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looloo
10-15-2005, 05:15 AM
Hiya All,
I have been with my partner for about 7months now but I am not really sure if he is as commited as I am. He is alway's looking at porn on the net, talking to his ex's and telling themabout our sex life and with one he was planning to meet up with her behind my back and telling her that he still has feelings for her.
I have confronted him about this and he say's in relation to meeting up with her he was only leading her on and telling her that he had fellings for her to see what he can get out of her as she has feelings forhim and claims that she loves him..
So I am really confused and not really sure what to beleive, I do want to trust him but he is really testing my trust and patience....

Can somebody please help me????
Fangtasia
10-15-2005, 06:21 AM
Sorry hun but he sounds like an ass....
BigBear57
10-15-2005, 06:42 AM
Trust is truly the basis of any good relationship. It sounds like he hasn't a clue what that means, so sorry Hon. Sounds like he has all he'd ever need and doesn't respect that enough to act responsibly.... whatta turd!
Steph
10-15-2005, 07:32 AM
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my boyfriend talking to his ex-girlfriends about our sex life, let alone leading another woman on! It's incredibly cruel to the other woman, too. He wants to see what he can get out of her? I hope he gets a punch in the face or a kick in the balls.
Cheyanne
10-15-2005, 07:53 AM
Don't waste your time on him hun. Do not invest anymore of yourself in this relationship. I know it is easier said than done sometimes, but you need to take this step. Game playing with someone's emotions is a form of abuse and you need to break away from him.
Steph
10-15-2005, 08:22 AM
Don't waste your time on him hun. Do not invest anymore of yourself in this relationship. I know it is easier said than done sometimes, but you need to take this step. Game playing with someone's emotions is a form of abuse and you need to break away from him.

Hi again, looloo

I realize my post may have seemed harsh & I'm glad Chey came in after with me with better, gentler reasoning.

I know you've been seeing him seven months & there's definitely some good to him but I saw lots of negatives about him in your post.
rabbit
10-15-2005, 09:08 AM
I hate to say this but the guy is not worth your time. Find someone worth your love and attention. He isn't.

Good luck! :)


rabbit
bare4you
10-15-2005, 12:12 PM
There are a lot of guys out there that deserve your efforts more than this guy. I just hope you don't have too much of yourself invested up to this point.
calihotguy
10-15-2005, 01:32 PM
Its obvious this guy is not good for you.....I mean ask yourself, if a friend came to you with the same scenario, what would you tell them? More than likely you would say that the guy is cheating on ur friend and you have no reason to trust him.
LixyChick
10-15-2005, 03:34 PM
OMGGGGGGGGG! Come on looloo! Wake up and smell the deception...will ya!

I truely don't want to be harsh hun...but from what you've told us he is a snake! He's talking to his ex's? WHY? About you and your sex life with him? WHY? With one, he is saying to you that he is trying to dupe her so he can get WHAT out of her?????

looloo...listen to me and heed my words! RUN...do not walk...RUN as fast as your feet can take you out of this "relationship"! To you it is a relationship...to him you are another who he can dangle his bone in front of and get things from!

Tell me this...does he take you on dates? Does he pay sometimes? Do you live together? If so...does he do his share of paying the bills and keeping your place homey? Does he have a job? Have you been carrying his weight till he can "get back on his feet"? Does he live at home with Mommy and/or Daddy? Has he ever had a place of his own and a job longer than a year? Is he in college? How's that going?

Whatever the case...you can see what I am asking...can't you?

Make yourself a list. On one side write down all the pros of this "relationship and on the other write down all the cons. Tally them up! What do you get?

Hunny...please spare yourself the heartache I feel this guy can cause you if you continue with ths "relationship" and fall even deeper for him (for some ungodly reason, cause you've given us no redeeming qualities thus far). He sounds like a true snake-in-the-grass...and in the future he'll just be a pain in your ass!!!!!!

P.S. looloo...Welcum to Pixies! Hope to see more from you on this matter and then everywhere around the boards!

P.P.S. I'm thinking you already knew you'd get this reaction because you just wanted to verify what you are already thinking. It's ok...we are glad to help!
WildIrish
10-15-2005, 04:40 PM
His intentions toward you don't seem very healthy, and the way he's treating his ex's says a lot about what he thinks of women & relationships in general. It sounds like he needs to grow up a little.
Winston77
10-15-2005, 08:57 PM
JUST SAY BYE
KrisGallagher
10-15-2005, 11:02 PM
I concur with most of the responses listed: leave him.
looloo
10-16-2005, 01:58 AM
LixyChick, u wanted to know a few things yes he alwa's takes me out and pay's, at the same time I like to be independant and pay for myself, we do live together we have been for about 1 week now, he is a fulltime parent so he doesn't have time to go to work. We do split the bill half half he even pay's more in regards to the rent as my income is less, and he knows that i am really struggling at the moment.

Well there is a update he is no longer talking to this ex gf of his the one that he was going to meet up with, he told her that she is causing too many problems between us.

In relation to what someone else said aswell, I am not upset or mad that he is talking to his ex's, but it's the fact of what he talks to them about and what he say's to them that pisses me off and makes me think that he is not 100% commited to this relationship.
rockintime
10-16-2005, 07:50 PM
it's the fact of what he talks to them about and what he say's to them that pisses me off and makes me think that he is not 100% commited to this relationship.

I think you are doing a good job here of answering your question for yourself.
Steph
10-16-2005, 08:43 PM
We do split the bill half half he even pay's more in regards to the rent as my income is less, and he knows that i am really struggling at the moment.

In relation to what someone else said aswell, I am not upset or mad that he is talking to his ex's, but it's the fact of what he talks to them about and what he say's to them that pisses me off and makes me think that he is not 100% commited to this relationship.

So he buys you dinner?

You realize he's talking about your sex life to an ex?

I'm sorry, I've been in retarded relationships but if dude ever talked about our sex life to an ex, that would be the end.

I can be white trash but there are limits.
Loulabelle
10-18-2005, 02:30 PM
WildIrish touched on something important I feel:

If he is the kind of man who leads his ex on to 'see what he can get out of it' he sounds like a really nasty piece of work to me.

For a start, what was he hoping to get out of it? Sex? Money? Eeeeek!

Listen to those alarm bells honey and run for the hills!
looloo
10-19-2005, 06:19 AM
WildIrish touched on something important I feel:

If he is the kind of man who leads his ex on to 'see what he can get out of it' he sounds like a really nasty piece of work to me.

For a start, what was he hoping to get out of it? Sex? Money? Eeeeek!

Listen to those alarm bells honey and run for the hills!


YEAH I KNOW I HAVE TRIED TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE SAY'S IT WAS JUST FOR A JOKE!! :-( WHICH I DON'T BELEIVE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE HE IS FULL OF EXCUSES
Luv2BeLicked
10-19-2005, 09:08 PM
Well looloo, I think you know what the right answers are for you, but as far as advice goes then you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel, If you do not like the things he is saying to them then you need to tell him and express your concerns. :thumb:If this does not work then you need to think about getting rid of him as you two are not right for each other, he may not respect you the way you should be respected.
Loulabelle
10-20-2005, 01:51 AM
Luv2BeLicked is entirely right looloo.....you've confronted him, his explanations have been found wanting, so don't stick around for further heart ache.

I know it's hard to face being alone, but if you stay in a toxic relationship you're
a) sending out the message that his poor treatment of you is ok
b) not allowing yourself a chance at a more fulfilling life
c) eroding your own self esteem and dignity by staying with a man who you know to be lying to you

You are an honest, articulate, intelligent, kind woman. You deserve at least as much in from your partner in return.
looloo
10-20-2005, 09:30 AM
Luv2BeLicked is entirely right looloo.....you've confronted him, his explanations have been found wanting, so don't stick around for further heart ache.

I know it's hard to face being alone, but if you stay in a toxic relationship you're
a) sending out the message that his poor treatment of you is ok
b) not allowing yourself a chance at a more fulfilling life
c) eroding your own self esteem and dignity by staying with a man who you know to be lying to you

You are an honest, articulate, intelligent, kind woman. You deserve at least as much in from your partner in return.


IT JUST SEEM LIKE THAT WHEN I DO TALK TO HIM HE IS FULL OF EXCUSES AND WHEN HE SEE'S HOW MUCH IT PISSES ME OFF HE LAUGHS ABOUT IT
Steph
10-20-2005, 05:27 PM
IT JUST SEEM LIKE THAT WHEN I DO TALK TO HIM HE IS FULL OF EXCUSES AND WHEN HE SEE'S HOW MUCH IT PISSES ME OFF HE LAUGHS ABOUT IT

To be blunt, why do you stay with him then?
maddy
10-20-2005, 06:43 PM
looloo, you asked for advice, you've received it. Please stop defending him or making up excuses for him. Take a long look at what you really want and follow your head and your heart ... hopefully when you are truly honest with yourself the two will be in sync and lead you to where you need to be with this relationship.
Loulabelle
10-21-2005, 02:25 AM
IT JUST SEEM LIKE THAT WHEN I DO TALK TO HIM HE IS FULL OF EXCUSES AND WHEN HE SEE'S HOW MUCH IT PISSES ME OFF HE LAUGHS ABOUT IT

He sounds like a very unkind man. I don't say this lightly, as I don't believe in giving up at the first hurdle in the relationship, but it sounds to me, like he's had all the chances he deserves. My advice is:

don't talk, just walk.

He's undermining you and your relationship and while ever you continue in this relationship, you are denying yourself the right to a happy, healthy one.

What makes you think you don't deserve better?
BIBI
10-21-2005, 10:04 AM
All I have to say is this....

Get rid of the smuck and when you look back onto your relationship with him use it as a guide as to what NOT to put up with in a relationship.

Do you think this is the type of person you deserve for yourself?

BTW....it is doubtful that any person male or female, who laughs at another person's upset will change their ways.

Put a period on it and move on......
MyAlterEgo
10-22-2005, 07:38 AM
All kinds of very nasty warning signs there. I would say drive on to something new. Doesn't sound like a good vibe at all.