Feedback On " A Beautiful Spring Day"

[Stolen Kisses]

Hi guys, and gals!

My darling husband wanted me to post my 1st story. Please tell me what you think.

T.I.A
Barb

Beautiful Spring Day (http://www.pixies-place.com:81/forums/showthread.php?t=23951)

[fzzy]

Great first story entry SK ... enjoyed it! Hope you will be adding more to our library!

[Stolen Kisses]

Thank you so much. You just dont know how nervous I was / still am.

[Coaster]

That was a fantastic first story SK....

What a fantasy.......... am wondering if it was yours? Hmmmmmmm........

[Stolen Kisses]

Thanks Coaster. Yes, I think it may have been. :x:

Barb

[NastyGuy]

SK-
Usually I don't care for stories that are written in present tense, but this story is making me wonder if I should give them more of a chance.

Very good first story. Please keep adding to the library!

-NastyGuy

[NastyGuy]

I thought I might clarify my last post a bit.

Until I read this story, I had never reada story written in present tense that did anything for me. I really liked this story because it was well written. I knew what the main character was feeling, and that is important to me. I don't really enjoy reading stories that simply describe sex acts without emotional connections.

One other thing I really liked about the main character was that she didn't conform to that cliche body form we see too often (36-D Cubed, 24, 36, redhead), and most importantly, this wasn't overemphsized. You simply stated that she had B-cup breasts, and left it at that. Quite a few of us (I'm including myself) make the mistake at some point of overdescribing a character's appearance. I remember one voyeuristic story I read where the author spent pages and pages of space repeating that the female character had a really big and hairy bush. No joke. That was it, over and over. I got to the point after a couple of paragraphs of just skimming over a page, looking for the words "big, hairy, bush" and paging down until I didn't see them anymore.

One of my favorite authors said once: "It is the job of the author to describe the thumb, and convince the reader that they have described the whole hand." You did this well.

The last thing I will mention is that you did all of this in a surprisingly short story. I am impressed, especially since I have the tendency to ramble on in my own stories (and posts, aparently). Please keep up the good work, because I'm looking forward to your next story!

-NastyGuy