Passers By

[Lilith]

Did anyone see the Primietime episode (http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Health/story?id=1150515&page=1) that involved this hidden camera expose???

I did not get to see it all but the data they displayed floored me.

When a woman sitting in a park was obviously being physically threatened and pushed around by a boyfriend....
"During two days and 16 hours of taping, 92 men were captured by our cameras — and just five of them did anything to help. Out of 100 women, 14 intervened, stopped or dialed 911 — more than double the rate of men. "

Similar data was produced when the scenario involved a shoplifter.

Why do you think this was the case?

[WildIrish]

Unfortunately, so many people are still of the mindframe that "it's not my business". I saw a similar study, probably by Dateline as well, involving an abusive babysitter berating a child. I was stunned by the lack of reaction from surrounding observers. Oh sure, everyone stared on in object horror and muttered to themselves, but only a few did anything. One was a grandfather, another a strong-willed woman who had no problem leaving the sitter shaking from her rebuke, but the one I found most interesting was a therapist. She handled the situation incredibly.

As for the others...they were interviewed by Dateline and shown footage. The common thread in their responses "I didn't feel comfortable butting in to their I thought someone else would do something."

And yes, by far, the number of men that reacted was lower than the number of women. In my mind, it's because men tend to minimize the seriousness of things. Poor excuse, I know, but it's all I could come up with.

[Steph]

How did the therapist handle it, WI?

Could it have been fear, too? Was the guy looking really angry?

I saw a guy yelling at a woman a few months ago and I thought if I said anything, he'd kill me.

[WildIrish]

She was totally soothing when she approached and diffused the situation in no time by not challenging the sitter but instead acknowledging that children can be very frustrating and this is what to do when that happens. It was suprising how disarming it was. The sitter was totally ready for a confrontation and ended up being faced with an ally.

[maddy]

I saw the same episode WI did but don't recall it as clearly in my mind. I know I faced a similar situation to what Lilith describes. In one of the apartments I stayed in recently it was clear that something extremely rough was happening in the apartment above me. I'd hear the screams, the sound of things hitting walls (never certain if it was a body), the sounds of feet moving harshly upon the floor. I never would have confronted the behavior in person for fear of my own life if I knocked upon the door. I considered phoning 911. I'm highly fearful of retribution and I always think somehow a perpetrator will know it's me calling and retaliate upon me in the future. I guess to sum it up you might just call me chicken shit!

[WildIrish]

Our first year married, we rented a condo unit. For the first two weeks, we were constantly witness to a woman screaming at her children like nobody should ever have to do. We were so torn between acting and not acting. Finally, we agreed that the children were alone in the family and unable to help themselves. Who would help them if we did nothing? Obviously there were others that heard the ravings and did nothing. People that had lived there much longer than we had at the time. We called Child Protective Services. It took us a week to get over the guilt, and what did it was watching her react soooooooooo much more positively with her children. I truly think had it ever been discovered that we were the ones that reported her, she would've thanked us.

[FallenAngel5]

I didn't see the special, but this reminds me of a situation that I myself encountered. A few weeks back, I was walking with one of my apartment-mates back from a friend's party. So I was quite smashed, and still had a slight pot buzz going. Anyway. We were walking up one of the busy streets on the way home, with lots of people around, and we saw this guy yelling at a girl, she was clearly very afraid, cowering against a building. I just had a major flashback to an abusive relationship that I was in, and I totally recognized her behavior. Now when I'm drunk, I get really ball-sy, so I went right up to them. I didn't yell at him, I just calmly told him that he's not to talk to her like that, or yell at her. My friend didn't know what to do, he just kinda stood there with his mouth open, I think he was shocked that I said something. This guy was an asshole to me too, and he tried to get in my face, but when I stood my ground, he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me. I also had a good 5 inches in height on him - one of the joys of being tall. LOL. But eventually he stopped yelling at me and her and just stood there seething. So I turned my attention to his girlfriend, and just told her to walk away. The pain in her eyes just rocked me, cause I knew what she was feeling. But, *sigh* I keep berating myself that I eventually walked away and didn't call anyone, because I was on the phone with someone at the time. I think about it every day, and just wish that I had done more. Hindsight, huh?

[scotzoidman]

I would say that my response would prob. also be to not get involved unless/until physical violence was shown, & then I would just call 911...when I was younger, I often let my outrage rule my actions, but as I've aged, I've developed an aversion to getting my ass kicked, or killed...recently saw an incident at the mall while my youngest was heading for the game exchange & I was aiming for the PetSmart, a woman had almost backed into another woman's car, & the near-victim, a rather substantial black woman, got out & began loudly berating & threatening the other, who remained in her car, trapped & blocked in, but she did have her cell phone (which I had no doubt she was using to call 911 for herself)...it may seem cowardly to some, but I figured my safest course was to take a roundabout route to the pet store, & hope that I wouldn't have to duck any stray bullets on the way...

[wyndhy]

i think because it is (mostly) famale nature to protect and nurture those who need it; to fix hurt whether it's physical or emotional.

i wonder if the women would still be more likely to help if it's a guy being berated or threatened by a woman. hmmmmmm.

[WildIrish]

i wonder if the women would still be more likely to help if it's a guy being berated or threatened by a woman. hmmmmmm.


Absolutely they would.




Help the woman, that is. :grin:

[Lilith]

Thanks for sharing your stories. I have been in similar situations and both gotten involved and not. I've only regretted the times I played it safe.

[osuche]

I've butted in before personally...but I am more likely to call 911 if the threat isn't immediate (rather than jump in). I had a neighbor once who was abusive to his girlfriend, and after I said something once he broke 2 windows on my car.....that ended my desire to personally confront unless I must.

When it comes to kids....I will sometimes say something like, "I know you must've had a long day....and you're at your wits end....but do you really need to..."? Sometimes it works. Most of the people I've seen aren't bad parents, they're just tired. <sigh>

[BigBear57]

I've gotten involved on more than one occasion and truthfully the thing that stands out in my mind as a reason to hesitate or overlook a situation like that is one such time my brothers stepped in or attempted to. I was bartending at a friend's place and my baby brother was enjoying several malt beverages. I'd gone to the bathroom and while I was in there one othe the guys at the bar slapped his girlfriend. As I was going back behind the bar, baby bro grabbed my arm and told me I'd better be glad I was working or he'd have kicked somebody's ass. I said "Huh?" He explained what happened and how he didn't want to get me in trouble at work. I told him I was working as a favor and I oughtta smack him for waiting to tell me. He quickly jumped at the guy who ducked into the bathroom and locked himself in. Another brother came in, heard the story and decided he was going to help dispense some justice as well. While the discussion was going on the slapper eased out another door and walked around the outside of the building to where his girl awaited in his car. Five minutes later they returned to the bar arm in arm all smiles. None of us said anything because it seemed they'd worked things out. My baby brother crystalized our thoughts in one sentence "If she's that stupid, she's asking for more." I wouldn't have said it exactly that way but in truth, why get involved when they're only going to make up and make you the bad guy?

[Scarecrow]

There are two little words that tell the story 'Law Suit'. I beleive this is one of the major reasons people do not get invovled.

[scotzoidman]

There are two little words that tell the story 'Law Suit'. I beleive this is one of the major reasons people do not get invovled.
also little words like ASS KICKIN, SWITCH BLADE, & GUN FIRE

[LixyChick]

"If we choose not to get involved...then we are as guilty as those who are the cause".

Or something like that ^^^

I heard this quote once and it made me think long and hard.

There are certain times when I would physically get involved and then there are times when I would call for help for the person in harms way. But, I would NEVER not do anything! That's just me...that's how I am made and it reflects my upbringing (my Mom was a big buttinski too...lol!).

I consider myself rather diplomatic when it comes to confrontation and so I could probably "talk down" a potentially volatile situation if I caught it at the right moment. I also consider myself a good "reader" of people and I would know instictively if I should intervene personally or call for help.

I'm not a big person and so I have learned to use brains in place of brawn to defuse many a situation.

For example...Did you know that you can calm down an out of control drunk significantly if you whisper to them? I used to tend bar and have used this tool several times to get someone to let me call them a cab and go home. Now, we could have tossed said "drunken asshole" out of the bar by the seat of his pants...but instead, I whispered my intentions of aide and the results are astonishing!

Mr. Lixy knows this "buttinski" trait about me and has, on several occasions, rolled his eyes and murmured "OMG...here she goes again". But I know he agrees that we would feel like pond scum if we had turned our back on some of the situations that I choose to get us involved in.

Even if it's just a phone call to the authorities...I know I've done something to aide my fellow man! Makes me sleep better at night!

[BigBear57]

Funny how that works, I found a cold hard stare sometimes causes reflection on the mater too. I once had a rowdy drunk causing a ruccus and just placed both hands palms down in fromt of him. leaned toward him face to face and said nothing but glared disapprovingly. He shut up and thought for a minute and just said "What?" LOL All the ladies thought I was going to bitch slap him so they hustled me to the other side of the business and tried to calm him down their way. I had to laugh when the other bartender came to get me a few minutes later and said "OK just kick his ass I don't care!" I didn't have to fortunately, he'd decided when I returned to my post he'd best leave. He almost died that night and didn't know it too. I closed the bar down for the owner that night and in having the money bag for depost as I locked up I had my gun with me. When I walked out toward my truck this guy had hung around to apologise. The scary part is, he just stepped around the corner of the building with his hand extended. If I'd been the jumpy sort he'd have had a huge hole in his somewhere and I'd probably be in deep doodoo. Luckily we sorted things out and I never had another cross word with him.

[LixyChick]

Funny how that works, I found a cold hard stare sometimes causes reflection on the mater too.
Well...duh! Everyone knows you ain't spose to stare into an attacking bear's eyes! Who wouldn't back down?

:rofl:

[BigBear57]

Well there was that 5' tall redhead with killer eyes once...... she shook her fist at me and so help me it wasn't any bigger than a tangerine! LMAO

[Scarecrow]

Well there was that 5' tall redhead with killer eyes once...... she shook her fist at me and so help me it wasn't any bigger than a tangerine! LMAO


But BigBear every bartender knows you don't mess with a redhead :rofl:

[BigBear57]

Ohhhhhhhh but Scarecrow my friend, the potential rewards are soooooooooo worth it! LOL

[Scarecrow]

Fire on the mountain ...LOL