Peanut Butter

[Lilith]

I have no way to go sit by his grave and tell him how much I miss him. It's been a month today and the pain is till so damn intense. I debated posting and opening healing wounds but this is where we started and you are the people who know how much he meant to so many of us. I just have this lump in my throat that I can't seem to swallow down today. And I needed to share the burden of my sorrow with those of you who understand.

[osuche]

((((((((Lillith)))))))) ~ I can't seem to take his names off my yahoo IM account, cause every time I open the window I think of him and our wonderful chats...... Just today I was missing him also.

I understand, I think....... Just a little bit. And I am sending you a BIG hug.

[sodaklostsoul]

(((((((((Lillith))))))))))) I did'nt get to know him being a newbie at the time, but the one pm I got from him, I just can't seem to delete.

[fzzy]

I miss him too Lil ... in all the time, I never really got that close to him on a personal level, but always loved seeing what he would post, threads he started, odd comments here and there (not meaning odd as in strange - but as a comment made here and there) - I keep expecting to see that "I'm back" post from him ... It is hard to deal with the "I should have taken a bit of time to ...." regrets!!! But it has reminded me to "take a bit of time to ...." with others who I care about and who matter to me, even the occasional acquaintances. He was a good man with a golden heart and he is missed.

[Steph]

((((Lil)))))

He's still on my IM, too, osuche, & I know what you mean about thinking you'll see an "I'm back" thread, fzzy.

[gekkogecko]

Life is a joke. Death is the punchline.

See, the trick is to realize that in th end, we all really do end up dead. Realizing that, then ask, did he make a difference to the world around him before he died?

I think the answer is "yes".

[jennaflower]

I understand.... more than I wish I did..

A month full of yesterdays... that is how his loss hits me.. as if it were only yesterday.. and that I missed all the opportunities.. I think of Skip often... I think of James even more... both different sides of the very same loving dear man.

I have him on my yahoo list.. I still send him a message from time to time.. just to put my feelings into words.... eventually.. I am sure I will attempt that.. and yahoo won't let me.. until then.. I will continue. I also have the location of a personal ad he put up that last week... and his picture there... I go there.. to read.. and think of what a blessing he would have been to any woman who honestly deserved him.

I miss my friend... but he didn't leave this earth before teaching me some important lessons... and because of him.. I find myself taking more chances... I thank him for that... I will always hold a special place in my heart for him...

*shrug*
sure...........

[imaginewithme]

I wish I could hug all of you today. I know I didn't know him that long but in the short time I did, it meant more to me than anything. And no, things haven't felt the same. Things remind me of him daily, so I can only imagine how someone else feels that knew him longer. My husband just asked about it the other day and I busted out crying. Of course, he felt bad, but it felt good to cry and miss how good STO made me feel and to hear someone tell me that I made them feel good back.

As I have said before, keep your chin up, so you can see him smiling down at you.

(((((PIXIES)))))))

[PantyFanatic]

To this thread I can only add the special words that were once posted by a very good friend, Lilith.

“Just know I am here”

Sometimes we can not fathom the pain and sufferring someone is feeling when they come here and interact with us or even people we experience in our everyday lives.....so important to be there for eachother. …...no one should outlive their children...it is just wrong ((hugs)) and for another special friend who is in pain right now~ cyber hugs can never replace real ones....... just know I am here


:)

http://www.pixies-place.com:81/forums/showthread.php?t=8730

[Lilith]

Wow....TY PF.

I still have him on all my messengers as well and can't/don't dare delete anything. His phone message is still there and I listen to it when I feel strong enough. I can't speak...I have not been able to leave him a message anywhere cause I'm mad that I don't have forever to tell him everything I need to/should have/want to say. I wanted to share all the wonderful things to come in our lives and for him to be there to ridicule all the stupid things I will do. I would have gladly returned the favor. Damn him, I miss him.

[Catch22]

May I ask, do you know why and how?

[Lilith]

Yes.

[Catch22]

I am very sorry to hear this. We posted together. Not any private ones. Very sad.

[Aqua]

((((((((Lilith)))))))))
You know I am here for you.

I thank God you are here for me.

It still hurts. It's gonna be a very long time until it doesn't.

[jennaflower]

Yes.. this will hurt for a long time...

and.. bardon my clicheness.. but I feel this fits..

The Dance......
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way It all would end,
The way It all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance.

Holding you, I held everything,
For a moment wasn't I the king?
But If I'd only known how the king would fall,
Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed It all,

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way It all would end,
The way It all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.

It's my life, It's better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss
The dance

[Sharni]

((((((((To all that need em))))))))

[skyler_m]

I'm sorry that I did not get to know him well. One thing I've realized is that it is good to reflect on the good times, whenever you can. There was a guy that I used to work with that I liked a lot. He was fun to hang out with. He was killed in a car accident at age 34. I still have his business card in my card holder and think of him when I see it.

It's good to keep him on your yahoo account... to bump his threads, etc. The pain will diminish, and smiles will come when you see his threads on here in the future...

[Lilith]

((((TY Sharni))))

Skyler_m I think you are right. I feel fortunate we have bits to bring back those good memories when we need them.

[scotzoidman]

Time will lessen the pain, but as long as we all remember him, he's not gone...

I still carry a pic of a HS friend in my wallet, he's been gone for 20 years now, but I still think of "Little Shaver" everyday...

[RandyGal]

It's such a strange sensation to have someone just......GONE. I have 2 online friends who have died and I still have their addresses in my addy book and all their emails. I doubt I'll ever delete them. No clue why I do that but I do understand why those of you are keeping your emails/PM's from him. :(

*hugs* to those who are in need tonite.

[dicksbro]

More hugs to you Lilith. Miss Skip as well. Always thought there'd be a time we'd get to meet. I know you're real close to several, but if I can ever do anything ... don't hesitate.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

I've tried to post to this thread several times this week but haven't finished one until now. As you know, Lil, Skip and I were fairly close, like many others, but peanut butter itself was one issue where--at least one evening last summer--he and I didn't agree. Fortunately, comments that were made that night were not enough to dissipate the underlying friendship we had...and, from then on, whenever I'd hear someone's comment about peanut allergies and school, I'd first think of my daughter, and then of Skip.

((Lil)). You know where to find me.