sexually aggressive

[Lilith]

Needless to say I tend to be sexually aggressive. Not just in my bedroom but in all other aspects of life. Friends know they can speak to me about anything and everything regarding sex and theat they will get my often times blunt but always honest opinion or a source for any information they may need. My family knows sex is not a scary topic to me that should not be discussed in mixed company or any company for all that matters. I usually do not restrain myself from making a sexual comment. While I don't walk around sexually harrassing everyone, I think it is pretty clear I am a highly sexual creature.

Here's my question....do you think that makes people uneasy? I've always considered myself as a comforting conversationalist, at all times attempting to make the other parties feel at ease, but after a couple of "oh my gosh"es lately, I am beginning to wonder if I take it too far.

[cherrypie7788]

It can make people uneasy, depending on what you're saying and who you're saying it to. As open as you are about sex, other people may not feel the same way and it just comes as a shock to them that you would say "something like that".

My mom is probably one of the people that would be saying "Oh my gosh" and she would probably make it a point to stay away from that person in the future, to use her as an example. We have been in public and someone out with us makes a comment and she flames them for it after they leave.

I can talk openly about sex with friends, but as far as being in "mixed company" I wouldn't dare, because I know it gets a little strange when someone I hardly know starts making sexual comments.

[Loulabelle]

I'm like you Lilith, and while I don't think anyone is ever necessarily made uncomfortable by what I say (Because of the friends I have? Because of the way we are in Britain? Because most people have learnt to expect it from me? I dunno) I am often tarnished with a 'reputation' which couldn't be further from the truth.

On the occasions when people have made jokes about me being a 'tart' or whatever, I usually remind them that I've probably kissed fewer people than they've slept with.

I find more and more, that I tell people that I enjoy talking about sex because I think it's a fascinating subject (from a psychological as well as physiological point of view) and that I think it's important that it does get discussed in an open manner, because there are so many people out there with hang-ups which I might be able to help with a little bit of open discussion. I also find that sex is a good 'common ground' subject.....as living creatures we all have an interest in sex, whether we feel good or bad about it. It's something we all have in common.

[wyndhy]

it would make me uneasy but only in a certain kind of situation. ....say someone is discussing a sexual encounetr in blunt terms in the same room where they also had the attention of kids, little ones, under 13ish or so, i'd def want to distract the kids with something else.

most other times it just makes me blush.

[dicksbro]

Lilith, if you mean here at Pixies ... I can't ever remember even thinking that maybe you'd gone too far. On the contrary, I've always appreciated your candor.

If, on the other hand, you mean could something ever go too far ... I suspect it could for any of us ... but I doubt it would often or on purpose if the audience or surroundings weren't appropriate.

[cowgirltease]

yeah people at work are used to my openess tho.
we are all a horny bunch there. but to others .......
No, they all wanna act modest because we live in a bible belt and thats they way we were raised.

[Lilith]

I think living in the Bible Belt is a factor here as well. I would never discuss sex in front of an inappropriate audience ( minors, church, classroom, etc. or in front of someone to intentionally make them feel uncomfortable, especially since I want everyone to feel more comfortable about discussing sex not less.

[cowgirltease]

Exactly! I try to make them feel comfortable around me too. Hey sex is a natural thing and we all do it. :)

[wyndhy]

would never discuss sex in front of an inappropriate audience ( minors, church, classroom, etc. or in front of someone to intentionally make them feel uncomfortable, especially since I want everyone to feel more comfortable about discussing sex not less....

i knew that's what you meant at first but then you said any company and i wondered... :o (i need to be slapped)


i do wish it didn't make me blush so often but i can't seem to help it. there are times that i really am easy talking about it but i'm *still* blushing. i don't know why that happenes. and when it does, and i feel it, it just makes me blush brighter.

[Lilith]

many people find that blushing terribly enticing....;)

[krzykrn]

Needless to say I tend to be sexually aggressive. Not just in my bedroom but in all other aspects of life. Friends know they can speak to me about anything and everything regarding sex and theat they will get my often times blunt but always honest opinion or a source for any information they may need. My family knows sex is not a scary topic to me that should not be discussed in mixed company or any company for all that matters. I usually do not restrain myself from making a sexual comment. While I don't walk around sexually harrassing everyone, I think it is pretty clear I am a highly sexual creature.

Here's my question....do you think that makes people uneasy? I've always considered myself as a comforting conversationalist, at all times attempting to make the other parties feel at ease, but after a couple of "oh my gosh"es lately, I am beginning to wonder if I take it too far.

Well, not to sound like I am repeating people, but it definitely makes some people uneasy. I am a pretty open person myself about my sexuality and don't have any qualms speaking my mind about it. However my example has to do with a good friend of mine, she used to be a professional domme for many years, and just exudes sexuality, aggresiveness, strength, in everything she does. She works in a very male oriented industry (Harley), and she ends up shocking at least one co-worker every day with either something she says or the way she acts.

Mostly I believe it is due to the puritanical society we live in, which of course is a damn shame. Violence is ok but sex is not...and God forbid a woman be sexually aggressive...since that is usually seen as some sort of threat in today's society. Unfortunately this means sometimes you have to temper your own nature, which isn't very fair to have to restrain who you are but sometimes we do not have a choice.

[Lilith]

restraint is not my strong suit...er well actually...I mean self-restraint ;)

[redhed40]

Well, Lilith,
I am like you in the same way. the difference is that I am gay in a rural town and I don't care what people think. If a conversation is struck up that includes the subject of sex-of any kind I have an opinion. I think that sex of all kinds is good...theraputic and natural. It is not something to be condemned or pushed under a rug! Unfortunately, people in the United States especially seem to be so "hung up" about anything sexual that it becomes taboo to even have "unpure thoughts" BULLSHIT! I do not care if some one is offended-IF the subject has been brought up in mixed company..my friends/aquaintances know what they are in for...if you disagree (they know) you can shut up and /or leave.And as far as inappropriate places.(minors..church..) I would hope the people involved are also considering those factors. You seem like a good person..don't let other people make you feel bad about your opinions..or need to express them.

[Oldfart]

The question was, "Is Lilith's being a highly sexual being a bad thing?"

The answer to that is an obvious no.

If her attitude is starting to confront less open people, then perhaps that is socially

counter-productive for her and her family.

Lil in the flesh comes across as a woman strongly confident in herself and her place in

her family.

I can quite imagine sexual introverts being challenged by Lilith, but that's her call.

[Lilith]

Thanks Oldfart, I think :p

I'm an extrovert in most all social situations not just ones where sexual talk is acceptable. I think that the couple of "oh my gosh"es I have gotten lately have typically come from women who have said it more for affect than out of genuine shock. Like the "oh my gosh" that says, " that's so funny but I'm not supposed to think/talk about these sorts of things". Since I realize that their sexual awakening/comfort level is not my responsibility, I have chosen to tone down my humor,discussions when socializing with them.

I was just curious how you guys felt when in your everyday life you speak with someone who is a sexual extrovert (maybe aggressive was the wrong word). Thanks for the all your insight!

[Stolen Kisses]

Lil-
Personally- I am not sexually aggressive- although I'd love to be! :) But, I dont mind at all. I think it's fun and natural. I dont think you should have to censor yourself. If that's at all what you could be wondering.

Hugs,
Barb

[osuche]

I am naturally that way, too...and I've learned to tone it down until most people cannot tell. There are a very few friends -- many of them ex-lovers -- who know the real "osuche" who I will joke and tease....but I've found this level of discussion is counterproductive with most.

Lil -- I know it's fun and also part of who you are....but please be aware that you're a teacher and thus are supposed to be a saint ~~ unless you end up being tagged with a scarlet letter. :(

I don't make the rules, I'm just learning it's better to follow them.

[Lilith]

No one better ever mistake me for a saint.

This has nothing to do with my career. Teachers a zillion years ago were not even permitted to be married so as social mores have changed so has teacher expectations. I will not accept arbitrary impositions that are archaic.

I'm referring to a private situation, socializing with friends. I've done a poor job explaining what I wanted to know but the thread has led to some great insight in other ways. Thanks everyone who has contributed!

[cherrypie7788]

It depends on who is being sexually extroverted, how well I know them etc. Some people make me feel down right nasty lol

My friends and I make comments amongst ourselves but that's different. If it was someone I worked with or didn't know closely, I'd probably be uncomfortable and try to put space in between myself and that person. It gets rather irritating and sometimes "extroverted" crosses over into "perverted" :p

It's not that I'm hypocritical, but I do believe there's a time, place and people to discuss sex with and it's not whenever the urge hits.

I was raised in a small place, bible belt, where people are taught not to discuss it. Saying "oh my gosh" and acting embarassed is just the lady-like thing to do (according to some) and it is my natural reaction because it's been pounded into my brain all my life that that's how I'm supposed to be. Doesn't mean I'm not secretly laughing at your joke or in agreement ;)

[WildIrish]

Here's my question....do you think that makes people uneasy? I've always considered myself as a comforting conversationalist, at all times attempting to make the other parties feel at ease, but after a couple of "oh my gosh"es lately, I am beginning to wonder if I take it too far.



Some people...yes, it might. There's times you misjudge people and end up shocking them a little.

I, personally, find it refreshing when I see someone speak their mind despite the fact that the topic or comment may be a little "colorful". I try very hard to say what I mean and take into consideration who I'm saying it too. Yes, I sometimes misjudge and end up with a deer in the headlights look, but for the most part, my comments are received with the humorous intent they are issued.

[Loulabelle]

Speaking as one who is as sexually extrovert (I imagine) as Lilith, I will occasionally be the one to come out with an 'Oh my gosh!' myself.

It is not usually the content of what people say that illicits an 'OMG' from me but the unexpectedness of the comment; that can be because I'd not expected a certain person would be brave enough to say something like that, or because I'm surprised to find someone who is as extrovert as I am.

Sometimes it's a kind of 'Oh my gosh' of relief and recognition that I'm in like minded company.

On the other hand, sometimes I will sort of feign shock for effect, although this is not exclusively in a sexual way. To give you an example, my ex always used to ask the waitress what the biggest thing on the menu was. I think this is about the worst mannered thing in the world that you can do, and it used to embarrass me beyond belief, but it never shocked me because he always used to do it. However, I would always act shocked and disapproving when the waitress was there, I suppose (although not concsiously) to show her that we realised this was 'bad form' and that my other half was behaving in that way by choice not because he didn't know any better.

Perhaps the 'Oh my goshes' you are hearing, Lil, are recognition that you've said something risque, but not that you've necessarily shocked or upset someone. In this case, I'd be studying the people's body language and noting whether they were still happy to talk to you during the current and future meetings. If so, I think you're safe to assume you haven't really upset anyone, you may just have been the one person brave enough to say what everyone else was thinking.

[WildIrish]

Like usual, Loulabelle's post triggered something.

Perhaps, even on a subconscious level, people react shocked because it allows them to enjoy the humor of the comment without assuming the guilt that accompanies it?

*wanders off towards the coffeepot mumbling*

[BIBI]

There are priggish souls everywhere and it is their choice to be offended or shocked about something I may say, just as it is my choice to say it. I tend not to socialize with such but if I do offend one of them I just tell them, that I am who I am, that I do not act this way to be insulting to them and if they don't like me because of it then it might be best to move on(tactfully of course lol). It is my sense of openess and humor and they have theirs which I too avoid if there isnt a comfort level for all parties. I remember as a young mom hating all the talk of kids and diapers at a social event...it was sooo boring to me. I lived it everyday and wanted away from it when I went out. Yet I lived through it all anyway.....

I don't try to shock people or offend their sensibilities and I do tread a bit more carefully in new situations at the start but I will be damned if I am going to pretend to be someone I am not just to satisfy the few that may not appreciate my approach and my humor. They can walk away and talk about me amongst themselves...that way they are leaving others alone!

I cannot imagine how uptight I would be if I changed my ways to suit others in social settings with friends. No fun that's for sure! Further more if it was expected of me to change I wouldn't look at my friends as true ones. Not to say that I couldn't hold myself in place if a granny was in attendance but even some of the older women love a little sexual innuendo chat...my granny sure did.

Sure there are times that are not the appropriate venue for such talk and that is left to the common sense and the use of tact of the indiviual.....hopefully they have some! lol

I really think that this subject holds too wide an arena to put forth a pat answer to the original posting. To thine own self be true. If you say something that in the end makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is safe to assume it was not the best time or place or person to say it to. Time teaches all who we can talk to and what we can talk about......but don't go changing your ways to appease a few. You have to live in your own skin, not theirs!

PS.....I was wondering if you maybe meant to say you are assertive rather than aggressive. There is a big difference between the two. I personally took it you meant the former. ;)

[Lilith]

LOL I have no idea what I meant anymore :spin:

I have really enjoyed reading the responses though. I think everyone adjusted the topic to coordinate with their own schema and so it gave me a wide variety of ideas to think about.

[cowgirltease]

Like usual, Loulabelle's post triggered something.

Perhaps, even on a subconscious level, people react shocked because it allows them to enjoy the humor of the comment without assuming the guilt that accompanies it?

*wanders off towards the coffeepot mumbling*
Yeah!!!!! Why is it people are afraid to say what they feel?
I'll get started in some naughty joke at work and they are afraid to laugh until I get started in a big ol belly laugh about it. After a while they felt at ease and started joking around but not until they seen I wasn't gonna let up. LOL :) It's really surprising at the number of people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality.
Now it's an all day thing at work with us. :D

[meanwhile]

I am also among those who finds it difficult to openly discuss sex among others.
This is different - the anal experimentation thread.
I think it is way too bad that anyone feels embarrassed or hesitant to say what's on their mind.
I wish I could go around and if someone asked "how's it going" I could say something like, "oh going just fine, read a good book last week, ordered a butt plug, jerked off last night, shot up to my neck, you know, the usual. And how's your day?"
Alas, I have not reached that place.
Someday.

[Oldfart]

Sadly, that place is probably where no-one knows you.