adding a third...

[texascubfan]

first off, Hi everyone! It's been a very busy, um..what's it been 6 months? Anyway, I still drop by from time to time to see what's going on, but I'm just not as active as before. On to the advice section.....
My wife and I have broached the subject of adding a third person in the bedroom on occasion, but it's been awhile since it came up. When we talked, her input was that she would prefer a woman to a man and the person had to be someone we knew, but didn't know too well. I guess so we wouldn't see them all the time and feel akward, but that we could feel safe about the person. Well, last night while I was at work the opportunity lent itself. An aquaintence (not a co-worker) let it be known, in no uncertain terms, that she would like to join us in the bedroom sometime. She is exactly the type of person my wife suggested. Now I don't know how to act on the situation. I told my wife about it this morning and she seemd to dismiss it so I didn't pursue the conversation. My wife is NOT a morning person so I'm not sure if she just dind't want to talk about it at that time or if she's changed her mins about a three-some. What do y'all think? :confused:

[Lilith]

Talk to her over dinner and see if she was just fantasy talking or if it's something she really wants.

[Cjack]

I think you planted the seed again and she is thinking about it. Be ready when she wants to talk she will let you know. If things drag on I'd drop a hint now and then but don't look to axious.
Good luck.

[Galatea]

By telling her that you had this woman willing to join you two this is what you just told her:

"There is this chick I wouldn't mind fucking. We talk about sex quite frequently. Hell it might even be fun if you were involved too"

Basically what I'm saying is that it's probably important to her that you let her initiate the who and when to the situation. It's quite obvious you're talking to this girl about your sex life than you are to your wife otherwise your wife wouldn't have grown cold to the idea and the girl wouldn't be so keen to it. I smell lack of communication which will burn down that bridge faster than you can blink.

Basically, you may as well hang up this particular girl now. Because I'm pretty sure you're wife isn't keen to the idea. It may be that she has decided that its fantasy talk and not something she actually wants to do. But I suspect its more that she feels intimidated by this other girl who has obviously come on to you (otherwise you wouldn't know in no uncertain times that she is interested) and by coming on to you she feels that this woman may be out for more than just a one time good time. That and there is also the idea of maybe you're TOO interested in this other woman and she may feel that she doesn't measure up.

It all boils down to, you need to talk a LOT more about the situation. You need to address any self esteem issues she may harbor even if you don't think she has any. Even if she SAYS she doesn't have any. You need to bring it up and get comfortable enough with it again before you worry about this other woman any more. You may have already burned that bridge with her now anyway.

You need to be able to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it some more and if she doesn't want to talk about it and the possibility of it becoming a reality then thats a good sign that its all fantasy talk and to drop the whole thing.

[texascubfan]

By telling her that you had this woman willing to join you two this is what you just told her:

"There is this chick I wouldn't mind fucking. We talk about sex quite frequently. Hell it might even be fun if you were involved too"


don't take this the wrong way, because i really do appreciate your input, but you could not be farther from the truth.
a friend was with me and he kind of likes her so i talked with her about him (juvenile, yes, but what the hell). her comment was he was ok, but she really would rather get into bed with me and my wife. to which i replied "you need to bring that up with her".
the thought of having someone else in bed with us isn't something i really think about, but since my wife mentioned it before and this might be an opportunity, i acted on it.
maybe i should have stated that before.

again thank you all for your thoughts on the matter.

[Galatea]

It doesn't matter if its the truth. I didn't say thats what you told her. I said thats what she heard. Unless you clarified the entire situation with her and told her exactly what you just told us.

[Missy1965]

I could not agree more with Galatea. She nailed it perfectly. This subject has come up in my relationship too. It is all in how you approach your wife. I am sure you wouldn't do this but because the idea of this is new to the both of you the last thing you want to do is make your wife feel analiated like you are into this other woman etc. I can tell you that when I am asked how I feel about allowing another woman to be involved it not only excites me but it scares me. It's all about the unkown and I don't think anyone who is new to this really knows what or how you will feel about it until all is said and done. I would seriously suggest you take your time, talk fully and open with your wife about it even if you guys talk about it until you are blue in the face, your relationship deserves it because I can almost guarantee that unless you are both on the same page 100% it can really do some serious damage to a relationship. I would imagine you have to have a very solid relationship going into any situation like that. When you mentioned that this is a woman YOU work with how would your wife be afterwards knowing you are seeing this woman at work on a daily basis? Would she feel threatened would she feel jealous? There are so many things that would need to be worked out beforehand. Me personally I would only do that with someone I know we wouldn't have to see again if we didn't want to. Like go to the Bunny Ranch in Vegas...lol choose a woman, one who doesn't have anything invested in the relationship this way if you are both uncomfortable with each other afterwards or there are some hurt feelings the other woman isn't anywhere around. Let me know how things work out for you I am curious to know because I have been pondering this same issue myself. Only I know enough that at this time and how my relationship is right now it just can't happen at this time. :jump: