How to fall out of love ASAP!!!

[Incubated]

Basically, I (24) love her (17) but she loves him.

Except that he (30) is way to old for her and has a kid - and she knows that he will only hurt her. again... (He also fucked a 14yr old when he was 24 and dated a 14yr old when he was 28, but I am working on burning him for that...)

Anyway, my advice has been to cut all ties - ignore and destroy everything that reminds her of him. (I'm stuggling to get over her, but when when the girl who tells you she wants to marry you fucks someone else less than a month later...well it helps ease the pain in an ironic sort of way.)

What else can she do?

(And how do I get the cops to take me seriously without implicating the girls or myself?)

[asearching1]

Originally posted by Incubated
Basically, I (24) love her (17) but she loves him.

Except that he (30) is way to old for her and has a kid - and she knows that he will only hurt her. again... (He also fucked a 14yr old when he was 24 and dated a 14yr old when he was 28, but I am working on burning him for that...)

Anyway, my advice has been to cut all ties - ignore and destroy everything that reminds her of him. (I'm stuggling to get over her, but when when the girl who tells you she wants to marry you fucks someone else less than a month later...well it helps ease the pain in an ironic sort of way.)

What else can she do?

(And how do I get the cops to take me seriously without implicating the girls or myself?)

I'm a therapist and not in the business of telling anyone what they should do , but I will share a few thoughts that I had based on the info you provided (Take them for what you will.)

You state that you love her and this may be true, but I always have concerns when there is an age difference such as yours at the ages you are. Developmentally, socially and emotionally, the two of you are in very different places. Legal issues aside, I have rarely seen a relationship like this suceed. Not to say that it couldn't, but there are many factors involved that would suggest you may want to explore your own needs, desires and givings in relationships.

You are in a no-win situation in telling her what she should do to get over this guy. Firstly, she may not truly wish to be rid of him from what you've said about her actions. Secondly, explore your motivations for "helping her" as this may be brought up by her down the road. You should have it right in your head before continuing. No definitive right or wrong here, but having your own motivations straight will prove helpful for you.

What else can she do? If she is truly looking for support, there are many services out there. From counseling to the police. The former is something I'd highly recommend as it sounds like she needs to sort through some stuff.

As to your question about getting the cops to take you seriously without implicating the girls or yourself.... it is impossible. Should you choose this course of action, you will need to reveal all or assume that it will eventually come out.

Fred

[Lilith]

In my country you are too old for her as well. If this is right, it would all be right and feel right. I say get out of the entire situation and move on.

[imaginewithme]

Great advise up there......... and maybe she's telling you things bad about this guy but may not be true. You know, wanting pity from you for her. Be careful. Don't let your heart get too hurt.

I can't tell you how to fall OUT of love. I have no idea how myself. But she is probably loving your attention and it's just getting you attached.

Be careful and good luck!!!

[darogle]

Yikes!!

I hate to say this so harsh, but the best advice I can give is duck and run! Like Lilith said, you're too old for her too.

[Incubated]

Ok, the relationship between her and me is over - I know it and she knows it. There is no possibility of it ever picking up. For what it's worth we didn't have sex and I wasn't planning on it until she turns 18. And I have just turned 24 - but yes I know the age gap between us was too big...

She wants to leave him cos she knows there is no future for them and knows that she is only going to get hurt as all he wants her for is her body.

My motivations therefore are to protect her only. I can say that with all confidence. So why haven't I ducked and run?

Cos I don't want to see someone I care about get hurt.

So this isn't about her and me or even me, it is just about her. Hope that clears things up a bit.

[GingerV]

There's a difference between "easy" and "simple," I know. The problem is that while we have little or no control about what whom we love, we have complete control about what we do about those feelings. While it may not be easy, leaving this guy the hell alone is most definately simple. Which leaves me to believe that if it was what she really wanted, she'd do it.

But I can't get past the fact that she's 17. And I'm grateful to you for not using the tired old line about how she's "soooo mature for her age." She sounds like she's ACTING 17 as well. Which means that she's getting off on the drama and the attention. From both of you. She's learning about the emotions she's evoking in herself, for better or worse. And there is no power on earth that is going to stop her from making the mistakes that way deep down she wants to make.

What strikes me in what you've said is that there's internal evidence that you were WAY too old for her in the first place. You seem to think that this is something you can do something about. Something you can fix. You have to get your mind around the fact that you can't control the situation or the girl, for better or for worse. You can't. All you can do is tell her that you can't watch her hurt herself anymore, and that you're walking away from the situation completely. It gets you out of it, and it takes away part of the attention she's getting from the situation. It's as likely to draw her away from the even older guy as move her towards him.

But basically, she's got to do what's best for her in the long run instead of what she wants in the short run......which means she's got to grow up and get over the idea that she doesn't have control of her actions when emotions are involved. Growing up is what 17 year olds have to do. But it's not easy, and a lot of them have to get themselves well and truly hurt in the process. While it sucks, and I wish like hell that no-one had introduced her to the idea that dating much older guys was a good idea in the first place....they can really mess with a kid's head....it's not original for girls to act out like this, in my experience. And I'm not sure you're helping by playing the white knight/friend in her personal soap opera.

Take it for what it's worth.

G

[Vigil]

If you have an ounce of common sense in your head - you will take Ginger's advice straight away.

[denny]

Ginger is dead on. Get away and lick your wounds. You cannot help her, only she can help herself. You will only get hurt more by her in the process. It is hard, but move on.

[Concubine]

the only thing I can recomend for falling out of love is space and time, I know I would have had an immensly hard time healing had I completely cut ties to my ex way back when, although it may be hard I tell you it is certainly for the best, now months later looking back I can see things were definatly for the best and I'm happy with my new girlfriend, Bah I just spilt pop all over myself, luckily I have a wet nap here lol, anyway

my point was, life does go on, and you will recover, although the process isn't always painless it's easy to see it's for the best, so I wish you the best of luck healing