Help Me!!!

[danziggy]

I am goning through problems with my partner. We have children who live with us. We have been very happy in the past and have posted pics here. Now i learn she has had a thing with a man who 'loves her'. But she doesnt want that. Although she has admitted she did love him more than me at one stage. She doesnt want to be drawn into something with him. Although if I left her she would prob go to him. She wants to chase her career am im fine with that and am leavin mine so she can have that chance. She txts this man all the time. I love her so much its drivin me crazy. I would like to seriously hurt the man involved but think it would serve no purpose as it would be wrong and she would not respect me for it. Its really complicated at the moment. She has said she loves him but wouldnt like to be with him. At the moment she is away on holiday as I said she could so she might have time to think. I just dont know where to go from here. I feel i have tried everything and am still hitting a brick wall. I just find myself drinking too much and I know that isnt a good thing. I have even thought about ending it all but i know my little boy would be devestated. And to be honest that is all that has stopped me. I know where all the tablets are in the house and how many there are. I need help but dont know where to turn. This is one reason why I havent been in here as often as I like. Please help me. Any advice would be greatfull!!

This probably doesnt make much sence but any help is appreicated.

[Steph]

danziggy, I've sent you a PM. Things are tough right now but they *will* get better. You've probably got a lot of decisions ahead of you and you'll need counselling. Please call someone you know, call a professional. We're here for you.

[jennaflower]

danziggy...

sounds to me that you are dealing with someone who is confused about her own needs and desires. I hate to say this, but it sounds to me that she may be staying with you out of "comfort" and fear of what could happen next...

You deserve to be loved 100%... and to be someone's everything... don't give yourself away to someone who isn't willing to give you as much as you give to them (and no, I am not talking materially here).

Good Luck.. and many hugs..

[PantyFanatic]

How old are the kids? And YES! That DOES matter.:mad:

[Grumble]

I have been down the hole of depression and uncertainty Danziggy.

It is all horrible but you are a person of worth and hang onto that deep love for your little boy.

Steph was right in that you need support to get you through it. Seek professional help and lean on some close friends. They cannot resolve it but will help you cope better and realise you are a person of worth.

I hope it gets better for you buddy, hang in there that little boy needs his daddy.

[Sharni]

You need to do what is best for you hun

Having kids is no reason to stay together....just ensure that if separate that you stay a major part of the childs life....that CAN be done by parents who live separately....i've seen many a happy child of split parents. It just requires a bit more work from BOTH parents.

You are the only one that can decide what is best for you!

The thoughts of suiside scare me hun.......you really should look towards some professional help

Hang in there *hugz*
Sharni

[BigBear57]

Damn Ziggy, my heart goes out to you. I've been there Bro'. The next few months will be a son of a bitch no matter how you handle it. First things first though. Suicide will only hurt the survivors. You don't want to leave that precious little boy without his Daddy. Secondly and maybe as important, alcohol isn't helping a thing. It can only cloud your thinking. I agree with the others in that you need several good friends to talk to. Seeking a professional would be even better. I did and it was the best thing I could've done. You'll probably find yourself spending too much time wondering why. Remember, knowing why won't change it. Give her space, talk to her and see where she's headed and make plans to take care of you and your son. I know, easy shit to type and not so easily done. I wish you the best. Feel free to message me anytime. I'm no pro but I've certainly been through it. If it's any consolation, I can see now my son and I are better off. He doesn't have to hear us bitching at each other.

[Teddy Bear]

((((((danziggy))))))

Please hang in there!

[nikki1979]

((HUGSS)) hun , i know it sucks hun but hang in there things will get better i agree w all said u deserve 100% and for that matter so does ur son. stay strong for him and remember u have us here and counseling does help, maybe shell be willin for some couples counsleing, ive heard some great sucess stories from that!!! ill keep u in my thoughts hun ((HUGS)) were here for u
~nikki~

[danziggy]

Thanks very much.

Thank you for all the kind words of support and advice.

I dont know why I didnt ask for help from someone before. Maybe I was doing the typical man thing!!! Its good to talk. I have phoned a friend and talked it over with him. Its a good feeling to know people do actually care.

I cant thank you guys enough.

xx

dz.

[Aqua]

Danziggy... I just found your thread and I am glad to hear you have talked with someone and are seeking help. It's a pretty typical guy thing to feel he can work it out on his own. Been there, done that. I've had counseling myself and it has helped so much. I would probably be divorced right now if not for going to see that counselor. So stick with it, don't give up, and remember that we are here for you. Try not to dwell on the problem, but look for a solution to the issue, and be open to all possibilities. Good luck danziggy... keep us posted.

[Oldfart]

Teddy Bear and Nikki1979, shame on both of you.

Danziggy, it seems to me that your partner wants the excitement

of the fling, but also the security of your support.

Putting your career (and life) on hold so she can maximise her

social and employment position is your choice. Either you live with

it or you live without it. The children of parents who were miserable

with each other have a poor role model for their own emotional

health and happiness.

Harming yourself would devastate the children.

[Grumble]

I think that there has been a little misinterpretation about what the reference to hanging in there meant, OF.

When I advised Danziggy to think of his little boy it was because he was focussing on him as the dearest thing to him. I wasnt and I dont believe that Nikki and Teddybear mean that he should stay with an untenable marriage situation if it proves to be that, but that he should not allow his problems to result in his untimely death. Hang in there and work through the problem with the help of friends and counsellor is what their message is.

I am glad that you are now opening up Danziggy, you are a very worthy man and it would be a tradgedy if this all became so bad for you that you ended your life through it. You can see that here in Pixies there are a group of friends that care and now you have found that other people in your everyday life do too.

A big manly hug to you mate, take care
Grumble

[Belial]

*manly hugs danziggy*

Listen to Grumble, he knows what he's talking about.

[Irish]

danziggy---I know that it sounds cold,but I've always said that
suicide,is a permanent cure for a temporary problem.Also,
remember,that it takes" two to tango!"As said before,at least your child won't be listening to you argue,all of the time.Kids
remember things like that.Good Luck! Irish
P.S.Technically we're not trained to give advice.These things,have
to be solved by you,but a one-sided relationship,will not do you
any good!

[nikki1979]

Originally posted by Oldfart
Teddy Bear and Nikki1979, shame on both of you.



what did i do now?

~nikki~

[Teddy Bear]

Oldfart, I know there are many words and phrases that mean different things in your country and mine. I didn't think 'hang in there' was one of them.

When I read that Danziggy was thinking of suicide it really upset me to the point of crying for this man I don't even know. To think that some one feels their life is so bad that death is the only way to fix it is beyond anything I can imagine.

It left me not knowing what to say. I was speechless and could only come up with a big hug and 'please hang in there' to try & show I cared. I meant 'hang in there' to mean do not commit suicide. I did not intend to imply that he either remain or leave his current situtation. Just hang onto his life. It is worth living and when you've reached rock bottom, 'up' to better/happier times is the only way you'll have. Fight for your happiness, your son's happiness.....

Fight for your life and do what you need to do to make it better. Weather that means stay where you are or start all over remains to be seen and is not for any of us to say. Danziggy, you do whats best for you but do not give up your life. *hugs*

I guess I wasn't so speechless today... lmao.

[nikki1979]

oooooooo so thats what Oldfart was on about, oldfart, danziggy i ment excatly the same as teddy bear. not any thing else, im sorry if it may have been taken in the wrong way

~nikki~

[danziggy]

Hey guys i didnt mean for any of you to fight. Am sorry.

I am touched by the response I have recieved. I once again thank everyone here for making me feel as there hope and all is certanly not lost.

[nikki1979]

danziggy hun we aint fighting just clearin up a confussing issue, dif things mean dif things to dif ppl , and i was concerned that oldfart didnt understand me , i do hope ur ok and take careof urself and feel freee to come to us w what ever u need hun even if it just to vent. (((((((((HUGGS)))))))))))))

~nikki~

[LixyChick]

(((((((((danziggy)))))))))))

Hope this finds you in a better frame of mind! I'm catching up on threads gone by and caught this one and my heart bleeds for you hun! Please know that "tomorrow" is always ahead of us and things can change on a dime with the luxury of time. Ending your life is not an option! What if tomorrow held the perfect answer for you? You'd never know it if you were gone!

Please keep us updated and please feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder! Hang in there sweety!