I would like your opinion on this!

[brownsfan]

Hello. i have been married for 26 yrs, but this has always been a problem between my wife and I. I love to masterbate for her and she really enjoys it but she won't do the same for me. She will not masterbate for me. I have told her all the positives to it ( it gets me hot, she can explore her body, etc, etc.) but she still won't. I want to watch her enjoy herself just as she enjoys watching me. What does everyone think of this? Thanks, brownsfan

[Lilith]

LOL I think you just might be SOL and that after 26 years of her saying she is uncomfortable with the idea of doing it you might want to listen. She obviously has drawn a solid line in regards to it.

[Zephreck]

Just wanted to comment on your thread..

It is important first of all to keep in mind that while it may be a wonderful thing for you to behold that she is obviously uncomfortable with it and I urge you to be careful not to push too hard on the subject or you will simply add to her mood on it.

Try some different approaches to it. Before you get her to do the act first work on her being able to open up to you. If you have been married for 26 years that tells me that she has grown up in an age where open blunt sexual dialogue is probably not something she experienced much and in fact society probably kind of condemned it.

Here is a suggestion. Set up a romantic night. Cook for her I don't care if it is something simple or not. Tell her you are treating her. Give her the full treatment. Put a tablecloth on the table (use a solid colored sheet if you have to). Put some candles out. If she drinks have a nice glass of wine or something she woudl enjoy. If not just use something non alcholic like the bubbly grape juice or any kind of spritzer. Make sure that the kids if you have them are gone for the night. Play some music but softly.

Don't let her do anything but sit at the table and eat. Fill her glass, serve her food, let your hands make soft glancing caresses as you do so. Put your hand on her shoulder for instance as you fill her glass. Stop on the way back up and lean into her and smell her hair for a moment. Don't tarry long you just want her to know that she is the center of your attention fully.

Don't be in a rush. Masterbate if you have to before all of this starts. You want to keep your arousal in check and you have to truly be genuinely intent on listening to her day and whatever she wants to talk about. Don't rush the dinner. If possible try to make it as if it was a first date and she is someone you haven't known for several years now.

After dinner rinse the dishes and don't let her clean off the table.

Pull her with you to the living room and ask her to dance with you. Put on slow music. Don't tell me you can't dance. All you have to do is hold her to you and move softly. Look into her eyes and tell her that you can't get her out of your mind. Kiss her softly and just take time to tell her every part of her that you love. As things naturally progresses take her to the bedroom and slowly undress her first. Constantly focus on her. Turn out all the lights save a candle or two that isn't close to the bed.

Now.. that the mood has been set... Lay her on her side and slide up right behind her. Tell her that you want to tell her what you have been thinking of. Softly touch her side and her thighs and even her stomach holding her close to you. You can sweep up to the bottom of the swell of her breasts but dont' touch the normal arousal zones.

Tell her you want to tell her of a fantasy that you have had of her. Make it any fantasy that doesn't involve her touching herself. Stay away from that topic. Be close enough so that she can feel the arousal of you but not so much that she feels you wanting to mount her from behind.

After you share your fantasy with her, now ask her to close her eyes and tell you of the last time she thought of you and what her sexual fantasy was. Listen and gently caress her sides as she tells you. Never let your fingers drift past her waist and tops of her thighs. If all goes well then as she tells you and begins to share her own hand will begin to drift lower. If it doesn't even after she has told you her desires then whisper in her ear that you want to know just where to touch her. Forget that you have known her for all these years. Ask her to show you exactly where to touch her. Slide your hand over hers and move it lower and lower and then let your fingers stay on top of hers.

Allow your fingers to caress ontop of hers.. Pay very close attention to how she caresses, how much pressure she uses, about how long she stays on her clit and then moves away etc. Allow her to get more and more aroused. As she begins to get closer and closer slide your hand up to caress her breasts and play with them. Kiss her neck and tell her how beautiful she is. At no time tell her how much playing with herself is turning you on but focus instead on how much she is turning you on. Focus your words describing her body instead of her actions.

Hopefully with all these things she will be able to let go and finish herself with your help of course. Hopefully the more you share and more you can spend time with her in situations like this the more she will become open with her body.

I hope it works for you and most of all just remember that if she isn't comfortable then she is never going to be aroused. Keep that in mind and the mindset here is to make her more comfortable with her sexuality first and then the actions itself later.

Hope it helps and again this is just my own two cents.

/bow

Zeph

[brownsfan]

zeph, will you marry me? lol. thanks for the advice so far and i know she probably won't change but I just wanted some others imput on the subject. I, being a male, just can't understand not wanting to play with myself. Thanks

[Zephreck]

You are already married! lol.

Besides amigo I am male and only enjoy the ladies. I DO wish you lots of luck though on having a great sex life with your wife. Tons of ways to variate your sex life even if she isn't comfy with masterbating for you. Main thing is to find ways to enjoy each other with each passing day and to not get to content with what you have. Life is cruel sometimes and we never know how much time we will have with them. So the key is to enjoy every moment you have with her and treat it as if it were your last.

Good luck.

/bow

Zeph

[lonelyarmywife]

Mr. Zeph, you keep me in awe. :sun:

[OzKristin]

whoo hoo zeph, ur awesome :jump:

[nicole2309]

zeph, after reading that i've decided to start saying no when a guy wants to watch me... hopefully i'll find one who'll give that a shot to try to convince me
who am i kidding, lol i'd never not let him watch

[Zephreck]

You ladies are making me blush here. Just a perv honest. When you think about sex alot just gives you good ideas sometimes about how to possibly do things. Besides it is easy to talk about it. Quite different to pull it off. I just try to think about things I would enjoy combined with what I know the person I am with enjoys and try to make it as pleasurable as possible for her. With my love of sex it is important for me to learn each day and expand what I can do to please who I am with.

Which is really kind of what all of us here are looking to do I think. I am just glad to be able to speak pretty freely about how I feel about things. It makes it far easier when people enjoy / like your ideas. Thanks for the sweet notes but more than anything I hope browns fan is able to rekindle some lost fires with his love and be able to enjoy things she does that arouse him while at the same time making her comfortable and loved.

/bow

Zeph

[jennaflower]

I agree with Lilith.... after 26 years years... kinda late to expect changes like that... not to say it is hopeless... gentle encouragement might change her mind..

[nikki1979]

ok zeph, can u chat at my hubby and tell him this cuz damn that sounded HOT

[WildIrish]

I'm curious as to what her reason is for not wanting to pleasure herself in front of you.

Mrs. WI gets very self-conscious...about her body, her movements, her noise, pretty much everything...when we're not BOTH in the heat of the moments together. I can kinda understand. I mean, to have me leering at you while you touch yourself must be unsettling. Not because I stare like a perv, but because you'd feel like I was soaking in every inch of your body, every scent that wafts to me, and every peep & moan that escapes your lips...and be judging you. I know it's not happening. You know, logically, that it's not happening. But that deep seeded fear surfaces when you're at your most vulnerable. When you're on display.

All I can say is reassure your wife that you love her and her body. That you can't help but react like a teenager when you see glimpses of her flesh. That she still now, and always has sparked your passion. And be sincere & honest about it. Saying things and doing things with the goal of getting something specific sexually is usually transparent, and only widens the divide. After 15 years of marriage, Mrs. WI finally knows (but doesn't understand why) that I love her body. Never, ever have I wavered in my opinion that she's incredibly sexy and turns me on. I don't have a reason to...it's true! She may not fathom why, but she believes it.

And yes, once in awhile she'll push my head away during cunnilingus to let me watch her bring herself to orgasm right in front of my afraid-to-blink-or-I'll-miss-something eyes.

So I wish you a happy & loving sex life with your wife, whom you obviously adore, and if she reaches that level of comfort & security...treasure it for what it represents emotionally as well as appreciate the incredible display of sexuality. :)

[brownsfan]

Well thank you all very much for your replies. There is alot of good info there. I know she will never change but that's ok. I was just looking for something different to arouse each of us. I guess I do it because I love to stroke myself for her and let her get close enough to lick my precum if that's what she would like to do at that moment. So I will continue to do anything she asks and I, in turn, will let her express herself her way. I think most women would love to watch a guy do it. So, do it. Thanks

[bare4you]

First - congrats on 26 years sir. You have a lot going for you there to have stayed married that long. As to your question - I've adopted the philosophy in recent years that the most important part of life is happiness. If she is happy with you just the way you are, you are a very lucky man. You do have fortitude though to keep looking for that elusive moment in time when she consents to your wish. I would not make it a topic of conversation until the next time she wants to watch you - do a little this for that and see what happens!