More blonde jokes ... saved the best for last :)

[dicksbro]

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

EXPOSURE A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out." he says. S

he looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

"You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINAL EXAM

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7A.M. Signed, The Blonde"

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note....

"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

[dicksbro]

Passing requires 4 correct answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!










ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? *116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? *Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? *Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? *November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? *Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? *Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? *Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? *Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? *New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? *Orange, of course.

What? You failed?

[dicksbro]

Subject: Speed

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."

[dm383]

Originally posted by dicksbro
Passing requires 4 correct answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!










ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? *116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? *Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? *Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? *November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? *Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? *Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? *Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? *Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? *New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? *Orange, of course.

What? You failed?







The REALLY sad thing is........ I got EIGHT right!!! (and no, I DIDN'T cheat!!)

(Am I sad, or what?!?!)

DM

[Sharni]

Originally posted by dicksbro
Passing requires 4 correct answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!










ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? *116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? *Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? *Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? *November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? *Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? *Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? *Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? *Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? *New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? *Orange, of course.

What? You failed?
For number 3) add in cattle, kangaroo, water buffalo

5) Camel hair- made from a variety of hairs, including ox, goat, squirrel or pony hair.

9) Actually that is not right. Chinese Gooseberries are native to China but are now grown commercially in other countries. New Zealand corners a large chunk of the commercial grower market

10)The 'black box was invented by an Australian!! Go Aussie!! originally it was painted red

[Oldfart]

You tell them, Sharni.

[Eros]

Originally posted by dicksbro
Subject: Speed

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."

OMG!! DB, that's the first joke I can remember my grandfather telling me..I hadn't heard it in YEARS! Thanks for posting it!

[Fairy-Bird]

Well, folks, it has finally happened. The blondes of the world got together and have decided to take revenge on the brunettes:

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE? Brown-bagging it.

WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it.

WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? So brunettes can remember them.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible.

WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL? "Has the blonde left yet? "

WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage.

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price.

WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? It matches their mustache.

KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES? Brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights.

[dicksbro]

LOL Fairy-Bird. Terrific.

[dm383]

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

[dicksbro]

ROTFLMAO DM. That is funny.

She didn't even suspect it was the cop leading a BLIND dog. :)

[Ryan²]

The exposure joke is my favourite.

[musketeer]

A blond goes to the doctor for a preganacy test and, when the result is positive, she asks the doctor how she will give birth. The doctor replies "well usually in the same possition you concieved". She replies "what bent over the bonnet of Wayne's Capri in Tesco's carpark?"

as the Brits on here may guess this is a converted Essex girl joke:D

[BlueSwede]

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


I WAS going to say that you forgot the common question, "Who is buried in Grant's tomb?" but that one doesn't quite fit w/the rest of your questions for some reason. :D

[BlueSwede]

If you're going to pick on blondes, at least share the honor w/blonde males, too. :D

Three male construction workers were sitting on the 20th floor of a skyscraper in the making, eating their homemade lunches, and complaining that they always ended up having the same lunch every day. The first one, an Italian, said, "If I have to eat a meatball sandwhich one more day, I'm going to jump off the roof." The 2nd one, a Mexican, said, "If I have to eat tacos one more day, I'll jump off this roof." The 3rd one, a blonde, said, "If I have to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich one more day, "I'm going to jump off the roof."

The next day at lunchtime as they sat on the roof again, the Italian opened his lunchbox only to find another meatball sandwich, so he jumped off the roof. The Mexican opened his lunchbox and discovered another taco, and he jumped off the roof. The blonde opened his lunchbox and had another peanut butter sandwich inside, so he jumped off the roof.

At the funeral, the wife of the Italian said, "If only I'd known he was tired of meatball sandwiches, I'd have given him Italian beef or something else." The wife of the Mexican lamented, "If only I'd known he was tired of tacos, I'd have given him enchiladas or something else." The blonde's wife didn't say anything, and the other 2 wives turned to her, waiting for her to make some kind of response. Finally, the blonde's wife exclaimed, "What can I say? He made his own lunches."

[ozfuzz]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things...

1 -The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 -The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 -I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 -The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 -The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[dicksbro]

BlueSwede and Ozfuzz ... LOL!