Rejection

[CunningLinguist]

Well lately I have been chasing after an aquaintence of my little brothers who I ahppen to think is quite a hottie.

Basically I have the world's biggest hard on for women with red hair, big boobs, tattoos and peircings. And the fact that this girl the other day got her clitoral hood peirced just sent me into lust.

She is a sweet girl, enjoys video games and well is now recently single and for those of you who are not familiar with the dating scene in the south, finding a girl who is attractive, single, of age and not a mommy is nigh impossible. Her ex-boyfriend is a total douchebag and only brings her down. Not only that, but he broke with her and basically gave her a "I think we should fuck other people speech."

The only problem is that she told a friend yesterday that was trying to hook us up that well she doesn't think of me that way and frankly sex with me will never happen becuase well I am just too creepy. The sad thing is though her mom was talking about what a sweet young man I am which will always kill any attraction any girl will have towards you.

So it is the first rejection I have faced in over two years and the first of many more to come. I had forgotten how much it hurt.

[Lilith]

I'm sorry I fail to see where you were rejected????? Did you actually ask her out? A friend, of a friend, of a friend, heard she might not fuck you? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You are not rejected til she tells YOU no. If you did not ask her out then you have not given her the opportunity to accept. If a man truly wants to date someone he will make the leap, take the risks neccessary to make the request his self ...and preferably in person.

[CunningLinguist]

Lilith,

Well I would rather not ask her out.

1) Just talking to her I can see she is too attached to her abusive ex and knowing him they will get back together after he is done having sex with his high school slut.

2) I don't know if you know this but I don't have any money, unless you count a date a sjust hanging out which we did last week.

3) Can you think of a quicker way to get the axe than approval form her mom? This is a 19 y/o girl we are talking about.

4) Why ask when you know the answer already? I am just heart broken because I misread a few of the signs and thought I may have had a chance. I should listen to that voice in my head that says "You are attracted to her, and as a result you will fail miserably at any chance you have."

5) I like the number five. My obession with five has nothing to do with this, but I just like things to be in fives. Heaven help us if I lose a finger or a toe. I would go form being mildly psychotic to being bat shit insane.

Anyways this is how rejection ends up for me. I assume all girls hate me so I never bother asking anyone out. Once or twice a year I meet a girl who isn't completely repulsed by my presence and start having conversations with her. I get my hopes up and well only to find out that she doesn't have the guts to tell me to my face that my personality is so grating and repulsive.

So really even thinking I may have a shot is about on the same level as asking her out.

[Grumble]

Wow !!! Talk about fatalism, you are your own worst enemy.

You reject yourself without even letting someone else have the chance LOL. Seriously, life is about taking chances and you will get rejection but also you will get acceptances too.

Do not give up before you even start.

[pinkbutton]

AWWWWWWWWW babe u sound so upset bout this girl. It really sounds as though u want to get it on with her but u cant and know she wont cause her mum likes u. Thats a bastard though cause i know what your saying as soon as her mum approves of a guy then shell go the opposite way complealty. On the other hand though i tend to agree a little bit with grumble in the way he says bout u being soooooooo defeatist. Give it a go and speak to her and see what she says. You never know what might happen.

[LixyChick]

I'm in agreement with Lilith.....and I'll go a step further!

The signals you put out will stimulate the result you get in return!

So....let's go down that list of 5.......

1) She just broke up with him! Woman don't just forget love.......she may love him the rest of her life for that matter.....but that doesn't mean she's IN love with him! There is a difference! It may not be the best time to expect her to begin a relationship.....but it's not unheard of! Just give her a little time and be there for her.

2) Don't know why you don't have any money.....but not everything revolves around it. If/when you do date this girl.....you'll find resources. Is a part time job out of the question?

3) Her mom might be your best bet here...but don't go schmoozing her just to get the green light! Be yourself....and if mom happens to like you....so be it! It could be worse....mom could actually want you for herself! Yikes! But seriously.....ok...you got the "kiss of death"....so don't hang out where mom can see what a "nice boy" you are. The subject need not come up again if you aren't available to compare to others!

4) If you already knew the answers.......how could you have misread the signs? Don't dub yourself "all knowing" in one breath and then feel that you've failed miserably in the next! I reiterate my first statement....The signals you put out will stimulate the result you get in return! If you KNOW you are going to fail before an attempt....you probably will in the end! Why not think of it like this....."This time I'm going to go about this differently....show confidence.....think positive......and at least I can say that I tried my best"! And....if indeed things do fail......take note of obvious mistakes and learn from them!

5) There is help for obsessive/compulsive disorder (O.C.D.).....and keep your philanges away from sharp objects!

Good luck hun! You'll only fail miserably if you let yourself fail miserably!

[Casperr]

Ye gods! Pull yerself together, man!

Man, I haven't had to do this in such a long time, but I'm afraid it's overdue right now:
< Slaps CunningLinguist around with a trout so huge it knocks all the silliness out of him >

Well I'm sorry, but you asked for it!

Now SMILE, DAMN YOU!




Much better. Now, lie down on the couch.....



So, Mr. Linguist. Read Lilith's post, cos she's right. This girl - we'll call her Vicky, ok? - she hasn't turned you down at all. You haven't even given her a chance to turn you down. Not everything people say to their friends is Gospel, especially not with 19 year olds!
Yes, she's probably still mixed up emotionally about her ex. Think about how messed up you are about this 'rejection' that didn't even happen - she's feeling the same things but after she'd been IN a relationship! At least when you ask someone out, you take the risk they'll turn you down and you prepare a little for that. But when you're in a committed relationship and someone says "hey, it was great, but I don't wanna shag you cos other chicks are hotter" - how do you think THAT makes her feel? One hundred times more rejected than you. But that's not going to last forever. It might take a month, it might take six months, it might take a year - who knows? The female mind is far to complex for mere mortals to predict.
Here's something that'll really flip your lid: THIS IS A GOOD THING!

Think about it: while she's emotionally wacked out, you have the opportunity to:
a) get your self-confidence up from the depths of that smelly swampland called Depression
b) show her you care, be supportive through her very difficult time, let her know you've got a caring, sensitive side that would be a nice comparison to the dickhead who dumped her
c) plan how you're going to court her. It's a sad reality, but girls don't just decide to sleep with you for no reason at all. One has to seduce them, woo them, court them. It takes work, but so does everything in life. Wouldn't it be worth it, to have a wonderful loving relationship?

The Mum thing...... what a petty society we live in, where teenage girls will turn down great guys purely cos their parents like him! Unfortunately, stupid stuff like that CAN happen. Doesn't always, tho! Some girls - shocking as it may seem these days - some girls actually do get on well with their parents! Sure, that's after the whole puberty thing, when they're all mature and wise and sensible, which she might be!!!
Don't write someone off purely because of other people's opinions - be they good opinions or otherwise.

Seriously CunningLinguist, you have GOT to focus on the positive. No girl in her right mind is going to say "You know what, really think it's about time I started dating depressed guys with no self esteem, yeah they're the kind of guys I dig!" - confidence is attractive, so make yourself attractive! If the glass is half empty, fill the damn thing!

So, your lessons from today's lecture are:
1. Be confident. The dating game is one big capitalist adventure, in more ways than one. You have to sell yourself to her, and nobody ever bought a car from a dealer who said it was a piece of shit.
2. Don't admit defeat until you hear it from her lips - and if that happens be gracious, be hurt, but get over it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or just nearly dead. Make sure you come out stronger!
3. If teenagers made judgements based solely on what their parents thought was best for them, they would all be pregnant druggies with fifteen different STDs.
4. Pixies-place is far cheaper than professional counselling, but not necessarily as effective ;)
5. I like the number five too. But if I lost a finger I'd have another nine so I wouldn't be too worried.
6. You don't have to rush things. You'll have to use your intuition to guage when the best time to ask her out is, but don't do it if she's still getting over someone.
7. If it's meant to happen, it will. Relax. Relaaaaaax. Find that bit of your brain that likes to stress over things like this, and give it a nice cool brightly coloured drink with an umbrella in it. Send it to the mental equivalent of Bora-Bora, but with redheads.

Ok, so I've had a lot of sugar today. Doesn't mean what I said isn't worth reading, dammit! :D

Be happy, and keep us updated!
CasperTG

[CunningLinguist]

Grumble,

Seriously, life is about taking chances and you will get rejection but also you will get acceptances too.

Well I think we can count this one as a wash. There is nothing noble in trying to do the impossible. It only becomes foolish.

[Steph]

But isn't it like someone blaming an employer for not hiring them when they haven't even submitted a resume?

[CunningLinguist]

Pinkbutton,

I don't knwo if I really like this girl. I mean sure I find her attractive and I want to screw her brains out, but that can be said of just about any woman since I am pretty much known around as a man skank.

I would say man whore, but usually I only have sex once or twice a year. The notable exception was when I was seeing my ex-fiancee.

Anyways, I would be a man whore and my standards would be a bit higher if it were not for the fact that pretty much all women reject within seconds of me opening my mouth. I didn't send thi one screaming though and I thought I had a ghost of a chance.

[Catch22]

The friend that told you she was not interested. Is that friend female? If the friend is then perhaps the friend is interested in you and is just saying that to put you off.

[Steph]

So, change what's coming out of your mouth then.

[CunningLinguist]

Lixy,

Well I have no money because I was stupid and went to college and graduated with an engineering degree last May.

I do have a part time job at a pizza place making $5.15/hr with no hope of a raise or promotion. In fact, I am begining to think that my calling in life is to wash dishes for a living becuase every time I get my hopes up about a job I only wind up getting let down.

The only comfort I find in this is that in six months I will be homeless and on my first day of being homeless I will kill myself. My mind has been made up and the die has been cast. Don't try preventing it becuase there is no return from being homeless. It is not like somone will walk by and after giving me change realize I am probably the most brialliant mind in the city. They will only see a smelly bum.

Besides I refuse to live in a world where I get picked on all through out high school and the only think that kept me going was that one day I would be a success while the stupid jocks wound up working at Walmart. Fuck, now I am the one with a shitty minimum wage job just months form being thrown out onto the street and they are the ones with good jobs, wives, families and getting to drive the newest SUV's. The worst part is that I see them everyday at my job and some of them recognize me and say "Hey aren't you that guy I used to beat up in high school? Damn we all expected you would be a doctor or a scientist by now what happned?"

[CunningLinguist]

Casper,

a) get your self-confidence up from the depths of that smelly swampland called Depression

It is hard to look on the bright side when you realize that your life has never gone right. It just seems like my purpose in life is to be laughed at and mocked.

b) show her you care, be supportive through her very difficult time, let her know you've got a caring, sensitive side that would be a nice comparison to the dickhead who dumped her

In my foolish youth, I tried being the knight in shining armor only to find out that the girl will always choose the douchebag. Heck, had one girl choose her abusive boyfriend over me and he wound up killing her in a domestic dispute.

c) plan how you're going to court her. It's a sad reality, but girls don't just decide to sleep with you for no reason at all.

No, usually they pick reasons like he has a big cock, he has a shitload of money, this guy will piss off my parents.

One has to seduce them, woo them, court them. It takes work, but so does everything in life. Wouldn't it be worth it, to have a wonderful loving relationship?

I don't know if I have the work output and put in long agonizing months jsut to fuck this girl. I mean a wonderful loving relationship would be nice, but hey I stopped believing in them when my fiancee left.

[Catch22]

^taps foot* Such negative waves! If you have no cash, how are you able to be on here? If there is no jobs there for your degree then go to a place where there is. Still seeing the high school bullies. Then learn Kung Fu.

[CunningLinguist]

Steph,

But isn't it like someone blaming an employer for not hiring them when they haven't even submitted a resume?

Funny you mention that. My search for a job and my search for a girlfriend have the same rate of miserable failure.

My resume is invisible to employers. I am invisible to females.

Employers call me up to tease me about a job opening only to find out I was never supposed to be called. Females tease me.

I get rejected by both employers and females for arbitrary reasons at the last minute.

I wrote off that I would probably never have a loving wife a long time ago. It wasn't until a few years ago that I finally accepted that I could be happy all by myself for the rest of my life living in a nice comfortable apartment with my books and my computer and just using my spare time for my hobbies.

Then I meet my ex-fiancee and I was happy for once. When I was 23 I had a good job, a wonderful fiancee and everything I could ever dream of. Before I turned 24, I relaize that it will all be gone one day and in May my fiancee hit me and it finally hit me that I will never again make the kind of money I was used to.

Now I am getting it at both ends. No job, no girl, no money, no hope.

[Steph]

This is the advice thread. Casper, Lixy, Lilith & others have given you fabulous advice. Choosing to argue with them is foolhardy. Why don't you listen to what they're saying instead of disagreeing?

Do you think our lives are walks in the park? I just wake up, take a few deep breaths and hope for a better day.

Sure you're smart but the world doesn't owe you a living. Dude, I've got two degrees and am doing work I'm overqualified for. Shit happens.

[CunningLinguist]

Catch 22,

Such negative waves! If you have no cash, how are you able to be on here?

Just over a year ago I was doing my engineering co-op's which is like an internship, but an Engineering Intern is a person with a four year degree, passed his FE exam, and is doing his 5 years worth of work to get his licence. There is no school for engineers like there is for doctors and lawyers. I am now an Engineering Intern and can actualy sign my name as such.

Anyways back on topic, I had that good job and in the summer of 2003 I bought my own computer parts and put together my own computer so that explains why I have a computer.

I moved in with my parents after graduation. Of course, on JUly 1st, 2004 I will be kicked out of their house becuase one year is enough to find a job.

If there is no jobs there for your degree then go to a place where there is.

I live in Southeast Texas and my degree is in Chemical Engineering. Most of the countries chemical plants are between Houston and New Orleans. In fact, other engineers tell me to go here to find a job. I not only look for the jobs in every city newspaper between Houston and New Orleans, but I also look on line. I send about 50 resumes a week alone in emails and another 10 or so by fax.

Another problem is that I went to a small school virtually unknown out side of the immedeate area. And sorry to say but some manager in New York will choose the Texas A&M graduate over the Small Liberal Arts College Graduat simple on the name recognition.

Still seeing the high school bullies. Then learn Kung Fu.

Actually, I do know a smattering of kung fu and I ma jsut not very good at it. Oh I could handle my own in any bar rom brawl, but the first thing you learn in martial arts is that violence is not the answer. You also learn that the authorities don't look kindly upon people who go apeshit and break bones in self defense. It may have been self defense, but you are guilty until proven innocent.

[CunningLinguist]

OK I apologize for taking it out on the nice people here. I am not meaning to argue, but I am jsut pointing out that I have tried that very same thing before and it didn't work.

It all just seems so hopeless though. I mean I know I will never have it as good as my parents, but I kind of assumed that I would at least be able to make enough money to where I could live on my own. I never in my life realized that not only would I be working in a pizza place all my life, but get to see the same assholes who made my life miserable in high school be so prosperous.

[WildIrish]

Sounds like the people that picked on you throughout school have more confidence in you than you do.

[CunningLinguist]

Anyways I was going to post this, but I got side tracked.

Basically I was over at her house playing video games. Well we were both on the couch and the TV angle was horrible and she was leaning on the arm of the couch so to get a better viewing angle and becuase well I jsut like to cuddle I laid on her to get a better view. She didn't protest, but this was the thing she was complaining about.

Now the firend she was talking to was her best firend, Kay, who is dating a friend of mine, Larry. Kay basically hates me and loves Larry so I doubt there was any ulterior motive like jelousy in her saying I creeped this girl out.

The whole thing started when Larry and Kay got the idea that I should screw this girl becuase I desperately need to get laid. I told them I don't do meaningless sex anymore becuase using somene just for sex is disrespectful to not only her, but her boyfriend. Well their objection was that Mary's boyfriend Chris won't object and Kay said that if I am half as good as I brag about in bed, then I can satisfy Mary like Chris can't and doesn't every girl deserve at least one good orgasm?

Well anyways recently Chris dumped Mary so he can go screw another girl. It is widely known that Chris is just going to get tired of his new sex toy and come back to Mary. Mary is also having some slight health problems and Chris does not care, and this is sad becuase I am almost a stranger to these people, but I care even more than her supposed soulmate.

Anyways, Mary and I talked about it last nite and she siad that the whole laying on her thing was awkward. I apologized and well she still wants to hang out. I have told her that Chris is just a high school kid and not mature enough for her (which is what everyone says). I told her she could do a lot better and that basically she shuld use this time to date other people. I basically have no further romantic interest in this girl until she has to realize it herself. Besides dropping anymore subtle hints will make me look desperate and chicks don't like hearing "You can do better! You could ahve dated me!"

[CunningLinguist]

Wild Irish,

Well yes, and well I have told a story over and over again about how I tried to kill myslef 10 years ago only to be stopped by an ancient goddes of chaos.

The divine vistor basically said that I can't kill myself and by the time I am 30 I will be great and prosperous and do thing to make life better for all mankind.

.Well I have told shrinks this in the hopes that one of them will think I am crazy and I get committed. The tests always comeback that I'm just smarter than the average fool and a little too obsessed with sex and the number 5.

I tell firends, family members and strangers this story and they agree with me. I tell them that I all made it up and they argue with me about that saying it really happened.

I also tell the shrinks that I believe in a story I know I made up and they think I am a super genius at that point.

[WildIrish]

Did this divine visitor tell you that your greatness and prosperity will be bestowed upon you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not making light of it at all. I don't doubt for a second that you have the potential but greatness is not always a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Believe me, I've ignored life and waited for opportunity to knock long enough before remembering I have a doorbell.

[CunningLinguist]

Well there ain't much in the waysof opportunity when you are making pizzas is there?

I will jsut quit that job though. I mean I have only got 6 months left to live so I might as well enjoy it right?

[WildIrish]

Does the Pope of Discord wear a cooler hat than our Catholic Pope?

[CunningLinguist]

I don't have a hat.

[WildIrish]

Better no hat than a post-hole digger!

[Steph]

What's a post-hole digger? Or do I want to know?

And can I just add that your self-pity is getting maudlin. My uncle will be LUCKY to have six months left to live with cancer. I'm now leaving this thread to deal with my problems. Notice I said DEAL and not WHINE.

[CunningLinguist]

I just really don't get that post-hole digger comment.

I just relly love how people just keep asuming there was anyhting I can do.

I know I am not the only one with problems, but dammit you don't know what it is like. At 23 I had it all. Now at 24 I have nothing with no hope of ever getting it back. It seems the only purpose I have ever had for hope was to have it crushed.

[Lilith]

I understand your plight and many have offerred what they consider helpful advice. Attitude is everything, in love, in work, in life. If you continue to feel hopeless it ican be a sign of serious depression and I would suggest you seek professional guidance. Remember that life is constantly changing and that what seems hopeless today may seem like nothing more than a hiccup in an otherwise stellar life when you look back from middle age.

[LixyChick]

24 and your life is over?????? You haven't even begun to pay your dues hun! Even the rich can be miserable! You base your worth on money.....and you'll never know true self worth till you begin to love yourself for you....not the money you make or don't make!

Life is NOT easy.......nothing about it is easy! You can look at the richest person on the planet.....and he still has problems!

I'm actually offended that you've totally given up hope because you lack money and no one will give you a break. You haven't even lived long enough to experience true strife! I don't wish strife on you and yours......but you have a lot of gall to think you are desparately down and out! You've had the opportunity of education.....yet you are dumber than a bag-o-rocks!

Feeling sorry for yourself are ya? Have you ever been to the childrens ward of a hospital? You should try it sometime.......cause there are kids there much, much younger than you with far worse problems than you have.........and yet they have hopes....dreams......smiles.......and are smarter about the important things in life than you'll ever know!

If I were a bible thumper I'd prolly say something like.......The lord helps those who help themselves!

Instead....I'll just say.......I hope you hang around long enough to be able to look back one day and remember this thread and think to yourself.....DAMN! They were right!


What goes around come around! Laugh and the world laughs with you.....cry and you cry alone! Every dog has his day! If you lie in shit you wake up stinking! You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd! If the world deals you lemons....make lemon aide!

And so on....and so on....and so on!

[CunningLinguist]

You are all right. I was just thinking tonite and well things just are not that bad.

God, I just really hate myself lately, but mostly I hate the way I have been acting. I mean I don't want to be an ass and I told a friend today that I just very well loose my firends and not make any new ones over all this drama if I keep it up.

Well I am struggling becuase part of my perosnal beliefs were that maybe God does look out for you and that everything has a reason and true happiness comes when we realize that. That the reason times are sotough right now is that I am being tested and it will only make me stronger everday. The problm is that I just feel so spiritually weak. I argue with people all the time. I pick fights with those who wish to help, and well I am sure you ahve noticed I am a tad bit obessed with money and the number 5.

Over a year ago if you would have asked me how I felt about money I would have said it was not important to me at all. That I would be happy just because I have a roof over my head, three meals a day, and that is all I need. I would call myself blessed becuase I felt the work I was doing wa fulfilling and the trick to being happy is to love what you are doing. Now I spend every waking moment worrying about if I can make my payments on the credit cards or if my car will break down. As my firend Larry said the other day, dude you have some serious hang ups lately about your survival skills. When I met you, you were not worried at all about anything and was in a permanent state of happiness.

I mean sure my job sucks ass, but you know what I jsut won't quit it that easily. I take pride on my levels of perserverance and never beofre have I quit any job just because well it just sucks so bad. Besides someday I may be rewarded for my tenactiy which borders on stupidity.

The other thing is that I recently took out about $4,000 out of my life insurance policy and well I was gonna pay it off in a lump sum on one of my credit cards, but now I want to use that money to augment my meager income which will allow me to pay bills for another year at least.

Oh yeah and well since my parents don't believe in going to see a real shrink unless it is for drugs. I will use some of this money to go see a guy who won't tell me my misery is caused by sin and try to convert me to Christianity. I told my mom that if I wanted to be told that I am evil and I deserve what I get I can listen to her for free.

This is important becuase well it is obvious the engineering gig won't turn out like I planned and one of the earliest peices of advice was to go back to college and get a teaching certificate. I always said I never had the money for it and well even if I did I would still have to work full time to pay my current bills. Well now it seems I will have no problem at all!

I mean I do feel a sort of calling to become a teacher. I had always been like a mentor to my little borther and his friends. I tutored math and science throughout college and was damn good at it. (Became sort of an on campus celebrity in my own right). I absolutely loved being a TA. I had always talked about teaching, but at the college level since I would also like to do research too. However, maybe at the high school level it won't be so bad. Besides just messing with the little kids mind is just so tempting.

Anyways, thanks for all of your advice. Just a few things of note:

Lixy, use a bad cliche one more time and I shall spank you.

Lil, if I ever get this whiny again on Pixie's just promise not to spank me.

[Grumble]

I am a person who suffered untreated depression from 14 years old till, 30. I was physically and mentally abused as a child from about 8 years old and was gang raped at 16. I never had a real girl friend till 30.

I did not have half as bad an attitude as you do. The first thing to do is to stop going over the I am not good enough stuff and this I am going to kill myself stuff. OK you kill yourself, what will it achieve. It will hurt your parents family and friends IMMEASURABLY.

Now if you are truly depressed, go to a shrink and get medication to help you through the low.

Who said you have to make pizza forever? You have been looking for only 6 months. it took me a year to find a job after I was sick and it was not in medical engineering where I hold higher qualifications than you would. I work as an estimator and purchasing officer and am pleased to do it.

if you show such negative aspects to people then you are beaten before you start.

there are support groups to help people like you, start looking, talk frankly to your parents, more likely they are fed up with your negativity.

The world is a tough place, you get nothing for nothing, so start to use your brain instead of taking the easy way out before it even starts getting tough

[Sharni]

Originally posted by CunningLinguist
.....six months I will be homeless and on my first day of being homeless I will kill myself
Ok gonna add my piece here and you are not going to like it

This quote from your post...pisses me the fuck off!!

Ok what is it that makes ppl decide to tell ppl they are going to kill themselves?? They want help is what!!

If ya didnt want help or sympathy (which i aint giving by the way) they would just do it and not make the ppl they told feel like shit because they couldn't help!!

If you cannot listen to the good ppl here that have put forth some excellent ideas then...i'm sorry but get over it...if ya cant get over the major negativity you have going on then for fucks sake get some professional help

I find your defeatest attitude annoying....you need to get out of your funk before you go do something stupid

If you dont like your life...change it
If you know ppl dont like what comes outta your mouth...change it
If ppl dont like you as a person...then try to change it
If ya don't like ya job....change it

We can give you advice...we can give you a shoulder and support (willingly) But ultimately...

It is you that needs to help yourself!!! *hugz*

[Catch22]

Join the Peace Corps or a aid agency. You will not get pay, but you will at the least get some work experience for your skills. At least you then get some pride back.

[LixyChick]

There! There you have it! More good advice....and obviously a little better outlook than you initially had! The way you were going.......continually saying I'm gonna kill myself......by the time you did it no one would have believed it anyway...and they would have stuck your body in a corner and hung coats on it and thanked their lucky stars that you had finally stopped talking about it! So.....every cloud has a silver lining *ducks*......

You actually pissed me off enough to have this thread in my thoughts as I went to sleep last night (which pissed me off even more for missing my fantasy thoughts.....lol!). I was thinking....ya know.....with his self proclaimed "cunning linguistic abilities".....I bet he talks himself right out of those jobs he's been applying for! A prospective employer doesn't want a smart-ass working for him/her......or anyone who perceives themselves as smarter than them, for that matter! I also thought......he seems like the kinda guy who doesn't want to start at the beginning (bottom) of the ladder......but wants to forge right into high level, CEO mode......and whos gonna hire you if that is the case!

We had a thread recently, about job interview do's and don'ts...but I can't remember who started that thread.....so maybe we could either start another or someone could do a search if they remember anything about it. It had excellent advice on it and I think you could benefit from that advice!

[Belial]

Hi CL,

While I can't say I've experienced anything near as extreme as you, I can say that I recognize many personality traits in myself. I lack confidence frequently, but I believe that I am improving, in no small part due to the people around me who (most of them) are willing to give me advice and boost my ego when I need it. Are your friends doing this? If not, you may need some better friends - such as the people here :) The important bit is that you allow yourself to believe them. I've often had the atitude that once I've accomplished something, it mustn't be very worthy, since I was able to do it. This is an extremely destructive attitude and I don't know if it's one you also have, but things like that need to go. I am not a fatalist and I don't believe in cosmic overlord-type entities and so I believe that the only thing in this universe that owes you a pleasant existance is you. Just because you've completed an engineering degree doesn't make you duty bound to be an engineer. If teaching makes you happy, teach! The time spent at college getting your teaching degree may help you meet more friends, too :) If you really do want to pursure engineering, you may want to consider other countries - are there any others where the job market doesn't suck so badly? I'm an IT sysadmin/programmer type, so my job prospects suck pretty much everywhere (which is kind of galling as it was great when I started), but that's not to say it'll suck forever. You may find the same with your chosen field.

Anyway, I hope you can take something out of that.

[Casperr]

And try doing a naked happy dance once in a while.
Just on your own, in your room or something, when everyone's out...... lock the doors and just strip off everything, jump around singing along to Britney or Christina or Bruce Springsteen, whatever music you secretly like but tell your friends you hate. Sing as LOUD as you can - very important that.

It's a simple therapy but one I think everyone can gain a lot from.

CasperTG

I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears............................................. much.

[SuccubusKitty]

To Everyone:
I know that to all of you it must seem like CL is whining. And in a way he is. However, just so that you don't feel like all of this is for nothing, let me tell you something about CL. I have known him now for several years personally. This is actually how he works out his problems. He bounces his pessimism off folks to see if they can come up with an irrefutable answer to his problems. When you can, he will try to sink back into hoplessness and that is when you smack him, sometimes quite literally. He has his ups and downs, he just frequently doesn't shout the ups from the rooftops so some folks always think he's down. He is actually a very wonderful person.


TO CL:
I am glad that things are finally starting to go better for you. I know you will let us all know when you will start school again for your Teacher's Certification. I also expect to hear when you get your first substitute job. Remember that there are people that love you and care for you and are praying and rooting for you. Keep the faith and hope alive my friend. Call me or IM if you need anything. Of course you always knew you could do that.

SK

[Sharni]

SuccubusKitty ~ I do not doubt...nor ever have...that CL is a great guy...but

I do not react well to ppl threating suicide...too many ppl are trying their darndest to hang onto their lives and someone that threatens to throw theirs away just pisses me off..

His bouncing his thoughts off us was all fine until i got to that line...hence my reaction

I still believe it would be in his best interest to seek professional help if his thoughts aare for ending his life

Life is not easy...it never will be...we all have to learn to deal with what is sent our way

[SuccubusKitty]

Oh I agree, and wholeheartedly, Sharni, he does need some actual professional help. And he has tried seeking it, on his own and at my and others urgings. Just this past fall he tried, but for some reason, I don't know I am not there with him, the therapists don't listen to him or think he's full of malarky. So usually he comes and talks to me, for whatever help my psych degree will afford him.

Not trying to get pity for him, but just trying to let you know that he does know that he needs help.

[Sharni]

Then he needs to try other professional therapists that will listen to him

[paprclphd]

Hey CL - I don't really have much to say on this subject. But, I think I have a few words of help for you. Dude, no psych ward or doctor or shrink is going to help you. They can talk and talk and talk and talk and listen and listen and listen, but until you (YOU) decide to change what you are telling yoursefl in your head then nothing is going to change. You gotta get off your ass and make things happen. Good fortune will not come to you, this is not a "good fortune around every corner" type of world - you have to go AFTER IT. Be ambitious - hell watch Dr. Phil - just don't keep telling yourself how horrible you are, because obviously you aren't. You are a good guy who is stuck in a rut - turn your lemons into lemonade!

GET THE FUCK UP AND DO THE DAMN HAPPY DANCE THAT CASPER MENTIONED!!!

SMILE EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE!!!!

THINK ABOUT THE POSITIVE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!! And don't say you don't have positives - you obviously have many friends here at pixy's that are willing to read about your moans and groans and pissy problems. And better yet - these people understand, try to relate, and try to help. So there you go - several positive things all at once!!

PM if you ever need someone to rant to.

[dm383]

Originally posted by Sharni
SuccubusKitty ~ I do not doubt...nor ever have...that CL is a great guy...but

I do not react well to ppl threating suicide...too many ppl are trying their darndest to hang onto their lives and someone that threatens to throw theirs away just pisses me off..

His bouncing his thoughts off us was all fine until i got to that line...hence my reaction

I still believe it would be in his best interest to seek professional help if his thoughts are for ending his life

Life is not easy...it never will be...we all have to learn to deal with what is sent our way



While not always true (and, God help me, I should know), most people who threaten suicide never even attempt it, never mind succeed. If someone is so depressed that suicide seems the best, no, ONLY, way out for them, they will do it...... and usually the first thing anyone knows about it is when they're called on to identify the body.

Yes, professional help will probably aid CL in overcoming whatever feelings he has that cause him to feel the way he does, and I pray he does exactly that...... I did, and I'm the (fairly) happy guy I am today. What generally DOESN'T help is people saying "pull yourself together" or similar, nor does getting "pissed off" or "angry" with the person...... if they're THAT low, it means nothing anyway, and certainly won't help in ANY constructive way.

I don't want it to seem like I'm denigrating ANYone's opinion here; because I'm not. Nor am I saying, especially in light of CL's latter post, that he is neccesarily Clinically depressed...... BUT ~ I see so much lack of understanding of depression, even in people who IMHO should know better, (CA's mother springs to mind here) I couldn't help try to explain it to you all.

Being ½ canned probably ISN'T helping here, but I hope you've taken a little bit from this. I'll f*ck off now, and stop bothering you!!

DM

[Sharni]

I do not need depression explained to me :) I suffer from it too...though not as bad as some...

Being ½ canned probably ISN'T helping here, but I hope you've taken a little bit from this.

Well until the man in question adds his say...we dont know do we..

But i still stand by both my posts....talk suicide to me and you will get that reaction....i believe it to be the cowards way out of dealing with life!

A word to all who contemplate suicide

My current best friend suffers severe depression and i listen (i do mean listen) to her...but she knows if she ever mentions suicide that she will get a serve from me..

Another person close to me shot himself because apparently life was just too much too take....what about the ppl he left behind struggling to understand why he chose to leave us rather than let us help him

I tell ya if i could again say anything else to him...i'd smack him upside the fucken head for the pain he caused all who loved him...explain to him that i love him but i hate him for taking the easy way out..that while his suffering may have ended...he set in motion a lot of other lives that have now to deal with the pain that his suicide caused!

So if anyone here is contemplating suicide...talk to a professional
.....get help for fucks sake...think of the ones left behind who have to try to deal with your death

But be warned if ya are depressed and talk to me...i'll listen and have a shoulder for you (and always will)....but you mention suicide you'll also have to deal with my reaction to you wanting to waste your life!

Think of the kids and adults that through no choice of their own are battling to stay alive...wether it be cancer...disease or accident etc

And you who...just chooses to throw the gift of life away

[Grumble]

I agree with sharni and with DM

I am a failed suicide and I was pretty serious about it when it occurred at age 30. I dint go round telling everyone, I went and did it. It was a miracle I survived and was in hospital for a month getting over it.

When I was getting help from the shrink I realised the suffering that my attempt had forced on my family.

For me being depressed is like being in a deep dark hole and people and things around you do not penetrate into it much. It is truly a living hell.

It can be treated though

[dm383]

Originally posted by Sharni
I do not need depression explained to me :) I suffer from it too...though not as bad as some...

I didn't know that, but I picked YOUR post, because it contained all the elements I wanted to comment on! :)



Well until the man in question adds his say...we dont know do we..

But i still stand by both my posts....talk suicide to me and you will get that reaction....i believe it to be the cowards way out of dealing with life!

A word to all who contemplate suicide

..............


Have to say, you're "preaching to the converted" here, Sharni!! I have no intention of going into details, now or ever, but I've BEEN in the "Dark Place" and come out the other side ~ it was only once I came through it though, that I was able to 'think' clearly at all..... and THAT'S when all the feelings You have about suicide hit me, too.

And they've stayed with me ever since. I've also "lost" people to suicide, both friends AND, last year, one of my patients. It hurts, as you know, makes you want to bring them back and kill 'em yourself for being so stupid..... MY job is doing that (sort of!)BEFORE things get that far... but when you're dealing with a person who has already decided that killing themselves is the only way "out", they WON'T tell you, no matter what you try. It's only the people who are only 99.9% sure that we (as in Mental Health Workers) can do anything about it.

Just as a point of interest; the highest rate of suicide (in Britain anyway) is in young males between ages 18-25..... there's all SORTS of reasons why "they" think this is so...... my thinking is, they don't REALLY know!

DM


(I've re-read this 4 or 5 times now, and I'm still not happy with it.. but I'm gonna post it anyway! :))

[Sharni]

Hun...i'm not preaching to anyone

What you or anybody else says or does about someone telling you they are going to knock themselves off is totally up to you...

All my posts are trying to point out is MY view on it

[dm383]

Originally posted by Sharni
Hun...i'm not preaching to anyone

What you or anybody else says or does about someone telling you they are going to knock themselves off is totally up to you...

All my posts are trying to point out is MY view on it


I KNOW you are, hun! :D


I told you I wasn't happy with my post, didn't I?? Basically, all the 'waffle' meant "I agree with ya"! Always been a problem of mine, that.... can't use one word when 20 will do!! :)

(Luv ya, Sharni!! :heart: )

DM

[Grumble]

I luv sharni too a respected and treasured friend :)