a question and some support

[OzKristin]

Ok, now that Im proudly an official poster here at pixie..I'd like to use this as an outreach for a specific problem of mine...while this may have been more appropriate under the "advice" column, I feel I could post this here as well.....
After reading the post about "sex going wrong", I've been prompted to write about something I have dealt with since I've been sexually active....

When I was younger, I was sexually molested by a teacher of mine, he unhooked my bra, brushed up against me, and things like that, nothing TOO serious, but still serious enough to have charges put against him.....

I feel that this has affected the way I handle stimulus on my breasts and nipples....everytime my loving boyfriend tries to lick or feel my nipples, I can only stand it for a few mintues, even seconds and then I have to push him away b/c I feel uncomfortable, not exactly b/c of his technique, not at all..but that wierd feeling, b/c I was wronged those years ago....I feel that this could be my only reason behind feeling this, as I mean, I really do love my nipples played with..its just this harsh problem I deal with that interrupts this....

now I have come out to ask support and help from the pixie community, as you guys seem great and supportive....any ideas how I can get over this?

thank you

[BigBear57]

Welcome OzKristin, I'm no expert but my suggestion would be to seek a therapist. Anything that's embedded in your mind as deeply as this might need some professional help to purge it completely. Of course, relating the uncomfortable feeling to what happened is a start, conquering it may be more than telling yourself it's ok now. After seeing your first post I'd say it'd be a shame to encounter any reason not to have those luscious lobes stimulated. I wish you well with your endeavor.

[Lilith]

Have you discussed this with your man? If not...I would, so that he does not have feelings of rejection.

You might try being the one "in charge" of your breasts. When you feel comfortable offer them to his mouth or his fingers for as long as you feel comfortable. Then move them away. Giving yourself permission and control over the sensations you get may help you to become more at ease.

[OzKristin]

thanks for ur suggestions guys....i've thought about therapy...but I do think, obviously (and why i haven't thought of it yet, I just don't know) i'm gonna have to really come out and explain to my guy....i don't think he's felt rejected, but I also know that I have been the one to offer my breasts to him, but when it only lasts a minute, I know something has been wrong.....first step is first, I really think this is gonna work

[quisath]

You go Sweetie.....................you can do this. Pleasure with our Loved Ones should be uninhibited. Maybe confessing will free your mind.

Now .................. is this Teacher still teaching? If he is then there are more Victims such as yourself. You may want to act on that too.

[OzKristin]

no he hasn't been teaching since this "event" we got him fired and his teaching license revoked, so he will never again be able to teach

[Catch22]

Ok. I have known ladies that have been abused. I am also a nurse. Try these: Stand under a warm shower and let warm water hit the nipples. Then play with your nipples and think of nice things or sexual. Get your guy to not touch your breasts until your very aroused, rather then he going for them right off. Go have a full body massage. Not a sexual one a therapy type. You will have a stranger touching your body that way. Once you can handle a stranger touching you in any way, your moving on. Stay away from Dr they will have you on drugs and that will not help. Therapy can help if there are more and deeper issues involved

[Grumble]

I can speak as a badly sexually abused person, I was analy gang raped by 4 men as a 16 year old.

Till that stage I had some mild same sex fanatasies and that was cerntainly cured forever. It had life long and life threatening consequences for me. The thing was that I allowed the mental effects to rage on in my head for years and it wasn't till I failed in a very serious suicide attempt that I got professional help.

Your experience though luckily not physically serious would certainly be having the effect on you it has. The advice is good in my opinion, definately talk it over with your lover, that will be a great start. Sharing the problem can lessen it.

I would counsel you to at least visit a therapist so you can be properly assessed and treated if needed. It only gets worse if you let it go on unabated, it nearly cost me my life and ruined my teens and 20's.

I think it is a very positive step that you have entrusted us with this Ozkristin and you will find the Pixie folk will do the best they can to help you with caring advice.

Take care

[SuccubusKitty]

I was raped as a preteen by a boy from around the block. It was 7 years before I felt like I could do anything beyond petting.

My first consensual vaginal experience was with my husband when we started dating. He was the first man with whom I didn't feel threatened. That's not to say the other fellas I dated were threatening, but I wasn't ready for that step yet.

When we were together for the first couple of months things were a little dodgy at times. Something he said or did unintentionally would set off little triggers in my mind and I would literally have very vivid flashbacks. In those moments, it was not my SO, but my rapist. I would fight, kick, scream, holler, cry, not necessarily all at once, but one of these reactions would manifest.

He asked me one day right after this had happened what was wrong. I finally broke down and told him. The whole time he had felt like he was doing something wrong and it was starting to affect his self esteem. Actually telling him, made him realize the depth of the wound and that it wasn't his fault.

That was actually the first step on my road to recovery. Now I am in a good place I think. We took things slowly and at my pace. He never rushes me on anything that I am uncomfortable with. I can actually enjoy many of the things that would set me off before and others while still not enjoyable at least do not trigger violent negative reactions.

The road to healing is a long one, but remember only do that which you are comfortable with. Don't do anything, just to make the other person happy, and don't push yourself harder than you are ready for.

[stiffman]

YOU NEED THE HELP OF A DOCTOR SOON

[Ryan²]

Counselling or therapy is what you need. And you also need confidence in the fact that every time your boyfriend touches your body, you won't let it last for just a few seconds.

[OzKristin]

thank you all, you've been so very helpful, and while I know my case isn't nearly as severe as some of the other stories I've read, with your advice, I'm sure I can get over this, in time