I can't believe it! (vent inside)

[Cheyanne]

I am not sure where to begin, so I am just going to type and hope I make sense. LOL

Cobalt and I monitor where our kids go on the net. We quite often visit the sites that they go to. Well, my lovely daughter (age 11 - looks like she is 17) goes to a particular teen site quite often so I decided to see what it was all about. At first I thought it was a pretty neat site. It is supposed to be just for teen girls and the topics vary from puberty to hot button issues like racism and gay marriage. I usually don't mind her going to sites because it does promote conversation between her and I - we have a pretty good relationship at this point in her teenagedom. (In other words, I haven't gotten stupid yet.. lol )

Anyway - the more I explored, the more agitated I became! Then I decided to find out more about who ran the site. I read some of the disclaimers.. the children's privacy act, some mature content on the site, if parents do not want their daughter to visit the site, it is up to the parents to block etc.. yadda yadda yadda...

I felt compelled to send the "staff" an email.. this is the email.
____________________________________________________________

I guess I don't know where to begin, so I am just going to type my concerns and thoughts in no apparent order..

I realize that teens today are growing up very different from when I was a teen - either that or I was very very sheltered. I monitor where my 11 year old daughter goes on the internet and when I saw she was going to unnamed web site.com I decided to check the site out myself. There are a lot of topics on the site that I feel are good for my daughter to read about because those topics are conversation starters for her and I. I do not always anticipate that she may need to ask me why some teenage girls cut on themselves, or that she may have questions about other things that I wouldn't even have thought about when I was 11 years old. So, in that aspect I am thankful.

Now, the parts that I am not thankful for. (You knew that this was probably coming - LOL)

I understand that as girls go thru puberty, their body changes, and they develop urges to explore their sexuality and....oh hell - I am not goint to be PC about this! OK - Are there moderators on the forums? There are some girls on there that are talking about putting peanut butter on their privates and making the dog lick them there until they orgasm! One girl did this with her cat and the cat ended up blind because it was alergic to peanut butter! On another post someone had a contest for best masturbation technique explained in detail! The winner got a special "doll" made for them. I can say that some of the 13 year old girls are very good writers. In fact, if I were a pedophile registered as a pretend teenage girl, I would be in hog heaven with some of the stories those girls posted about sex, masturbation, threesomes and even experimenting with the same sex.

The ages of these girls appear in their profile. Many of them are around the age of 13-16 and some as young as 11. There are girls on there that say they have bumps like pimples or boils on and around the outer portion of their vaginas - some are concerned that they may be a STD. Is there an adult moderator on there that could direct the child to a Planned Parenthood of something if the concern is such that this child can't talk to a parent?

Also, I keep telling my daughter to not give an email address or any other personal information that could direct an adult posing as a teen to her. There are many girls on this site who do not have that guidance from an adult in their lives - and I know that there is a disclaimer on your site instructing the girls to not do that, but they still do. I would hope that the statement made is not just to CYA just in case something happens to one of your members. I would hope, that in addition to providing an place for teens to express themselves, you are also creating a safe place for them to do so. From what I have seen, this site does not do that.

I think the forum is a good idea. There are lots of kids out there that do not have anyone they can talk to about certain things. But to let someone loose in this type of environment without the guidance of a caring adult is ridiculous.

OK.. I think I am done venting. Thank you for reading this email.

[Lilith]

The web is dangerous as hell for kids. Glad you didn't just let it pass without expressing an opinion.

[BigBear57]

What Lil said... for sure! (((((Chey)))))) (hey couldn't resist)

[Cheyanne]

Well, I guess I want to do more than express my opinion. I will protect my daughter from this site - it will be blocked from her. But, (and I know that I can't save the world no matter how hard I try) I feel as if I should report this to someone, somewhere - Albert maybe? I dunno. All I know is that this is a place ripe for pedophiles to start picking kids out. For all I know - there are hundreds of places like this. In fact, there probably are.

Tomorrow I am going to show my daughter the things that upset me about this place, and tell her why she is blocked from going there - she will be angry, but she will get over it.

[Coaster]

These girls sure are more adventurous than i was at 13!!!

I guess i did live a very sheltered teen years.......

Are you going to broach that peanut butter subject with her chey? I can't believe it's young kids trying that..... naive i guess!

[Cheyanne]

I really don't think I am going to get that specific Coaster.. :eek: I am going to show her some of the "mild" stuff and explain how I, as an adult, could become a member of this site and lie about my age. I am going to say - "Lets pretend that I am an adult that does bad things to kids and am looking for confused girls to become friends with and that I am pretending to be their same age." sort of thing. I want to scare her, but I dont' want to scare her. I just want her to be aware of how she conducts herself on the net.

[Steph]

When I had stepkids a few years ago, they were young enough that I could wave them away from the computer to work on their penmanship (er, I'm probably the last generation to ever use that word non-ironically).

I can't imagine having kids surfing the Web and MSNing and eek!

I think I'd be policing my kids' intraweb usage like no drill sergeant I've ever seen.

[Oldfart]

I'd just report the place as a probable paedophile jolly-spot and watch the shit hit the fan.

When the authorities had rounded up the rock spiders, the place should be fairly innocuous for a while.

It doesn't do anything for the girls who have been abused through it, and premature exposure

to some adult behaviour is abuse, but fresh damage can be delayed.

It's a worry.

[sodaklostsoul]

Holy Buckets Chey!!! That's just flipping nuts!!!! I hope they take your email seriously!!!!

[dicksbro]

Holy Buckets Chey!!! That's just flipping nuts!!!! I hope they take your email seriously!!!!

I hope so, too! Chey ... I think you really did do the right thing and I really don't think it's venting. Sounds to me like you're well in control of things! Hats off to you.

[WildIrish]

I'm sorry that you'll lose an informative resource for your daughter and a "conversation starter" for the both of you, but yes...it does seem like it's a bit more advanced than a child needs to be exposed to. Valid concerns, all of them.

Makes me glad my 11 year old was just looking at naked blondes on a bicycle.

[wyndhy]

i'd definately report it.


you're doing the right thing (((chey and cobalt)))

[bare4you]

Did you know that in the State of Washington, the courts have actually said it is a violation of a child's privacy for a parent to listen to their child's telephone conversations or "follow" them on the internet?

Yet there is a billboard on the side of the road I travel home every day that says 1 in every 5 children are solicited on the internet by a sexual predator.

Go figure!

[maddy]

Good for you Chey! I know a mom who was in a similar situation of needing to remind a teen daughter about the dangers that lurk... and how not all people are honest and to be wary of people.

It's unfortunate, but they (teens and adults alike) need to remember that we wouldn't should our addresses as we walk down the streets, we shouldn't do it on the net either.

[osuche]

In the pursiut of open dialogue, often strange topics come up. I'm not sure I'd want my 11 year old daughter reaading that stuff either, though.

I wish you luck in your talk.....I just hope your daughter understands that you're less concerned about the open discussions of the issues, and more concerned about her safety.

[BigBear57]

Oh Chey, my daughter is using one of those blog sites. I've checked it out but what I saw scares me, not so much for my daughter because she's pretty netwise but some girls as young as 14 or so have passed cell phone numbers and personal info as if they were talking in their yards. The possibilities are horrifying. Kids just don't see the potential for danger. If I knew some of these kid's parents I'd pass on some warnings but I don't know any of the ones I've seen leaving this types of info.

[maddy]

I was just thinking this morning about solutions... *got my thinking cap on extra early for a Friday* - Chey would you be willing to be a mod for their site? Or could you talk your daughter (this goes to BigBear as well) into setting an example - often times teens are more willing to listen to a peer than an adult. Have your daughters (once they understand the dangers) post a ...'hey fyi - just thought i'd help you wise up' sort of message. Just a thought as you both mention being concerned for those other teens out there that might not have the same guidance from home.

[BigBear57]

I'd thought along similar lines Maddy, I've started to send a note when I see something but then how would they differentiate my "helping" from some old fart trying to hook up so I refrained. Some kids are just anti advice even from peers.. it's a touchy situation in some cases. Some of the girls are my daughter's friends so I can pass the message along by my daughter but for those I don't know ... I wish there was a way to show them the risks they're taking.

[Cheyanne]

I work at a school. One of the roles I have is to educate kids about internet safety as I am the Web Developer. What I have found in the age group of 11-15 is that the kids think that they are safe because they don't "see" the person face to face. They don't think about who they are talking to, or what they are even typing. They think that they have a barrier to bad people because they are communicating thru a computer and internet line.

I have found a really neat site that has mini-movies about teens who have actually experienced the dangers. http://www.netsmartz.org/netteens.htm (Bear - that might be a neat site to send to your daughter for her to share with her friends) These are true stories and seem to have an impact on some of the kids at the school. There is a lot of other information on the site that can be applied to various age groups depending upon their maturity.

Also, there is a site for elementary students too. http://www.netsmartzkids.org/indexfl.htm

The site I am worried about is run by a very popular net dating / meet people / adult content site. If anyone would like the web address to check this out, PM me and I will send it to you and you will know what I mean. I don't think that they would want me as a moderator - LOL.

BTW - I have yet to receive a reply to my email. I am going to give them another week and then I may email our state news channel and our attorney general the information along with the url and my concerns. Iowa right now is really trying to cut down on the opportunities sex offenders have and I hope that they won't forget to be concerned about the internet.

[Cheyanne]

Well, I went to the site to get the contact information again so I could email them another "vent" and obtain a physical address to also send them snail mail and I noticed that some changes were made to the message boards. At the top of each thread was this (pic attached). While I believe this is an excellent reminder to the girls, it isn't good enough for me.

I have contacted the state news station and gave them the url - hopefully something will come of that. I have also emailed the Attorney General the information as well.

My aim in this is not to shut the site down. I think the site has the potential to be a good place for young girls to meet and talk about stuff. I want this site to be more proactive in keeping the girls safe from predators. I know this is but one site out of many, but I guess a person needs to start with one and move to two, three......

[sodaklostsoul]

It's a start Chey........good job!!!!

[lakritze]

Such is the nature of the internet. We all want to see it kept free of censorship and the threat is looming for not only teen sites but for the rest of us as well. If this site does have some areas that you approve of and some that you should be concerned over,you might be missing the opportunity to sit down with your daughter and explore the site together. It seems as though most of it is an exchange of information that may concern teenagers. The fact that a site like that may have lurking pedophiles is a problem.The best guard against this kind of abuse is education. Although you were right to e-mail your concerns directly to the managers of the website,I for one would not wish go any further. What is at stake is our freedom of speech and the right for adults to view adult sites that all carry a warning to minors.

[Cheyanne]

I somewhat agree with you lakritze - especially on censorship. What I am concerned about is that this particular site allows teens - ages 11 - 17 to discuss items of extreem sexual nature without guidance or moderation and does not really provide a "safe" haven for them. As adults, it is acceptable to discuss these types of things, but I don't think that teens should be allowed to do so without adult guidance as well as in an environment that will not put them at risk. There comes a time when censorship shouldn't even be considered when there are safety risks involved.

And, maybe I am a prude. I don't think it is ok for an 11 year old to talk about having a threesome or wanting to find out about having a threesome because her 15 year old boyfriend wants to have one. These children are not emotionally, mentally or physically ready for these types of things. By providing a place for discussion without guidance is totally wrong.

Cobalt and I were talking about this the other night again. I told him I was sad about these kinda things that girls are experiencing so young. One of the most precious things to me was experiencing something that I had never done with him. Had I done that when I was 11-14 what would I be doing now?

[Oldfart]

We seem to have gravitated back to the "sexualisation" of very young girls.

A person needs a full childhood to allow then to blossom into a full adult, but that fullness of childhood

concerns learning to explore physical and emotional boundaries, discovering the inner strength and joy of

being them, not trying to be a sexual adult.

It is a form of abuse to encourage premature sexuality.

[moose]

Congrads Chey, its a pity more parents dont take an intrest in what their kids get up to on the net, i went through this with my 13 year old girl who not only thinks shes 19 but trys to play the part, after i sat down and vented my thoughts aboutwhat i think is appropiate she didnt speak to me for a week or so but now she is over it. i think her biggest concurn was me trying to bring her back to being 13

[Pita]

I work at a school. One of the roles I have is to educate kids about internet safety as I am the Web Developer. What I have found in the age group of 11-15 is that the kids think that they are safe because they don't "see" the person face to face. They don't think about who they are talking to, or what they are even typing. They think that they have a barrier to bad people because they are communicating thru a computer and internet line.

I have found a really neat site that has mini-movies about teens who have actually experienced the dangers. http://www.netsmartz.org/netteens.htm

Thanks for the link Chey. I will go over this with my 13 year old. My daughter loves her internet and Yahoo chatting with her friends. She mainly sticks to this doll site where the kids all roleplay and goof around. She has become very close to many of them over the last year and I do allow her to have phone calls from them and chat. But, I must first see the person on the cam and talk to them myself on the phone. My daughter has strict rules that she has to have her archives on and isn't allowed to touch her history. Yes, I know she could get around this but right now she isn't that smart and knows that if I catch her trying to hide anything from me her net is gone. But, it's tough. I talk to almost everyday about being careful. They are so trusting of everyone and just believe what people tell them. :rolleyes2