12 Days of Christmas

[Lilith]

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me:


TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Europeans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved fowl-Europeans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-European enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.


FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

THREE deconstructionist poets,

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

[Lilith]

Island style

Numbah One day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
One mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Two day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Two coconut, an' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Tree day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Foah day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Five day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Five beeg fat peeg... foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seex day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg (that make TEN!),
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eight day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg (that make TWENNY!), foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut, An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Nine day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah let, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Ten day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Ten can of beer, nine pound of poi, eight ukuklele, seven shrimp a-swimmin'
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eleven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eleven missionary, ten can of beer, nine pound of poi,
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

(Numbah Twelve day of Christmas the bes', and the bes' stuff always come las'...)

Numbah Twelve day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Twelve TELEVISION, eleven missionary, ten can of beer,
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, FORTY steenkin' peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree!

[Lilith]

The 12 Days of Christmas Drinking


On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 Gin and Tonics,

11 Tequila Slammers,

10 Double Vodkas,

9 Shots of Whiskey,

8 Pints of Bitter,

7 Rum and Blacks,

6 Southern Comforts,

5 Snakebites and black,

4 Stomach Aches,

3 Dodgy Curries,

2 Throwings up,

and a trip to casualty....

[Lilith]

The Cajun Twelve Days Of Christmas
On dem first day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
A crawfish in a fig tree.

On dem second day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Two voodoo dolls
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem third day of Christmas my true love she gave to me:
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem fourth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem fifth day of Christmas,
I could not believe in all my days what she come up with:
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem sixth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem seventh day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem eighth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Eight crabs a brewin',
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem ninth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Nine oysters stewin',
Eight crabs a brewin',
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem tenth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Ten pirogue paddles,
Nine oysters stewin',
Eight crabs a brewin',
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem eleventh day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Eleven duck decoys,
Ten pirogue paddles,
Nine oysters stewin',
Eight crabs a brewin',
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe',
Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


On dem twelveth day of Christmas, my true love she gave to me:
Twelve shotgun shells,
Eleven duck decoys,
Ten pirogue paddles,
Nine oysters stewin',
Eight crabs a brewin',
Seven fleur de lis,
Six cypress knees,
Five poules d'eau,
Four pousse cafe', Three stuffed shrimp,
Two voodoo dolls,
And a crawfish in a fig tree.


** Notes: a pirogue (pronounced pee-roh) is a flat-bottomed canoe; fleur de lis is the flower of the french kings and the New Orleans Saints football symbol; cypress knees are the roots of a cypress tree that sticks out of the water; poules d'eau (pronounced pool-doh) is chicken or hen of the water - ie: a coot or duck; pousse café (pronounced poose kaffay) is coffee with a bit of alcohol in it; and Cajuns are the French Acadians that live in southern Louisiana.

[Lilith]

The Twelve Days Of Clay Aiken
On the first day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
A Glory note from Unchained Melody.

On the second day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the third day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the fourth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the fifth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the sixth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the seventh day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the eighth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Eight gorgeous lip bites,
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the ninth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Nine deep knee bends,
Eight gorgeous lip bites,
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the tenth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Ten clutches for the Claymates,
Nine deep knee bends,
Eight gorgeous lip bites,
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the eleventh day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Eleven pairs of Pumas
Ten clutches for the Claymates,
Nine deep knee bends,
Eight gorgeous lip bites,
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody


On the twelfth day of Christmas, Clay gave to me:
Twelve Krispy Kreme doughnuts,
Eleven pairs of Pumas
Ten clutches for the Claymates,
Nine deep knee bends,
Eight gorgeous lip bites,
Seven songs for Thudding,
Six lusty growls,
Five Golden Smiles!
Four funny faces,
Three striped shirts,
Two autographed CD's,
And a Glory note from Unchained Melody

[Lilith]

The Twelve Days After Christmas

The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite.
(Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge)
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup.

The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
And turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found
The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned
(I think there's a "my true love gave to me" in here somewhere)

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up the Eight maids-a-milking
Nine ladies dancing
Ten lords-a-leaping
Eleven pipers piping
Twelve drummers drumming
(well, actually I kept one of the drummers)
And sent them back collect.

I wrote my true love "We are through, love!"
And I said in so many words
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts
were for the (Soprani) Birds!"
(Everyone else)
Four calling birds, Three french hens, Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree!"

[Lilith]

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A Japanese transistor radio.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's a Nakashuma.)


On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(Its the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)


On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it, so you can listen right through the case.)


On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stick in your ear, and a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere, because its bent.)


On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
An indoor plastic birdbath,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.


On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange,
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

[Lilith]

12 Days of Christmas - AOL Style
================================
On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,

12 reasons to cancel,

11 channels not working,

10 hours without mail,

9 frozen chat rooms,

8 hours of busy signals,

7 frozen IMs,

6 disconnections,

5 web crashes,

4 idiots at tech help,

3 error messages,

2 pieces of junk mail,

and a jerk cursing in a chat room.

[Lilith]

Twelve Days of Fast Food


On the first day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Two
Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Four
Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Five
onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy
Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Six
chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Seven
pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eighth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Eight
bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two
Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the ninth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Nine
polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with
cheese.

On the tenth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Ten
baked potatoes, Nine polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven
pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a
Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me
Eleven pounds of blubber, Ten baked potatoes, Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milk-
shakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Twelve
bags of Pepto, Eleven pounds of blubber, Ten baked potatoes, Nine
polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with
cheese.

[Lilith]

The Twelve Days of Christmas, Redneck Style


On the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' tickets
10 tins of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.

[lakritze]

FUNNY!!!! Thanks for the much needed laughter.

[dicksbro]

* BUMP *

Revived for your Christmas enjoyment! :D

[dicksbro]

** BUMP **

It's been five years ... and I loved this. I understand Lilith did this while watching her guests in the dungeon. :boink:

Anyway, it's the beginning of the Christmas season ... :)

[PantyFanatic]

She should have been shopping for a nice gift for me. :nod:










:D

[Pita]

WOW that was a lot of singing!!!! :faint:

[dicksbro]

A lot of typing, too! :D

[WildIrish]

You and your variations made me what comes on the third day! I'm sitting in my office singing it over and over again and I stop cold when I get to 3. ha ha