Dr. F-Lil

[Lilith]

You got problems, everyone's got problems, lets hear 'em, expose 'em to the air so they don't get all funky growing in the dark like mold on old shoes. My advice ain't any better than a toad swallering a banana but we'll get a kick out of watching it squirm.

Spill....

[IAKaraokeGirl]

<---thought you were Dr. Lucy Van Pelt. :D

[Lilith]

Shhh purty lady I'm a jack of all trades... tell Dr FLil, what's riding your ass like a pair of hoochie mama shorts?

[Lilith]

Warning: My advice ain't for the weak of heart or bladder...better get you some of them Depends, on stand by.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

Shhh purty lady I'm a jack of all trades... tell Dr FLil, what's riding your ass like a pair of hoochie mama shorts?



Nothing...unfortunately. :spin:

[Aqua]

Well Dr. FLil, you see, there's a bunch of really hot ladies, at a certain website, that I want to put my tallywhacker to, but they all live 483904823094832098432 miles away. What should I do?

[Lilith]

Nothing...unfortunately. :spin:
well what you need purty lady is a cowboy to break in;) I hear ones with bald heads make the best pony boys :p

[IAKaraokeGirl]

LMAO @ ^^^. :D

[WildIrish]

/me is hard at work on his second bald head :D

[Lilith]

Well Dr. FLil, you see, there's a bunch of really hot ladies, at a certain website, that I want to put my tallywhacker to, but they all live 483904823094832098432 miles away. What should I do?
Buy yerself one of these here Tallywhacker Stackers available at my website www.drflilrobsyourassblind.com that will make your schlong long and have those ladies purring like pussies with their paws in the milkman's pants before ya know it, and ya won't even have to leave the comfort of your potty paradise.

[Lilith]

/me is hard at work on his second bald head :D
need a bald head? wanna be sexy like Dr FLil, can't say as I blame ya! Easy as can be! Just gotta get your head wedged between a woman's thinghs next time she uses that Neet stuff and distract her like a bull chasing a red table cloth who catches a whiff of a field of flowers and she'll smear that crap all over the place. and YOU will have solved your own problems.

[Aqua]

Ohhhhh, just my luck... the damn website is down :rolleyes2

[WildIrish]

Buy yerself one of these here Tallywhacker Stackers available at my website www.drflilrobsyourassblind.com that will make your schlong long and have those ladies purring like pussies with their paws in the milkman's pants before ya know it, and ya won't even have to leave the comfort of your potty paradise.



For those of you that don't speak "southern".....



She just said Aqua has a short dick :grin:

[Lilith]

Ohhhhh, just my luck... the damn website is down :rolleyes2
Well then all the answers to penicular elongation can be found in my best selling book Penis Envy? Try It You'll Like It just $29.95 and don't forget the companion workbook Jerkin':It Ain't Just for Chicken

[Lilith]

For those of you that don't speak "southern".....



She just said Aqua has a short dick :grin:
Boy I'mma smack your ass harder and hotter than a dried up frog on asphalt.

[WildIrish]

Boy I'mma smack your ass harder and hotter than a dried up frog on asphalt.




:confused:




Am I supposed to have this raging hardon?

[Lilith]

you obviously suffer from some sick pornographic disorder...in my professnal opinion you need to be chained up in the looney bin..... my south Texas work camp..er I mean rehab is just what you need to put your priorities in place, after all nothing makes a man more appreciative than soap on a rope

[Aqua]

For those of you that don't speak "southern".....



She just said Aqua has a short dick :grin:
And WI just said he has a desire to 'sleep with the Fishes'. :eek:

[Lilith]

Both you boys need to get ya a couple of fishin' poles and a 2 person sleepin' bag and just camp, and commmmmmune with nachur' til ya sort it out or kill eachother tryin'

[WildIrish]

And WI just said he has a desire to 'sleep with the Fishes'. :eek:



Ain't no mention of sleep, big guy!

[Aqua]

Both you boys need to get ya a couple of fishin' poles and a 2 person sleepin' bag and just camp, and commmmmmune with nachur' til ya sort it out or kill eachother tryin'
Hey WI... can you believe she made no mention of taking a video camera to document our progress?

:p

[Lilith]

That's cause I'm sending my DR. FLil film crew along to catch footage for my upcoming Prime Time special, "Men are from Venus cause they have a Penis and other such gobbledy shit"

[WildIrish]

Hey WI... can you believe she made no mention of taking a video camera to document our progress?

:p



She plans on hiding in the trees.

I hope she doesn't fall out when she lets go of the branches to touch herself! :yikes:

[Lilith]

Hey hey now back to your corner that was uncalled for, Dr. FLil doesn't do something like that. That'd be like tellin' your momma you wanna get a sheep for the wool and you know your momma ain't that dumb.

[Aqua]

Yeah... Dr Flil is gonna sit back in the media van and catch the action from 4 different angles.

Now what was that about a :baa:?

[AngelicVampires]

LOL, you all are crazy. And here I thought I was supposed to really spill my problems :whack:

[Lilith]

Little Missy you are repressin' your true feelins like a cat represses the remote control when leaping over the couch to catch a big old palmetto bug... damn that's a nasty thought...what's yer hang up ma'am?

[AngelicVampires]

Honestly....my hangup would be that I can't come during sex.... :(

[imaginewithme]

You know all mine Dr. Flil........I'm a long time patient.
So.......could I help ya out on makin' that video of the boys ?

[Lilith]

Well cumming don't happen less ya cum down off the tightrope and quit holdin' on with yer toes. the right man will tweak your knobs and rub your buttons and all the static will clear up and channel 39 will come in clear as a bell.

[Lilith]

You know all mine Dr. Flil........I'm a long time patient.
So.......could I help ya out on makin' that video of the boys ?
Hey there little Filly...you distract 'em with your headlights and I'll throw the sack over 'em. Them boys are tastier than frog juice over ice cream.

[Cheyanne]

/me wonders is Dr. Flil is channeling Uncle Silky... hmmmmmmmm? lmao - you all are nuts! I love it!

[Lilith]

course ya do but does that make it right....right is in the eye of the beholder...the man with one of his eye poked out from doing something his momma warned could poke his eye out wit that thing

[cowgirltease]

I can't believe you're saying this. And what if it injures another Pixie member?
This is NOT GOOD! :( That's OK I'll pass thank you.

[Lilith]

Oh you know Dr. FLil doesn't tackle any problems harder than some charcoal squeezed between some fat buttcheeks...and the advice....well it damn sure ain't worth the diamond it could become.

Take it back...just tell me your superficial problems like how to turn the other cheek when you are shackled to the barn door.

[rabbit]

Dr FLil, the lady at the drycleaner thinks I'm hot and wants to fuck my brains out. She told me to come by after hours for some special service.

What do I do? :confused:


rabbit

[Lilith]

Bring an umbrella to match the raincoat you best be wearing and buy new luggage cause your mrs. ain't gonna put up with you hound doggin' unless you get her a really good deal on the dry cleanin'.

[rabbit]

Bring an umbrella to match the raincoat you best be wearing and buy new luggage cause your mrs. ain't gonna put up with you hound doggin' unless you get her a really good deal on the dry cleanin'.

I guess that means I need to find a new dry cleaner.

:p

[WildIrish]

Doctor, Doctor...give me the news!
















I've got a bad case of luvin ewes! :D

[osuche]

Dr FLil.....I have an irrational fear of Southern head-shrinks with their own books, websites, and chat rooms. :p
























































WAIT! Maybe that fear is totally rational! :D

[Loulabelle]

Dr Flil

I dunno what's wrong with me, but something must be...to read through all three pages of this in one sitting.....and I'm still none the wiser!!!!!

Bemused from Britain.

[Lilith]

Dr FLil.....I have an irrational fear of Southern head-shrinks with their own books, websites, and chat rooms. :p


WAIT! Maybe that fear is totally rational! :D


Of course yer skeered....you can't handle the truth ( said in a southern mock Jack Nicholson accent) You've got to take the heiffer by the horns and just face your fears head on. Then play duck and weave as the issues come flying at you like a swarm of killer bees. Only then can true security be secured.

(does he really have a chatroom???:rolleyes2 bet that's a happy place)

[Lilith]

Bemused and bewildered by golly...you have got to start looking beyond the obvious...open the door up wide and rummage through the cupboard like your looking for that last cookie you know you left there. Like I heard someone say, "A wise man learns from other's mistakes..." and well a dumb one just keeps beating his head against the same damn brick wall and then acts surprised when he's got a headache. It's not easy to spout theoretical advice using nonsensical anecdotes and illogical similes. You can't judge nothin' til you've walked a mile in Bob's size 14 heels, remember that!

[cowgirltease]

Oh you know Dr. FLil doesn't tackle any problems harder than some charcoal squeezed between some fat buttcheeks...and the advice....well it damn sure ain't worth the diamond it could become.

Take it back...just tell me your superficial problems like how to turn the other cheek when you are shackled to the barn door.
You are fuckin nuts woman. :D
I thought this thread was gonna be all serious and shit.
You had me worried. :p

[MilkToast]

Well cumming don't happen less ya cum down off the tightrope and quit holdin' on with yer toes. the right man will tweak your knobs and rub your buttons and all the static will clear up and channel 39 will come in clear as a bell.
It would seem that our dear doc is suffering from some sort of mathematical repression issues and I am most certain that the true channel that will cum in a lot more clearly is 69 :69: and not 39. I mean what good is a good 69 :69: with 30 missing from the fun! Of course getting from 39 to 69 :69: will also require a lot more fidling with the dials... but then that's where a lot of the required therapy is!

[Lilith]

You are fuckin nuts woman. :D
I thought this thread was gonna be all serious and shit.
You had me worried. :p
Bingo! Like my momma always said....don't touch it iff'n ya ain't sure where it's been!...er I mean :D

[Lilith]

It would seem that our dear doc is suffering from some sort of mathematical repression issues and I am most certain that the true channel that will cum in a lot more clearly is 69 :69: and not 39. I mean what good is a good 69 :69: with 30 missing from the fun! Of course getting from 39 to 69 :69: will also require a lot more fidling with the dials... but then that's where a lot of the required therapy is!
Boy you're squirrellier than a bunch of pervs at a buy one get two free dildo sale. I like it!

[sodaklostsoul]

:blink: :blink:

So...um...ya.....like I have this problem of always wanting to jump his bones, but I don't want to wear him out. I can't keep my hands off of him. Is this normal Dr. FLiL?


Signed

Thoughly Addicted

[Lilith]

Normal....what's normal got to do with how much cheese ya put on yer sandwich? If he's worth his weight in pesos, he'll drop to his knees and thank all things holy and unholy for givin' him a sassy, sexy, red blooded woman like you. And if you wear him out you can always trade him in.

[MilkToast]

Boy you're squirrellier than a bunch of pervs at a buy one get two free dildo sale. I like it!
Buy one and get two free, again another math issue with the doc... that adds up to three of them... now using that good ol' multiplicachion, 3x2=6 and 3x3=9... at least that is if the school marm, whose dress was always so fun to look down, was tellin' no tales (though her tail was also fun to watch)... so we're right back where we started... a good 69 :69: is what the doctor seems to be ordering! And maybe a good spankin' too! :spank:

[jay-t]

Dr. Flil I desperatly need your help my wife asked me to shave my privates,of course I said NO!!then when I came out of the bathroom after shaving I had a red rash and little squares of toiletpaper stuck every where looked like a grubworm wearing a turtleneck how do I keep my wife from laughing? :yikes:

[Lilith]

gag 'er :yikes: er I mean fill her mouth with sweet tasting treats...er I mean that's funnier than a chicken knee deep in dumplins'

[scotzoidman]

Dr. F-Lil, how come I'm so busy I'm hoppin round like a one-legged man in an ass-kickin contest?

[Lilith]

Cause you're really Dr. Flil's evil twin, your know, the one who makes sense :p Now get to hoppin' boy. Ya jus' gotta keep on keepin' on!

[Shadow_Kitty]

Well, I've got a problem and I thought I might get some input from you too, Doctor F-Lil.

The Situation: A woman I used to be madly in love with throughout high school (note: I only graduated 2 years ago, I'm still young) has just ditched her SLEAZEBAG of a boyfriend (though possibly only temporarily). I need to UTTERLY sweep her off her feet when she comes to town next weekend so she'll forget about him - and end up with me, like it should've been in the first place (I wouldn't have reduced her life to a smoking crater, anyway. Maybe it wouldn't have worked but at least she'd be doing a lot better).

She's kinda geeky, very artsy, and hardly normal. She's also the most beautiful woman in the universe, so I feel rather out of my league when I'm around her, despite her telling me otherwise. Aside from the obvious confidence issue, what can I do? She REALLY means a lot to me, she's sweet, she's smart, she's interesting, she's kind-hearted with a free spirit and she's REALLY REALLY sexy too. She's PERFECT...at least in my view of the world. ;)

P.S. Yes, if I end up with her, she'll probably become a Pixie, and you guys WILL love that...:p

[Lilith]

Whooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now Nelly...talkin' bout puttin' the cart before the horse. She ain't yours yet and you are already writin' checks your ass might not be able cash. Woo her...girls like roses, and sincerity. If her life is a "smokin' crater" then she might need a lover right now like a turkey needs suspenders. Be available but not needy, show her a good time and remind her that love doesn't have to be all land mines and grenades. Make love not war.

[cowgirltease]

Bingo! Like my momma always said....don't touch it iff'n ya ain't sure where it's been!...er I mean :D
Touche'
*goes back to her corner with her tail between her legs* :p

[Lilith]

purty lady...I'm sure there's something much better we can find to tuck between yer legs than yer tail;)

[Aqua]

Dear Dr. FLil, My wife has just gotten over her monthly and actually suggested I look forward to some hanky panky tonight. Should I be afraid?

[Lilith]

Be afraid boy, be very afraid....she's gonna fall asleep swifter than the business of a 3 dollar whore at a sales convention.

[Shadow_Kitty]

Lilith: Well, I guess it came out wrong the way I said it then. Yeah, her life's messy right now, and I think your advice is very sound. Sincerity is me to a T, I'm not one for lies or any deception whatsoever...and yeah, roses sound like a plan, but I think I should probably take this slower. :p

[Dubblz]

Dear F-Lil,
While engaged in lovemaking with my SO,last night..The batteries in the vibe ran low and I inadvertently connected it to a spare car battery..Now her teeth are chattering continuously, and there's a strange look on her face..What can I do to relax her??

Cheeks Up, In Buffalo

[Lilith]

Boy...you tring to make you some deep fried pussy???? Just stuff her panties in her mouth so she don't break a tooth and look like a one eyed gopher in a patch of fireweed. and remember you can take the girl out of the vibe but you can't take the vibe out of the girl.....well not if she'd conductin' 'lectricity at the time.

[Callie691]

im pregnant, horny, and not getting laid enough, and my vibe is broke!! WHah!!!



















Ahh, i feel better now ! :) ;)

[Coaster]

DrFLil.... are you still practicing.... and practicing and well keepin' doin' it?

I have a hot lass and I wanna squeezer ass! How can I letter know?

[Lilith]

Coaster- from where do you know this sassy lassie with the amazing assy?

[Coaster]

DrLil,

You know I could get ina hassy for spilling it on this classy lassy with the occasional gassy assy! Let's just say that when she shakes her voluptuous assy I get a massy for the lassy!
So PLEASE advise me on how to approach this sassy lassy that passy gassy! :heartbeat

[grotochp]

Dr. Lil
I want to have sex but do to the heart surgeries i had last year four total, I can get it up but not without having to jack off for 45 mins I can get a hardon but i cant cum. If i do get a physical release it just dribbles out. yes getting rid of dark mold does help.

[Lilith]

DrLil,

You know I could get ina hassy for spilling it on this classy lassy with the occasional gassy assy! Let's just say that when she shakes her voluptuous assy I get a massy for the lassy!
So PLEASE advise me on how to approach this sassy lassy that passy gassy! :heartbeat

Make a pass at the lass with the ass and the sass but skip the gas. Perhaps offer some grass but don't be crass.

[Lilith]

Dr. Lil
I want to have sex but do to the heart surgeries i had last year four total, I can get it up but not without having to jack off for 45 mins I can get a hardon but i cant cum. If i do get a physical release it just dribbles out. yes getting rid of dark mold does help.

So you get hard for a really, really, really long time without coming? Pity















You live so far away or Dr. Lil would ride er I mean examine the problem personally.

[grotochp]

:line: So you get hard for a really, really, really long time without coming? Pity


Yes I do not as bad as the four hour erection from Viagra or Cialis but yes, so what would the doctors orders be.












You live so far away or Dr. Lil would ride er I mean examine the problem personally.