Lilith
11-28-2004, 09:40 AM
MAC TRUEMAN
Telegraph-Journal
Hollywood has already made a movie about What Women Want.
But a study that two University of New Brunswick psychology researchers published recently in The Journal of Sex Research suggests it's time the world asked what men want.
And if you think of men as the get-the-job-done gender, you're wrong.
The survey of 152 New Brunswick couples suggests that when it comes to sex, men are the partners who don't want to be rushed.
Contrary to what many sex therapists have believed up until now, men want foreplay to last as long as women do.
And when it comes to actual sexual intercourse, men are the ones who want it to last longer, the study indicates.
"We were quite floored," said Andrea Miller, a doctoral student in clinical psychology at the Fredericton UNB campus.
She and senior author Dr. Sandra Byers, chairwoman of UNB Fredericton's psychology department, found that both the men and the women in their survey said their ideal sexual encounter should include 18 minutes of foreplay.
When it came to actual intercourse, the women said 14 minutes was their ideal while the men wanted 18 minutes.
These findings are the opposite of commonly-held beliefs, Ms. Miller said, but "these common beliefs don't seem to be based on any study that's ever been done. Maybe they're based on what a 17- or 18-year-old might idealize."
But what participants want and what they are getting are two different things. Men estimated their foreplay lasts 13 minutes and women said 11 minutes, instead of 18. And intercourse averaged slightly more than seven minutes.
The study included the 152 couples who filled in a questionnaire mailed to 1,989 male UNB alumni as part of a larger study on male sexual behaviour.
It asked both men and women what duration of foreplay and what duration of intercourse would be ideal for them, what amounts do they believe are ideal for their partners and what durations are ideal for men and women in general.
The men ranged in age from 23 to 76 years, and women 21 to 77 years, and their relationships ranged between six months and 50 years.
Men's belief of what their woman wanted was more closely tied to their perception of what women in general want, than to what their partner indicated in the survey that she wanted.
And the same was true for what women said.
Prof. Byers believes these expectations are tied to stereotypes that people learn from an early age about how males and females should behave.
"If I asked you, would a little boy like a doll or a truck better, you would probably say a truck.
"It doesn't mean he really will, but that's our expectation about boys.
"We have the same thing about male and female interest in sex. And our stereotypes are that men are interested in sex any time and place, and they're only interested in intercourse and orgasm, and they're very genitally focussed.
"And women aren't so interested in sex, they're more interested in love and the sensuality is more interesting to women than the sexuality."
The message here is that couples need to talk to each other about what they want, "as awkward as that may be for some couples," Ms. Miller said.
She said there may be lots of reasons why couples' sexual encounters don't last as long as they both want.
"I mean, if you have three screaming children in the house, having 20 minutes of intercourse may not be realistic."
Telegraph-Journal
Hollywood has already made a movie about What Women Want.
But a study that two University of New Brunswick psychology researchers published recently in The Journal of Sex Research suggests it's time the world asked what men want.
And if you think of men as the get-the-job-done gender, you're wrong.
The survey of 152 New Brunswick couples suggests that when it comes to sex, men are the partners who don't want to be rushed.
Contrary to what many sex therapists have believed up until now, men want foreplay to last as long as women do.
And when it comes to actual sexual intercourse, men are the ones who want it to last longer, the study indicates.
"We were quite floored," said Andrea Miller, a doctoral student in clinical psychology at the Fredericton UNB campus.
She and senior author Dr. Sandra Byers, chairwoman of UNB Fredericton's psychology department, found that both the men and the women in their survey said their ideal sexual encounter should include 18 minutes of foreplay.
When it came to actual intercourse, the women said 14 minutes was their ideal while the men wanted 18 minutes.
These findings are the opposite of commonly-held beliefs, Ms. Miller said, but "these common beliefs don't seem to be based on any study that's ever been done. Maybe they're based on what a 17- or 18-year-old might idealize."
But what participants want and what they are getting are two different things. Men estimated their foreplay lasts 13 minutes and women said 11 minutes, instead of 18. And intercourse averaged slightly more than seven minutes.
The study included the 152 couples who filled in a questionnaire mailed to 1,989 male UNB alumni as part of a larger study on male sexual behaviour.
It asked both men and women what duration of foreplay and what duration of intercourse would be ideal for them, what amounts do they believe are ideal for their partners and what durations are ideal for men and women in general.
The men ranged in age from 23 to 76 years, and women 21 to 77 years, and their relationships ranged between six months and 50 years.
Men's belief of what their woman wanted was more closely tied to their perception of what women in general want, than to what their partner indicated in the survey that she wanted.
And the same was true for what women said.
Prof. Byers believes these expectations are tied to stereotypes that people learn from an early age about how males and females should behave.
"If I asked you, would a little boy like a doll or a truck better, you would probably say a truck.
"It doesn't mean he really will, but that's our expectation about boys.
"We have the same thing about male and female interest in sex. And our stereotypes are that men are interested in sex any time and place, and they're only interested in intercourse and orgasm, and they're very genitally focussed.
"And women aren't so interested in sex, they're more interested in love and the sensuality is more interesting to women than the sexuality."
The message here is that couples need to talk to each other about what they want, "as awkward as that may be for some couples," Ms. Miller said.
She said there may be lots of reasons why couples' sexual encounters don't last as long as they both want.
"I mean, if you have three screaming children in the house, having 20 minutes of intercourse may not be realistic."