incest or insane

[BamaKyttn]

okay, this is odd. I'm sorry for even bringing it up.......


When I was 4 or 5 I remember clearly thinking "I want my father to rape me so I have a reason to never have sex..." no actual memories of an act..... everyone I've known, dated, or brought home has always felt VERY uncomfortable around my dad. my current love, she said that he made her uncomfortable in a quasi sexual/molester way..... that he just acted and reacted the way her least favourite uncle (who did unspeakable things to her) did.

so am I nuts or d'ya thinks theres somethin there?


tho I do know that I saw his penis when I was 6, it wasn't sexual he just stepped to turn out the light in their room, I was down the hall in mine...


Kyttn

[Cassiopeia]

BamaKyttn,

I really don't think you are nuts. I think all of us have had disturbing sexual thoughts that we might feel a bit ashamed of at one point or another. Remember:its just was just a random thought that disturbed you when you were 4-5 and you said it yourself that there is no basis for it in real life. Do you still have this desire? Maybe your friends/lovers have felt uncomfortable because they were playing off of your (possible) uncomfortness around him.

[Aqua]

In my utter, unprofessional, unclinical, uneducated opinion... I think there is a reason for the feelings you and your friends/loves have had around your dad. I've had feelings when meeting people that there was something not right about them. I tried ignoring that feeling once and ended up regretting it later. I don't have any advice on what to do about it, but I don't think you're insane.

At least not for that reason... :p

[BamaKyttn]

I know I'm insane Aqua, I dunno. I only told my DW that recently and she's all into the repressed memory thing.... I dunno, having put myself in several stupid situations I would think that I would know better had somethin actually happened.........


Kyttn

[Prophet Reality]

I would ask your mother and see how she reacts? If she denies it flat out and starts looking nervous, then maybe something did happen. If she looks at you weird and starts asking questions, well maybe it was just your imagination.

[Grumble]

I don't think you are insane but because others and your DW feels strange around him does not make him guilty of any thing or even deserving of suspicion.

Perhaps he is too friendly or too aloof or comes acrosss as distrusting because they have taken out his daughter, who knows?

Judge by what you know of him not delve into what if's.

I think it is totally unfair to a man who has very likely given a great deal to you during your lifetime so far. He also has had to deal with you living in a same sex relationship which can be tough on parents.

Apply the innocent until proven guilty model that our society has.

[way22hot]

This is not the type thing that I or (in my opinion)most pixies should try to help you with .If its something that troubles you regularly then find professional counseling.
If its just something that has really no affect on how you relate to your friends and family,then just let it go as a bad dream, and find the things that bring happiness into your life.

[BamaKyttn]

Ian now hon you know that I don't tell my parents shit like that, last he knew I was dateing Souls_cry he's DEF a guy >grin<


Having been through a counselor and a shrink who thought there was something to it before I lost my insurance I really don't think I expected you (anyone here) to help me with it, just as if I said "DAMN I got a speeding ticket last night " doesn't mean I want anyone else to pay it for me. it's venting a talking about it. Talking about things makes them hurt less IMHO


So no, W2H I didn't expect help, pity or attn from it merely opinions, thanks for your input.

[LixyChick]

I don't think you are crazy BamaKyttn. A 4-5 y/o child doesn't know what rape is, let alone sex and whether they never want to have it! This memory that you have is highly suspect and must have a basis. You say the words so succinctly that you've had to have at least heard them spoken and understood them in their correct context at that age. It's worth looking into if for nothing else, to at least find out why, at 4 or 5, you knew what sex and rape was and why you knew.

I'm a little leary of trying to recall memories (especially extremely hurtful ones) through hypnosis. The human brain protects us through suppression. The power of suggestion through hypnosis is often times too powerful for our brain to let us differentiate an actual memory to a suggested one. I fear that some questions can actually cause a person to "recall" something that might not have happened or can change the actuality of the happening.

There have been many cases (not unlike yours) brought to light with the aid of hypnosis. Several have turned out to be misfires in that, the person "recalling" their sexual abuse and abuser had been lead down a wrong path that the psycologist assumed was the course of the matter. One question led to another in the assumption that this was a sure-fire case of abuse, before even getting to the bottom of it all. When these people were "awakened", they had memories that weren't true, but "felt so real" that they had to have happened!

How can we assure this won't ever happen to us? I don't know! But I'd surely research hypnosis, and especially cases of mistaken recalls, before I went under myself!

Either way though, if it turns out to be a case of abuse or just a misfire recall...lives can be ruined!

I wish you the best hun! Sending good thoughts your way!