Relationship help!!

[looking4fun]

I have been watching for some time and have posted and talked to a few people. I think that the pixies Famliy can help me.

I have a question for all that have been in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR).
I just got in to a relationship and it is my first LDR. What seemed to have helped with coping with the distance? Any and all answer are welcome.

Thank you

[flutelady]

First of all, congratulations on your new relationship.

I'm in a LDR and the single thing that makes it easiest for me is having a goal that I can look forward to. Knowing the date that we'll be getting together next, being able to plan on it, count down to it... makes it so much easier.

[BigBear57]

As with any relationship, communication is the key. Don't harbor any doubts, keep your mind free of wondering about what might be happening. Ask if something doesn't seem quite right. I managed a couple of LTR's that went well. Good luck and congrats.

[cherrypie7788]

Communication is the big thing. Make sure you can get in touch with them when you need to. Trust is the next big thing. If you don't think you can trust them so far away, you probably shouldn't be with them!
Just be sure that you know where you both stand at all times.

It's always harder to have a relationship that's long distance because it takes away the physical aspect (and I don't just mean sex) of the relationship.

I think flutelady gave good advice as well, set a date and look forward to it!

[fredchabotnick]

BigBear is right. My last relationship was LDR, and the entire reason it didn't work was because we weren't communicating enough (and I ashamed to say most of it was my fault). Talk a lot, and be honest, even if it's sometimes painful. If you don't talk about how you're feeling, it's just going to build up till it blows up.

[osuche]

I think that's it. You have to be honest with each other.....it's impossible to sort out truth from fiction over the phone. If you doubt her, ask. Don't let it build up.

The other thing is expressing feelings of love and affection...wanting to snuggle....wanting to have sex. Makes you feel closer. ;)

[PashkinThePanther]

I think that's it. You have to be honest with each other.....it's impossible to sort out truth from fiction over the phone. If you doubt her, ask. Don't let it build up.

The other thing is expressing feelings of love and affection...wanting to snuggle....wanting to have sex. Makes you feel closer. ;)

In terms of LDR's, all of the above are damn right! My LD S/O has gone with her children and parents for a weeks break, but she's not taken her cellphone! ARRRGGHH! I'm going nuts here, cos I can't talk or get in contact. By sounds of it, they're all having such fun! Either that or she forgot to take her address book with her! Which I could easily believe her doing.... :D I'll find out on Friday evening, and then she'll know how much I've missed her. Thankfully the following weekend we'll be getting together, taking in a movie, going for a meal and so on. Especially the "and so on"!

But yes, there's no substitute for talking and communicating when in LDR's. Be totally open and honest, leave nothing out, and it will stand a good chance of succeeding. And never forget the 3 magic words.... ;)

[Oldfart]

Looking4fun

The secret of a successful LDR is making it a SDR ASAP.

[krzykrn]

Looking4fun

The secret of a successful LDR is making it a SDR ASAP.

All wise words that I can see in this thread so far, but the above really hit me pretty hard. My first real relationship was a long distance one that lasted for 2 1/2 years, but probablly one of the biggest problems (besides lack of communication, big lesson learned) was the fact that it dragged on so long without any sort of resolution. Both people really need to know that, yes, while it is a long distance relationship for now, that you are BOTH actively working on moving closer to each other to include each other in your daily lives. It isn't easy, and there will be a lot of sacrifice, but without that I honestly think the relationship will fall apart sooner or later.

[calihotguy]

I agree with kzykrn

The only reason to be in an LDR is because you feel the relationship is at a point where: A) no matter what are trying to get closer to eachother ASAP and/or B)the current relationship as it is at that time (NOTwhat you think it might become) is worth it to wait that long.

Nothing can substitute for physical affection..I am not talking purely about sex, but more so that hug when you need it, cuddling, or just those moments of physical affection that you can't entirely articulate.

What especially makes it hard is if one or the other, or both, have a lot of time on their hands. I have always had a very busy life, so an LDR for me isn't something as hard because I don't have a lot of time to think about what that other person is doing, paranoid thoughts of what they might be doing, or missing them too much to make it.

However, for me, if there isn't some sort of deadline and it feels like it will go on forever....a phone/internet relationship isn't a relationship, that is just limbo. We have LDR's as an interum to the full, healthy relationship, and it shouldn't be the entirety of the relationship itself.

In my experience in my life and those of my friends, LDRs rarely work unless you get to see eachother a decent amount, keep up constant communication, AND disclose everything about eachothers live. Remember, in an LDR, all you have to go by is the spoken word, which makes everything said or NOT said that much more valuable. Of course this should be in addition to constantly trying to find ways to be closer to eachother in distance.

If those conditions are not there (which often they are not because its too hard to keep up for too long and/or move), it seems to me that usually the LDR ends with one or the other cheating, passion dwindling, and/or lack of trust issues which makes you guys fight all the time and end up stopping because of the mutual resentment.

However, I do hope that yours works out. :-) Hope that helps.

[looking4fun]

I thank you all for what you have said I look forward to hearing more of how others have coped with and LDR.

Thank you again

[phelan]

just keep focused on what your doing and also maintain communication with each other...man i'm in the same boat I haven't seen my g/f in like 2 months now as she's overseas doing business :(

[Loulabelle]

Don't let the gremlins in!

People in LDRs tend to suffer from more insecurities and paranoia in their relationships. It's easy to indulge your feelings of insecurity that manifest themselves in feeling mistrustful towards your partner. Don't let that happen!

Keep in regular contact and establish a 'norm' that's right for you. In my LDR I had contact with my partner every single day, but that would be too much for other couples......it really depends on finding something that suits you both.

When you're together, spend quality time away from the bedroom (as difficult as this seems) and do try to make the effort to be sociable with your friends as you would be if your partner lived across the street from you. It's very tempting to think 'I only have the weekend with you, so I'm not going to share you with anyone else in that time' but that's not going to prepare either of you for the realities of a shorter distance relationship if you find that occurs further down the line.

My credentials for dispensing this advice is, by the way: 1 LDR that failed because of the gremlins, and one relationship which went from being online here at Pixies, to long distance for almost a year, to co-habiting for 6 months to being engaged for nearly a year. FussyPucker and I just get happier and happier in our relationship and it couldn't have worked out better for us.

Hope you find the same in your new relationship. There are success stories out there, so just take it one day at a time and it'll be fine. Good luck and enjoy! x