Irish
03-12-2005, 04:02 PM
Idle Thoughts
> I planted some birdseed. A bird came up.
> Now I don't know what to feed it.
>
> I had amnesia once -- or twice.
>
> I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
>
> Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
>
> All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
>
> If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
>
> What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
>
> They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
>
> Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he
> grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
>
> Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
>
> Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
>
> What if there were no hypothetical questions?
>
> One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
>
> When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
> look like a nail.
>
> A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
>
> What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?
>
> My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
>
> I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
>
> The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
>
> How can there be self-help "groups"?
>
> Is there another word for synonym?
>
> Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
>
> The speed of time is one-second per second.
>
> Is it possible to be totally partial?
>
> What's another word for thesaurus?
>
> Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
>
> If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
>
> Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show
> you a man who can't get his pants off.
>
> It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
>
> Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
> I planted some birdseed. A bird came up.
> Now I don't know what to feed it.
>
> I had amnesia once -- or twice.
>
> I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
>
> Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
>
> All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
>
> If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
>
> What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
>
> They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
>
> Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he
> grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
>
> Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
>
> Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
>
> What if there were no hypothetical questions?
>
> One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
>
> When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
> look like a nail.
>
> A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
>
> What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?
>
> My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
>
> I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
>
> The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
>
> How can there be self-help "groups"?
>
> Is there another word for synonym?
>
> Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
>
> The speed of time is one-second per second.
>
> Is it possible to be totally partial?
>
> What's another word for thesaurus?
>
> Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
>
> If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
>
> Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show
> you a man who can't get his pants off.
>
> It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
>
> Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?