Cyber sex lures love cheats

[Lilith]

submitted by dadaist see article (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/3083173.stm)
Growing numbers of married people are turning to internet chat rooms for sexual thrills, a US study has found.

Can marriage vows survive in the internet age? Most spouses who got involved with the opposite sex over the internet did not think they were doing anything wrong, said the report by a University of Florida researcher. But partners felt betrayed by the virtual infidelity, even though in most cases no physical contact had taken place.

"The internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity, if it isn't already," said Beatriz Mileham, from the University of Florida, who carried out the new study.

"Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling. "With cyber sex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online liaison may even take place in the same room with one's spouse."

Sexual thrills Chat rooms are the fastest rising cause of relationship breakdowns, according to counselling groups in the US. The problem would get worse as the number of people online continued to rise, said Ms Mileham.

For the study, the researcher interviewed men and women who used chat rooms specifically aimed at married couples. She found that most people said they loved their partner. But the anonymity of the net provided an outlet for those seeking an erotic encounter.

"All I have to do is turn on my computer and I have thousands of women to choose from," said one of the men questioned for the study. "It can't get any easier than that." Most people ventured into the chat rooms because of boredom, a partner's lack of sexual interest, or a desire for variety and fun. "The number one complaint from men was lack of sex in the marriage," said Ms Mileham. "Many of them said their wife was so involved in child-rearing that she wasn't interested in having sex."

From virtual to real The study found that what often started out as just friendly chat turned into something much more serious. Almost a third of people taking part in the study went on to meet the person with whom they had made contact. All but two ended up having a real-life affair. In one case, a man had 13 affairs with women he had met over the internet.

"We are hearing from therapists around the country reporting online sexual activity to be a major cause of marital problems," said Al Cooper, author of the book, Sex And The Internet: A Guidebook For Clinicians. "We need to better understand the contributing factors if we are going to be able to warn people about the slippery slope that starts with online flirting and too often ends in divorce."

For the study, Ms Mileham interviewed with 76 men and 10 women, aged between 25 and 66, who used Yahoo's Married And Flirting or Microsoft's Married But Flirting internet chat rooms.

[dadaist]

Mind you they talked to people on MSN and Yahoo, didn't include AOL or CompuServe (yeah I know it's part of AOL) or EarthLink
And that also leaves out people who don't use those things, but go to other chat sites instead :)

[IAKaraokeGirl]

And 76 men and 10 women. What's up with that???

[dadaist]

Should we take our own polls and ask to become part of an academic study? Oh wait, we poll already. ;)

[lilsquirt]

Yes please, someone start an "Is it cheating?" poll.

I'd be interested to see what the majority of the freethinking pixie people think.

[Cobalt]

I feel it is cheating, unless both are there and doing at the same time, or if the couple agree that it is OK to do it and each other knows about it at the time.
Still I feel that it can and probably does ruin relationships, due to the fact that the ones involved start to form a bond that leads to other things and they start talking to the cyber person about things they should be talking with there spouses about to keep the relationship good and strong.
I could say more on this subject but I don't want to go on about it any longer, it is something that has, ruined relationships in the past and will still, if people continue to do it.

[denny]

But Cobalt, I just want to enjoy life. I mean no harm!

[Cobalt]

Sorry denny, but to me it is cheating.
Some people may not feel this way, but we do. It is our opinion of it and others have theres. But I have seen and heard of to many relationships ruined by this. It is so sad to see. If todays society would use and stay with the older values, alot of the things in todays life would be simpler and better.
My opinion.

[Sharni]

Cyber is cheating (Unless there is an agreement between the couple)...well thats my opinion :)

My best friend has experienced the heartbreak that Cyber can cause.....her Husband left her and their 3 young children for his cyber partner!!

[par4golf39]

I will say that it is not physically cheating if you don't go and meet the other person. It is in fact a sin in the eyes of God. You have committed adultery by taking that person in your mind. Anytime that you covet another person, no matter how innocent it may be, you are committing adultery. This is what the "Good Book" says. So therefore, I have cheated. Not physically, but mentally.

[celticangel]

I think flirting is okay~~~~as long as it is in the "open". Hate the though of ever hurting DM

[Incubus255]

I gotta go with saying it is cheating, I'd certainly feel betrayed thats for sure

[FussyPucker]

Just to add a bit more to this thread......rather than starting a new one.........

Cybersex blamed for half of divorces
By Tim Richardson
Posted: 11/09/2003 at 09:14 GMT

There's further evidence that cybersex is increasingly being blamed for the break-up of marriages.

According to online divorce service divorce-online, half of all divorce petitions it processed are due to Internet adultery and cybersex behaviour.

Of the 500 divorce petitions surveyed, half contained allegations concerning cybersex, inappropriate online relationships and pornography.

The findings appear to support earlier studies into the Net and marriage break-up.

Last year, two-thirds of lawyers meeting at an annual conference in Chicago reported that the Internet had played a significant role in divorces they had handled during the past year.

Meeting a new lover online and an "obsessive" interest in pornography were the top two problems cited in many Internet-related divorce cases, they said. Other reasons that have led to the break down of marriages include excessive use of the Net and chat rooms.

At the time, J Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, had this to say: "While I don't think you can say that the Internet is causing more divorces, it does make it easier to engage in the sorts of behaviours that traditionally lead to divorce." ®

[Steph]

If the company I worked for didn't allow married people on the site, we wouldn't have a profitable site.

There's also a commercial airing on late-night TV for a Web site for married people only.

[WildIrish]

I think the topic is being looked at from the wrong direction. People who are cheating (electronically or physically) are not in healthy and happy relationships. Cheating is a symptom, not the cause. It might be the catalyst for divorce, like "the final straw", but I don't know how many marriages without problems have been brought down by cybersex alone. They make it sound like if you are sitting at your computer looking up the lyrics to church hymns and click an email link that lands you on a porno site, you will somehow be sucked in (despite your strong and loving marriage to a wonderful partner) and wind up divorced. Damn evil internet! I agree that with the internet, pornographic images and illicit online rendevous are easier, but people don't end up there by accident, like stepping into a puddle of quicksand that happened to be between home and the grocery store. It takes intent.

[angelsfriend]

I have to agree that the internet and instant messageing can be a hazard to a marriage. I was sucked in, but fortunetly I have a great wife who thought it was better to talk it out than to throw away 25 years. Of course it wasn't a total stranger that I hooked up with but an old girlfriend. But it was through the internet that we located each other. Without the internet it may not have happened. But is cybersex cheating? I'm really torn on how to answer it but I am starting to lean toward yes it is, but only because it is very hard not to let it lead to something else.

[jadeL]

I just wanted to say that I never thought of it as cheating I got on line for my 1st time 4 & 1/2 years ago because my best friends mother had gotten on line & told us how great it was she was 48 married for the 3rd time & bored so my best friend got on line & for 9 months we spent time driving from place to place after getting her husband to babysit her kids to meet guys she had spoken to on her mums pc I was finally able to admit to her it agravated me to know she was cheating on a nice guy even though she didnt have sex with them . but then she broke up with him & started meeting guys form further away like rockhampton & sydney as such .1 day she decided that the net was just a pain in the butt & we ended up tlaking about old boyfriends so I took her to see 1 guy we had both dated well he told us he was on line & I started chatting to him regularly we left our respective spouses & are now married . but I never saw it as cheating why you ask after all we were both married to other people & yes people got hurt over it but we had dated back in high school & I had taken his virginity so to me it was destiny .
but on the subject of my friend she fell pregnant with 1 of these guys babies then took her husband back & they have been raising the baby ever since .....my point I guess is its cheating if your heart says its cheating my ex husband met up with some chick usin the nick barbie_girl while we were together & then when I finally left him for my current husband he admitted it to me even though he had denied it in the past & said she was a psycho so while some may have success in internet affairs others just live to regret it & I think its how you percieve it to if it's cheating or not follow your heart & your gut instincts if your partner is the 1 you truly want to spend the rest of your life with even internet flirting wont break you apart ....

dunno if this made sense but I tried giving a view from someone who has lived the lie & still has a great friendship with her ex husband because of truthfulness on my part ....jadeL:hot: :heart: :slurp:

[PussyWillow]

WildIrish, I am in complete agreement. The Internet played a part in me divorcing, but it was not a happy relationship and I was under tremendous stress at the time - the internet made me aware of other options that I would never have considered on my own.

Now, almost seven years later, although the relationship "causing" the divorce did not work out, I am still satisfied that divorce was the thing I needed - and without my net experiences and relationships I would never have considered the possibility of leaving.

Like anything else "new", the net gets blamed for a lot of things that would have happened anyways.

[cowgirltease]

Ditto pussywillow!!! It's just a damn excuse for a problem that was already there..........:cool: