Rejection.... and how do you handle it?

[jennaflower]

How is it that you deal with rejection (of course I am talking to those who don't have the luxury of not experiencing it)?

As EVERYONE knows (I am such a whiner) I have been single for a LONG time... and usually I have lots of walls up and make loads of excuses as to why this has been the case. Anyway, won't go into many details here, but with my son out of town, I extended the invitation for dinner at my place (tonight) to a guy. I mentioned this to him on Friday at which time he said yes he was interested and didn't see that he would have any problem making it. I told him to give me a call when he knew for sure... needless to say I haven't heard from him (it is 3:30 now) and am pretty confident that I won't until the next time I happen to have YIM on......

So.. tell me.. how do you deal with such a situation... any insight?

[Cheyanne]

I guess I learned to take the control of the situation. I would call him. That way you aren't left wondering and then hearing a sad excuse the next time you hear/see him.

And, you also need to decide if the invite was that important to you to feel rejected. I guess, the older I got, the less patience I had with games..... either a person wants to spend time with me or not.. don't tell me yes and then "forget".

I don't know if this helps much Jenna, but that is how I operated...

[BigBear57]

First and foremost Darlin, any self blaming should stop right now. He screwed up not you. Second, his loss too. I'm certain he missed out on something special. I'd have not only called but been there early. I've had my share of misgivings pretty much the same way. I think I see signals that there's interest and offer an invite only to get blown out of the water or worse yet... conditionally accepted with a last minute change of plans. It WILL get better Hon. I know that's small consolation but all us guys aren't assholes I promise.

[GingerV]

Oh Jenna, it's rotten that a lack of maturity on his part can result in a lack of confidence on yours. Still, I do know how it goes. It's hard to be all grown up and self confident aboutt it while you're stuck in the middle of "but WHY doesn't he want to"s. After all, BigBear's absolutely right...he's the one who's missing out.

How do I deal with rejection? Well, if you've got dinner already bought or made I'd call up my most fun girlfriend (the one who's always available in a crisis) and have her over to eat it ...as well as drinking copious amounts of well fermented grape juice. If the guy just turned up without calling and expected me to have been waiting on his appearance....well I'd have a choice between letting him share (and incidently get shredded by the friend in question) or sending a serious message about consideration. While letter her cheer me up, I'd make sure I frequently repeated the phrase "It's a lucky break really, if he treats people like this I'd hate to have learned it after sleeping with him/falling for him" frequently. Until it finally started to sink into my head or I started slurring my words.

Cause it's really really true. A guy worth having wouldn't pull this stunt.

Sorry you're having an emotionally destabilizing afternoon. Have faith, there are good guys out there. And now you're not stuck at dinner with one that isn't.

[fzzy]

First off ... you are loved and you are loveable!!! Just because there are silly men who don't YET recognize it, doesn't mean it's not true!!! ...

Next time you ask a man for dinner ... make sure you get the commitment at the time you ask ... if he's smart, he'll move heaven and earth (let alone something that might be scheduled on his calendar that he forgot) to spend the time with you ... if he's not YET enlightened, let it go ... the best revenge is living your life fully ... with or without a man ... I think you do that quite well!!!

I understand it gets lonely sometimes and that you miss the pleasure of romance and a man's arms around you ... but, there is a man out there eminently suited to you ... it is my hope that you two find each other soon ... until then, just keep letting yourself know that you are loved ... by your son, by friends and very much so here at Pixies!!!! :)

[jennaflower]

Thanks.. each and everyone of you :) All of you are sooo wise and have this uncanny ability to keep me on track :)

Fortunately, I didn't make the dinner... so instead went over to my folks whom ofcourse made me my favorite meal :) I am now home.. sitting in front of my pc drinking chilled wine and set to relax for the evening :)

Hugs.. and many thanks.. :)

[dadaist]

I think these things depend on situations.
I've been a bit frustrated that several people who asked me to keep in touch over the summer were responding to e-mails, phone calls, etc. for a while, but now have quit (and I've kind of hit a limit where I say, okay, I've e-mailed them x number of times now, so forget it). However, most of these people are in education, so I may just wait until August.
I did see a guy friend of mine whom I don't see very often any more on the 4th, who'll soon be moving out to SF.
Another guy friend of mine I haven't heard from since February 1st, but I've been told he's been working multiple jobs for a while now, to be able to continue to afford his mortgage.
What's ironic is that one gal friend of mine DID want to hang out with me last night, but SHE spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone chatting with her other friends, so she didn't get back to me until today. :p
I guess something is to be said for timing...

[Belial]

Can't handle it all that well, actually. Normally I try to tell myself that I don't want to be with someone too stupid to realise what they're missing, but it's never really worked yet.

[Booger]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. Keep on trying you are a great person you'll find some one. the guy has to be an idiot not to take a chance to get to know you better. I'm sure he would have had a great time.

[south]

Call and ask if he was still interested because if he wasn’t you wouldn’t bother to invite your nymphomaniac twin over to join you….just kidding. Really call the bastard maybe he just has a problem with courtesy.
This dosen't smack of outright rejection....just a lack of common courtesy....

[Eros]

3 words...not-very-well

[jennaflower]

Thanks all :)

I guess that no one handles rejection well.. and that everyone experiences it to some degree.

Hugs all around...........

[Loulabelle]

I have to say that when I receive an invitation and someone then says 'call me closer to the time' I rarely do, because I'm worried that they may have changed their mind/forgotten/were just being polite. In my book, if you're the one doing the inviting, then you're the one who should follow it up with a phonecall to say 'Just checking you're still on for tomorrow night' or even better (and less obvious) call them to say 'I'm just checking that you eat fish/lamb/that you're not a vegetarian'. Be positive. Assume that they are coming until they tell you otherwise. The confidence you'll convey is very attractive to most people and they're more likely to say 'yes' to your invitation.

I say give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He may not be an arsehole. He may be as unsure of himself as you are.