*Come to Jesus*

[Lilith]

I have someone at school who I have made friends with. She is young with mild learning disabilities but has become a total slack ass in regards to school. No effort.

My problem is that we are both on a team of 4 working on a semester long intensive project. The first due date for an assignment is coming up Thursday and all but her have done our part. At this point even if she did her part it would need a tremendous amount of editing and revision. Sooooooo we discussed this with our sexy professor and he says leave her name off the assignment if she has not contributed. So it was decided today by the group, she is SOL after not showing up for class at all.

Now my problem....I have to tell her tomorrow, and I have another big project due in 2 weeks that she is my partner for. Is it hard to have a "come to Jesus" with a friend and remain friends? She is super defensive and I am an anal control freak:dizzy:

Any advice on how you would handle telling her would be appreciated.

[Lilith]

Fuck, I forgot...make that 2 other big projects with her.

[WildIrish]

The news shouldn't come as a suprise to her, and though it may be richly deserved, she probably won't take it well. Don't count on her to provide much assistance with the second project. You have nothing to hang your head about. She wrote the book, you're just the one reading it.

I know...easier said than done. Believe me! Perhaps you could nudge her while chatting at the top of some stairs? She takes a tumble and voila! Situation solved! ha ha

[WildIrish]

Two? Well, that changes everything!

Ok, maybe not. Tell her "You've missed deadlines and come up short of what you were assigned to provide for this project and we've been told to leave your name off. Can I count on you for the upcoming two? I'd like to work with you but I can't do the project on my own."

[Lilith]

There are only 8 people in my major...we are 2 of those 8. No stairs:rolleyes:

[WildIrish]

Give me her number...I'll bitch her out for ya! Don't worry, I won't let her know I'm with you. I'm discrete and professional, when I'm dressed. ha ha

[dreamgurl]

i totaly know what you mean by being so upset, i guess it's like anything else that's about school, you might just have to say wither work with me or fail without, pick you poison and i'll make sure that i'm not a part of it.
P.S. if she is that far along in college how in the hell did she ever make it this far with that attitude. i swear people who don't work realy tick me off.

[skipthisone]

Time for a beatin!!!

[Lilith]

I love her but not enough to get a B:D

[WildIrish]

Then that's what you tell her.

[Steph]

I excel at attracting these people, alas. Don't worry about talking to her. I'm sure other people have had similar conversations with her. If she's willing to lose you as a friend over this, it's not a big loss, IMHO.

[GingerV]

Well, putting on my mildly manipulative hat....I'd start with a coffee, and a "are you ok" conversation. Move into how you've "noticed" she's having trouble keeping up and want to "help" (note, that's help her get her thumb out, not help her pass the course). How you're sorry to tell her that there's nothing you can do about what's already happened, and that she's already off one project....and that you want to know what you can do to keep her from falling off more.

It lays the ground rules (she's off the first, she's in danger of falling off the second, you will not rescue her entirely), but it also provides an out (she's not dead yet, you're still her friend, you want to hear her, she can still fix some things), and doesn't imply that you're angry or pissed off.

Mind you, I wouldn't blame you if you were angry or pissed off....people like that drive me mental. I'm sure teachers intentionally teamed me up with them in school to ensure they passed. But if you come to her with that first...she's gonna get defensive and the whole situation will get worse quicker.

Basically, though, Steph's right. Is this someone you like abit, or is it a proper friend? Because sometimes, friends are required to give other friends a good swift kick. It's in the contract.

Good luck with it.

G

[Lilith]

Thanks Steph and Ginger... I think that I knew all along she would need a buddy to make it through and I gently prodded her through last semester. But although I am almost old enough to be, I am not her mother and am not gonna coddle her for 2.5 years. When she decides to fuck off and not do an assignment that's her choice when she doesn't do a team assignment and I have to make up for her slack then she is making choices for me too and I'm not having any of that.

Thanks for the guidance and support!((hugs))

[KrazyKU]

Lil,
I was in the same situation you were in this semester. The best advice i got was from my suitemate. He told me "No matter what happens in that class, you have to look out for number one." When is comes down to it, you'll intend to graduate with honors, and what she makes of her life/college experience is up to her, you can only do so much, and it seems as if you've done your part to help her.

[Lilith]

KrazyKU~ Thanks...I needed to hear that! I'm just not typically a lookin out for number 1 kind of person. But I have worked too hard and sacrificed too much to just give up the grades to be nice.

[fzzy]

If you start feeling bad about what you have to do, just remember that it's not just you that's making sacrifices for your success, but your hubby and boys as well....You deserve to be treated fairly by her....but that doesn't always change how someone else is .... tell her she's got a chance to get back on track with the other projects you are doing together and if she doesn't then you won't be able to do anymore projects with her in future either. Sometimes being a truly good friend means letting the person know they have boundaries and if they don't work in them, then there are consequences. If she's willing to learn that lesson, it will be the very best lesson you can give her that should last a lifetime - and that's being a really GREAT friend. (((hugs)))

[Lilith]

Thank fzzy! I think I may just take my flogger to school:p

[dicksbro]

Originally posted by Lilith
I gently prodded her through last semester. But although I am almost old enough to be, I am not her mother and am not gonna coddle her for 2.5 years.

You've already went farther than you needed to. The others gave you good advice. Not to worry ... I think this could be a good lesson for her and with luck ... falling off the first project will wake her up.

[Aqua]

Originally posted by Lilith
I have... a total... ass... that... 4... have done. At this point... our sexy professor... says... today... have another big... hard... come... with a friend... and... an anal... freak... :dizzy:

Any advice on how you would handle her would be appreciated.
Uhm... Not sure about handling her, but I am willing to be your anal freak. :p

[Lilith]

DB~ I sure hope so...I love her and want her to be a great teacher.

My anal freak~ TY for always putting things into a perspective I can handle:p

[LixyChick]

All that can be said about this has been said Lil. And, I'm sure, thought of first by you! You, my friend, are a people pleaser. No matter what you think you convey here (dom mistress).....your heart is on your sleeve and it seems to me like this girl knows it too and will take advantage of it at every turn. She'll also try and turn it around on you....like her failing is your fault. DON'T FALL FOR IT! Like everyone said above....you've gone above and beyond already! Do what you have to do to make YOURSELF feel comfortable with this situation.....but keep that level head on your shoulders and follow your heart. You know what it's saying!

((((Lilith)))) Best of luck!

[Lilith]

Thanks...maybe I should tell her over a green beer or 3957849085239573897:p

[kgb253]

There's such a thing as being too helpful and it sounds like she's been taking advantage of your help and others.

Time to tell her to get off her butt as she wont get a free ride anymore from anyone in the class, it's a case of work for it or fail on her own efforts, not others, with noone to blame but herself.

Best of luck on your course!!!

[uwish6969]

I say you just throw her a beatin and explain you were left no other alternatives.

[Lilith]

It did not go well....happened at a bad time and in front of others because she brought it up. I'll keep ya posted on how it all turns out.

[kgb253]

If she gets upset she only has herself to blame, she had plenty of time to participate and do her bit.

If she gives you grief about it, then tell her to go bungi jump off a tall bridge, and don't bother to tie her bungi cord.

[rabbit]

Originally posted by fzzy
If you start feeling bad about what you have to do, just remember that it's not just you that's making sacrifices for your success, but your hubby and boys as well....You deserve to be treated fairly by her....but that doesn't always change how someone else is .... tell her she's got a chance to get back on track with the other projects you are doing together and if she doesn't then you won't be able to do anymore projects with her in future either. Sometimes being a truly good friend means letting the person know they have boundaries and if they don't work in them, then there are consequences. If she's willing to learn that lesson, it will be the very best lesson you can give her that should last a lifetime - and that's being a really GREAT friend. (((hugs)))

What fzzy said....

The sooner you confront it, the better.

good luck (((hugs)))

[denny]

Forget the friendship, it won't survive. Negotiating the next two projects ought to be a real doozy, however. Best of luck.

[Lilith]

So far so good.... I think maybe me coming down on her ass showed her that although I adore her personally she had best not cross me professionally. We have been able to talk as a group and turned the project in including her assignments. However we will be reviewing each other's contribution to the project and I am sure that will cause her grade to suffer.

[denny]

....or her to tighten up her efforts!

[Grumble]

I think you have done your best Lil and you got the shitty end of the stick by having to tell her. She just can't impede the other people in the group, if she fails then that is on her head, but she cannot expect other who are working hard to take the fall with her.

Now some questions of mine, these two abbreviations were used in this thread and I don't know what they stand for

1.she is SOL after not showing up for class at all.(SOL?)
2, IMHO ?

Hate not knowing what things mean

[BigBear57]

SOL = Shit Out of Luck

IMHO = In My Honest Opinion

;)

[Aqua]

Originally posted by BigBear57
SOL = Shit Out of Luck

IMHO = In My Honest Opinion

;)
FYI...

Some people use Humble instead of Honest.

[Steph]

I've always used IMHO as in my humble opinion

[FussyPucker]

Well damn I was hoping it stood for - I Must Have Orgies! oh well

[Lilith]

Well not sure if she wiill keep it up but she definitely seems to be on the ball now. She came over for dinner and we sketched out and divided the tasks for our next 2 projects. I think maybe by at least discussing it all with her she realizes that I am not a good person to let down. It would be so much easier, if I didn't care so much.