The Line

[Eliza]

Mornin Pixie People.

Just a just a question to start the blood a flowin to your brains this morning. For you and yours....where is that fine line between innocent flirting and cheating? Is it different for you than your signifigant other? Have you ever crossed it? Them? Would you again? And under what circumstances?

[skyler_m]

I plead the 5th... :D

[Leroy36]

Hey Eliza....

Great question! I imagine you're gonna get a slew of different responses.

For my part, I think the difference between flirting and cheating has to do with intent. If you are vaguely aware of the boundaries that you and your SO have with regards to other 'interesting' people, then the line is drawn by your desire to cross that line. If you would allow yourself to cross the line, even mentally, I think it's a form of cheating. If you interact with another person, no matter how physically, and you are still within bounds, then I don't think it's cheating.

I have crossed the line once years ago and it still bugs me. The reason it bugs is that if my GF (now wife) and I had better communication back then, we may have had a fabulous 3some. Instead, it ended up with lots of unfulfilled lust and some guilt on my part. Thankfully we're better at talking now!

[exhib_it_all]

I have to agree with Leroy. As long as you're aware of the boundaries and have great communication with your S/O then it's ok. Once the relationship with someone else begins to make your S/O feel threatened in any way, you've crossed it.

I try to imagine that my wife can see me anywhere I am, and that keeps me out of trouble. I'm very lucky though that my wife is not at all the jealous type, and neither am I.

[denny]

It depends on the relationship. If there is consent, then there is little if any difference. Otherwise, cheating is very different from harmless flirtation. Even if you have a sexless union, cheating can inflict pain.

[wyndhy]

i had to ponder this one a while. i think cheating is anything that involves physical contact. if it's only in your mind then it's ok, like looking at porn or having fantasies about someone else. i'm married and i have never felt upset about the porn my hubby looks at. and somehow i doubt it's my face he sees when looking at naked girls with huge boobs and beatuiful bodies. if i caught him jeking off to it i would be more likely to jump his bones than start a fight. conversely, if i caught him with another woman in the flesh i would tear them both limb from limb.

[katekate42]

LOL. I agree wholeheartedly with wyndhy. A little fantasy goes a long way towards keeping people from straying, so I'm all for him looking at porn or fantasizing, but acting on it would definitely be another story. I think that intent is a good marker for the boundary between flirting/cheating, but also guilt-- If bells and whistles go off in your conscience, you should probably stop what you are doing before you end up hurting someone. As far as the double standard- I would hold myself to the same standards of conduct that I would hold him to.

[WildIrish]

Originally posted by Eliza
where is that fine line between innocent flirting and cheating?

You people probably know it as the Mason-Dixon Line.

[SuzyQ]

Flirting is fine...and I agree with intent. If the flirting is to end up fucking then it is cheating, and yes I have...

[Kissy]

I think of "cheating" as doing something your partner is not aware of or does not consent to.

I've "fucked" another man and my husband was aware of it, hell it was his idea...and I do not in the slightest feel I've "cheated" on my husband. even if I were to kiss another guy and my husband did not know what was going on, then I'd feel like I was cheating. And vice versa.

[imaginewithme]

I agree with all of these.....I think if you're being sneaky, then you're cheating. Nothing wrong with some flirting. hell, it makes me feel good, he knows that I love that attention. But to me, crossing the line would be having sex with someone....kissing someone else and him not knowing. We are open with eachother and that helps.

[flutelady]

One person's cheating is another person's flirting. I wouldn't want to hurt my relationship or the person I was involved with, nor would I want to be hurt. A friendly conversation is ok, but blatant flirting? Doesn't work for me.