Matchmaking 101

[GingerV]

I'm NOT a compulsive matchmaker. Really. Cross my heart. It was a one off thing, and I totally screwed it up. She's really shy, he's really shy, I was getting "interested but scared" signals off of both of them about each other. She's a friend of mine and comfortable talking around me...just not necessarily on her own with someone she doesn't know well. I figured if I could get everyone chatting, I could bow out and they could happily get over the awkward part.

Which is where the "me screwing it up" part happened. Messages got totally mixed, and he wound up hitting on the wrong girl, despite the fact he KNOWS my other half. So, now I feel crumby AND these two are still single (although I think I managed to keep all egos from getting bruised).

But this isn't about me, specifically. I wanted to ask generally...Is matchmaking inherently meddlesome and wrong, or can it be a good and helpful thing?

For those who don't think it's the 8th deadly sin, are there any tips to successful set ups? Other than "don't let Ginger do it", I mean.

For those who hate the idea, how do you cope when two people just WON'T get over the hump without a push? Or is that just a silly question.

G

[jaybee from UK]

Depends how good you are.

I speak here not of you, but of my sister in law, who truly loves me, but hasn't a clue what is what. I guess I have bad luck with sis-in-law's; one has her brain in the right place, the other her heart - unfortunately for me, neither girl has both. Or should I say, 'fortunately.

One doesn't have a clue what her fellow sisters want. The other would dob me off with a woman just like herself, a demographic in which she has chosen to practice self-imposed apartheid. That would be even worse.

I loved it when I introduced my last girlfriend to her, and the two ladies looked at each other with a kind of cold, thinly disguised hostility, suprisingly in the same way a couple of guys who don't like each other might.

A common piece we guys hear is, "If you want a woman...ask a woman". Women love to matchmake, or so we are are (mis)informed.

They say you can only love another, or be loved BY another, when you love yourself. I submit the same is true of matchmaking. You can't know someone elses mores, unless you are convinced of your known.

Know thyself. If not, you'll screw up royally.


Jaybee.

[Lilith]

*cough*cough*lou&fussy*cough*cough*

no comment:D:D:p

[BigBear57]

I've seen some great fixups among friends but more often I've seen some bad crash & burns. With people it's hard to say what might click and what won't. I've had a few blind dates and I'd do it again I suppose but history has taught me not to get my hopes up.

[dreamgurl]

I don't have any words of advice, but can I be fixed up next......lol

[GingerV]

*points to Lilith* Talk to the master, DG. I'll watch and learn ;).

[Scorp]

*raises hand* i'll wait my turn as well.

[Booger]

the only problem I've found with match maker is they seem to fix me up with some one they think I skould like not someone I will

[GingerV]

Errr.....that's a pretty big problem, Booger. ;)

[BlondBabe]

Awwwww....poor Scorp ;) :x:

[fredchabotnick]

I don't think that it's inherantly meddlesome and wrong...but like most relationships, it can go wrong easily, and if you've been "matched", then there's just someone who tends to get the blame.
But speaking as a single guy, I wouldn't mind it most of the time.

[LixyChick]

Wow! Good questions GingerV! I'm gonna follow this thread and get some answers as well. I've been told to stay out of it at times...but then people seem to trust my instincts at other times. I'm fearing it's a "damed if you do and damned if you don't" kind of affair (no pun intended).

[Belial]

It can work, but the matchmaker mustn't try to force the issue with either part of the attempted match. If it's not working, let them kill it off, and make sure they know you don't want them to feel obliged to try and get things going just to please you.

[Lilith]

I'm not a matchmaker...I'm a nudge.

[Oldfart]

I'm with Lil on this.

You put two people in the same geography and let happenings happen, maybe.

[Lilith]

Or you simply point out some interesting attributes or things about them you think the other person may appreciate.

[Daft]

I've always been to shy to make the first move, but that was before my last girlfriend, she opened me up alot but it still took some nudging on a mutual friends part to get us togeather even though we both knew we were realy into eachother.

[smoothballs]

as someone who has been matchmade
the two i got nudged :rolleyes: towards were good.
but was all physical and not much after that ok for a few months but not a soul mate thing. not for me anyway.
happy being single and spending all my money on me :wine: