Done trying

[jennaflower]

For those of you who don't know me... or care about me... please disregard this thread.... the rest... proceed with caution... LOL

Let me tell you a story...

In April it was announced that one of my favorite Country Artists (Trace Adkins) was headed to my area for an appearance at the fair. OH yeah.. I was excited... tickets went on sale at 9 am on a Saturday morning... tickets available in person.. on the phone.. and on the net... since I wasn't able to get to the location that the tickets were on sale at.. I thought.. surely one of the other methods would work... WELL.. SIX hours later... I finally get thru on the net... order 2 tickets... and hit submit.. wait.. wait.. wait.. and then... it tells me.. NOPE.. tells me that the system crashes..!!!!!!! So.. I continue the redial again.. and again.. only to find out that the seats are all SOLD OUT!!! I was pissed.. not happy at all... especially when I get home to find out that their net company charged me for the tickets that I never got...

SO... the following monday.. I call.. raise hell... and they come thru.. 2 THIRD ROW tickets... so I contact the fan club.. pay my membership fee... and by the end of the day.. I have a back stage pass!!! WOOOHOOO

NOW... to figure out who would go with me... remember... I don't have anyone in my life.. haven't for years... Guess I am just not the date material.. anyway.. I degress..

I wanted STO to come with me.. even mentioned it to him... but.. as we are all painfully aware.. that wasn't meant to be... (it should have been a sign)...

I then ask a friend at work... he wasn't able to go.. since his father is dying of Cancer and took a turn for the worse.. requiring him to travel to see him... (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend.... she can't.. she has to babysit her grandson... (this sould have been a sign)

I ask another friend... she has a family reunion to attend.. she can't go (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend... he can't go.. just got a job working nites at Walmart.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my mom... she can't go.. is in too much pain.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my best friend (who I know doesn't care for country music)... she agrees to go..

So......... we head out to go.. tickets in hand.. back stage pass secure...

45 minute drive to the fair.. no problem.. good opportunity to catch up with my best friend... right...

well.. 45 minutes turns into an hour... the traffic is HORRIFIC... 3 miles from the fair grounds.. it is bumper to bumper... 1 hour turns into 2... driving around the radius of the fair grounds... 2 hours.. turns into THREE.... by that point.. the meet & greet is over.... the concert begins.. (I can hear it from the window of my car)...

and I finally give up... and drive the 45 minutes home.. drop off my friend.. and head home to cry as I type this..

The whole time.. I am fighing road rage.. pissed as hell... mad at myself... made as hell that STO wasn't with me... tho knowing that he was probably up above laughing... shruggin...


*sigh*...

I am just plain fucking tired on sooooo many levels... the fact that I miss the one event that I had waited months for... the fact that the ones I asked to go with me didn't feel enough for me to do so... the fact that I don't have someone in my life to share these things with... the fact that AGAIN I go to bed alone... I am just tired... done...

[dreamgurl]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I know nothing I could ever say would help. After the fuss i raised earlier this month with my Clay Aiken concert, reading this has made me treasure it even more. I am crying with you. *hugs*

[jseal]

jennaflower,

Wow! Maxibummer! I am SO sorry that not one damned thing broke your way!

((((((((((jennaflower))))))))))

[Sharni]

Awwwww hun ((((((((Jenna))))))))

[Lilith]

(((((((((((Jenna))))))))))))))) I'm sorry. Right now the world is dumping buckets on me too and I understand how angry and tiring it can be trying to get out from under it all. But we have something that STO did not.....hope. Hope that someday, maybe not tomorrow but someday, things will be clearer, brighter, better. Now sucks, but now is temporary. Just hold on. You have people who love you and count on you (even when you can not always count on them) to be there for them. I count on you and I hope you know you can count on me too (lol at first I typed you can cunt on me :p).

[Irish]

((((Jennaflower))))---Maybe this is a sign,to buy that record "Signs",I think
that it was by Simon & Garfunkel(sp?) Irish

[Steph]

((((((jenna)))))) That must have been so disappointing. I'm really sorry to hear this happened. :(

[osuche]

jenna.....I am so sorry to hear aboutyour shitty evening. But please remember that it's always darkest before the dawn ~ and tomorrow should bring new opportunities.

((((jenna))))

[rockintime]

Jenna, I'm very sorry to hear that this went badly for you and you weren't able to get to the concert. But you've got lots of supporters here....my best to a super person.

((((((((Jenna))))))))

[Belial]

:(

I can only imagine how frustrating this has been for you. Wish I could be there because I have a huge warm hug here for you ((((((((((Jenna)))))))))).

Hope you feel better soon.

[flutelady]

Jenna, you've had a huge disappointment. I know how that can make all the rest of the shit in your life feel absolutely overwhelming. I understand how you can throw up your hands and say "why bother, I'm done trying".

I also know that, in my own life, when I've been able to relax and stop trying so hard, that's when the best things have eventually found me. It's when I wasn't looking so hard, that I found.

You've got lots of friends and supporters here, caring for you and wishing you the best. Knowing that you are worthy and deserving. I am among those folks. Hang in there, you are NOT alone.

[Grumble]

oh sweetie what a Murphy's evening. I suppose the only way to go is up from there (((((((((((((((((( Jenna)))))))))))))))))))

[dicksbro]

jennaflower, I'm really sorry. Wish things had worked out for you. (((( HUGS ))))

[BigBear57]

Hot damn Hon when it rains it pours. I really hate the evening went to shit on you. There's gotta be something wrong with the folks up there in MO if you've had any troubles finding an escort You're one of the finest people I know. I've had these kinds of disappointments too I know it's rough on the heart and makes the mind reel in quandry. We all have these trials that really test us to the limits. I wish I could type something to erase the pain and correct the situation. I'm sending you encouraging thoughts and loving hugs. I'm always around if you need a shoulder, just know I have faith in you. It WILL get better.

[imaginewithme]

oh honey!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soooo sorry to hear of your evening... :-( I was hoping you were having a great time.
I know you're in a slump right now and what Lilith said above touched me as I am sure it touches you. Please keep your chin up baby girl......so you can see STO smiling down at ya.
I wish I could be there to hug you and hold ya up thru the low times but you know I am right here for you.

Love to ya.

[jennaflower]

dreamgurl, jseal, Sharni, Lilith, Irish, Steph, osuche, rockintime, Belial, flutelady, Grumble, dicksbro, BigBear57, imaginewithme,

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement... it means a lot to me that each of you responded and reached out to me.. I hesitated doing the thread in the first place... mostly because I ABSOLUTELY hate my self pity.. but last nite.. I felt the need to express myself.. to get it out... and being here at Pixies with Friends.. seemed like the most ideal place to do so without being critisized.

Unfortunately, this event.. was only the tip of the iceberg sorta speak... alot has been going on (or not going depending on the topic) for so long... that I have fallen into a depression... one that scares the crap out of me for the most part... I know the signs... but I am taking the steps to get the help to deal with it...

I know that I will be okay... because there isn't any other option for me.. I will continue to survive.. even if this path is just covered with more of the same... I am fortunate to have wonderful friends here... and that helps..

Hugs to all of you... and thanks so much..

[Catch22]

Very sad to see you upset Jenna. Perhaps you should think about a break from where you are and go on trip. Hard to do in practice. I understand that. I am sure a lot of people would love to see you and spend some time with you.

[cowgirltease]

dreamgurl, jseal, Sharni, Lilith, Irish, Steph, osuche, rockintime, Belial, flutelady, Grumble, dicksbro, BigBear57, imaginewithme,

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement... it means a lot to me that each of you responded and reached out to me.. I hesitated doing the thread in the first place... mostly because I ABSOLUTELY hate my self pity.. but last nite.. I felt the need to express myself.. to get it out... and being here at Pixies with Friends.. seemed like the most ideal place to do so without being critisized.

Unfortunately, this event.. was only the tip of the iceberg sorta speak... alot has been going on (or not going depending on the topic) for so long... that I have fallen into a depression... one that scares the crap out of me for the most part... I know the signs... but I am taking the steps to get the help to deal with it...

I know that I will be okay... because there isn't any other option for me.. I will continue to survive.. even if this path is just covered with more of the same... I am fortunate to have wonderful friends here... and that helps..

Hugs to all of you... and thanks so much..


(((((((((Jenna)))))))))))))
You better cowgirl up! You're tougher than that! We all have speed bumps in our life. Just remember thats all they are. Don't let it get you down. It's hard to get back up. Forget the negative things and look at the positive things in your life.
What you're doing is what Zig Zigler calls "stinkin thinkin". Go do something nice for yourself today. You'll feel better. :)

[LixyChick]

Awwwwwwwwwwww...(((((jenna))))! I'm sorry I haven't been here for you! I hope that on this day you are feeling a bit better about the situation and maybe finding that silver lining that is spoken so highly of in most shitty situations!

I've said it time and again but it's worth repeating here...

If we NEVER had "bad" in our lives...if all was wonderful and glorious...how in the hell would we know it was wonderful and glorious with NOTHING opposing to compare it to? I know some are dealt what seems like more bad than good...but I swear hun, it all equals out if we just hang in there and give it the time necessary to take the turn for the better!

Take this experience and store it away to compare it to the good that WILL eventually come to you! You are a wonderful person and you'll be rewarded for it tenfold with just a bit more patience on your part!

P.S. I am sending you and yours a bright light of hope and happiness! PM me anytime!

[sodaklostsoul]

I'm right there with you Jenna, I understand how you feel. Sometimes I wish for a magic wand to make it all better. (((((((((((Jenna))))))))

[Irish]

Jennaflower---You mentioned Trace Adkins.This question,does not pertain,to
your thread,but I was just wondering.Did you ever see his video(I think,that it
was something like"Centerfold")In the whole video,people think that he is "lusting" for this blond centerfold.In actuality,he is picturing his wife,when she was younger!I REALLY liked it because everyone pictures,men,as caring about nothing,but sex.They don't seem to realise,that when someone sticks,
with you thru the good & bad,that men care! Irish
P.S.Maybe,this blows my image,but I know that's one of the reasons,that I care!

[jennaflower]

Irish...

I THINK the song and video that you mention would probably be "One Hot Mama"... it portrays much of what you describe... he isn't one to stick to the "thin supermodel type" (tho his videos do include many of them)... his wife is more of the "average" woman.. which only makes me like him more...

I do believe that you are right Irish.. not every man lusts after the centerfold image... I only wish that I could find them.... oh well...

Thanks again to everyone for their support.. and putting up with my downs... they seem to be overwhelming as of late... but I assure you... I am TRYING...

Hugs..

[Teddy Bear]

For those of you who don't know me...

... I don't have anyone in my life.. haven't for years... Guess I am just not the date material..

.. his father is dying of Cancer and took a turn for the worse.. requiring him to travel to see him...

.. she has to babysit her grandson...

.. she has a family reunion to attend..

.. just got a job working nites at Walmart..

.. is in too much pain..

I ask my best friend (who I know doesn't care for country music)... she agrees to go..

....good opportunity to catch up with my best friend...

... driving around the radius of the fair grounds...

.... the concert begins.. (I can hear it from the window of my car)...

...I finally give up...drop off my friend.. and head home to cry as I type this..

I am just plain fucking tired on sooooo many levels... the fact that I miss the one event that I had waited months for... the fact that the ones I asked to go with me didn't feel enough for me to do so... the fact that I don't have someone in my life to share these things with... the fact that AGAIN I go to bed alone... I am just tired... done...


(((((jennaflower)))))!!! Every rain storm has something good but it's not always obvious to us at first glance. There may not be a rainbow but from the rain, flowers will grow and dry brown grass will be green once again.

I only know you from your post but through them I know you are a wonderful, kind, thoughtful, intelligent lady!

Your last paragraph has you standing in a mud puddle while the rain pours down on your head! You state, "the fact that the ones I asked to go with me didn't feel enough for me to do so..." It seems to me that everyone you asked had a legitimate reason why they couldn't go. They did not turn you down because they don't care for you! How wonderful that your girl friend agreed to go with you even though she doesn't like country music! A flower?

It is terrible you missed the concert.... "the concert begins.. (I can hear it from the window of my car)...I finally give up...drop off my friend.. and head home..." A similar thing happened to me many years ago. We rolled down our windows, sat up on the doors and had a sing-along with the other people stuck in the traffic with us, who were also hanging out thier windows. I think we got inside in time to hear 2 songs. I still remember that as a fun night.

Somehow I don't think it's just missing the concert but because you state the following twice, at the beginning and at the end, I think its more this that is causing you such grief: "... I don't have anyone in my life.. haven't for years... Guess I am just not the date material..." - and then - "... the fact that I don't have someone in my life to share these things with... the fact that AGAIN I go to bed alone..."

First of all from the little I know of you I'd say you ARE date material! Do not doubt that for a second! I do not have a clue as to why you are alone at this time in your life but use it to 'green up your grass'.... while the rain is falling concentrate on you, take a college course, or start a new hobby, travel, take a self defense class, do things you want to do just for you without having anyone else to account to, become a better, stronger person. But do it for you! Don't do it to 'find' some one. When the time is right everything will fall into place! Don't ever give up! There are so many people here who love you, I read it in thier post to you. Talk to them and don't let a little rain get you down. Rather, take off your clothes and run naked in it and rejoice in the fact that your you and you have a terrific future waiting for you!!

Please feel free to PM or IM me any time. Don't be sad... rain doesn't last forever, I know, I've been there. :) *hugs*

[jennaflower]

Teddy..

I honestly didn't intend to say that those that I invited didn't have legitimate and worthy reasons not to go... I think that each of them would have gone.. had they been able.. please pardon my stupidity..

I do appreciate your wisdom.. and your encouragement.. I will certainly be chewing on it for awhile... hugs.. and thanks..

[Catch22]

No being negative or we will all have to hold you down while someone tickles you with a big feather.

[Vullkan]

Dear lady.......

I would have gone with you had if I lived a bit closer, even though I strongly dislike this artist. As a friend and body guard I dare say you might have sincerely enjoyed yourself at the fair

[Irish]

Irish...

I THINK the song and video that you mention would probably be "One Hot Mama"... it portrays much of what you describe... he isn't one to stick to the "thin supermodel type" (tho his videos do include many of them)... his wife is more of the "average" woman.. which only makes me like him more...

I do believe that you are right Irish.. not every man lusts after the centerfold image... I only wish that I could find them.... oh well...

Thanks again to everyone for their support.. and putting up with my downs... they seem to be overwhelming as of late... but I assure you... I am TRYING...

Hugs..
jennaflower---Yes,that is the name of the song & video.Sorry,to get back to you, so late.My entire system,was down,yesterday & last night.I am,subscribed,to this thread but I couldn't even get e-mails,after a certain
time! Irish
P.S.I,personaly,have always liked him,because in appearance,anyway,he looks
like alot of tho "older" bikers,that I have known personaly!

[Sugarsprinkles]

SO... the following monday.. I call.. raise hell... and they come thru.. 2 THIRD ROW tickets... so I contact the fan club.. pay my membership fee... and by the end of the day.. I have a back stage pass!!! WOOOHOOO

NOW... to figure out who would go with me... remember... I don't have anyone in my life.. haven't for years... Guess I am just not the date material.. anyway.. I degress..

I then ask a friend at work... he wasn't able to go.. since his father is dying of Cancer and took a turn for the worse.. requiring him to travel to see him... (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend.... she can't.. she has to babysit her grandson... (this sould have been a sign)

I ask another friend... she has a family reunion to attend.. she can't go (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend... he can't go.. just got a job working nites at Walmart.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my mom... she can't go.. is in too much pain.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my best friend (who I know doesn't care for country music)... she agrees to go..



Gee, Jenna, you could have called me............




I'm really sorry it turned out so badly for you. I would have been happy to go with you and even been happy to help you bitch about the way it turned out all the way back home.

[fredchabotnick]

I then ask a friend at work... he wasn't able to go.. since his father is dying of Cancer and took a turn for the worse.. requiring him to travel to see him... (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend.... she can't.. she has to babysit her grandson... (this sould have been a sign)

I ask another friend... she has a family reunion to attend.. she can't go (this should have been a sign)

I ask another friend... he can't go.. just got a job working nites at Walmart.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my mom... she can't go.. is in too much pain.. (this should have been a sign)..

I ask my best friend (who I know doesn't care for country music)... she agrees to go..

So......... we head out to go.. tickets in hand.. back stage pass secure...

45 minute drive to the fair.. no problem.. good opportunity to catch up with my best friend... right...


Wow, I'm really sorry about all of that, nobody should have that lousy of a day. But the whole trying to find someone to go with you reminds me of something a good friend has been saying (especially recently with a poker game and road trip that were cancelled because of people backing out)
You can't make people have fun.

Why is that?