Irish
06-03-2004, 10:26 PM
> Number One Idiot of 2003
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
> poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
> the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
> daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
> conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
> poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
> bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
>
> Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Two Idiot of 2003
> Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
> a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
> of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
> river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
> turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
> beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
> employed at Boeing.
>
> Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Three Idiot of 2003
>
> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
> of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
> your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note
> to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
> note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So
> he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After!
> ; waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
> teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
> wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
> accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
> deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
> deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
> the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
> was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>
> Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Four Idiot of 2003
>
> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
> of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
> bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
> on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21. " The
> robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
> because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
> driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
> looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
> the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
> The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
> the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
> hours later.
>
> This guy definitely needs a sign!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number FIVE of 2003
>
> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nerv! ously wa ving
> revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
> the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he
> probably figured it out himself.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number Six of 2003
>
> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
> throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
> run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> window The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
> head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
> made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that
> smarts.
>
> Give him his sign.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number Seven of 2003
>
> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
> into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
> and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
> couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
> ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
> breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
> Sign please.
>
> Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.
> Scary, isn't it?!
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
> poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
> the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
> daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
> conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
> poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
> bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
>
> Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Two Idiot of 2003
> Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
> a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
> of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
> river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
> turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
> beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
> employed at Boeing.
>
> Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Three Idiot of 2003
>
> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
> of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
> your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note
> to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
> note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So
> he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After!
> ; waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
> teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
> wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
> accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
> deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
> deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
> the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
> was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>
> Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Four Idiot of 2003
>
> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
> of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
> bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
> on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21. " The
> robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
> because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
> driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
> looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
> the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
> The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
> the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
> hours later.
>
> This guy definitely needs a sign!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number FIVE of 2003
>
> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nerv! ously wa ving
> revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
> the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he
> probably figured it out himself.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number Six of 2003
>
> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
> throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
> run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> window The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
> head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
> made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that
> smarts.
>
> Give him his sign.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number Seven of 2003
>
> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
> into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
> and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
> couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
> ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
> breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
> Sign please.
>
> Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.
> Scary, isn't it?!