came, to take him in. she said that her heart told her that he wanted to leave this world but his body wouldn't let him do it. (needless to say, i cried when she said that, and now as i write this. )

Oh, Lixy, I am pulling for ya and your "baby" Rocky. I wish that I had a magic wand to make him all better for you. Please, next time that he wants to be petted, pet him for me.

((((((((((Lixy)))))))))))

[LixyChick]

TY ladies ^^^!

I can literally feel the love and concern exuding from this thread and you'll never know how appreciated it is. That everyone is thinking of me is such a calming feeling...pushing aside the turmoil I feel in the pit of my stomach and in the depths of my heart.

I'm still watching Rocky very closely and I have told him that I know he is tired. I told him that I would understand if he wants to rest and that I'll always love him and never forget him! I even told him that if he dies my mother would be there to take care of him. As silly as it sounds, I asked him to give my mom, dad and brother my love.

Time is near. Luckily I have the rest of the week off and I can be with Rocky 24/7 till the end.

I'll keep you posted.

(((((EVERYONE)))))

[jseal]

LixyChick,

I suspect that Rocky somehow knows how lucky he is. You are the best.

[LixyChick]

After spending several hours helping Rocky get around earlier this morning, I've called the vet and scheduled an appointment for this evening at 5:15pm.

He's so weak today (started weakening yesterday) and has lost power of his left hind leg. It drags and trips him up and when he falls it's as though he thinks I did something to him to hold him back from getting to wherever it is he is trying to go. He is disoriented at times and he has a look in his eyes that makes him almost unrecognizable. He barely blinks and if it wasn't for my being able to see that he is breathing with his belly going up and down, I would have sworn he was gone on a few occasions that I looked into his eyes.

He's always hoovered over his water bowls/glasses. It seems to comfort him to be close to his water. I think it's part of his hyperthyroid condition. So, while I wait for Mr. Lixy to come home, I've put one of his favorite blankies on the kitchen floor between his water bowl and his food bowl (they are on separate sides of the room) and aided him to lay on it. Every now and then I'll look up from whatever I am doing and find that he has drug himself off the blanket and is laying on the cold floor. I cringe when I discover this. I'm not sure where he is trying to go but it must be so frustrating not to be able to get there.

I've poured a glass of wine for myself, in a effort to calm my nerves. Scarecrow recently made a thread of who we'd want to talk to if we had a little time and could reach them. I know many of you who would have thought, "If they could just talk and tell me how they are feeling". I'm thinking that exact thing right now! He's talking to me in the only way he can and I am talking to him in some of his favorite phrases (though I haven't mentioned tuna to him at all today) and I'm hoping he can't feel my pain and anguish.

To sit here and type is helping a bit. I get up and check on him nearly every minute. I'm wishing that he'll die here, before the appointment. I hate the thought of his nervousness as we get in the car and then go into the vets office. This is his final day and I just wish there was something so special I could do for him to make it as comfortable and fear/pain free as possible. I hate this helpless feeling.

I know I'm not alone because of all your expressions of caring and comfort above...but it sure feels lonely in this house today! Please keep us in your thoughts throughout the day and evening. And keep good thoughts for a swift and painless passing for Rocky!

TY for listening...again...(((((EVERYONE)))))

[scotzoidman]

(((Lixy)))


I know the feeling too well, my Lucky is doing ok at the moment, but last year he had a bout with some old dog ailment that was like vertigo, he couldn't keep anything down & was walking strangely, & when I went to the vet's office to get him, he couldn't stand up straight or walk, & his eyes were just rolling...for a few minutes, until the vet came in & explaned that he would get better, I was sure I was just there to say goodbye...

I know you will be a comfort to the Rockster...

[dm383]

((((Lixy))))

You're in my thoughts hon...... as is the little fella.

Hang in there sweetie

DM

[Eliza]

Lixy Hun we'll all be there with you in spirit for your apointment. I know how hard this is. Just love him. That is all you can do. That's all he needs to make his day as special as possible. To know he's been loved.

(((((hugs))))))
I'll say a prayer for you and your furry baby.
Eliza

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Request From Rainbow Bridge
by Constance Jenkins
In Loving Memory of Isolde Jenkins


Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.

[imaginewithme]

Thinking of you.

[Lilith]

Lixy the leg thing means that his kidneys have shut down. It's time. He would not live more than 2-3 days and it would be a slow death. I am so sorry Lixy, I know cause it's what happened with my kitty girl. You are being kinder to Rocky than we are permitted to be to eachother. (((((((((((((Lixy))))))))))) sending you comfort and bravery. I'm so sorry.

[osuche]

(((((Lixy)))))


amd (((((Rocky)))))

Rest in peace

[BIBI]

Lixy,

I am so sorry that your time with Rocky is at an end. You are so lucky to have had seventeen years together.....

Rest in Peace (((Rocky))) ole boy, and be peaceful at rest (((Lixy))) knowing you did the right thing for him.

[Aqua]

((((((((Lixy)))))))))

My thoughts are with you.

[LixyChick]

(((((EVERYONE)))))

For Lilith especially...The doc told me a year and a half ago that he'd "shut down". His kidneys were only "fighting" because of all the water he was obsessed with. I knew it would happen...I just never knew exactly what would happen. TY for making that clear. It's truely a relief to know why his legs ceased to work so suddenly (seemingly overnight).

Mr. Lixy got home around 3:35pm and we sat with Rocky for a while. Mr. Lixy had to go in and out of the house periodically and Rocky, who was on his blankie in the kitchen still, would raise his head and try to get up and go out with "daddy". I picked him up and took him outside one last time, to see the birds under the trellis and the sunset and daddy doing his thing in the yard. It was raining and Rocky hates rain on his face, but he looked and looked and then turned his head to me...so I knew he was done looking! I took him inside again, wiped his face of all the rain drops and laid him back on his blankie till it was time to go.

Our drive to the vets was the most peaceful drive we've ever taken to the vets...except for the cramp in my foot. Pay no mind to that...I flipped my shoe off and on we rode. The vet took Rocky into "the back room" and inserted an intravenous line. When Rocky came back he was weak, but not nervous. I felt his chest to see if his heart was beating faster than a freight train. It wasn't. The vet gave us some time to talk to him and then he returned.

The rest is pretty obvious...but just know...I picked his head up, looked him in the eye so deeply and made sure he saw my eyes and told him I love him soooooooooooooooooooooooo much. And then he was gone.

Rocky passed away at 5:35pm EST on December 29th 2005

We brought him home and will bury him tomorrow morning in a small family ceremony on the land that he so loved to roam!

My gratitude and thanks go out to all who have helped me through this time of sorrow! I cannot tell you how grateful I am for everyone here!!!!!!!

[Lilith]

((((Lixy)))) RIP Mr. Rocky cat, you were very well loved.

[imaginewithme]

omg i'm soooooooo teared up right now...........

how sad......

hugs to you all.

[lizzardbits]

I sat here, just bawling my eyes out, greiving with you. his pain is gone and he died surrounded with love. he's in my heart and i never met him.

much love to you and Mr. Lixy

[Cheyanne]

He was holding on until he knew you were ready for him to go - that was his gift to you both.

(((((((Lixy)))))))) (((((((((Mr. Lixy)))))))))

[Fangtasia]

Awww Lixy hun......sorry ya had to go through all that....but rest assured Rocky KNEW you loved him and will continue to do so

[PantyFanatic]

(Lixy) :tears: <--- reaching again not-so smilie

May you always have the love in your life that Rocky had and may you too someday pass surrounded by the caring and comfort he felt.

[LixyChick]

IF...

I could...I would hug every single one of you for sending such loving messages!

I am speechless and humbled!

I love you for feeling my pain with me!

[osuche]

Sweetie...I am soooo sorry.

((((Lixy))))

[maddy]

(((Lixy))) I'm terribly sorry.

[mayhem1978]

RIP Rocky...

I feel your pain so much. When i lost my first cat to a car accident i wasnt even at home. I was away for a week on a training course and when i heard what had happened i just sat in my hotel room and bawled, then when i got home i bawled again.

Lixxy my thoughts are with you two during this hard time. I will be saying a prayer for you guys tonight.

All i can offer is a hug to you guys.

[Loulabelle]

((((((((((((Lixy))))))))))))

Words are failing me right now.....just know that you're loved and that we feel your pain.

Lou and Fussy
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[dm383]

The little fella chose his time, sweetie ~ waiting for Mr Lix to come home, rain on his face..... yup, he knew - they almost always do.

He's at peace now.... be happy for him, and remember him as the tough wee SOB you loved.

(((Lixy)))

[dicksbro]

Lixy,

Hugs to you and hubby and deepest sympathy at your loss. Seventeen years is a remarkable life and it was truly a blessing you got to have him so long. You know you're always in our thoughts and prayers.

DB

[LixyChick]

Thank you for the special thoughts and prayers everyone!

Mr. Lixy and I have quite a family in you!

[scotzoidman]

Rocky left this world free of pain, & being held by one who loved him enough to let him go...which is the best any creature on this planet can hope for at the end... RIP

[Aqua]

Can't add much to what's already been said... and Scotz really summed it up well.

[Steph]

((((((Lixy))))))) I know how much he meant to you.

I also know how it feels to wonder if you're crying wolf. Last winter, some of my Pixie friends dealt with me crying & wondering if the time had come to put Solon down but he bounced back.

I've loved hearing the warmth in your words when you wrote about that vocal old kitty.

RIP Rocky

[rabbit]

Oh Lixy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels...we had to put down our beloved cat earlier this year. It was brutually tough for us...still is....but the pain has eased some with the presence of a new little kitten in our home. He'll never be able to replace what we lost but, as a unique individual, has a joy all his own.

God Bless...

(((Lixy)))

[LixyChick]

It's been a topsy turvy day peeps! I had to awaken and not get breakfast for Rocky for the first time in 17 some years! I had no direction, beings I am off from work and had all this free time.

I kept seeing him from the corner of my eye all day. They were some bitter/sweet moments! I imagine I will see him for quite some time. He's really everywhere in this house. There's no room I enter that I don't have a rush of memories. The kitchen and the cellar are the hardest to enter without a heavy sigh and partial breakdown.

Mr. Lixy got home early today and I was so relieved to have his soul fill up the house. It was quite empty in spirit all day till he got home! There's nothing worse than a really old house lacking spirit!

We live on a plot that is rock ridden. We had to dig a hole big enough for Rocky's "coffin". We started digging, and an hour or so later we cleared enough soil and rock to bury my baby. To push the dirt over his coffin was kinda hard to do, yet cathartic all in the same time!

No doubt about it...I am a mess right now! But I know I did the right thing at the right time and I'll get beyond this heavy blanket feeling in time!

The easiest part of all of this is that I have my Pixie family to listen and realize and consider my pain. Don't know how I'd have done this without you all!

*hugs to everyone*

[wyndhy]

(((lixy)))

[gekkogecko]

Fuck. Didn't get the chance to check this thread until now.

Went into work today, and shortly after I got there, one of the other people brought in a racoon that she picked up on her way into work. Horribly crushed by a passing vehicle. She knew she was picking it up only to bring it in to be euthanized. No way we could have done anything else for the animal. Entire staff was clustered around the exam table.

co-miserate much?

RIP Rocky.

[LixyChick]

A little better this morning, but still a lost feeling that Rocky wasn't demanding breakfast or pushing the bathroom door open to stare at me on the throne.

I had my bathrobe strewn across the foot of my side of the bed last night. When I got under the covers it felt like Rocky was lying down there (as he usually did) and I fully expected to feel him get up to circle me like I am the wagon train and he is the indians. He did that most every night. I was so exhausted but couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't see anything but a glimmer of light outside from our X-mas lighting. All I could feel was the weight at my feet and it must have been soothing enough to put me to sleep eventually. I slept till 10am. It wasn't a deep sleep because I remember seeing the clock at 1:30, 3:46, 7:01 and then again at 10. I fought to get up because I knew what I had to contend with when I came downstairs.That Mr. Lixy was here this morning was better than yesterday morning, when I was alone.

Mr. Lixy is a rock. He's sad, but very understanding and comforting of me in my state. He handles death differently than I do. I've seen that when his Pop and his uncle passed away. He's more relieved for the deceased, than selfish in his own feelings of loss. I wish I could be more like him in that respect. It seems to hurt less.

I know the stages of mourning and I'm handling them as best as I can. Writing all this down is helping. Keeping it all in is just not my style. Thanks for reading, sharing and caring!

(((((EVERYONE)))))

[PantyFanatic]

((Lixy))

;)

[osuche]

Even when it gets easier, the loss will strike you at odd moments. And it's OK...It's Rocky's way of coming to visit you and comfort you.


(((((Lixy)))))

[Steph]

(((((((((Lixy))))))))))

:( I fear that emptiness, too. How am I going to get used to not having to walk the big beast all the time? *sob*

I'm glad Mr. Lix is home & it's awesome that Rocky could be buried on your land. ((((((Lixxxxxxx)))))))

[PantyFanatic]

((( Lixy )))

Ya just need some!

[PantyFanatic]

it's time




((( Lixy )))







that is all

[LixyChick]

You guys are so good to me! TY for caring!

I pulled out Rocky's photo album yesterday and a flood of happy memories came to us. He was such a beautiful and fiesty kitten and then a full grown cat. His coat was magnificent. Until a little over two years ago he'd groomed himself to perfection. When he stopped cleaning himself one day I asked the vet about it and she said it's similar to elderly people. Sometimes it happens with cats too. I brushed him as best I could, but who ever heard of a cat who hates to be brushed?

Anyway, it was fun to see him in the pictures as he grew up. It was good to smile about him for a while.

Someone ask us if we were getting another pet right away and simultaneously, without having discussed it, Mr. Lixy and I both gave a resounding NO! Obviously we have to mend ourselves before considering sharing our hearts again.

TY for the hugs and love all!

(((((EVERYONE)))))

[mayhem1978]

again my heart goes out to you lixxy. I can feel your pain and loss.

huggles to you both for your loss.

I cant find words to say to you because yet again they have all been said.

[lizzardbits]

love and healing vibes to you and Mr. Lixy, i am still keeping you in my thoughts during this time of healing. (((((Lixy & Mr. Lixy)))))

[PantyFanatic]

: ( Y ) ' : <--- pat on the butt smilie

[scotzoidman]

You guys are so good to me! TY for caring!

Someone ask us if we were getting another pet right away and simultaneously, without having discussed it, Mr. Lixy and I both gave a resounding NO! Obviously we have to mend ourselves before considering sharing our hearts again.


(((((EVERYONE)))))
Definately the right track for ya now...while it might be tempting to fill that gaping hole in your hearts right away, there can be no replacement, & your next pet will have a personality all its own...& would suffer by being caompared to the late great Rocky

[LixyChick]

Oh Peeps! Each day, as I heal and hurt less, I come here and find the perfect replies to help my smile get bigger and bigger!

*smacks PF's hand from my butt...AGAIN!*

Ahem...

Of all the people I know...I am proclaiming my Pixie family as the most understanding, loving, caring and futuristically hopeful people on this planet! Aside from my baby sis, NO ONE in my personal life has been so helpful in my recovery/mourning!!!! Not even friends who have lost pets (mostly dog owners). I can't explain why, but I've realized some people don't want to hear of "your" loss. They only want you to be "as you used to be". I've actually had a person or two (more...if truth be known) tell me that "It isn't like a person died...stop being so sad about a CAT...just a CAT!". "Oh, com'on...you can always get another cat...it isn't like your mom died". To which I proclaimed, "It's the saddest I've felt SINCE my mom died...dickhead!"

Sis knew Rocky and she has a cat of her own, so baby sis is my immediate/intimate grounding rod. That anyone here has never met Rocky, but can feel my pain through my relating stories of my "Monkey" or "Butchie" or "Poopy" or "King Tut" (amoung all the other names we called him through the years)...speaks VOLUMES of how close our Pixie family really is!

(((((EVERYONE)))))

And so it goes.............................................

[jseal]

LixyChick,

I'm glad to learn that you hurt less. I hope you continue to heal rapidly. You are right though, some people just don't get it. Hard to understand sometimes...

[dicksbro]

We love ya', Lixy. Anytime you need somebody goofy to chat with, I'm usually around somewhere. (((( HUGS ))))

[Sugarsprinkles]

I'm sorry I haven't gotten here till tonight, sweetie. I know the pain you're going through, having had to put down one dog, one cat and losing a cat in a fire. Hopefully this beautiful poem will help you just a little.



Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[LixyChick]

Taking all those ((((((hugs)))))) and loving words and holding on!

Geezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...I love you guys!

[fzzy]

Lixy ... so sorry for your loss ... i hadn't checked this thread since the first day, when I had absolutely no advice to offer .... but I know how much of a loss it is when someONE passes from your life ... and pets are definately someONE's in our lives!!! Sorry for your pain, sending hugs!

[lizzardbits]

I've actually had a person or two (more...if truth be known) tell me that "It isn't like a person died...stop being so sad about a CAT...just a CAT!". "Oh, com'on...you can always get another cat...it isn't like your mom died". To which I proclaimed, "It's the saddest I've felt SINCE my mom died...dickhead!"

First, Good for you to put "dickhead" in his place!

Second, Rocky was (and still is) your "baby" and with a personality like his, he WAS a person, just in cat form.

"dickhead's" remarks were as unfeeling as telling a parent whose child just died that "you can always have another one" WTF-ever!

: indignant : <----Lizz's hands on hips, pissed off unsmilie at "dickhead"

keep letting unfeeling ppl know that you have every right to grieve and keep putting them in their places!

((((((((((LIXY))))))))))) Vibes of Strength to ya!

[Steph]

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

*SOB*

/me runs off to work with tears in her eyes

[mayhem1978]

even more huggles to you lixy. We your pixies family will always be here for you whenever you need us.

I also want to second what lizz said in every word.

more huggles to ya