My bi-boyfriend wants me to join him...

[redhed40]

Hi all,
I am a gay man whose bi-boyfriend wants me to join him with a girl. I have no problem with his having sex with women, I love sex and so does he, this is something I can not give him..so what's the big deal right? I feel I am into different things but I am so unsure about sex with a woman. I have had Bj's from women and enjoyed them but I don't know. I believe that if it gets your dick hard..enjoy it..but I am scared. Any thoughts?Am I afraid that I am not gay? Is that weird?

[Lilith]

redhed40.....what if you liked fucking a woman? Does that mean you don't like fucking a man? Of course it doesn't. Does it mean you are bi? Not to me. If you only want to have loving intimate relationships with men then I believe you are gay by today's views. To me it's all just a title...sex and love are two very seperate things sometimes.

Also...I am going to give you the same advice I would to anyone whose man was pressuring them to enter into a 3 way...if you are not comfortable then say no and mean it!

[Aqua]

If you aren't comfortable or aren't sure if you are ready I would say don't do it.

[jennaflower]

Awesome advice from Lilith.... (& Aqua too)

DITTO exactly what they said. :)

[wyndhy]

hi redhead,

i don't think it's weird, not at all, but i do think it's *totally* possible you're afraid you're not gay. some people feel afraid they *are* gay, i'm sure, so why shouldn't you be allowed to feel this way, too. especially about anything that may change who you are. and i don't mean who you are for other people, i mean who you are as yourself. you've lived your life a certain way for (i don't know) how long and now you feel that may change. it's enough to make anyone afraid. ((hgs))

it doesn't sound like your bf is pressuring you, (is he?) so chew on it for a while. maybe you'll realize that bieng gay or straight is irrelevant, it's whether or not you can ...like lil said...seperate the title from the person.

[redhed40]

I want to thank you all for your advice! It is awesome to be able to come to pixies and just say what is on my mind! I have some things to think about,you guys are the best!
redhed!

[PashkinThePanther]

I want to thank you all for your advice! It is awesome to be able to come to pixies and just say what is on my mind! I have some things to think about,you guys are the best!
redhed!
Its what makes this forum so amazing, its full of sensible, nay, wise people.

[Loulabelle]

I couldn't agree more with everything that's been said here. Having a new sexual experience of any kind, can challenge our perceptions of ourselves, others and therefore our own identity.

If you decide you do want to go there, I'd suggest sharing your fears with your man, and make sure that you're both clear that any party is free to back out at any time they feel the need, and any party can reserve the right to say 'no' to any particular act during the proceedings. If, when it comes to it, you don't feel comfortable with having intercourse with the lady in question, then so be it.

Good luck and remember: think carefully before making any decisions in life, but regret nothing. You can only make a decision based on the knowledge, experience and judgement you have at the present time, and if it turns out to be the 'wrong' one, then don't punish yourself with hindsight - you made the best decision you could based on the information available to you at the time.

(On a personal note, if you do decide to go ahead with it - dayum, she's a lucky girl! :faint: )

[LixyChick]

redhed40,

You are such a sweety to trust us to add insight to your internal fear. May I hug you?

((((((redhed40)))))) <----assuming you said yes...*giggle*

Ahhhhhhhhhh hun...firsts are always scary! Oh hell...the unknown is scary in ANY situation. It's not just sex...but all aspects of life! The advice given above is awesome! I am honored to be a member amoung such insightful people. Take heed! The PERFECT advice has been given and I can't add anymore but to say...

"If it does not kill us, it'll make us a better person"...for having the experience to compare the oranges to the apples!

And may I ask...

(assuming he says Yes again)...If you are "GAY" and no feeling to ever experiment "on the other side"...why would you choose a bi lover?

Oh...come on...like no one else wanted to ask!!!!!??????

Really hun...didn't the risk of him wanting a woman ever enter your head? Or...did you think you could "turn" him entirely?

Really, I am just curious...not scolding!

[Loulabelle]

Sorry, redhead40, to talk as though you're not here for a minute but:

Lixy, I think redhead40 is perfectly happy for his guy to 'have a woman' from time to time, but group sex is a whole different kettle of fish isn't it......I mean you wouldn't be surprised if Mr Lixy wanted another woman (I mean he's straight after all) but that doesn't mean you'd be happy with him actually having her, and probably even less so if he brought her into your bed and asked you to make love to her (since you're straight, after all).

It's the same animal, in my opinion, and I think redhead40 shows considerable maturity and selflessness to be comfortable with his open relationship with his man....having had some sexual experience with women, perhaps redhead40 would describe himself as bi-curious (or maybe "hetero-curious"! LOL) but it's still a nerve wracking step.....particularly as I'm sure his concerns lie in discovering a previously unexplored aspect of his sexuality, not wanting to put his hitherto healthy relationship at risk, and also not wanting to put his lover's relationship with the lady in question at risk either.

I certainly don't think that redhead40 even has any desire to 'turn' his man, even if it were possible and as a gay man, I'm sure he has even more insight into the fact that it's impossible to 'turn' someone than we straight (or bi-curious, in my case) women do.