Loneliness ???

[jennaflower]

A simple question..

( I anticipate complex answers)

IF forced to choose (differing answers I imagine depending on scenario), which would you choose? Being Lonely... ALONE... OR Lonely with someone else?


I will post my complex answer later...

[Steph]

Wow, that's a tough one, jennaflower. If you were lonely with someone, you could at least work on the relationship or get out of it to start anew. If you were alone and lonely, you could always look forward to meeting someone?

I guess I'm giving an optimistic answer.

[Sharni]

I'd rather be ALONE

[NightRider]

If you are with someone and still lonely it is hell on earth, been there. I would rather be alone, easier to find someone than when you are with someone in a relationship.

[Vigil]

I found the realisation that you are lonely with someone a real heart-breaker that gnaws the soul.

Being alone can be peaceful, meditative, restorative and awakening.

The question made me think of Sir Elton John's great song Norma Jean.

I am comfortable with my little little piece of existence in this big big universe. This is what we all share - we are the LGM's?

[Teddy Bear]

I'd rather be alone.

[Grumble]

been alone with someone and it was soul destroying

am alone on my own now and am a lot happier

[jseal]

Jennaflower.

Two quotes:

"Alone, alone, all all alone. Alone on a wide, wide sea. And never a Saint took pity on my soul in agony."

"It’s never too late to start all over again."

There will always be other people about. Seek them out. Good luck.

[dicksbro]

Probably would rather just be alone although I hope that never happens.

[PantyFanatic]

alone!

[Scarecrow]

Also alone, being alone with someone can be a nightmare.

[fzzy]

Ah.... I actually really enjoy being alone .... need a fair amount of alone time ... so the answer for me is easy ... Alone!

[fumingzeus]

I choose alone, when your alone your not necessarily Lonely.

[bangerog2]

To me, loneliness is entirely different to being alone.

Loneliness is a state of mind. Being alone is exactly that a state of being. One is not necessarily lonely when alone, even if not having social contact. For instance, read fiction and you are immediately joined by the characters in the book.

However if one is in a group, whether it be two or more, and there is no social intercourse, then that can play on the mind, and become soul destroying. It is the mind that is affected, or maybe the ego. If this is the case leave the group and find your, release from the sense of isolation, perhaps in being alone.

Although it may be true, that 'No man is an island' the intellectual complexities of that statement are immense.

Hugs

John

[jennaflower]

bangerog2,

Thanks for your post.. You kinda touched on what I was thinking about...

Since my separation and divorce 7 years ago, I have lived by the belief that "I would rather be lonely alone, than lonely with someone else"... I have been there... done that (for far toooo long) and have no desire to endure that again...

That said...

It isn't that simple.

NO relationship is perfect... and even those that are in abusive relationships find a reason to stay...

Yes, it is true; being ALONE has NOTHING to do with loneliness. However, being alone automatically eliminates the prospects of fulfilling the sexual needs that one has. YES, masturbation IS a wonderful thing¡K BUT.. that does fall short. I honestly don¡¦t believe that SEX alone (or lack there of) results in loneliness. As it has been pointed out numerous times, SEX can be found (if only a one night stand). Truth be known, being in a relationship offers more than just SEX¡K it offers a sounding board¡K and a great source of emotional support.

Although I still hold on to the thought of never wanting to be lonely WITH someone, without the other aspects that relationships offer, being alone can get rather lonely. As I said before it has NOTHING to do with SEX itself¡K batteries handle that pretty damn well (Thanks go to the Energizer Bunny) :) BUT.. The other things¡K the conversation¡K the emotional support¡K the occasional hug and encouragement¡K that is what continues to allow loneliness to seep through.

[bangerog2]

It seems to me that, very rarely, does a one night stand provide a satisfying experience.

While it may provide immediate release, for sexual frustration, too often it is using a haman being as a masturbation aid.
For me, complete sexual satisfaction only comes with respect and sharing; giving as well as taking.

I am a good deal older than some of you, so you may think that I am prudish or old fashioned, but I do not think of masturbation as an evil, and all the lddies I meet in my fantasies are to my liking.

John

[legs]

Hello Jenna...
Well to start off, I would rather be alone and lonely...
But unfortunatly I'm very lonely with someone else, and like someone else said, it does hurt deep in your soul, and it is hell, specially when u stay with that someone for all the wrong reasons...


Kisses
Legs

[Vullkan]

to start there is no real choice to being alone or being lonely with someone around. Both are a state of misery. And how well I know this misery--you can be alone even in a croud. Ms Jeana--I am very much alone 90% of the time both in fact and in a state of mind.

But the solution for either of us is what are we doing about it? Myself I have been going out and seeing all that I can see and explore. It helps but no matter how much I go out and meet people, there still is the hollow feeling inside. Turning to the 0ne-night-stands is almost just as bad if not making the matter worst. Still there is hope for either of us and others out there in our same situation. That someday we will encounter the missing half of our souls and never again will out hearts know lonileness.

[Mercury_Maniac]

well i'm always alone so i guess it wouldn't be anything different to be alone by myself

[Bardog]

I would think being alone and lonely would have to be the better of the choices, even as bleak as it sounds. There is hope of meeting that "someone" who will brighten all the dark corners of your life.

I know from personal experience that being lonely with some one sucks all the life out of you. What makes this even worse is this person is the one that used to be at the very center of your life. Now you don't even know them anymore. So what do you do? You just keep hoping things will change for the better but it seems like they never do.

[rusti.1]

I would go for the alone

[GingerV]

Alone can be a good thing. Alone and lonely, while not a lot of fun, can at least teach you things about yourself. Alone with someone else.....there's more than the constant feeling of isolation. There's also an ongoing undercurrent of rejection, of failure, of being denied the closeness that SHOULD be part of a relationship, and of dishonesty. That last one might be puzzling if you haven't been there....but I thought that maintaining the myth that things really were ok both to myself and to the outside world was one of the most demoralizing parts.

I pulled the switch when I started to hate the person who wasn't or couldn't give me what I needed. It turns out that lonely may suck, but lonely in company is poisonous to everyone involved. It turned me into someone I didn't want to be, and I'll never ever do it again.

My 2 cents ;).

[Oldfart]

Hard to argue with GingerV.

Being alone and lonely leaves you with options, chances where

if you meet someone you can at least explore whether there is

a chance of a relationship.

Being lonely with someone is just a dead-end, sitting waiting

for the relationship to do a Lazarus.

The downside of being alone is that you put your vulnerabilities

on the line when you explore the emotional envelope.

If you are willing to give a chance, seek and you shall find.

[GingerV]

Nonsense Oldfart! I'm easy to argue with....just difficult to beat ;).

[cowgirltease]

Just went thru the being alone with someone for years and it is soul destroying!!!! I most definitely would rather be alone!!!! Then at least the kids aren't being affected anymore.

[BigBear57]

Being lonely with a mate present is exponentially worse than being lonely alone. The pure exasperation of reaching out only to be turned away or ignored can cause so much deeper soul wrenching need. Once you've gotten past that and have gone it alone, you're at least partially ready to make changes to remedy the problem.

[White Noise]

Well, I guess it is easy to comment on without being in the situation.

I'm a bit like Fzzy, I like time on my own (even though I'm in a relationship) so for me lonely/alone would be the way to go. However, there are people's feelings that need to be taken into account and maybe it is simply a matter of talking about an issue. I think all relationships go through that sort of phase but if things can't be sorted out, then I think it is better to continue the journey alone.

There is nothing worse that people who marry or stay in relationships because they fear being alone. It isn't that bad and there are a lot of positives to being on your own.

Horses for courses maybe.

Has this even helped??

[Oldfart]

GingerV.

You pushing for an argument?

Opinions at ten paces, devil take the carnage?

Sounds like fun, lol.

[Lovediva]

Alone.

[exhib_it_all]

At first alone would seem to be the best choice, BUT...

I guess if that meant that you would be alone forever, not just until you could find someone...that might be different. If I was doomed to be alone without anyone at all ever, I don't know if that would be worse than being at least with someone you couldn't be intimate with.

Ginger V certainly throws some light on this one though, if it's hell to be lonely in a relationship than I guess it comes down to which hell would you want to live with? I found life as a single person hell too.

I don't have an answer to this one, but I certainly admire the question's thought-provoking quality. My wife and I talked about this at length. Thanks jennaflower!