cheating, clues of how to find out

[xmanb11]

Thinking I have been and are being cheated on is driving me nuts, Any good ideas on indicators? One is checking her panties, and they are often cum soaked, or dried, is this normal in a days time for this to happen, I know women have multiple orgazisms (?) can't spell to good LOL, but is this a good way to check?
Thanks for any suggestions

[Loulabelle]

Well checking her panties may be a way to tell if she's having an affair with her vibrator, but personally I would try talking to her. You'd be amazed what you can find out abot someone if you just ask....

[LixyChick]

Welcum to Pixies xmanb11!

I agree with Loulabelle! Accusations aside.......talk to her!

Also, could you tell us her and your ages? How long you've been together? Married? Live together? Stuff like that might help us to help you better!

Oh...and one more thing......this thread might get a better response if you ask our moderator, dicksbro (in a PM) to move it to the "Advice Forum". Lot's of willing and helpful Pixies visit there daily.....just trying to lend some insight!

Good luck hun!

[Cheyanne]

Lou and Lixy are right.... communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you are to the point of checking her panties, then you are doubting her faithfulness already. There is no harm in talking about it, but if you are wrong, just by committing to the action of checking panties and posting a thread about it - in your mind, you already don't trust her. And that is something you and she need to work on together....

[osuche]

Panties with excretions are very common in my house...even if I did not have sex (I tend to naturally lubricate)...so I don't think this is a good indicator.

Try...online monitoring system (if she uses email), monitoring pohone bills, and ASKING her.

If you're wondering, chances are that you two need to work on your marriage, regardless of whether she is cheating. Perhaps counseling is in order.

[WildIrish]

What signs have you seen already that have led you to where you are now?

We all do things that if looked upon under a microscope could be considered suspicious. It doesn't mean there aren't logical explanations for our actions though.

[darogle]

Monitor online activity, look for changes in appearance (sudden interest in losing weight, dressing up to go on errands, ect.), change in sexual attitudes (suddenly more willing to try new things, or lack of interest), abrupt phone calls (hang-ups, "wrong numbers", late night calls), not being somewhere she was supposed to be, rushing straight to the shower when she gets home, change in communication patterns between you and her (being quiet when normally talkative or vice versa), setting up seperate accounts (checking acct., email, new cell phone), sudden outbursts of affection. Look at credit card statements, bank statements, caller ID and cell phone numbers, internet history, ect.

There are a lot of clues, but you have to look at the whole picture. Just one or two by themselves could just be a coincidence. My advice would be if you really care for her, is to take the opportunity to show her how much she means to you. Make her not want to cheat in the first place. Then talk to her. Express your concerns and tell her why you feel that way.

Good luck and I hope everything works out OK for you.

[xmanb11]

Darogle,
Very interesting all of your ideals.
I travel alot with business, so communication is at a minimum except when I am home on weekends.
I don't want to make a issue about it with her, been together 17 yrs., just seems things are changing now. There is not much of a love life now when I am at home, and if so, I seem to always been the one trying to start things up, guess that is where I had noticed the panties and was curious. As Osuche said, in some ladies I think that is more common than others, and with her, I hadn't really paid any attention to it before.
Was kinda wanting to know if any others had been through it before and what they may have noticed within their relationships before the BOMB dropped.

TIA

[darogle]

I wouldn't necessarily call them my ideals, but they are just clues that are often common when someone is cheating. They are some of the more common taught to private investigators and those in law enforcement. Looking back I noticed several of them from my ex-wife before I found out she had cheated on me.

You might also look at the following sites (not endorsing them, just for info):
http://www.tristarpi.com/signs-of-infidelity.htm
http://www.cheating-spouse-check.com/signs_of_acheater.htm
http://www.infidelity-infidelity.com/signs_of_marital_infidelity.htm

[xmanb11]

I do have access to her cell bill, but how do you find out the ID of cell phone numbers?

[LixyChick]

The saying goes......."Where there's smoke.....there's fire".

But I also have another interesting observation......and I promise xmanb11, I am in no way accusing you of anything......it's just an observation!

You've said you travel quite extensively.......only home on weekends.....and that, until recently, you haven't noticed anything peculiar in 17 years. You don't have to answer this question in open forum........but answer it in your own head........

Have you been having an afffair or affairs over the years (while traveling) and are you now NOT doing so? Are you now looking for reason to blame your S/O for feelings of guilt in yourself? Have you been so self absorbed in your own "affairs" that, till now, you haven't noticed that people change through the years......(we are ever evolving)? I ask this because sometimes the human nature is to cast blame on the innocent to make us feel better for our own short comings! Oh......and......you've never told us your age........it's a rather significant thing in the scheme of things!

If this is not the case......then I can only surmise that if you feel a change in her demeanor and she seems "like a new woman"....and has no interest or desire in you anymore.......but has other places to go and other people to see, regardless of that fact that you are FINALLY home for the weekend.............then she might be sick and tired of sitting home alone and has found "new friends" or.......she may just want you to think so......to get your attention away from work and onto her! OR......she's having an affair...........I can't tell yet!

Please pardon my candid response........but you asked....and I don't lie!

BTW.......in order to acsess her cell phone message password...........you have to know some words/numbers that she might use as a password! How well do you know her now-a-days? And........if you want to know who she's calling (from the list on the bill).......call them or ask her who's number it is on the bill!

Oh geezzzzzz...........ok......that seems harsh.......but you've hardly contributed to this thread......and yet you want answers to help you discover if your "wife" is cheating.......when we don't really know her (side of the story) or if she is! I do hope she isn't........and that she's got your attention enough now to make you realize your love for her! If she is........I know how heavy your heart is and I send my best wishes to you!

*submitted with care.......regardless of how harsh it seems*