Pondering Images

[BigBear57]

OK just for the helluvit I'm wondering. Lately I'm thinking more and more about my image. With long hair and all am I projecting an image that doesn't match who I am? I mean, lots of women seem ok with it but my dance card stays empty. I have tons of female friends who have threatened me if I cut it but the relationship thing just seems stalled in the gate. Ladies, do you think you preform an idea about a guy from his apprearance? I get the idea at times people see me as a wildass but maybe the truth is a disappointment. Does the idea of a 47 year old guy who has hair well past his shoulders project any negative thoughts? Just wondering...

[Lilith]

To me it just hints that the man may be less conventional. I think it's the same message people get from me. I'm usually dressed fairly professionally but then they see the nose ring and know I'm not as stuffy as they originally may have suspected.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

<---tries to think of every disclaimer she could possibly say before writing further.

BigBear, your location says you're in Georgia. I grew up and spent most of my life in Kentucky in small town about 30 miles from a LARGE city. To me (and this is just ME, with the life experiences and biases that made me who I am)...a southern man with longer hair spells r-e-d-n-e-c-k, whether remotely true or not.

Now, I've always been one to get to know someone before I form an opinion, but it's a sad part of life that a good many people judge the proverbial book by its' cover and rely on first impressions. I can certainly understand and relate to Lilith's point--and have had similar thoughts/experiences as she describes before. I happen to be one of those women who prefers men with dark, slightly wavy, shorter hair. I realize that's because the two men who have been most important in my life have had those characteristics. I do know, though, that there are *many* women who would oooh and aaah over your locks. Don't give up...she's out there somewhere.

[cowgirltease]

I'd try something less drastic first like maybe shaving the moustache?

[cherrypie7788]

Hon....If you're happy, then you should accept yourself regardless, and any woman who was worth your time would do the same! But if it's truly bothering you, then...Maybe you should take CGT's advice and do something a little less drastic at first. If you aren't too uncomfortable with that, then go for the hair.

There is a certain stigma in our society that goes with a man having long hair, you know that. You're more likely to be labeled a deviant whether ya are or not (and of course we know you are not). I think it's especially true in the south. It's ultimately up to you! :x:

[kathy1]

Ok...for once, i'm not gonna offer an opinion....shush, bigbear!!!....it's only hair....cut it off....see what happens....if it don't improve things and you are happier with long hair....grrrrrowwww it back!!!!

[Catch22]

A change is as good as a holiday. But what you want is what matters. Not what someone else wants you to be. Hey if ya get it cut send it to me. I can always do with a bit more hair!

[wyndhy]

i am definately one to form an idea based on an image. it's a loose one though, just an impression and it can always change or be refined if i get the chance to know them or even just hear them speak.

but why not? like kathy said---you can always change it back. maybe you're questioning this now because you want a change...to shake things up a bit and see what happens. it's only a look for now but it might even snowball. when people change big things in their lives sometimes other new and wonderful things happen. i don't know why, maybe it's because it can give us more courage to put something out their or question the same old same old cause after doing it once, we see that the world didn't stop spinning it just wobbled on its axis a bit.

[fzzy]

I know it's not exactly the same, but I've had very long hair and then cut it all off ... it makes a dramatic statement when you do it, but overall, it doesn't really change any of the other stuff about you and so people quickly adjust and move on .... do what you can be happy with - that will shine through into things you do!

[krzykrn]

Bigbear I know how you feel, ever since I moved to CA over four years ago I had wondered what was wrong with me as well. Like you I have an unconventional look (long hair and I am Asian, who stereotypically are seen as conservative), and sometimes I wondered if perhaps part of the reason why I have no one in my life was due to my image. But if people pass me by because I have long hair or due to my racial make up or both then...well, their loss :).

But you have to ask yourself first, are you happy with the way you look? If you like your long hair then don't get it cut, simple as that. I know it is hard to be alone (believe me I know...) and doubt and despair can make you think funny things. As others have said, if you truly want to change your look, then do it, but do it for yourself, not for others in the hope that you attract someone with your new look which may not even be who you are.

[Irish]

I know it's not exactly the same, but I've had very long hair and then cut it all off ... it makes a dramatic statement when you do it, but overall, it doesn't really change any of the other stuff about you and so people quickly adjust and move on .... do what you can be happy with - that will shine through into things you do!
Big Bear57---Image, unless you're dirty,means nothing.Many years ago,after
closing my motorcycle shop,I went to work for a security Co.I was being put in charge of a large building complex.They summonded me to the office &
told me that I had to trim my hair,take out my stud earring,when working &
shave my beard off.My wife said-You've had that beard for over 20yrs.If you
do all of those things,you're STILL the same person.Physical change does nothing,except disguise you from the people like you.The clientle at the
building complex,looked worse than I,or any of my friends,ever thought of looking! Irish

[Pita]

I say cut it. Your a good looking man and from what I can tell a real sweetheart. Yeah you will be the same person but a new sexy hair cut might just give you a new boost of confidence that will be seen by women.

Besides think of the savings on shampoo and the time saved from combing that long hair out. :D

[BigBear57]

Well I appreciate your input. Truthfully it isn't one of those keep me awake night preponderances. It's basically just thought I'd discussed with a friend of mine. I'll probably cut it one day. I intend to donate the lot of it when I do but for now... I'm hangin' on to it. I feel that someone somewhere might see who's in here. I don't see it as an issue with others, I try to see people for how they act and treat me instead of outward appearances but wondered what the prevailing thoughts were. Thanks

[maddy]

*grumbles* I had a long message here and then the phone bumped my DSL and it's gone! I'll attempt later when I'm done cursing my phone.

[osuche]

Sweetie ~

Some women do have a thing against long hair. Some women you *might* be interested in dating might have a bias against long hair. ;) But not all women have said bias........but you do take your chances.

For instance, I have a strong bias against facial hair. I've only once been with a man who had it......and I was right. I do HATE beard burn. :D Call me shallow, but his facial hair did limit the number of times I invited him over....I had to give my sensitive skin days to recover after an encounter with him.

Do what makes you comfortable. I think the most important thing about finding the "right" person is being ready -- but not too needy. It'll happen when it's meant to happen. In the meantime, :x:

[Loulabelle]

Just as with women, I think men need to go for a hair style that suits their face shape, as well as their overall image.

I flamed Fussy yesterday for having his head shaved because it doesn't suit his face and makes him look like a thug. In fact, the buzz word over here at the moment is 'Chav' and that's what it makes him look like! Too complicated a concept to explain to the uninitiated, but the Brits will know what I mean!

Similarly, I know my hair suits me better short, but I am currently growing it for my wedding, so I can wear it up with a veil. It will all be cut off on my honeymoon. Will probably be going for a sleek, chin length bob to mark the start of my path as a grown-up married woman.

Why not go along to a stylist and ask their opinion on what they think would work best for you, based on your face shape, image, type of hair you have, amount of time you want to spend messing with it in the mornings, etc? That's what a woman would do, and you could be surprised. I'd also consider changing the face fungus, too. A lot of women like a clean cut guy, or maybe something like a goatee would revamp your look a little.

Just some things to think about, since you asked, hun. x x x

[LixyChick]

"So...I tucked my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask him why? He said, You look like a fine, upstanding young man, I think you do. So I took off my hat and said, Imagine that, huh...me working for you!"

^^^^^^ First thing that came to mind when I read your post, Bear! LOL!

I know a lot of women of various ages who love a man with long hair. Not every man can pull it off though. It all depends on how it's cared for. Some men have never even had it trimmed, and just pull it back whether it's washed or not, barely a brush grazing it, and it just looks uncared for and dirty. That image, not necessarily the length, speaks volumes of first impressions. The impression? If the hair on the head is so umkempt, the rest of the package might be neglected as well! *spin on a heel and exit...stage left*

I've come upon some men who, till they turned around, I had no idea they had a ponytail down to their waist. That's actually a turn on to me...and it ties in with what Lilith was talking about.

I think it all boils down to hygiene. If you want to convey a rough and dirty, and therefore "I don't give a shit" image...just let it all go and care not if it's clean and neat. But, if that's not the image you want to portray...if you pull it back, make sure your neck is shaved of any misguided hairs, and make sure your ears don't have protruding hairs. It should be washed and either air or blow dried before trying to pull it all back. This just makes it look smoother and it doesn't separate and look greasy. Have the split ends trimmed often. Long hair tends to split from vigorous brushing to get it untangled. I use a really good conditioner to prevent this...but it still happens at times. A once a month intense conditioning is great for unruly hair.

I could go on and on Bear...but I'm sure you get my gist! I love your image BTW! Even before we got to know one another better, I thought to myself..."Oh...he's a leftover (hippie...like me)! I like him already!"

[BigBear57]

I promise I keep it washed and conditioned. It stays back most of the time too. My hairdresser refuses to be the one to cut it. She says it just fits me. So hell I've let it grow. As for the facial hair... I grow it and shave it on a whim. If someone like Osuche came along I'd shave, baby oil and condition my face. Dayum, wouldn't leave a rash on those thighs for anything!

[kathy1]

:jump:

CUM ONE, CUM ALL.....get em while he's hot (but then again, when isn't bigbear hot???)....*waves tickets for bigbear mustache rides*

[lizzardbits]

me first me first! i'd love for that to tickle my thighs and my other bits!

[LixyChick]

Oh Bear! Seems like you have to get your traveling shoes on hun! These ^^^^ ladies, and a lot more like them across the land, know a sexy man when they see/post/chat/perv with...one! I'm talking bout YOU Bear! Find time to vacation with some Pixie chicks. I'm thinking you'll have a good time!

*mumbles to self as I leave the thread..."Damn marriage vows! Somone tell me where, exactly, they say I can't date! I'll love, honor and keep my bod only in his bed at night (when I or he is home), but WHY can't I date?!"*

TeeHee!

[BigBear57]

If only Hon... I'd love to meet some Pixie's Darlin's

[LixyChick]

You call yourself a wishful thinker? My mom would have said to you, "If wishes were horses, beggers would ride"!

In other words...wishes don't fulfill our hopes and dreams. Go out and DO what it is that you want to do! Don't just sit and wish for it to happen!

Hey! I can preach cause I was taught by the best preacher ever! Just wish (<---lmfao!) I could follow her advice as well as I can pass it along!

*hugs*

[Aqua]

Most here know I have rather lengthy locks. I think I look good with long hair so that's what I have. I gave a public speech today about how I am often mistaken for a drug user, mainly because of my hair length, and how that couldn't be further from the truth. My 'look' is part of who I am although it doesn't define me, but I am the one to choose it.

My opinion is you should style yourself in the way that makes you happy.

ps, So if long hair in the south means redneck and long hair in the west means druggie... what is a long hair on the east coast stereotyped as?

[maddy]

Okay, I'll attempt to re-type what I wrote yesterday.

I once grew my hair because it seemed all the pretty, popular girls were doing it. I have ultrafine and limp hair... it was just long and lifeless and ended up most days in a scrunchee. When I started my professional life, one day on a whim I walked into a salon and said do whatever you want. I'm not happy and it can only grow back if I don't like what you do. I went from hair well beyond my shoulder blades to hair that didn't hit a collar... it was no longer than 3 inches anywhere on my head. That was 7 years ago and I haven't looked back.

For me it's just hair, and if I must have it (can't imagine not having a little) I want it to be as carefree as possible. And of course I've got some vanity about me, and I want it to look good on me!

I echo what so many have said before me... even where opinions seem to conflict... all you can do is what feels right... sometimes the change in hair is just what you need to give your spirit a boost... and donating it can only help to the good feelings... and if you miss the long locks, I promise hair just keeps on growing.

[osuche]

ps, So if long hair in the south means redneck and long hair in the west means druggie... what is a long hair on the east coast stereotyped as?


Jobless? :rofl:


jk, Aqua --- and BTW the hair does suit you. :)

[Lilith]

Jobless? :rofl:


jk, Aqua --- and BTW the hair does suit you. :)

But I think it would look better on me....allllll over me in fact :p

[scotzoidman]

Interesting how this would come up just as I shaved off my goatee a few days back, followed by giving up the moustache day before yesterday (1st time my upper lip has seen the light of day in about 3 decades)...just cuz I wanted to see how it would look, to let my skin breathe a bit, I don't need facial hair to keep from looking like a teen anymore, etc...so far the concensus around the house is, I look weird & nobody likes it...we'll see what the bandmates think this weekend...

[LixyChick]

Interesting how this would come up just as I shaved off my goatee a few days back, followed by giving up the moustache day before yesterday (1st time my upper lip has seen the light of day in about 3 decades)...just cuz I wanted to see how it would look, to let my skin breathe a bit, I don't need facial hair to keep from looking like a teen anymore, etc...so far the concensus around the house is, I look weird & nobody likes it...we'll see what the bandmates think this weekend...
Oh My Goodness! I have GOT to see this! Hey! Maybe I'm really superficial and I won't like you anymore!

















Yeah...right! Like that'd ever happen....NOT!!!!!

[LixyChick]

Most here know I have rather lengthy locks. I think I look good with long hair so that's what I have. I gave a public speech today about how I am often mistaken for a drug user, mainly because of my hair length, and how that couldn't be further from the truth. My 'look' is part of who I am although it doesn't define me, but I am the one to choose it.

My opinion is you should style yourself in the way that makes you happy.

ps, So if long hair in the south means redneck and long hair in the west means druggie... what is a long hair on the east coast stereotyped as?
Can't imagine a fantasy with you and short locks!!!!

And as to your question about stereotyping long locks on the east coast? I've haven't heard "hippie" from folks on this coast since the 70's. It's "anything goes" round here...as far as I know. Though, I think (and hope) the mullet is out of style. Imagine that! Pennsylvania Dutchies with tolerance? Yeah...who'd have thunk it?

[BIBI]

Interesting how this would come up just as I shaved off my goatee a few days back, followed by giving up the moustache day before yesterday (1st time my upper lip has seen the light of day in about 3 decades)...just cuz I wanted to see how it would look, to let my skin breathe a bit, I don't need facial hair to keep from looking like a teen anymore, etc...so far the concensus around the house is, I look weird & nobody likes it...we'll see what the bandmates think this weekend...

You mean that your avatar is really a pic of you??? :rofl:

[lakritze]

If you mean long hair defining the conservative/liberal difference,I think that fell by the waste side a long time ago.It is whatever you feel comfortable with.I for one have never had my hair longer that collar length and about 1/2 way covering my ears. I still have a full head of dark brown hair,but it is so baby fine that wearing it too long becomes a problem.I have a closely trimmed beard and mostasche where all of my gray is hiding out.I wouldn't want to give any one a beard burn.heh heh.When I go get a hair cut,I request a pair of scissors only and to trim aobut 1/2 an inch from top,leave about 1/4 inch over the ears and trim the back.I was asked once why I'm so particular.I replied,because my dear,when I leave here I don't want to look like I've just had a hair cut.Leave your hair long and enjoy it.But one word of advice,don't wear it in long braided pig tails.It's not that cool of a look for a guy. heh heh

[Lilith]

I for one, would use the braids as reins when I ride cow girl :p

[wyndhy]

they also make excellent whips :D

[Lilith]

or this (http://www.fetishexchange.org/hairbond01.shtml)

and this! (http://www.rainbowrope.com/howto/hair_bondage.html)

[cowgirltease]

Most here know I have rather lengthy locks. I think I look good with long hair so that's what I have. I gave a public speech today about how I am often mistaken for a drug user, mainly because of my hair length, and how that couldn't be further from the truth. My 'look' is part of who I am although it doesn't define me, but I am the one to choose it.

My opinion is you should style yourself in the way that makes you happy.

ps, So if long hair in the south means redneck and long hair in the west means druggie... what is a long hair on the east coast stereotyped as?
Fuckin gorgeous and hot as hell! ;)