Enablers vs. Hardass

[Lilith]

I was talking with a professor about this yesterday and wondered about you guys.

I'm not an enabler type person. You won't be getting warm fuzzies from me when you fuck up, especially if you did it for selfish reasons knowing what you were doing. An accident is a whole 'nother story but purposeful shit I have no patience for.

So I am working with a co-operating teacher who is the exact opposite. If you act up she takes you aside giving you her personal attention and will put her arms around you etc. You get her undivided attention and sympathy when you misbehave.

I'm wondering which type you are more like, hardass or enabler???? Are there some people that cause you to act in the role of one or the other when you are usually the opposite?

[OzKristin]

I'm probably just like you..I really have no sympathy for people when they fuck up because of the selfish reasons especially lol. I really can't picture myself showing someone that kind of 'enabler' care when they've acted up.
You got it right Lil..I'd definitlely be an a 'hardass' lol, but if something has been done on accident...now we're talkin something completely different.

[maddy]

Excellent topic Lilith... I wish that I were more of a hardass, but for some reason I find myself being an enabler, and not particularly liking myself for it. I think the hardass' keeps me more honest. If I know someone will be an enabler I'm more likely to take advantage of it. I don't personally like having it pointed out to me when I screw up, so I try to avoid screwing up with a hardass. Now, if only I could figure out how to be more of a hardass and less of an enabler, my life as management would be MUCH more rewarding.

[Pita]

I am pretty much a hard ass. I have lots of sympathy for people and am a good listener and will offer advice and help but I don't let them off the hook for whatever the problem is. I tell them to fix it and get over themselves. Nicely of course. :D

[WildIrish]

I'm such an enabler with people I care about, but a hardass at work. I have no tolerance for someone not doing their job, especially when I'm not asking too much.

[flutelady]

I'm more of an enabler than a hardass. But certain shit I simply don't put up with. I'll make sure you know how I feel, make sure you deal with it, but I try to do it in as non-threatening way as possible. I hate making people feel bad about themselves. They might have done something that's fucked up, but they themselves aren't fucked up (ok, some people are wayyy fucked up)

I have what I call my saturation point. Push me to it and we're history (literally). Unfortunately/fortunately for me, I've reached this point in the past with family members. So maybe I'm more of a hardass than I realized...?

[wyndhy]

i read this post this morning and thought about it for a while and i realized i'm very inconsistent. i guess it depends on the mood i'm in as to how much i am willing to coddle or how short my fuse will be. i think i tend to be more unforgiving with people who are not my friends or family but i'm gonna work on this, try to be more consistent.

[Sharni]

I'm both *L*

Some people bring out more one than the other....

When i had to employ some ppl for a contract i won....i told em at the start...i here as a friend but dont EVER forget i'm your boss.....if they majorly fucked up...i pulled em aside and told em as politely as possible that if they did it again they were out the door

I've had a hardass boss....and they can be unpleasent to work for....if i fuck up fine tell me but ya best be polite about it

Gotta give ppl a chance or two.....everyone makes mistakes

[osuche]

I tend to be very up-front and maybe even a bit of a hardass. But if you've proven yourself to me before, you *do* get quite a bit of slack before I cut bait.

[Summer]

I am an enabler (hello your the hardass) ;)
most of the time.

[campingboy]

I have learned over time that if I define the expectations then they know what I want. I do not give warm fuzzies, I give credit were credit is due and inform people when they have fallen short. I have had meetings where I asked the person what they would do differently and what we have learned from this issue. They generally do not let it happen again. So Soft Hardass?

[cowgirltease]

My psych says I'm an enabler. Lived with 2 alcoholics in my life. One being my dad. Just being told what I was doing has made me more aware of my feelings and how low people will stoop to manipulate you. I'm not perfect but I'm working on saying "NO MORE" now in my life and not feeling guilty about it. Baby steps.............:)

[Belial]

Is this a true dichotomy?

[Mae]

I am both...and more. I've had psychiatrists and psychologists tell me that I change my personality to fit the situation and person and that I have no patience for B.S. That was a long time ago. However, I found it very useful when I worked in public radio for many years. Of course, it begs the question..."Who the hell am I?". :confused:

[Booger]

mostly a hard ass

[Loulabelle]

I believe that misbehaviour is often a cry for attention, however I do not believe in rewarding it.

At the time of the person's misbehaviour, I'd be a hard ass, not allowing the behaviour to continue, and making it clear that inappropriate behaviour will not result in warm fuzzy happiness for the perpetrator.

However, when I start to see goo behaviour (or in extreme cases, even an absence of bad behaviour) that person will get my positive attention and I will attempt to give that person what they need.

Funnily enough, the person I do this with most is my Mother! LOL

[Lilith]

I believe that misbehaviour is often a cry for attention, however I do not believe in rewarding it.

At the time of the person's misbehaviour, I'd be a hard ass, not allowing the behaviour to continue, and making it clear that inappropriate behaviour will not result in warm fuzzy happiness for the perpetrator.

However, when I start to see goo behaviour (or in extreme cases, even an absence of bad behaviour) that person will get my positive attention and I will attempt to give that person what they need.

Funnily enough, the person I do this with most is my Mother! LOL
You Neo-Skinnerian ;)

[Nice Guy]

I'm a hardass. I don't tolerate people when they are screwing around when they should be working.

It is kind of interesting Lil you are working with another teacher who is an enabler while you are a hardass. I'm a teacher who is friends with another who is an enabler. Strange how opposites attract. :)

[LixyChick]

I'd label myself a diplomatic hard-ass! I know there is a right time for everything and I don't call someone on their misbehavior instantly or in a crowd (usually)...unless I am backed into a corner. I think about the situation, and I am more than aware if it happens again...however miniscule.

I find that usuing reverse, reverse, psycology works best if the person doesn't like you in the first place. Example: *person* is jealous of your position and does rotten things to make your projects look shitty to higher-ups...I say to them, "Pretty cool twist you took on that project! I'll be sure to let *so-and-so* know of all your input"!

If someone is irritating beyond reason...Examples: There is a girl at my job that has to know my every move...and I mean EVERY move. If I go to the bathroom, she's asking someone else where I went. When I get back, she'll then ask me where I went, if I am sick, why was I gone for so long...to double check her sources. She is seated in front of me at our new building (I'm officeless now), and even though her back is to me she seems to know what I eat during the day. If she turns to see me munching, she'll say something like, "How many pretzels did you have so far"? Or, "Soup huh? Don't you ever eat breakfast food for breakfast"? Or, "How can you eat that _______(insert any normally heated food here) cold"? Today, I asked her, "How does what I do on a daily basis effect your life"? Diplomatic, right? To the point...puts the ball in her court...gives her a dose of her own medicine of questions...and let's her know, without my screaming "don't worry about me you pain in the ass", that I want her to worry/think about herself instead of focusing on me.

Damn, I'm good!

[Aqua]

I am mostly an enabler with a healthy dash of hardass if you cross certain lines.

[quisath]

Since I expect a lot out of people I would guess HARDASS would be my Tag. I do however have patience and if that has been tested then you don't get another chance. Look Out.

[fzzy]

Mainly I tend to be an enabler personality, though like CGT, once I realized it, I've tried to modify it so that my tendencies don't end up being a roadblock for someone else. And when it comes to fair treatment of someone other than myself, I will NOT stand by and allow bad behavior to go unchallenged.

[rabbit]

I am a 100% hardass...no tolerance for deliberate slacking.

This gets me in trouble at home if I am in a piss-poor mood... :(


rabbit