Low maintenance...

[osuche]

Nope...We're not talking cars here.... We're talking women.

Simple questions -- mostly targeted to the guys, although womens' opinions are also appreciated:

Is it possible to be too low-maintenance to your spouse/SO? Would a low-maintenance SO still earn your respect? Do you prefer your SO to be high maintenance, and if so why?


A friend told me the other day that I was too low maintenance for a woman. He said he'd never date a woman who: (1) opened her own doors, (2) offered to pay for dinner, (3) liked to take the lead in bed, (4) got ready faster than him in the morning (I take about 10 minutes), (5) and had no problems being blunt. Said a lady shouldn't act this way.

What do you think? Does a more demanding woman create mystique? Make you feel like you had to work hard and thus conquered?

I'd be interested in your thoughts.

[rdw97]

I don't mind a woman who opens her own doors, as long as we're not going to a restaurant or formal gathering. Hell, if she offers to pay, I'd let her. Just not all the time. I like a woman taking the lead, maybe not all the time, but sometimes is good. If she gets ready faster than me, great. Less time I have to spend waiting. Being blunt is great. honesty is nice, even if you don't like what you're hearing.

[Slow Ride]

I say it depends on the Lady............if she likes having doors opened........and her meals paid for....ect..

I enjoy doing these thing for her....................BUT, I guess the bottom line is.........I'll go along with what makes her comfortable

but, I do enjoy treating a Lady like a Lady

[darogle]

Low maintenance for me.

I love opening doors for women, picking up the check and all of that, but what your freind says he would never date sounds like an ideal woman to me. One that can think for herself and take care of herself. I don't want someone to be dependant on me, I want a partner.

A more demanding woman doesn't create more mystique, just more headaches. I don't want to conquer anyone, let alone the woman I'm going to spend my life with.

[Belial]

Personally I see the view of women as conquests to be unhealthily egotistical and not exactly conducive to happiness. I'm looking for a friend, lover, etc, not a chance to prove my courting and seduction skills. Also, I doubt that I would become close to a woman who expected on principle for me to pay, open every door, etc. on the basis that that is my role as a man.

If she demanded affection and attention though, that is another matter ;)

[cowgirltease]

Originally posted by Slow Ride
I say it depends on the Lady............if she likes having doors opened........and her meals paid for....ect..

I enjoy doing these thing for her....................BUT, I guess the bottom line is.........I'll go along with what makes her comfortable

but, I do enjoy treating a Lady like a Lady


slow ride.. I like your way of thinking. (((((kisses)))):heart:

[Ranger1930]

I've always wanted.. a lower maintence girl. All of my previous ones being high maintence. or so i thought at least.. Until i really sat back and looked it over. and looked over all the times where i figured it was them being difficult and bitchy. when it really was me just... being annoying. or too worried..

and i found out that i'm really the high maintence person. =/ it takes alot to keep me.. satisfied. i was going to say happy. but im always happy. Satisfied is the better termination.

So yea.. I confess, its hard to keep me satisfied, both sexually and well I hope you all can connect with this but. In.. a relationship setting. Where your together with someone. and the fact of being with someone. I got this thing about being around people.. and being with someone =/ i can be a bit overbearing.. .. like i can assess my feelings very quickly and know exactly who someone is. i'm a very quick judge of character normally and i understand how people think. so with that said.. i attach myself rather quickly. and then i unknowningly push myself upon someone. Its.. a bad thing =/. i think its just.. me.. But its mainly. because i see things and understand how i feel. I i think i skip the part in the relationship where we are supposed to build those feelings up and what not. and i go right into it as if we had been dating for awhile.

if yall can understand that at all =/ sorry for my ramblings..

shutting up now

[LixyChick]

I've been told I am low maintenence. I'd prefer to think of it as non-demanding. I'm not a shopaholic (you'd know this if you could see my "wardrobe") and I don't "expect" anything from the men in my life...ie: opening doors, paying for meals, etc. If that's how the evening goes, so be it. If not, so be it! I'm easy...but I'm not cheap! I'd say I'm more...inexpensive! LOL!

[Slow Ride]

Thank you CGT...........*kisses* I should have mentioned that I like I Lady that likes to tease a little,and likes to be teased a little.

[TinTennessee]

I have never had the opportunity to be "high maintenence" and have always had to do for myself. I'm not sure how I would act having someone to want to do for me, but it would be worth a shot..lol

[Belial]

To clarify, I wouldn't mind opening doors or paying a reasonable amount of the time, but I'd do it because I liked or loved her, not because it's "my duty as a man". So any woman who just expected out of hand that I do those things would probably be disappointed.

[Lilith]

Hmmmm.... While I easily do all of the things that the ladies above say are traits of a low maintenance woman, I consider myself very high maintenance.

Have you ever tried to figure out when and how to open doors for a woman who is used to opening her own? Or how does it tax you when she holds it open for you?

Pay for 1/2? No I'm likely to pay all.

Once I make a decision about what the hell I am going to wear, 10 minutes tops. But no one had best be in my way when I'm getting ready.

Blunt...lol, can you imagine how difficult it can be to live with someone who does not hold back?

My expectations are high. But not about doors or $$ etc. I expect the people around me to be kind courteous, respectful. I expect you to give your all in every damn thing you do. I expect you to care for yourself.

I personally think maintenance is in the eye of the beholder. If you are someone who needs constant reassurance of someone's affection then to me, you may be high maintenance. If you are obsessed about things like how your house is kept, how you are to be treated, being an attention whore, time to do your own things be it shopping, going to the gym, going out with friends, etc., at the constant expense of the people who live with and love you, then to me you may be high maintenance.

To me it's about someone who puts their needs and feelings above those of the people around them. I am the only female in a house full of men and I think that has a lot to do with why I feel I am high maintenance. In comparison to the people I live with, I am.

[huntersgirl]

I consider myself low maintenence as well...I paint my nails like twice a year, I wear my hair long so I don't have to "do" it. I like comfort over fashion. I am independent so I open my own doors etc... I really think that if that bothers a potential dating partner, that they just aren't right for you. Be true to yourself and the right fit comes along. My ex, slowly made me dependent on him for many things, it tore away at the very fiber of my being. I lost alot of confidence, began to forget who I was. I was slyly controlled and kept in "my place" w/out even realizing it until it was too late. I always considered myself independent, intelligent and beyond being in that type of relationship. So it came as quite a shock when I was actually able to see it for what it was! That being said, the real me is back, baggy clothes and all! Me in all my casual glory! Thats not to say that I don't like to get all dolled up and girly when the mood strikes!;)

[cowgirltease]

LILith, I agree with you. I think I've earned the right to be high maintenance. I do more than my share. If you want me to act like a lady then you damn well better treat me like one!

[Gilly]

I say that it's not 1859, and the idea of what a Lady should be went out when corsets stopped being a normal peice of undergarment that all women wore. ;)

High maitenance vs low maitenance is personal preferance for both men and women, I would think.

For dates and who pays, I would think that the person doing the asking should be paying. If that's the girl, then why should the guy pay if she's willing to? Going dutch for a date would be a HUGE mega no-no in my book. It insults the person who did the asking if the date wants to go dutch, and it insults the date if the asker insists.

Opening your own doors isn't so much the ladies fault as it is mens, in my oppinion. We weren't raised having doors opened for us, so why should we wait around expecting it now? Men just don't do it anymore, and those who do are rare. ;) We taught our son from the get-go that he is supposed to hold the door open, and say "Ladies First". It's cute when he does it. ;) But, alas, I would say that only about 1 in 50 boys today are told to do that, and out of that number, maybe only half do it regularly. It's the way we, as a culture, were raised. It's both male and female. The men don't do it, and the women don't expect it. ;)

Getting ready time... such a double standard. If we take longer than the man, and they have to wait, we're too high maitenance, and they get annoyed. If we are ready before them, we obviously don't care much about our apperance, and there fore, we're not high enough for them. I won't even get into that. ;)

Taking the lead in bed... that's not a sign of maitenence value. It's a sign of who likes what in bed. Some men prefer to be dominant, while others want a women to be dominant.

Overall, this guy sounds like what he ideally would want, is a house wife from 1935 who will cook his meals, lay passive in bed, and be ready and immaculate looking when he insists on going on a date. :p Ok, really, he just wants a slightly old fashioned girl. A girly girl. A beauty salon girl.

[osuche]

Hmmm reminds me of a joke I heard in Sedona.

Want to know the difference between a northern girl and a southern girl?

A southern girl expects the moon and the stars, and wants you to get them for her. A northern girl also expects the moon and the stars...but she will get them for her self, after she is done berating you for not fetching them for her.

[cbass1976]

what darogle said....want a partner

[denny]

Is it possible to be too low-maintenance to your spouse/SO? - I think so. Some people languish in neglect and never make issue simply due to self-esteem issues. Ultimately, the time bomb is ticking.

Would a low-maintenance SO still earn your respect? - I give respect to everyone until they abuse it. So take that as a yes.


Do you prefer your SO to be high maintenance, and if so why? - I must. I attract intelligent, strong - willed women, so I must want that, right?


A friend told me the other day that I was too low maintenance for a woman. He said he'd never date a woman who: (1) opened her own doors, (2) offered to pay for dinner, (3) liked to take the lead in bed, (4) got ready faster than him in the morning (I take about 10 minutes), (5) and had no problems being blunt. Said a lady shouldn't act this way.

What do you think? - I'm comfortable with 1-4 as long as the lady does not mind having it both ways. 5 is a toughie. I don't want BS but I'm living with a lady that works overtime grinding her heels into my ego. So, right now, I would not be objective. I think blunt is ok as lonf as there is some feeling about hurtfulness.

Does a more demanding woman create mystique? - It depends on the woman. I beleieve it has more to do with lack of openess and less with demands.

Make you feel like you had to work hard and thus conquered? - I always work hard at relationships, maybe not in the correct direction based on my experience. I have felt more like we have been soulmates discovering each other rather than I conquered her.

I come from a family of very strong women that overcame lot's of disadvantages. How could I not like a strong woman?
:)

[Irish]

If you have known a person for some time,you would know what
they like & cater to it.A generational difference,& feminism,also make a huge difference.Example:My wife likes doors,etc.,opened for her,but she is MY age.I held the door,for a woman at Wal*Mart
,one day,& she said:"Thank You,No one ever does that anymore!"
I told her that I was brought up to do that but some women take
offence at that now. Irish
P.S.My wife works at Liberty Mutual.She told me awhile ago,that they had classes on "Sexual Harrassment"She said that now men are afraid to compliment you on your dress,etc.,anymore.In other
words,like anything,there are +s & -s!

[WildIrish]

I will walk side by side with you, and when we reach a door...I will open it for you because I'm polite...not because you're a woman. If you reach it first and open it to go through, I'll hold it so I can follow you. If you hold it for me, I'll go through and say thank you.

Being married, who picks up the tab for dinner is not an issue anymore, but when dating it was paid by whoever had the money at the time. If you call me up to inform me of reservations you made at Le Chateau knowing that I don't get paid until Friday and am strapped for cash because of the rent and car payment coming due on the same day...well, I'm gonna ask you if you have any money before we hang up the phone. But if I've got the cash, I don't mind paying because I like to eat too. I guess it's a matter of moderation.

You treat people nice because you care about them, not because it's what they expect of you.

[huntersgirl]

Originally posted by osuche
Hmmm reminds me of a joke I heard in Sedona.


osuche~I've heard that one too! I like it. Btw...I have visited Sedona a couple of times, it is a beautiful place. I absolutely loved it there. I wish the memories weren't entangled with my ex though:p

[Grumble]

I am lucky to know some of the respondents in this thread in person face to face.

Osuche and Lixy are very much the sort of women that attract me.
Both are independant motivated but caring women who are far from demanding wall flowers.

My Curvy is of like mould. They make no overt demands for attention but appreciate the attention they receive.

I am naturally courteous and like to open doors and pay for meals ect but am leaning slowly that you should be gracious in accepting the same in return.

Intelligent adventurous and confident women are the ones that suit me.

[Eros]

Low maintenence is fine...hell high maintenence is good too. Well not TOO high maintenece. Opening her own doors, being blunt, taking the lead in bed, I see nothing wrong with any of it. As far as the paying for dinner part...like many have said..that's fine, but not all the time...unless I"m making up for it in other ways ;)







Besides...did ya hear ME complaining? :hot:

[Scarecrow]

Me hell I'm cheap and easy, you want to open the doors for me go ahead, you'de like to pay for meals, thats fine. I told my SO that she could go to work and I'd stay home with the kids. So lady some of us are just plain easy. Take me, use me, but please feed me too.


































LOL

[GingerV]

I think I've always interpreted low and high maintenance the way Lilith described it. If you need a lot of anything from your partner, such that they have to make more than a casual or comfortable effort, you're high maintenance. Be that effort doors, flowers, big fussy deals on anniversaries, breakfast in bed, constant reassurance that you're loved and lovable, whatever.

I'm not high maintenance, never have been. I'm higher maintenance than I used to be though....not because my old ultra low-maintanance self ever put guys off (guess I never found them), but because I learned that some guys start to mistake low-maintenance for no-maintenance. Nothing feels worse than knowing you don't need much, but aren't getting even that.

So now, I make sure the people I'm serious about know what I need, and that I'm getting it and am terribly happy because of it. Works much better, not sure why, really.

[Aqua]

Originally posted by WildIrish
I will walk side by side with you, and when we reach a door...I will open it for you because I'm polite...not because you're a woman. If you reach it first and open it to go through, I'll hold it so I can follow you. If you hold it for me, I'll go through and say thank you.

Being married, who picks up the tab for dinner is not an issue anymore, but when dating it was paid by whoever had the money at the time. If you call me up to inform me of reservations you made at Le Chateau knowing that I don't get paid until Friday and am strapped for cash because of the rent and car payment coming due on the same day...well, I'm gonna ask you if you have any money before we hang up the phone. But if I've got the cash, I don't mind paying because I like to eat too. I guess it's a matter of moderation.

You treat people nice because you care about them, not because it's what they expect of you.
What he said... ^^^

[Belial]

What WI said :)

[cowgirltease]

I see about 4 different versions of what people believe are considerd "high maintenance"

I don't think Osuche's friend was describing the powder puff girl who has to shop in the most expensive stores and have to have her ass kissed evey time she bends over.

Gilly you said........

Opening your own doors isn't so much the ladies fault as it is mens, in my oppinion. We weren't raised having doors opened for us, so why should we wait around expecting it now? Men just don't do it anymore, and those who do are rare. We taught our son from the get-go that he is supposed to hold the door open, and say "Ladies First". It's cute when he does it. But, alas, I would say that only about 1 in 50 boys today are told to do that, and out of that number, maybe only half do it regularly. It's the way we, as a culture, were raised. It's both male and female. The men don't do it, and the women don't expect it.

Honey, I was raised that way! It's called MANNERS.

If more parents taught their children these basic manners, we as a society wouldn't be in the mess we are today!


Gingerv you said......

but because I learned that some guys start to mistake low-maintenance for no-maintenance. Nothing feels worse than knowing you don't need much, but aren't getting even that.

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!! That's what happens!

osuche.......... Want to know the difference between a northern girl and a southern girl?
funny, we heard the same thing about northern girls.
you all forget our great-grandmothers traveled down here and fought indians and were still treated like a lady. I don't think we are too damn demanding.:p we can be strong and still have class.

[Loulabelle]

Well I'd say I'm a lot like you Osuche in the things you've mentioned here, but no-one has ever described me as low maintenance......

I expect to be treated with respect and as an equal by my man, whether I behave like a 'lady' or not. That's the whole point of equality. I need my guy to be sensitive to my needs, thoughtful, generous and adoring. I need him to show this to me pretty much constantly, as I do to him. I expect him to respect, but not necessarily share, my opinions.

I also expect him to appreciate me when I make the effort with my appearance, and still think I'm beautiful when I don't. I do expect him to make an effort for special occasions, and to take an interest in the things that are important to me, whether it's his 'thing' or not. Added to this, I expect him to occasionally put himself out for me, for something that's important to me, as I do the same for him.

I think that makes me pretty high maintenance, and I wonder if your friend, has misunderstood the concept of 'high maintenance' and has got it confused with 'helpless'.

Oh and plus, if women in England waited for guys to open doors for us, we'd never even be able to leave the house!!!! It's just not done here anymore.

[cowgirltease]

Here here Loulabelle!

[Lilith]

I have taught my boys to be respectful to everyone, much like Aqua and WildIrish describe. They hold doors for everyone when out in public. Manners are manners for everyone, not to be saved to impress the opposite sex.

Now as for opening the car door...I don't want someone to come around and open it for me to get out, but as a passenger I would prefer you to use the key to unlock my door first, not get in your door and push the button. To me that's a manners things too. Whether it be riding somewhere with a girlfriend our out with my family.

[Slow Ride]

Lilith High or low maintenance .................with legs like that,it don't matter ;)

[Lilith]

Awww too sweet.... Mr. Lil said I'm low maintenance( but he knows what's good for him too) :p except when I buy a new outfit and won't leave the mall til I have the perfect shoes to match :p

[Slow Ride]

*grins* can I touch your feet?

[Lilith]

You can rubbbbbb but no tickling....;)

[Slow Ride]

I like rubbing...............LOL I just found out that I have somewhat of a foot fetish....................it 44 yrs the figure this out LOL

[Slow Ride]

*runs my fingers between your oil covered toes*


LOL............now look what you've done Lilith..............and I was being such a Gentleman before this" I do whatever makes her comfortable"

I guess there is such a thing as treating a Lady like a Lady.........and make her feel like a woman at the same time.

is this true?

[Oldfart]

Late into the thread as usual. . . . .

There seem to be two issues here, ego and need.

High maintenance (where you are pandering to someone's wish

to be the absolute centre of the universe, adored by all) is a crock of shit.

High maintenance where you have genuine issues which need more than normal

attention is often draining, but is a real need within some relationships.

I love low maintenance, but I fear it leads me to slackness too often.

[Lilith]

Originally posted by Oldfart
Late into the thread as usual. . . . .

I love low maintenance, but I fear it leads me to slackness too often.

What an honest statement! I think that being just a tad high maintenance keeps him interested. Like Mr. Lil said, " sure you would like to have a manicure and pedicure weekly, but you don't act like it and you don't care if it's not possible."


Slow Ride~ took me 35 years to realize I had sexy feet and that I like them worshipped, well maybe worshipped is a bit strong but I like attention paid to them.

[Oldfart]

Mr Lil says good things. Say hi from us please.

[Lilith]

((((((((( Oldfart & Mrs)))))))))) It's not the same this summer not having you to look forward to!

[Aqua]

Lilith, you could always find your way to Seattle... ;)

[Lilith]

^^Don't think I don't know it;)^^