Newbie with a problem

[Lanval1183]

Hi all. I've been a fan of the stories for a while, but now I have found a need to turn to you guys for some advice. I recently got into a relationship with a great girl, which, yes, would make it a lesbian relationship. So this weekend, we did oral for the first time. I got her to orgasm fairly easily, but I couldn't get off to save my life!

What the fuck?

It felt freaking awesome, and she just got much better as the weekend progressed, but damn it! I'd like to get off! For some background, in the last relationship I was in, it was my ex's first time with a woman, and she had some long nails, and I got a little...eh...hurt. I'm not sure if it's anxiety over that or what.

Yes, this is a very fresh relationship, so I know that it might just be that she's not hitting the right spots. I do get very aroused, the foreplay is great, everything is great, but I don't feel any orgasmic-building-up-ness.

Also, I do masturbate. Is it possible that I'm just used to my own touch too much? My current experiment is not to jack off until I see her again and see if that works.

Any ideas? This is kind of distressing. I can get her to come juuuust fine (apparently all those years of guitar playing got me something else too), and I'd like to give her the pleasure of being able to do the same thing for me, since I think it's important. But gah! Wtf?

Anyway, I also wanted to say it's great that people are open here and non-judgemental! I'm glad for the opportunity to be able to talk!

[Lilith]

This thread has some great advice on female oragsm in my opinion.

http://216.150.92.84/forums/showthread.php?t=7188&highlight=technique

Maybe you should introduce her to it.

[Lanval1183]

Thanks!

[Steph]

It sounds like you're thinking too much, too. You got her off and are all happy with that . . . what about you?

I've been there. You can't shut your freaking brain off to relax. All I can offer is == hey, stop overanalyzing!

Chill out and lean back.

Easier said than done, I know. Sometimes it takes me 30-40 minutes to reach my peak.

[Loulabelle]

Yep - I think Steph maybe onto something here...a combination of anxiety from previous experience and now, anxiety from not having got off the first time is probably taking its toll on you.

No doubt the best thing about a female partner is that hopefully she'll understand (we've all been there!) and you can concentrate on getting off, rather than having to worry about your partner's delicate ego!

Anyway, perhaps you could talk to her about it, and maybe even suggest some ways around it. For example, how about taking the pressure off each other by playing a game of 'tease' where the idea is to touch, lick caress each other for as long as possible without making the other person cum. You can be sure that if you start putting pressure on yourself not to have an orgasm, you'll start having them left right and centre!!!

While I believe that orgasm is important, I think we do tend to focus on them too much....changing your goal so that orgasm is not your main objective may help. When she's doing her stuff, don't think about whether or not you're going to be cumming in the bext five minutes, or how tired her fingers/tongue must be getting or any of that rubbish....try to centre yourself in the moment of how great her touch feels at the precise second you're feeling it. And of course, don't be afraid to direct her to your most sensitive spots....sex is always a learning process.

Good luck sweetie and welcome to the Pixies family.

xxx

[Oldfart]

You talk about this relationship as a first, but then talk of a prior relationship with a woman.

Were you orgasmic in this relationship (despite her hurting you with her nails), or have

you had orgasm problems with all women?

Sex is like driving a new car, in that until you learn how to drive to the car's strengths,

you'll never get the best out of it.

Finally, learn to enjoy the moment and just take the orgasms as they come (so to speak).

[Loulabelle]

Old Fart, she didn't say this relationship was a first, she just said it was new.

Sorry Lanval, didn't mean to talk about you as if you weren't here! x

[Lanval1183]

No prob, Loula. I really appreciated what you had to say.