How do you

[Lilith]

set your priorities when everything around you seems to be marked URGENT?

[osuche]

I make ME th last priority.

Seriously, I start with a small task when I am overwhelmed....then I dive into the HARD stuff. The medium and simple stuff always seems easy afterwards.

I also try and renegotiate deadlines -- that way, my back isn't up against a wall.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

Kind of like osuche...anything I can get "checked off" the list, even if the list is in my own brian, gives me a feeling of accomplishment, and then the other things don't seem too overwhelming. At work, it's whatever the boss tells me is most urgent. :D

[wyndhy]

try this... puy a sheet on the couch and heat up some oil...tell mr. lil you need a body massage (if at this point he seems reluctant, trade for a bj at his convienence ;) ), after the massage take along shower or bath and then you'll need a quick nap... okay, so none of your stuff is done but i'll bet that by the time you're awake you'll be able to prioritize and just wizz through the rest...unless mr. lil asks for that bj, that is... :p

[Lilith]

I think if someone tried to massage me right now I'd explode into a thousand tiny bits.

*sings* Under pressure

[Aqua]

Unfortunately, I tend to do what I want to do instead of what I should do... so don't follow my example.

I'd love to rub some oil into your shoulders though... ;)

[Lilith]

Unfortunately, I tend to do what I want to do instead of what I should do... so don't follow my example.

I'd love to rub some oil into your shoulders though... ;)
How soon can you get here?

[Sharni]

Shove all the jobs on paper into a container...shake em and pick one....thats the one ya do first...and ya just keep going til they're all done

[Lilith]

Reasonable suggestions...sooo much better than the panic, bitch, and moan method I usually try :D

[osuche]

Let's leave out the panicing and bitching, and start with moaning. It's good stress relief. :D

[Lilith]

Amen Sister Friend^^^^

[Scarecrow]

And these are Urgent to whom??

If all else fails;

Run in circles
Scream and shout

[maddy]

set mini-goals and reward yourself for each goal reached. The rewards that I find best in this situation are something for ME... like after a goal is reached I can self-indulge in Pixies for 30 minutes.

[darogle]

SEX!!! Immediately followed by a healthy dose of ice cream!!

I'm tellin' ya...nothing works better for putting things in the proper perspective.

[Cheyanne]

^^^LOL

Actually, what I do is put everything on paper and make a stack (not looking at the order) and tackle one at a time. If they are all that urgent, something is going to have to wait its turn.

[WildIrish]

No hour is more productive than the eleventh. :D

[LixyChick]

I've got to comment on what I see as a serious trend...in this thread...and in RL! I say it to my hubby all the time (and believe me, it doesn't help to bitch about it and it seems to go in one ear and out the other as soon as I'm done the rant)...he can come home from work, and for the rest of the day and evening it is HIS time, to do with as he pleases. If he chooses to "help out" with the daily chores (things that HAVE to be done each and every day, and he knows it!), he does some of it and then makes sure I realize he did it. If he chooses to do his own thing (which can range from tinkering in the barn on unfinished projects, or cleaning said barn, or reading his latest copy of Woodworker magazine, or chatting with the neighbors and drinking some beers...or whatever) and happens to come in the house and find me in a frenzy...he'll tell me he's "right in the middle of something" and he'll BRB to lend a hand...and out he goes again...not to be seen again till I go to find him. I shrug and think, "he's getting out of Dodge!".

Men seem to be able to do that! It never seems to bother them that we (women) have a zillion things to do, all day...everyday...and that, around this time of year especially, we could use a clone...or at the very least...a hubby who is willing to share the burden! I can't stop thinking of the sun-to-sun metaphor, and it pisses me off that I can never just work from sun to sun...come home...and shut down! I get up thinking, "What do I have to do today?", and I go to bed thinking, "This is what I didn't get done today...so I have to add it to my list for tomorrow!". Mr. Lixy lays his friggin head on the pillow and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...he's in la-la land and I'm scouring my brain for things I have yet to get done!

HOW DO THEY DO THAT??????????????

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG! This ain't helping, huh Lil? How'd that soapbox get under my feet again?

Hey! Sorry about the rant...but I truly would love the inside scoop on how we (women) got the shittiest end of the 50/50 (yeah...right!) sharing stick. It's more like 70/30 if you ask me..........................

BTW...what started it is...go back and look at all the answers from the Pixie ladies and then go back and check out the Pixie men answers. It's right there...in black and white. Not a care in the world!

I know I'm gonna take some heat for this reply...so I am outta here to do some chores! LOL!

*hugs*

[osuche]

Lixy, I totally agree with your comments. I've often said that I really NEED a wife...and my husband just rolls his eyes when I say it. Men just have a different priorization system.....and they really depend on us women to get the real stuff done. Then...to top it all off...when they do SOMETHING they want us to stroke them for doing it.

Where are *MY* rewards for doing it daily? :D

/me thought Lixy needed someone else to dust off the soapbox for awhile.

(note: there are occasional rare exceptions to the above statements. I LOVE men....but sometimes they kinda seem like a "luxury item" to me ~ pure pleasure, small functionality) :D

[Scarecrow]

osuche you are right pure pleasure and the hell with functionality, it's a lot more fun :sun: :clown:

[Aqua]

I've got to comment on what I see as a serious trend...in this thread...and in RL! I say it to my hubby all the time (and believe me, it doesn't help to bitch about it and it seems to go in one ear and out the other as soon as I'm done the rant)...he can come home from work, and for the rest of the day and evening it is HIS time, to do with as he pleases. If he chooses to "help out" with the daily chores (things that HAVE to be done each and every day, and he knows it!), he does some of it and then makes sure I realize he did it. If he chooses to do his own thing (which can range from tinkering in the barn on unfinished projects, or cleaning said barn, or reading his latest copy of Woodworker magazine, or chatting with the neighbors and drinking some beers...or whatever) and happens to come in the house and find me in a frenzy...he'll tell me he's "right in the middle of something" and he'll BRB to lend a hand...and out he goes again...not to be seen again till I go to find him. I shrug and think, "he's getting out of Dodge!".

I swear Lixy, I started reading this and did a double take to make sure my wife hadn't joined the site! That sounds so much like her... and I have to admit that's pretty much how it goes. I just don't think about all these things that need to get done. I do take the wife's directive though when she asks for help.

In my defense I will say that I rarely get time alone at home. The child is there or the wife... I am rarely home alone to bang around and do my own thing without questions or interruptions...

"What are you doing in the bathroom with a camera and a dildo?" :p

Anyway... (((Lixy))) My wife feels your pain. How about some :sex: to make it all better? ;)

[fzzy]

I work VERY well under pressure, but I don't really like having to work under pressure ...... I do my best to make sure things don't end up in the ... If I don't get it done in the next _______ minutes/hours etc. than something bad will happen - pile .... but of course none of us gets total control over that pile. So frequently someone else (who has some right to control your time and/or efforts) comes along and creates havoc in your world for a brief period of time while you have to scurry about getting the URGENT project(s) done and set everything else aside. And then there are those days (as you are asking about) when there are multiple URGENT projects .... In that situation, I usually take 1-2 minutes to do some deep breathing and mental sorting to determine which has to be done in the next 10 minutes, hour, etc. usually that sorts it down to 1 or 2 that need to be done NOW and then I consult the person who gave me the tasks on which they want to have done first ..... the thing that always amazes me is how once you finish those URGENT projects, how few of them really are URGENT and how many are about another person setting deadlines just so things keep moving along. I had a boss who did that all the time, it was urgent that it be done by the end of the day .... then I'd give it to him and it would sit untouched in his office for weeks...... grrrrrr

Oh well, now I'll relinquish my time on the soapbox! :)

[Cheyanne]

I had to read Lixy's post twice myself... and while I can ponder her comments I also have something to add that is based on my perspective only and now what happens in the Lixy household and by no means belittles her situation.

I am a "take charge" kinda woman. I also have a tendency to "take over" things and make them my responsibility. Maybe I didn't share my toys well when I was a child - I don't know... but when there is a list of things to do, that list is usually my list and I am the only one that understands the order and urgency of each item. When I responded to the question that was my perspective.

It was difficult for me at first to learn to communicate my need for his assistance as I was very independent and had to do everything before we were married - and I had to tell him if I need help as he isn't a mind reader. He knows that I get stressed when I have a list of what I feel is urgent material, and is more than willing to help me when I ask. But I have to ask - there was a time or two that he "thought" he was helping me and ended up not really helping, and that wasn't his fault because I didn't communicate to him what I really needed. There has been more than a time or two that he has run and hid because I "took over" and went from his "baby doll" to "bitch" in nothing flat! And there are things that I consider urgent that he doesn't just as there are things that he considers urgent that I don't.

So, I wonder - is the reason that some men would go diddle around in the shed thinking of 101 ways to use duct tape the result of instinctive survival skills coming to the surface when they see a list of "urgent" items? Is there a reason that I become a "domestic diva" when he is out working on a vehicle and I am not really interested in getting grease under my nails?

Points to ponder........

[maddy]

I have to admit that I was a bit awe-struck by Lixy's post, and while I agreed with it more from a work point than a personal/home point I immediatlely began to ponder the reason. All I can think of is the patriarchal system that we have for the most part all been raised in where back to when Man grew feet and walked upright it was Man that earned the bread, and the Woman that served it. For the most part in society, women are still the homemakers and caregivers. I think until Mr Mom rather that Soccer Mom becomes the norm we as women will continue to carry more of the responsibilities. Also, much like Cheyanne said, I think as women we tend to be a bit more possessive of our tasks and less likely to ask for help. Afterall, the bachelor pad got it's reputation for smelling of beer and pizza and not a floral bouquet for a reason :)

[Lilith]

wow...all this and I was just trying to figure out how to study for finals and get laid :p

Mr.Lil does as much if not more of the house stuff...we each do what we prefer to do and take turns on the rest. It's not a plan or written in stone. We respect and care about eachother and it's OUR house, and OUR kids, and OUR lives, so we both work at it. We cooperate and take up the slack for each other. There is not his jobs and my jobs. There's no chore list etc. If it needs doing and you can do it then that's great. Of course I would not be married to a man who did not think this way. Or at least not for long :p And I think there are many men out there who see home as a joint venture.

[WildIrish]

My response indicated, truthfully by the way, that I procrastinate. This applies to tasks, not responsibilities. I don't miss deadlines. I don't turn in incomplete or shoddy work. And I don't expect anyone else to pick up the slack. My work is mine, it's done right and it's done on time.

That has nothing to do with life at home, where we don't have chores and deadlines. I do all the cooking. I am the one that puts the kids on the bus each morning, lunches and all. I rotate laundry before I go to work and at night before I go to bed too. I have always been the one to do bathtime with the kids, and put them to bed...stories and all. I do it because it needs to be done and just because Mrs. WI is home more often than I am doesn't mean she should be the one doing it.

What do I want? Nothing. I don't deserve recognition. I don't want a medal. No statues erected in the center of the yard. But, please don't assume that I'm lazy because I have a penis.

[LixyChick]

My response indicated, truthfully by the way, that I procrastinate. This applies to tasks, not responsibilities. I don't miss deadlines. I don't turn in incomplete or shoddy work. And I don't expect anyone else to pick up the slack. My work is mine, it's done right and it's done on time.

That has nothing to do with life at home, where we don't have chores and deadlines. I do all the cooking. I am the one that puts the kids on the bus each morning, lunches and all. I rotate laundry before I go to work and at night before I go to bed too. I have always been the one to do bathtime with the kids, and put them to bed...stories and all. I do it because it needs to be done and just because Mrs. WI is home more often than I am doesn't mean she should be the one doing it.

What do I want? Nothing. I don't deserve recognition. I don't want a medal. No statues erected in the center of the yard. But, please don't assume that I'm lazy because I have a penis.
I have to admit...I TOTALLY expected this very response from EVERY man here at Pixies...and I am soooooooooooooooooo surprised that I didn't have PM's out the wazzoo or that I didn't get banned for my reply!

*jumps up on the soapbox*

I read this thread this morning (before WI's reply), just as I was about to sign off, and was amazed by the replies...but had no time to answer. All I kept thinking about at work all day was an excerpt from a Chris Rock comedy show. Chris says something like...I get tired of hearing the brothers say, "I take care of my kids"! "You're suppose to take care of your kids mother fucker! They're YOUR kids! Whatta want...a cookie?"

I should start out with an appology to anyone who my response doesn't apply to...but I won't...because I stand by what I said because it IS more the norm than what WI has stated of himself, or what Lil has said of her hubby. To them...I commend you for "getting it"! No statue...no medal...just a nod and a wink for being in the minority...yet, not feeling minor!

To WI...I am sorry you assumed that I stated that people with a penis are lazy...I DID NOT SAY THAT! My husband is anything but lazy! He has worked at a job for over 12 years that requires so much physical labor that 5 men of lesser fortitude could NEVER withstand. He spends his winters in a climate that even bears hibernate from. He spends his summers in a climate that would wilt a cactus. He tends our yard like it's the 3rd fairway at Pebble Beach. It may have seemed like I was calling him lazy...but what I actually was saying is, he has no idea what it takes to make and keep a house a home!

I work 40-60 hours a week and he works 40 hours a week...period! I spend 3/4 of my summer "helping him" with the yard chores...and when we are done, he goes about his business and I get back to the necessities. I know he lifts the toilet seat...cause he is younger than me (not an old man) and still stands to pee. I'd love him to clean the bowl without my having to ask him! I know he can see the need for it. And...If I walk into the house and smell the litter box and he is already home and is planning something else to do, I say, "Hmmmmmm...that litter box stinks", and he says, "Oh, really? I didn't even smell it". Do I have to hit him over the head with a frying pan? It sucks the biggest donkey dick for me to have to tell him each and every time..."please empty the litter box, please take the trash out when you go out that way towards the barn where the trash can is located, etc., etc., etc! It's no wonder men say women are bitchy...we have to repeat ourselves on each and every occasion when something needs to be done again! It's like he's thinking..."Oh, I just emtied that trash can...it can't be full again" (one week later). The can gets full again, and if I have to ask every single time I'd rather just do it myself!

That brings me to maddy's reply...Yes! I thought of the patriarichal concept. And yes...Mr. Lixy earns more than me, but...in this day and age, he may earn the "bread", but I do the "hunting"! I do the grocery/present/card shopping...I do the bills...I do the cleaning...I make all the pertinent calls to "officials", I do IT all! I NEVER planned...or even insisted...that I do it all...it was just assumed. I got the ole, "You're so much better at "that" (whatever the "that" was at the time) than I am, sob story. I even tried to delegate. I put my foot down one day and said, "You have to take at least 2-3 of these jobs (I wrote them down) over from me". He chose grocery shopping and the litter box. Our cat is old and sick and requires more attention now than ever...so it seemed fair at the time. It was like high school, where he'd finally get to choose subjects...and his choice was study hall and golf...instead of widening his horizons and upping the math or language skills. My mistake, for not wording that choice better! He shops for groceries now...if I make the list. The cat gets sick...he never saw it on the carpet. Hey! It wasn't in the litter box! Ummmmmmm...ok, nuff said bout how that's working out.

Which leads me to Cheyanne's reply...Let me first say, I am in no way belittled or upset by your words! Never have been...never will be! I truely appreciate constructive observations and or/critisism! OK...so you seem a lot like me in being a "take charge" kinda woman. I've never written a list of priority or expected him to read my mind and take on anything. If I see that "it" is not getting done, I do "it". And that was my biggest mistake from the get-go! I guess I assume that he should see what has to be done and just do it. It's there...highly visible or a necessity on a daily basis...just do it! It would save me from having to ask and save him from making up excuses and/or rolling his eyes and "taking time from his own priority". It doesn't help that I have a bit of an O.C.D. problem...but in Mr. Lixy's defense, he pointed out some of my obsessive problems about cleaning obsessions and authority compulsions. From that day forward (almost 7 years ago) I have "seen the light" and have tried with all my heart to communicate, sans bitchy, how I am feeling and how he can help. That lasts about two weeks and I am at square one again. *sigh* Don't get me wrong...Everyone...please don't get me wrong! I love my husband with all my heart and would fall on a sword to spare his life! But, I bet I'd have to ask him to bring the sword closer, cause he'd not see that it wouldn't do the job from WAY OVER THERE----------> *giggle*

Which leads me to Aqua's reply... :sex: would be wonderful right now hun! Just bend me over the ironing board and have your way...and don't mind me...I'm a bit busy right now! :hump: :shock: JK Aqua babe...I'd do ya even if I wasn't busy!

Which leads me to osuche's reply...Thank you for sharing the soapbox! It gets lonely up here sometime. BTW...I've discovered that the "reward" system will never work unless we evolve to a point where we have our pussy in the room where we aren't bitching. Oh...wait...that explains "The Real Doll" in the guest room!!!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeek! JK...JK!

Lilith? Kiss your hubby for me...just because!

WI? *SWALCAKWS* Translation? Sealed With A Lick Cause A Kiss Wouldn't Stick!

And now...back to the original intent of the thread!

[WildIrish]

I've often said that I really NEED a wife


You can have mine.

[osuche]

You can have mine.


In this situation, it sounds like I might want you instead.

[WildIrish]

In this situation, it sounds like I might want you instead.

I'm especially good at clearing fallen leaves. :D

And I'll wash that blue shirt if you'd kindly hand it over. ;)

[Oldfart]

Can I hop back to Lil's original question for the moment?

Priorities are based on how badly not doing something will kick me.

I do what I can and wear the little kicks.

[Mark Vieth]

Ok Lil. First off before you start you need to do a few important but very simple things. If you have kid(s) then get mr Lil to take care of them. Second, put on some music, something medium, you don't want your mind to go into hyper mode coz you're listening to heavy rock, nor do you want to fall asleep to something soft. Third, sit down at your desk or work area. Clear your bench. Look at the most important thing first, even if it's the easiest thing and do it. Then go from there. Also make sure you take breaks at regular intervulls as you don't want to burn out. When is all said and done, jump in the bath or get mr Lil to give you oral and something more if you're up for it. Definately oral though!!!!!!

[Lilith]

Ahhhhhh oral sex...the cure for all. I must be a simpleton to have not thought of that.:rolleyes2

[cherrypie7788]

^^^ Lol

[Wildeye]

Lil

Divive a sheet of A4 into 4 boxes (line down and line across.) Label Top right Urgent and Important, label top left Urgent Not Important, bttom right Important not Urgent and bottom left Not important and not urgent.

Then write all the tasks into each box (just headings ok) with dates/timescales.

The crucial thing is to focus on Top Right, then decide the top left and bottom right, bottom left you shpuld question if its not important and not urgent why am I bothering?

Though all should come after bottom action so to speak...

But seriously book time into your diary to do things and do not let anything take that time away from you.

Ohh and monkeys, we all carry monkeys - they are our job to deal with, feed and clean etc, but in life other people will ask you to look after their monkey - refuse they must deal with their own monkey

The other trap is doing the stuff u like, even without knowing it, often called firefighting? It is not unknown for some people to do this all the time, and to make everything a firefight, because they enjoy firefigthing, its fun and exciting.

A good website is Big Dog by Don Clark.

Good luck

Wildeye

wildly trying to control time and relevant dimensions in space

[Lilith]

*hides her firehose* :D

[Aqua]

*hides her firehose* :D
Wanna hide mine too? ;) :D