I really want to please him?

[Missy1965]

Missy here. My boyfriend and i have been talking about bringing in a woman into our relationship as a one shot deal only. This has been a very strong fantasy he has had for a long time
(don't most men...lol) The thing is I am 100 percent heterosexual and i am not into women at all but after a flat out NO to him for so long I have been reconsidering. So we have been seriously talking about this but trying to attempt this isn't exactly easy. Plus I have a few conditions that will definatly need to apply or I just will not do it. First it started out with him only wanting to watch a woman go down on me but the problem is there is no way I will go down on any woman. Now the biggest problem I have is that NO WAY could I see my man with another woman it would just hurt me way too much. So where do you find the right person for something like this because it can not be anyone either of us knows and wouldn't be seeing again. Where would we even go to find someone. Is there any professional places you could call or any websites?


__________________
Missy

[Cheyanne]

I don't have any suggestions as to where you could find someone, but I do have an opinion about this...

Missy - don't do it. You aren't ready, and may never be ready - and there is nothing wrong with that at all. If you aren't comfortable with it, and have said no for reasons very important to you then don't give in. You say it would hurt you too much to see your bf with another woman - well, that is what a threesome is all about. I have a difficult time believing that he would just stand/sit/crouch whatever and just watch.

First and foremost, please yourself. Don't change attitudes, beliefs, actions just to please someone else. It isn't worth it. Your boyfriend should respect your feelings on this matter and back away from it instead of "guilting" you into doing something that you may regret.

If you do this to make your boyfriend happy, then you will continue to do things to make him happy - even though you may not like it.... you will end up loosing yourself.

I do not say this lightly - I have been there/done that and will not do it again.

[PantyFanatic]

Well Cheyanne just gave you a typical women’s view. Now from a man’s view point I can tell you she’s spot on. Yep. I’m sorry to say that for all the reasons she just gave you AND the fact that he will be disappointed and even more frustrated:( IF it could happen under the conditions that are only possible for you.

You don’t have to read around Pixies too much to see that while we are all here because we are passionate sexual people, we ALSO are with our emotions. A quick search will show this topic has been discussed a number of times here and while the sensuality can be VERY exciting and rewarding, the consensus, even among us pervs, is that ALL parties have to truly be into it for the black and white reality:eek: to match the technicolor fantasies:lust: we enjoy.

As the man in a number of group encounters, I can say that it just doesn’t work if ANY of the people involved are doing it FOR the other. It’s only good when you can do it WITH your partner.

Just one repeated opinion.:rolleyes:

[PantyFanatic]

PS

Cheyanne!:mad: Your collection of avatars is driving me crazy.














please don't stop.:lust:

[Catch22]

I agree with the others. No way should you go along with something that is only going to upset you. You could always say to him that you want an extra guy or four extra guys and see how he reacts to that. Nothing like the shoe on the other foot to make someone wake up.

[Tess]

Stand up for you, Missy. If this isn't your gig, DON'T DO IT! He will soon be your ex-boyfriend if you do it. And if he still keeps harping on this fantasy, he may need to be your ex-boyfriend.

Testosterone works in mysterious ways. Stand your ground.

[Steph]

As usual, I agree with Cheyanne. Strangely, I agree with PF. :D

I don't even want to think about how the threesome would be possible under the conditions you'd be comfortable with and I don't mean that in a critical way.

I've come back to this thread twice and, if I may read between the lines, see that you want to please him yet don't want to do a threesome.

Why don't you both just watch some porn while you're having sex or even talk about another woman while you're having sex. (Sample convo example: What would she be doing to you right now? She'd be ___ on my ____, etc.)

[Missy1965]

Thank you for all the replies. I don't think I was specific enough he is NOT forcing me or giving me any ultimatums at all. He isn't telling me I have to do anything I am not comfortable with.

My concerns are very real because it is very easy to say that everything with be ok after the act takes place but I am almost positive that when i do go ahead and do this I know for sure he will lose all respect for me and won't want to be with me anymore.
I know a few couples who have done this and it has ruined every single one of their relationships. Again, he is NOT forcing me to do anything. He told me if it happens great but if it doesn't then that is fine too but I know deep down he would really want me to do this. It isn't something that any couple should jump into lightly but the one question that keeps popping into my head is that I am obviously not enough for him and that is what hurts and bothers me. I am not 100 percent against the whole idea I am simply more concerned about the after effect which no one knows what that will end up being like until after it happens and that is what scaresme to death. I have to admit that since this issue has come up It has made me take a hard look at my relationship and what it has been based on and as much as I care and love him there have been some things that make me very sad. Then again maybe this will bring us closer together but I haven't made any decisions as of yet.

[Catch22]

You sound even less keen on the idea in your post then you did in the first. It would not work, so don't let it eat away at you. What would YOU like to do to spice up your relationship?

[Cobalt]

Anouther mans view, doesn't sound to me like you are ready, and if you are, you could be right as to the outcome of it.
As a man, yes I would love for my wife and I to take part in a three some or four, but it is just a fantasy and some fantasies are beter left as fantasies. Safer that way, and the emotions don't get involved then, or not as much.
Don't do it for him, do it for you "IF", you "REALLY" want to and only then. Also if you decide to be ready for the consiquences afterwards, they may or may not be good.

[Missy1965]

Hi Catch...Well we do have a pretty good sex life. There are some things that can use improvement as in any relationship I guess. Before i was with him I didn't do anywhere near half of what i do now and i am glad about that becasue he makes me feel pretty good the majority of the time. I like making videos, taking pics ( there are some posted on here) only thing that bugs me is the lack of emotion at times. When a woman is with a man she really cares deeply about she need to feel really loved and cared about during sex and not like she is only there just for the sake of doing it. Sometimes men don't understand that. Like for me I don't mind quickies but it can't be limited to only real fast quickies every single time. That can be a real turn off because it makes me feel like i am only a body and not a person. I guess it all comes down to who we choose to be intimate with and how we allow ourselves to be treated. Any suggestions on how to really spice things up?

[Catch22]

Have you done role-play? Even if there was another warm body in the room he may still just be the same. It would be two quickies instead of one.

[Cobalt]

May I interrupt?
I have the same problem, my wife, as I guess is with most all women, likes and needs what you said you need. But it is difficult for men, or some men to do that or be that way most of the time. It is bad, and I wish it were differant. But most men, it is in there genetics, to reproduce as much as possible, hence the lack of being romantic most of the time. We just like to jump right into it and have fun, not cuddle and such, that is where we are lacking, something most men have to really work at for the womens sake and satisfaction.

My opinion, although it my be wrong?
Sorry if it is.

[Missy1965]

Colbalt....Your opinion is absolutely not wrong and is just fine with me. I have to say it takes a "Real" man to admit his faults and it was very nice to read what you wrote. Yes, I understand that it may be hard for certian men to open up emotionally and want to kiss, cuddle etc. As for me I don't need or expect to be cuddled or be romanced 100 percent of the time but every now and again would be nice a little reassurance to make a woman feel special goes such a very long way. At least for me it does it's the same as when I am upset or hurt about something I don't always have to sit and discuss things to death all it takes for me is a sweet gentle little kiss, hug etc. The problem is when you never ever get those things it kinda makes me feel like I am only there for convience only during sex and all I am is a body not a person. This makes me very sad and afraid because if it is always going to be this way then eventually I know after I can't tolerate it anymore I am going to be left with choices to make and that doesn't seem fair. Can I ask you a question if you don't mind? If you are aware of your wifes needs why not do something about it? Relationships are not easy but what really amazes me isn't the person we choose to be in our lives worth the effort? I know myself that I do so much and not becasue I am forced to or feel obligated, I do it because I want to and because it makes me feel good knowing I am making somone else feel good. When the same is not returned to me I can't help but feel unimportant and that my feelings do not matter. I am no where near a selfish person and i never could be so I guess i find it very hard to understand why things are the way they are. The one thing I am sure of is that it isn't anything that I am doing wrong and it isn't a problem where I need change but what it comes down to is how much longer am I able to do without the lack of intimacy.

[ericthered]

You could always compromise and invite an extra man into your bed instead. That should sort his problems out.

[Missy1965]

I thought about that. This has been on my mind quite often lately and I have decided that most likely I am going to agree to do it. The just how, when and where need to be figured out and the who is absolutely HUGE. Someone told me today that it is much easier to find a swingers club and check out that scene. Only problem with that is that I have never had casual sex. I have been thinking since my bf really wants to screw and go down on another woman then I should take my time, find the right man for me (who will have to be a hottie...lol) and hopefully we can really enjoy each others company. There is no rush in doing any of this so after a very careful search, I think this may be the way to go.
This way when the day comes that i fulfill his fantasy and I do this for him,There will be a man who will fulfill my fantasy too. Make sense?

[Catch22]

Swingers Clubs are something you really need to check out well before you dive in. I met a younger woman on a Yahoo group that was a Swingers group here in Australia. I was only interested in one on one, but she wanted me to 'play more'. So, I went to 'parties' with her. I soon found myself being past around the females like a new toy. I also was of interest to them as I am a nurse. They seemed to be all into BD/SM. The idea of doing CPR on someone because breath play has gone wrong does not appeal to me at all. I was offered daughters as a mother/daughter thing. There was animal sex going on and I am sure kids under 16 as well. I got out of it. Make sure you know what your getting into before you dive. Some of these swingers groups are so out there, they are on Alpha Omega 6!

[Grumble]

I remember recently in this very column that a lady pixie was asking if she should invite another man who he was involved on line with. with the full knowledge and consent of her S/O.

The deed was done and the 3 some was had with the positive input of her S/O.

Guess what? after this there started to be problems in their relationship. I told you so was not something I wanted to say but there it was.

Keep it fantasy Missy, it is not worth even risking stuffing up a good relationship for a few fleeting moments pleasure.

[Missy1965]

I know that there could be problems and most likely it is inevitable because little things are starting already. I need to stress the fact that I am not being forced into anything. It was a dead issue that I brought up because I know that he really wants this and I care so much about him that I only want to please him who wouldn't want to please their partner? That is what good relationships are partly about being giving and if it takes me doing this to accomplish that then I need to be open minded and consider it. Actually, I have decided to do it only I need to be ready first. However, like I said little things are happening already and I have been having feelings about it that aren't all positive but I came to the conclusion that I am having these feelings because I am not secure in my relationship to begin with and the problems have nothing to do with taking part in this. I think before I dive into anything certain issues in my relationship need to be resolved first. I honestly believe that if I am in a more reassured, trustworthy relationship that will be the correct time and I will be ready for the dive but if I was to do it immediatly I know now I can kiss this relationship Goodbye even before anything is planned and I don't want that to happen. Once I have certain issues worked out then I know that this will be something that we both could enjoy but not before my relationship is the way it should be.

PS: You guys have been great with the advice and have given me a lot of things to think about. I have learned so much. Thank You!

[Cobalt]

Originally posted by Missy1965
Can I ask you a question if you don't mind? If you are aware of your wifes needs why not do something about it? Relationships are not easy but what really amazes me isn't the person we choose to be in our lives worth the effort?

I try to be as romatic as I can, except, alot of the time I enjoy the wild and spur of the moment jump into it and then again later if we feel up to it. See my problem is,I am what I call and have been called is "oversexed", (I want it or anything to do with it as often as I can get it) But there are times when I feel like going slow and being romantic also, but not as often as women do, that is where the problem is. And yes they are very much worth it, that is why I keep trying to be as romantic as I can. But sometimes it is dificult when that is not at all what I am in the mood for, So I either try any way or just say forget it at the time.
It would be so nice if men were more like women and women were more like men, kinda meet in the middle somewhere, but that is not life so we deal with it as best we can.
I hope this answered your question. If not I will try again.

[Missy1965]

hahaha Oversexed isn't even the word i would use to describe myself. I WANT and NEED it all the time and when I am not having it I am thinking about having it. I never used to be like this it took finally being with someone who I love and enjoy being with. So it isn't all about the sex it is mainly about who I am having it with. I couldn't even imagine feeling this way about any other person it's scary. I can't explain why I feel this way and I don't even want to question it. I just know in my heart that this is just the way it is for me. We don't choose who we love it chooses us, it's what we do with the love we are given that makes it what it is and the skys the limit on how good things can be. Truth is, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life then to be with someone just to have a person there that I don't feel this way about. You know what though? I am very happy about that too, I feel very fortunate that I have someone that I get to care so much about and I feel very happy that I am able to feel this way. It is such a nice feeling to have and I feel blessed that I am able to feel this way. I am smiling as I am writing this just thinking of about it. :)

[pinkbutton]

The same thing happened with me and pudsey but the other way round. In that i mean a male friend of mone joined us. Infact i had no idea what was happening until it actually happened. I think it is is better to have the third person involved be someone that you both know and trust cause im our experience in makes a great deal of difference rarther than just going and picking someone off a website that u havent even met before.
Threesomes can be fantastic belive me ! thats only if your 100% sure though and to begin with i wasnt but then i relaxed and really enjoyed it. And it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me sexually.